I'll Remember the Good Old Times

Author's note: I had trouble being satisfied with this story. I was fortunate to get Sbrooks103 to give me suggestions. I made a lot of changes besides what he suggested so blame me if you don't like it. I hope you enjoy.

*****

I am ashamed to tell you my story. The reason I am writing is the hope that someone now doing what I did will stop in time to save their marriage. Honestly, I don't know if I would have done anything different if I had read a story like this because I was a Class A, no, make that a Class AAA BITCH. I probably would have ignored it or thought it pertained to someone else not me.

I guess I should introduce myself first. My name is L.C. Mathis. I have always had problems with my name. L.C. stands for Linda Carole which is what my mother and father would call me when I was in trouble. I got in trouble a lot growing up, so I learned to hate my full name. I thought of using either Linda or Carole by itself, but those names were 'too common' for someone who yearned to be special. I thought going by my initials would be cool. Instead it became a hassle to try to teach people to say my name by pausing between the 'L' and the 'C.' If they didn't, it would sound too much like 'Elsie.' What's wrong with that? Elsie the cow's milk commercials started airing on TV about the time I began using my initials. Are you getting the picture yet about how screwed up I can be?

After an unremarkable high school and college academic career and a dull social life, I married a good, no, great man after college. We met at a wedding of mutual friends. I was surprised that Dustin called me a couple of days later. My self-image had trouble believing a man as intelligent and good-looking as Dustin would be interested in me. I had no outstanding positive features (face, breasts or butt) and was overweight. For some reason, he kept asking me out on dates. He never pressed me for sex but responded very enthusiastically when I eventually offered. I began to believe some of his many compliments and finally convinced myself I might be worthy of becoming his wife. I did, however turn him down twice before I gave in.

We were very much a loving happy couple for many years, at least I think we both thought so. Each of us had secured good jobs (accountant for me and bank loan officer for him) and were able to start a family right away. It is hard for me to talk about our marital and family life because of what I did to it later. I still cry over how I have dishonored those precious moments. For now, just understand that nothing, absolutely nothing, that Dustin or our kids did caused me to act the way I did. I will jump ahead to when things began to change, i.e., I turned to my dark side.

Both kids were grown and out of the house. Dustin, unfortunately, received all my attention. It was unfortunate because the attention came in the form of criticism, negative criticism. He told me that he assumed initially my attitude was due to Empty Nest Syndrome, so he tried to spend more time showing his love with gifts, evenings out, praise, and attention to my sexual needs in the bedroom. In spite of his increased efforts to please me, it seemed to be producing the opposite effect. I asked myself, "Why all the extra attention? He must be hiding something." I became increasingly paranoid regarding his behavior towards other women, seemed to pick fights just to pick fights, and frequently withheld sex as punishment for his supposed sins. A recurrent theme in my outburst was the accusation that he was having an affair.

I was under the misguided perception that my lack of attention from the men I worked with was due to my lack of stylish (i.e., slutty) clothes and too little makeup. Being 30 pounds overweight just gave me more 'curves' or so I convinced myself. Dustin seldom gave me any negative feedback so when he mentioned I might want to 'tone down' my wardrobe and makeup, I exploded. He was banished to the guest bedroom for two weeks. I dressed even more provocatively until my boss called me in and talked about the dress code at work. I was madder at Dustin being right than I was at being reprimanded by my boss.

Dustin's requests to discuss problems led to even more problems. He held back his anger and tried to ride it out, I guess hoping my attitude was just a temporary glitch in our relationship. After more than a year, we both knew things were worse, not better. Then came the conversation that started the fire that could not be controlled.

Dustin had barely made it through the front door before I started squawking, "It's about time you came home. How was she? Bigger boobs than me?"

Dustin replied in the flat tone that showed he was resigned to receiving such welcomes. "Nice to see you too, dear. It's 7:00. I told you I would not be back at regular time since the training was in St. Louis. I think I said it might be as late as 8:00, so I'm actually a little early."

"Early? What's the matter? Couldn't you get it up after the first orgasm? I wouldn't know because you haven't had one with me for a long time."

"L. C., it's hard for me to have an orgasm when you won't have sex with me."

"Excuses, excuses. I've told you I didn't want 'sloppy seconds' with you after you've been with your lover or lovers. Well, don't you have a nice lie already lined up to tell me?"

"What good would it do? You haven't believed anything I've said for months."

"That's because you've been cheating on me for months. You're at the end of your rope, buster. Just for the fun of it, tell me the lie you have for where you were today. Please, no repeats of previous lies."

Dustin seemed to be getting more and more upset. "Don't worry, I keep a list of lies to make sure I don't repeat any." I really got angry at that.

"L.C. look at my phone. I took a selfie in the training room. Here's me and Todd at our table. Does it look like Todd and I were having sex?"

I grabbed the phone and used my fingers to enlarge the picture. "And who is that tramp behind Todd? Was she just your whore or were you having a threesome with Todd?"

"That's Jacqueline Case, she works in the Champaign branch office. She is married with two kids, aged 10 and 13, Alisha and Michael. Like me and Todd, she had to attend the training."

"Ah hah! And just how do you know so much about her? Caught you, you bastard."

"There was a warm up exercise before the training. We had to talk to someone we didn't know before and then get up, introduce the person and tell three things about them. She told me she was married, had two kids, and liked to do it doggie style with men who looked like me."

"Asshole! You can't divert me with your sarcasm. Where was the training held? In a hotel?"

"Yes, we had our meetings in the conference center part of the Hyatt in St. Louis."

"So, what room did you have your one-on-one training with little Ms. Jacqueline in?"

"L.C., we can go on like this forever. From previous experience, I know there is nothing I can say or show you to convince you I have not been cheating on you. I give up. I confess. I had sex with Jacqueline just before I was gangbanged by the Girl Scout Troop. I'm surprised the cookie crumbs didn't give me away. Look, I'm tired so I'll go ahead and throw myself into the guest room so I can get some sleep. You're going to believe whatever you want to anyway. Good night."

Although he didn't say anything else, that didn't stop me from yelling at him. I was vicious. I criticized his penis size, his ability to use said penis, how lousy he was as a husband, how he never helped raising the kids, how he doesn't do anything around the house, how he cheats on me with multiple women, how he shows me no love or respect, and how I might just turn him in as the missing Twin Tower bomber. I could be sarcastic too. The above list is by no means the extent of the insults I leveled nor can this story do justice to the level of vehemence with which I hurled the insults. Finally, I went too far.

I released the nuclear bomb. "I have a boyfriend lined up, so I can have sex with someone who cares about me. And if I like the sex, I just might divorce your worthless ass."

Dustin burst out of the guest bedroom and confronted me. For the first time in our marriage, I was truly frightened of him. He lectured me, "Let me make this clear, if you have sex with another man, you won't have to decide whether or not to get a divorce. I will go for the divorce. This is it. You have killed my love for you, period.

He continued, "L.C., If you have any feelings for me and our daughters, I am begging you to go to a doctor and/or a therapist. Something has happened to you in the last few years. It may be hormones or Empty Nest. It may be something else. Your refusal to do this has convinced me that, so far, you don't want to save yourself, me or this marriage."

After staring at Dustin with an angry face I spewed, "You just want me to believe it's my fault. There's nothing wrong with me. You're the one trying to put the blame for this shitty marriage on me. What's wrong with the marriage is the person you see in the mirror each morning."

"L.C., you win. I have had a great deal of love stored up for you during our marriage. Usually you have replaced any love that has drained out of my reservoir, but the last few years, more has drained out than has been replaced. Well, my reservoir is now completely depleted. I'm going to a motel."

I did not respond until he was almost out the door. I searched my data bank of invectives and came up with this: "Do you get a group discount for bringing all your sluts to the same motel?"

Dustin spent several days at the motel. I guess he hoped that he, I or both of us would be able to replenish the scorched earth we called a home. I think what I did when he came in was beyond anything he expected. I was calm as he drug his suitcase into the living room. I felt like I was a hawk about to pounce on the poor field mouse who had just exposed himself.

"So, I've just been imagining you were having an affair. And Mr. Virtue would NEVER take up with another woman. I couldn't be right because I had no pictures to prove your infidelity. Well, buddy boy, I've got the proof now. I have the pictures. I'm going to wipe the floor with your ass in court."

Dustin sighed deeply, "And where are these alleged pictures of my affair?"

"You can't see them yet. I need to have copies made. You can see them during the divorce procedures. I've already been to see a lawyer."

"Fine, I will move back to the motel after I get a few more things. Before you go to work tomorrow morning, make me a list of what you want from a divorce. I promise to give you as much as possible. I will take the list to my divorce attorney and we will send back our response to your attorney. Leave me his contact information with the list." It didn't take too long for me to respond.

"I knew it. I knew it. You've just been looking for an excuse to dump me for another woman. Well, you think you're going to come out ahead when we get a divorce? With this evidence, I'll take everything you value and leave you in the dust. You won't have anything to offer your new woman. How do you like that, Mr. High and Mighty?"

"L.C, I can honestly say I don't care. Your constant harangues have worn me down. Right now, the only thing I want is to no longer be connected to you. In my mind, I cannot help but win. Although I may lose you, this house, and my money, I will have my self-respect and my memories of our family life before you went off the deep end. In addition, I still have the love of our children. You can't take those things from me. If that's all I have, I will have come out ahead."

Dustin went upstairs and got some more clothes. Upon leaving he said, "L.C., please get professional help. There is something wrong. I am hoping that a divorce may shock you into realizing you need help."

Of course, I didn't see it that way. "So, you're going to tell everyone I'm mentally ill? You do, and I'll sue you for slander. You'll be sorry. The kids know different, they agree with me."

"I have talked to the kids about your attitude several times. They are afraid to disagree with you because you get so angry. You have chosen to take their lack of disagreement as agreement. They have told me I should have left long ago if you would not seek help." He paused and then ended with, "I am sorry. Sorry I didn't do this a year ago. I can't take it anymore. I'm gone. Don't forget the list."

The next morning after our divorce discussion, Dustin apparently took off work and came by the house after I had left for my job. The list of items I said I wanted was gone. I guess he noticed that all the rest of his personal stuff had been dumped in the driveway. It appears he took the list and a few more items of clothing and left for the motel. Now I feel sorry for making him leave his home. At the time, however, I began gloating rather than grieving.

My attorney told me that the list of what I wanted was the most through she had ever seen. She said the only thing I forgot to list was the hair in the shower drain. My lawyer doubted that anyone would be awarded that much even if her husband was screwing Mother Theresa on the side. She said that we should get a counterproposal before long. We talked about what I would really be willing to settle for.

My lawyer and I were surprised at the counter-offer from Dustin's attorney. I was getting everything I asked for! The only thing Dustin added was the requirement for me not to contact him after the divorce which I had no problem with. He specified that he would not ask for more as long as I quickly signed the papers as amended. He suggested we do that in a meeting with a mediator to confirm the signing. My attorney said that was a new way of fast-tracking divorces. When mediators signed off on a settlement, the judge would sign off, saving lots of court time and money. It would take almost 60 days off the waiting period. Dustin also mentioned that if I wanted to present the alleged proof of adultery, I should bring it, but it would be presented only after the signing of the papers.

My lawyer and I were skeptical of Dustin's capitulation. She read and re-read the provisions. She said that as far as she could tell, I had come out better than any other client she had ever had before. Her only advice was not to agree to showing the proof. Just sign the papers. Actually, I would have been disappointed if I could not rub it in his face whether it was before or after the divorce. I said I would be happy for a final meeting where I could show my proof of his infidelity.

The people in attendance included me and my lawyer, the mediator, and Dustin and his lawyer. I'm sure I had a smug look on my face. Dustin looked physically exhausted. I could tell he had lost weight. His face was blank of any expression. It appeared that he was just anxious to have this over with.

After the introduction from the mediator, I started the proceedings with a snide remark, "Dustin, your offer to give me everything I asked for is proof of the guilt you felt in being unfaithful to me. I am, however, willing to reduce the harshness of my terms for divorce. Just admit to your affair, ask my forgiveness, and I will be more merciful. Remember I have the proof." My lawyer immediately and angrily whispered in my ear to be quiet.

Dustin replied, "No. We had an agreement. You promised to sign the papers exactly as they are. After we have both signed the divorce, the provisions will be implemented no matter if one of us changes his or her mind. Then, if you want, you can show me your so-called proof, but you must listen to my evaluation of whatever you have."

I was struggling to figure out what Dustin was up to. "You wouldn't give me everything unless you knew the proof is real. You had your chance for a better deal. As our kids used to say, 'Sucks to be you.'" I signed the papers and passed them to him.

The mediator spoke up. "I have never done this before, but I believe I will be derelict in my duties unless I recommend you not sign these, Mr. Mathis. This is by far the most lop-sided distribution of assets I have ever heard of."

Dustin still had no particular expression on his face. "Believe me, I am getting the best end of this deal by just ending this marriage." He signed the papers. "Okay L.C., where's the proof?"

I took out a manila envelope from my brief case. I shoved it over to Dustin. He picked it up and laid out the pictures that were inside, side by side. There was also an interview of the woman in the pictures. The pictures showed Dustin arm and arm with a pretty, somewhat younger woman at the downtown Hilton. One showed them kissing. Another showed them going up in the elevator together. The interview said the woman told the photographer that she had known Dustin for a long time, they had a very close relationship, and she probably loved him as much as she did her husband.

Dustin was smiling. "That's your proof of an affair?"

I began to become concerned at Dustin's response. "Well, it may not show naked bodies in the act of coitus but showing affection in public and going up to a room in a hotel plus the interview pretty much says it all."

Dustin interrogated me. "The lady in question is Lillian Faulkner. Lillian Albright Faulkner. Do you recognize the name?"

Lillian Albright. Lillian Albright. That name seemed familiar.

Dustin's smirk appeared. "L.C., I'm surprised you don't recognize my sister?"

"Hold on, buster. I know Anita. She looks nothing like that."

"I didn't mean my biological sister. I mean my 'little sister', Lillian."

Suddenly I was stricken with dread. I thought, "Shit. And after the price I paid for those photos."

Speaking to the people gathered who had not heard the story before, Dustin informed them of his history with Lillian.

"I grew up with a friend in my neighborhood named Randy. Randy was a few years older, but we did almost everything together. Randy intervened with bullies more than once on my behalf. Randy had a little sister, Lillian, who worshiped her brother and refused to be left out of activities he and I participated in. When I was in my junior year of high school, his parents received the news that Randy had been killed in Iraq. My devastation was earth shattering. The only reason I was able to survive was that I knew Lillian would be even more distraught, and she would need me badly. She was at suicide level of devastation. I had to act.

"I took the role of being Lillian's big brother for the next few years. We were exceptionally close. Gradually Lillian was able to deal with her grief and she became more independent of my mentoring. She had gone to college, got married, had a child and moved away. Only recently was she transferred to the Hilton in our hometown where she was in charge of scheduling group events.

"I readily admit I love Lillian, as a sister. The two of us were affectionate in public, but we always had been even in front of her husband. I had gone to arrange for a training at the Hilton mostly because Lillian worked there.

"L.C. do you remember now?"

"It's not my fault. It's been a long time since I've seen her. I didn't recognize her. But you went up in the elevator with her to a room. Explain that."

"We went up to several rooms. The conference rooms are on the third floor."

It took me a few minutes to figure out a response to save face. "So, I made a mistake on one of your trysts. There is no way you would have signed the divorce papers if you didn't think I had proof of another of your affairs."

"L.C., you underestimate how badly I want to get away from this marriage. I wanted to go ahead and sign because I wanted it over, done, finished, shredded, dead and buried. I knew I could show your 'proof' wasn't real because an affair NEVER happened. But you might not have signed if I had let me prove you were wrong before I signed them. Then, I might still have a wife who was constantly screaming I was not just untrustworthy but unworthy in every way. I am ready to move on. I can't live this way. All I've given up is money and things. I am satisfied I did everything I could to save my marriage."