Im Sorry Alice Not

I'm really sorry, Alice......... NOT!!

This was rewritten a couple of times. Hope you like it.

The BEAR

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My wife of twenty-one years came downstairs, dressed to the nines. LBD, stockings, and CFM four-inch heels. She saw me sitting in the kitchen with no drinks evident.

"Come and sit, Alice. We need to talk."

She hesitated and said, "Can't it wait, Mike? I'm running late, and my ride will be here soon."

'No, he won't,' I thought to myself.

"No, dear. I've put it off long enough. The girls will have to wait a little while longer. You need to hear this before you go out. Please, sit down, dear."

She sighed and came and stood across from me, facing the breakfast island with her arms crossed.

"There's no easy way to say this, dear."

She tensed. Did her husband suspect something?

"We're broke, Alice. The company closed yesterday. We owe $750,000 in product orders that we can't fill, but we have taken payments on."

'No one will find that money,' he grinned to himself.

"I haven't drawn a paycheck in two months, just fast food money. You may have noticed I've been working longer hours."

'To stay away from you and home, slut,' he thought.

He had Alice's attention now. She sagged a little and sat down, her mouth open.

"I'm sorry I transferred the company to you two years ago, and I'm just a team member."

'No, I'm not,' he thought.

"And the house?" she asked.

"Errr, sorry. It was your good idea to put it in your name so that we could get tax benefits. Well, that didn't work. The bank will foreclose in two weeks because we are behind in mortgage payments-a year and a half. How could you miss the notices?"

'OH, I guess you could if I got the mail,' he snickered to himself behind a sorrowful mask.

She couldn't speak. What the hell had happened? The mortgage was supposed to be an automatic withdrawal. The money is from the company account.

She didn't realize that she had been authorizing withdrawals on her credit card. She never saw any bills or statements. He paid for everything.

"Oh, and the bank has frozen our credit cards. What have you been doing? I can't even buy gas for my truck."

'Luckily, I've got a gas card in my brother's name,' he mused to himself.

Alice was starting to panic. She couldn't go to her long-time fuck buddy, her boss. He was married, had been for ten years, and had been screwing her for the twenty-one years of her marriage, and the year before.

Inwardly, then, she smiled. There was the new guy she had met at the gym. They had been seeing each other for a year and a half. In fact, he was her 'date' for tonight.

She shook herself and stared at her husband, who looked like he was seeing her for the first time. Actually, he was thinking,'She's probably thinking about her workout partner. Too bad.'

She smiled.

'OH, bad move,' she thought, seeing the expression on his face. She frowned.

"Well, there are a few good things.," he said. 'For me; not so much for you,' he grimaced.

She looked at her watch. 'Where is he?' Then she realized he was pushing a manila envelope over to her.

"What's this," she asked.

"OPEN IT, ALICE!" he intoned.

She blanched and picked up the envelope. She opened it and started to talk, "Michael, I don't want a divorce. Can't we....WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?" She stared at the DNA reports staring back at her.

"OH, I'm sorry. The reports were supposed to be under the divorce papers." (Actually, they had been. But he had moved them onto the top. SURPRISE!!)

"Do you remember when the kids were born? Seven months after we were married, out came Patricia. Then two years later, Bingo! Mike Jr. And you had insisted on filling out the birth certificates, so that I wouldn't have to worry about 'our' children. I never looked. After all, I knew they were born. AND THAT THEY WERE MINE!!"

She saw her whole world crumbling.

"So imagine my surprise when your boss's wife, Bernice, came to see me with the proof that you were a slut! She said she was very sure the children were not mine. She said she couldn't have children, and when she told Horace this before they married, he said,' Don't worry, we'll think of something'.

"But it was his tone of voice that made her wonder. I went to look at the birth certificates because she had insisted that you had been intimate for twenty-plus years. Imagine my surprise. His name, Horace Bledsoe, for the father and NOT MINE!!! Then I found the report for your tubal ligation, done after Micheal was born. WELL, WELL, WELL!!!!"

They had been planning on taking the kids and she would leave him. Horace then met his present (for the time being) wife when she had inherited her grandfather's company and was looking for someone to run it. What he DIDN'T know was that the company was in a trust.

He and Alice planned to abscond with her kids, his money, and HER company and divorce Mike.

Bernice had been very informative. That had been a little over three years ago. He and Bernice had conspired and planned and waited. She had had her company corner the market on Mike's products and their raw materials. All under Horace's name.

"Don't worry, I called the kids and told them. They're a little upset with you, but, hey, that's how it is. So are your mom and dad. And your brother and sister. And your gram.

"My lawyer says we have filed under adultery, and irreconcilable differences. There are allegations of fraud and the I.R.S., the states A/G, and the S.E.C are interested in talking to you. It is, after all, your company."

'I suppose I should thank her for cutting me off a couple of months back. NAHH. She was being selfish,' he thought.

She heaved and threw up all over the counter.

"I also know about Jim Morry, your gym buddy. His wife also knows. You'll be getting served at work, naming you in his divorce. That's if you still have a job when Bernice gets through with you. That will be the other lawsuit.

"Oh, yeah, she sold his car this afternoon. It was in her name. Something about a 'birthday present' she gave him. A 2022 mustang Saleen GT, white with blue racing stripes, I think it was. Too bad."

She passed out, and Mike snickered. He looked at his watch, and the doorbell rang.

That would be Miranda, his former secretary, and future inamorata. They were on their way to Mexico.

'Let her try and find us.' Mexico was their first stop. It wouldn't be their last.

"As I said, Alice, I'm really sorry.

"Oh, I didn't say that?? Actually, YOU'RE REALLY SORRY!!"

Was she?

Now, as Saddletramp would say, lighten up:

What did Robin say to Batman as they entered St. Patrick's Cathedral in N.Y.C.?

"HOLY WATER, BATMAN!!"