It Started With Not Feeling Good Ch 06

Social Worker: "So how was Thanksgiving for you two?"

John: "This was the first Thanksgiving together as a family in two years. It was good to see all our children, their spouses and grandchild together again, for the first time."

Carol: "At the hospital, we decided to host Thanksgiving at his house as a test for us. We didn't tell the rest of the family that it was the two of us. The first thing I asked was what I could do to help out. I got my tasks, and then somehow, somebody here kept asking me to take care of a couple more things each day."

John: "I've been living alone for all this time, and being on the road most of that time, I didn't have to take care of things. It all caught up with me."

Carol: "John, I don't think that you even pulled out the vacuum cleaner in the past year. Well, I got there the evening before, because John asked if I could help set up. That wasn't anything he ever did by himself before. I knew we were in trouble the second I walked back in."

John laughing "You should've seen the look on her face. At first, I thought she was going to burst, but she didn't. She just kind of smiled at me and asked if we could work together to clean the house, at least the first floor for Thanksgiving dinner. We needed a clean place for our grandchild to crawl around in."

Carol: "You know, it was what I was expecting. John was never one to really keep things clean. Orderly, yes, clean enough for a grandchild, no."

John: "That was when we put together a plan on who was going to do what, and 4 hours later, we were ready to start the prep work for the dinner. I never knew how dirty the kitchen really was."

Carol: "Did you know there was still food and jars in the fridge from when I lived there? We ended up going out to a late night grocery store to restock. I was even able to convince him to get the healthier things."

John: "I picked her up Thanksgiving morning at 5 AM like we agreed and got straight to work. We were working well together when I slipped and the cranberry bowl hit the floor. Glass, syrup and little red balls all over the floor. Half way through the cleanup I realized I was bleeding."

Carol: "I washed it out, but it looked more than minor. He didn't want to go to the ER, so he called Ann to take a look at him. She had a smile on her face when she saw me there. John didn't tell her, did you? After putting in a couple of stitches, she and I finished the cooking. Lazy bones here was cheering us on the sidelines with a glass of wine. Then she left go home and bring the rest of the crowd for dinner at 2 PM."

Social Worker: "Sounds like you two were getting along. How did it feel for the two of you? You've been working on your relationship for about a year now."

John: "When I broke the bowl of cranberries, it never would have ended this way before. There would have been a lot of yelling and screaming. This time, no drama outside of the cut."

Carol: "And the clean up. It was a mess, but I think we learned it was only a mess. Not like John's truck accident. That was a wake up call last month."

John: "I don't know what we learned more from, Carol's cheating, my depression, what we've learned here and at the Marriage group, or that accident. This is the marriage I always wanted."

Carol: "Flying cross country to see you in that hospital..." Carol's eyes filled with tears. "I think that was when we both realized that we had to move on. You were stuck in the damage I did to you, I was stuck in the wrong I did. Neither of us could move on from that."

John: "But we both were working on other things, real important things. I was able to yell at you and you took it. You were changing how you treated me and the world."

Carol: "You spoke up and I was listening. Big change. We finally learned to become a team."

John: "You supported me when my favorite Uncle passed away. Before I would be happy if you were neutral, at least then I didn't have deal with my own feelings and have to baby sit your attitude. Not this time, you were there for me."

Social Worker: "So what is next?"

John: "This thanksgiving was a test for us. We know that the next couple on months are going to be hard for us. New habits to keep up and old habits to break. We were going to start to move Carol back in, but with my hand, we can't do it for a couple of weeks."

Carol: "So, a little bit every day is the plan, for everything. We're going to have successes, we're going to have some failures. We've been learning to live with that."