Is Enough Really Enough? My Tale

This story was written with the grateful permission of Blue88, and is an alternative version of events that he laid out in part one of his story. I read the second part and, while I was OK with the reconciliation, I didn't like how Arch turned into an apologist when he was the injured party. I felt that since he'd put up with a lot from Dee over the last 12 years of his marriage he didn't have any love left for her after catching her cheating. This is my attempt to see what might have happened to Arch if he'd stuck to his guns and said "Enough is enough!"

From "Is Enough Really Enough?" Part One:

Arch swiveled his chair around and gazed out of his office window. Autumn was well under way and he never failed to appreciate the dazzling display of colors that greeted his eyes. Sighing, he turned back to his desk and opened the newspaper. "It's still early," he thought as he sipped his coffee. "I'll just relax with the paper and finish the coffee."

He read the front section, finding nothing of too much interest. The next section was Society. Arch smiled and was about to toss it aside, when he saw the picture under the fold. It was Denise who was standing with a tall, distinguished looking man. The caption read: British nobleman and local woman announce their engagement.

Arch sat there, numbly, in shock. The paper had fallen from his hands. A terrible sense of loss again pervaded his heart and he put his head in his hands, letting the tears come.

* * * * *

Epilogue:

Arch Meader pulled his hands from his eyes and dried his tears. He looked at the paper on the floor, wondering if he had really seen what he thought he saw. No, there was no change to the image on the paper. In the picture was his ex-wife and a tall man smiling for the camera. It seemed that the picture had been taken at a party; probably where the engagement mentioned in the caption had been announced.

Arch hadn't seen Dee in over three years but she still looked good. Despite her depression and the stress of the divorce the years had been kind to her. It looked like she had been trying to make something of her life after the divorce, unlike him, since he'd thrown himself into his work, avoiding social situations for longer than he cared to remember.

Sitting back in his chair Arch ran his hand through his hair, now more gray than it had been three years ago, and sighed. This was a shock to his system. While he hadn't believed he could get back together with Dee after everything they had been through he had assumed that she, like him, held out some hope of reconciliation, as miniscule as that hope may be. It seems he was wrong. Dee seemed to have moved on while he had remained marking time and feeling sorry for himself. Not one to wallow, any more than he already had that is, Arch decided that it was time for a change, a long overdue change in his life.

He picked up the paper and threw it into the wastebasket at the side of his desk. He finished the last sip of his coffee and made ready to start his day. He needed to talk with his assistant and his secretary first thing. It was time to start delegating more and trusting his team to do what he paid them for. It was also time to get his head out of his butt and return to being the kind of man he had been.

*****

It took a while for Arch to get his workload redistributed to his team so he could feel comfortable that they were running at full efficiency and he could start to reduce his hours at the office. He felt proud of his people and how they took to the new tasks he assigned them, but he should have expected no less. They were bright people, well trained and, if he were honest, underutilized because he had failed to use them for the purposes for which they'd been hired. Well, there would be no more of that, Arch vowed. From now on his people would be intimately involved in the day to day affairs of his office and he, as he should have been all along, would provide leadership and guidance.

Some weeks after Arch's reformation he was sitting in the cafeteria of the medical center where he worked when he noticed his old friend, Bernie Green, walk in. Bernie had been married to Dee's sister Debra for two years now. God, had it been that long? Arch waved Bernie over to his table and invited him to join him.

"Bernie! How have you been? How's Debra?"

"Great, Arch. Debra is well, thanks. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing OK, Bernie. I'm getting better now that I've finally got my head straight. I'm sure you know what I mean."

"Unfortunately I do. I've been concerned about you. You have been working way too hard for way too long. You don't want another heart attack do you?"

"No, Bernie, one was plenty, thank you. I've been following my doctor's orders for the most part, except for the long hours of course, but that's changed now too so I'm sure he'll be ecstatic at my next checkup."

"I'm glad to hear that Arch, Debra and I have been worried about you."

"Oh, really?" Arch said with a wry smile. "I got the impression that I wasn't very high on Debra's list of people to worry about, especially after the divorce."

Bernie had the good grace to look embarrassed. "You know how it is, Arch, Debra and Dee are pretty close. She's calmed down over the years and she realizes Dee was more at fault than you."

"That's mighty nice of her since Dee was the one with another guy between her legs!" Arch said tautly. "I'm sorry, Bernie, but even after all this time her cheating on me after all I went through to support her really pisses me off."

"I can understand that Arch, though I wish you'd talk to someone about it. It isn't good for your health to carry a grudge this long."

"Is that what you think I'm doing? I'm not carrying a grudge Bernie. I rarely think about Dee nowadays. It is only at times like this, when the conversation comes around to her, that old memories get dredged up. I loved her, Bernie! I loved her with all my heart. I thought we'd grow old together. When it turned out her physical problems wouldn't let us have children I was just as devastated as she was, but you'd never know it according to her, or Debra, for that matter.

"I was the dutiful loving husband to her for twelve years, while she went through therapy, and then when she retreated from me day by day. Did I tell you that she cursed me out for trying to set up a 40th birthday party for her?"

Bernie's eyes opened wide at that comment. "No, I didn't know that."

"Oh yeah, I was stunned to say the least but I apologized and never brought it up again but the coldness in our marriage just got worse. We were two people sharing a house but there was really no marriage, we could have been brother and sister for all the intimacy we shared the last two years. I tried everything I could to bring her back to me Bernie, I really did, but how much can one man do when the other person isn't even trying! I'd been questioning the viability of the marriage even before the affair so catching her with another man was just the last in a long line of things that should have told me the marriage was over. The only thing I regret about it is it took a heart attack to wake me from the stupor I'd been in for years."

Arch wound down at this time, talking about this had taken more out of him than he'd realized it would and his shoulders slumped while he stared at his plate, his hunger no longer present.

Bernie laid his hand on his friend's shoulder and squeezed. "I'm sorry, Arch, I didn't know."

"Nobody really does, unless Dee's told them. I didn't want to talk about it, still don't, but I felt you deserved the other side of the story since I'm sure you've heard Dee's side."

"I'll admit that I have but being in my position I knew there had to be more than I was hearing, after all there are two sides to every dispute. I hope you won't get upset but I have to ask, do you still love her?"

Arch paused and took a deep breath, letting it out through his teeth before he replied. "I've asked myself the same question. Do I still love her? If I'm going to be honest I'd have to say yes, I still love her. We had some good years together, there just weren't enough of them, and the bad years outweighed the good. The thing is, though I still love her I'm not "in love" with her, you know? I love her like a friend who's been away for a long time. I remember the good times we had and sometimes wonder what happened, but she's been gone so long that any feelings of being in love with her are long gone. Besides, it doesn't matter anyway, she's engaged now isn't she? I remember seeing the notice in the paper a while ago."

Bernie smiled, wondering if his information was going to cause Arch to reevaluate his position with respect to Dee. "Well, Arch, I have some news on that front. Dee's changed her mind. She had been swept off her feet by that guy but once push came to shove and she realized that she'd be living in England she called it off. Debra questions her sanity, the guy was rich after all, and he seemed to be really taken by Dee. He was devastated when she called off the engagement but he accepted it. He's gone back to England now."

'Well, this changes things, doesn't it?' Arch thought. 'Why should it? Just because she's not engaged and that was the trigger that got me out of my funk doesn't change the fact that I'm fed up with dealing with Dee and her 'depression' and all her other crap all these years. She may be sorry about the affair and she may even be 'normal' now but how long will that last? She went through treatment and medication the last time and she seemed 'normal' then too and look what happened. Nope, sorry, been there, done that, got the t-shirt.' Arch realized he'd been quiet too long so he caught his friends eye and replied.

"I'm sorry to hear that Bernie. Dee deserves to be happy and I was glad to hear she was moving on with her life. I hope she doesn't give up. She's a good woman, if she's really healthy, and she deserves happiness the same as everyone else."

"I was hoping you might be interested in renewing your relationship with her once you found out she wasn't getting married."

"No, sorry Bernie, but sometimes love just isn't enough. I used up all the love I had for her over the last twelve years of our marriage. Besides, despite what she might say or even believe, she couldn't have loved me either in those last few years. If she had she'd have asked for a divorce before she decided to have an affair."

Bernie looked shocked at Arch's statement. "How can you say that Arch, Dee's always loved you!"

"Come on, Bernie, you're the psychiatrist here. I may be stubborn but I can't see any love for your husband in taking another man into your bed, especially your bed in the home you share together! The least she could have done was take the guy to a hotel! Nope she didn't even bother to have that much consideration for me. She didn't care that she was bringing a man into OUR home. She didn't care that she was bringing a man into OUR bed. She didn't care that there was even the least possibility that I could come home and find her in the arms of another man. No, that's not love. It is total disregard for the feelings of the man you are married to. It is indifference to his feelings. It is deriving perverse pleasure at the chance of being caught, however small that chance may be and throwing the affair in your husband's face. It tells me that she weighed the chances of getting caught, and the consequences, and found the chance so small or of such little concern that didn't care if she got caught. To me that shows such disrespect for me that there was NO love there. I'm sorry Bernie, but it's over between Dee and I."

Bernie sat back in his chair, stunned. It was obvious that Arch had been thinking through this for a long time and had come to some interesting, and probably valid, conclusions. He had counseled enough couples with problems in their marriage that he could see how a man would conclude that there was no love for him if his wife could behave that way. Given Arch's many years of supporting his wife, through all her problems and illnesses, it wasn't surprising that he'd feel this way. He looked at his friend sympathetically.

"I understand what you're saying, Arch, and I can see you've given this a lot of thought. For what it's worth, I agree with you in principle, the actions you describe are certainly not an expression of love for ones spouse. I think in Dee's case there are some extenuating circumstances, but it's for you to determine if those circumstances can override the hurt you obviously felt at her betrayal."

"That's the point, Bernie. Even though things weren't great in our marriage, hadn't been for years, I NEVER thought she'd have an affair. I didn't think she was even interested in sex any more, for God's sake! But even with all the animosity between us I never thought she'd hurt me like that. Seeing her in the arms of another man killed any love I had for her and certainly any chance I could forget what happened. Through all those years I was never tempted to seek comfort outside our marriage. I loved Dee too much for that and I took my vows, in sickness and in health, seriously. Dee needed me and I was there for her. Even when she seemed normal I was there for her, hoping that the sweet, loving, fun woman I'd married would return to me, but it never happened. Even during the darkest hours I never thought to cheat on her and I had opportunities. I couldn't do it, it wasn't right, damnit! It just wasn't right." Arch's voice trailed off and he sagged in his chair now, his emotions having run their course he was left drained.

"I'm so sorry, Arch. I'm glad you told me about all of this though, it does shed some light on some questions I've had for a long time. You know that Dee was seeing me after the divorce, and I can't discuss what we talked about, of course, but if it helps any Dee doesn't know why she did it though I have some theories. Dee did love you and she still does, but she understands she's hurt you but I don't think even she knows to what depth. I won't bring Dee up again, Arch, but I had to try, Debra asked me to. She wanted you to know how Dee felt and still feels. Your decision not to talk to her or open her messages to you made Debra think you were being stubborn." Arch's head snapped up at that and Bernie raised his hands in a 'whoa' gesture. "I know that's not the case, Arch, I know you and you're not a stubborn man and after what you've told me I know that more than ever. I truly wish things had worked out differently for you and Dee but I understand your position. You won't hear anything more on the subject from me."

"Thanks for listening, Bernie. This is the first time I've talked to anyone about it in this much detail. I feel much better now that I've got it off my chest."

Bernie smiled at his friend and said: "Hey, no problem, what are friends for? By the way, my bill will be in the mail!"

Arch chuckled. "You know, considering how good I feel now, I just might pay it!" He looked at his plate and, picking up his fork, starting eating his lunch, he found he was hungry after all.

*****

The conversation with Bernie did more than ease Arch's mind. It got him thinking about his decision not to talk to, or have any contact with, Dee. He'd avoided her in an effort to protect himself. He knew that if he'd met with her he'd have said something he would regret later, and he didn't want to do that. He also didn't want to have to deal with her making excuses for her behavior. What did it matter what the underlying reasons for the affair were? The bottom line was she made a conscious decision to bring a man to their home and have sex with him in their bed. As much as he liked Bernie as a person having to listen to the usual psycho-babble excuses would have made him ill. Having to listen to her cite her reasons, or even worse from what Bernie said, that there was no reason she could cite, would have opened all the old wounds and made him relive the incident again; something he never wanted to do. So it had been that to protect his heart he had cut off all contact with Dee, except through their lawyers.

That, of course, was three years ago. Was it time to finally have a talk with Dee? Maybe it was, but he'd have to think about it for a while longer.

*****

A couple of weeks later Arch was seated in an out of the way booth in his favorite new restaurant, waiting for his ex-wife. For the umpteenth time since he'd left a message on her voicemail at work to meet him tonight he questioned the intelligence of making the invitation for dinner. Did he really want to meet her, face to face, in such an intimate setting? Would he send the wrong message by doing so? Would she even show up? Just as he was going off the deep end with what-if scenarios the hostess directed Dee to the table.

Ever the gentleman, he stood to greet her. "Dee, thanks for coming, I hope you didn't have any problem finding the place?" he said as he pulled out the chair for her.

Taking her seat Dee blushed as she remembered how much she enjoyed Arch's company and how much she had missed it over the years. "You're welcome, Arch, thanks for inviting me. This is a very nice place, is it new?"

"Yes, it opened a year or so ago. I really like it. They have great food and the tables aren't so close together that you can't have a private conversation without other diners hearing every word you say."

Dee wondered if Arch had anything he might want to say to her in private? It didn't matter at the moment though, Dee had an agenda with respect to this meeting too and she decided to jump right in.

"Arch, I'm so sorry..."

"Dee, please, I didn't invite you here for that. I've had a long time to think about things and I know you're sorry. The woman I married would be, and though there have been a lot of changes in our lives I don't think you've changed THAT much."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Arch. You're right we've both changed a lot, before and after the divorce. I want you to know that I take full responsibility for everything that happened."

"I really appreciate that Dee. I want you to know that I don't want, nor do I need, an explanation of the incident that led to our divorce. I've come to terms with it and I have no desire to open old wounds. I want to talk about why I invited you here tonight."

"I still feel I owe you an explanation, Arch..."

"Please, Dee!" he said a little sharper than he intended. Taking a calming breath Arch continued. "I don't want an explanation. That's all water under the bridge now and we both need to put it behind us. We can't keep living in the past, which is why I asked you here tonight. I want us to be friends again."

Dee's heart raced at Arch's last statement. "Friends? As in...?"

"Friends, Dee, nothing more. We had a lot of years together, and while they all weren't good, some of them were and there's no reason two adults with the history we had together can't be friends. It was probably wrong of me to cut you off like I did but I can't undo that. All I can do is make things right now and in the future. Can we be friends again, Dee?" Arch sat back and waited for her reply.

Dee glanced down at her plate and then looked back at Arch through her eyelashes. There was a trace of tears in her eyes and her throat felt tight. She never thought that Arch would ever say those words to her. She'd been sure that she'd lost all chance for contact with him because of her actions and now to be considered for friendship with him was more than she could have hope for. She swallowed, twice, to clear her throat before she could speak.

"I'd like that very much, Arch. I'd love for us to be friends! I had hoped for this but I never thought it would come true. I'm so glad you've decided to extend this offer to me. I'm stunned but flattered."