I was ripped from my slumber the next morning by the consistent blaring of the alarm clock. I groaned as I hit the off button with more force than intended. God I felt like shit!
Have you ever woken up the next morning after a particularly bad argument with your spouse with that feeling of unknown angst? You can't remember exactly what the fight was about, but you remember that you're supposed to be angry. That's what I felt.
I felt like shit. My head felt heavy and I could barely keep my eyes open. Even though I'd just awakened I felt like I hadn't slept a wink. Then I noticed that I felt unusually cold.
The fact that I was shivering felt kind of odd. Two realities were brought to my attention when I looked around. One: I hadn't even slipped under the comforter last night when I went to sleep. Two: Selene hadn't slept in the bed last night.
It wasn't unusual for Selene to be gone by the time I got up in the morning. Her schedule was a little more strenuous than mine. She worked 10 hour shifts at the hospital for 4 days a week. There were no set days that she worked. Her schedule was up to the Floor Manager and had to be checked daily. She had to be there at 8:00 in the morning, and worked until 6:00 pm. Before she ended her shift, she had to give a report to the nurses relieving her. She rarely left the hospital before 6:30 pm.
This being said, the fact that she wasn't next to me wasn't out of the norm. What was out of the norm was that her side of the bed was unusually cold and undisturbed. Even when she left me to go to work, her warmth would remain behind. The sheets had that wrinkled look that let me know that my loving wife had occupied that space not too long ago. It was kind of like an unspoken promise of her return. She was gone, but only temporarily.
Like I said, I couldn't exactly remember why I was supposed to be upset. That is, until I saw her phone on the floor. It was in the same spot that it had landed when she slapped it from my hand last night and ran out of the room in tears. All at once I was bombarded as the memories of last night rushed back to me with crystal clarity. The most disturbing memory of all was the image of that asshole's engorged dick. That horrific picture was branded into my cerebral cortex. I doubt if I'll ever forget that.
Once again, the tornado that swirled in my stomach the night before raged inside of me. I thought I was going to be physically sick, but I had nothing in my stomach to spew. I slowly rose from my bed and forced myself push those thoughts aside. I was falling behind on the morning ritual.
You see, we have a morning routine that happens. It is like gears in a well-oiled machine. Over years of perfecting it, it is now so perfect that it practically runs itself. To begin every morning, I wake the girls up. I actually wake them up 10 minutes before they were actually supposed to get up. I've estimated that this was the grace period that they need to be more efficient in getting ready. It's all about the child's mentality. No matter what time I wake them up, they always want 10 more minutes. If they get that 10 minutes, they would shoot out of bed and are ready with amazing rapidity. If I don't give them those 10 minutes, then I have to fight tooth and nail to get them ready. They drag their feet as they whine and complain about how tired they are. Since I started waking them up 10 minutes early, they always stay on task. They got to feel the satisfaction of getting the "extra minutes" while they are none the wiser that they actually got no extra time. We are all happy.
Since Selene left before I did in the mornings, the job of getting them up and ready for school became mine by default. I didn't mind it though. I have to be up at this time anyway because I left for work right after their bus leaves. Once the girls are up, all three of us get ready at the same time.
Once we are all ready, we all go down to the kitchen for a breakfast of sorts. Usually breakfast consisted of nothing more than cereal for the girls (Frosted Flakes) and a coffee for me. Usually Selene has already started when got hers. She brews the whole pot knowing that I will be getting some not long after. Like I said, gears in a well-oiled machine. The routine practically ran itself.
This morning was no different. Except for my heart that was wrenched from my chest, of course. But, the show must go on! Once getting up and started, I slinked back into my room to get ready for work. I was on autopilot. I was doing the things that I did every morning with little to no thought. Honestly, I'm surprised that I was able to get fully dressed.
Everything went like clockwork. Me and the girls were dressed and heading down into the kitchen. That's when we got our surprise, and it reminded me that this was not like every other morning. Sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in her hands, was my wife.
We all stopped in our tracks to take in the surprise. The fact that my wife was never here in the morning made this morning an anomaly. Even on days that she didn't work, she would still be upstairs snoring away. So to see her sitting there at the table was one of those small things that let us know that this was not as standard as other mornings were.
The second surprise was how she looked. Her eyes were red and puffy. Her hair was all over the place. She was pale and her face was stained with tears. She looked like she hadn't slept a wink all night.
"Mommy?" Cassy said the word like it was a question. Selene's appearance was troubling. This was not the same mother and wife that we were used to. Selene was always put together. She was always in control. This shell of a woman was a aberration . It was like seeing Santa Clause smoking a fat one behind the mall on his break. Cassy couldn't help but to notice that something was wrong.
Selene looked up at our confused faces and recovered quickly. "Morning pumpkin!" She said as she held out her arms. She tried to sound cheery, but there is something about sniffling while you're talking that takes the wind out of that sail. Cassy walked into them and embraced her in a hug.
"Mommy's a little under the weather today. I called in sick so today so that I can figure out what's wrong." She said as her eyes met mine's. I didn't miss double meaning of her words. Luckily, this explanation seemed to placate my naïve daughter even though Selene hardly ever got sick. Cassy and Gaby chose to ignore this fact. They took it on faith that everything was okay, albeit a little cold. The morning routine ensued without any further hiccup. At least as far as the kids were concerned.
