If You Want to Be Happy

This one's a little different from my usual offerings – hope you enjoy.

*****

How did I get to this point in my life? Waiting for my wife to come home; I have news that will shock her when she hears it. As I sit here some old song keeps playing in my head, I'll have to look it up when I get a chance, don't know where I heard it.

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife, so for my personal point of view, get an ugly woman to marry you.

My name is John Capone (yea, I take a lot of garbage for it) and I'll begin my tale on the day I met Tess, but we may skip around a bit to fill in the blanks.

Tess and I both worked at a family owned regional bank headquartered in Austin. I'd been recruited from Chicago by Jeff Owens, a headhunter who just happened to be a classmate of mine from Northwestern's Graduate School of Management. My job was to help the bank enter the 21st Century with new back office automation. I was a senior vice president making six figures on the corporate ladder to EVP/COO. I was also a divorced father of a beautiful six-year-old daughter named Robin.

Tess was the branch manager at one of the downtown branch offices. She was another of the fast track 'kids' in the bank, thanks in part to her MBA from SMU and her drive to succeed. At twenty-seven years of age she was managing the second most profitable branch in the bank.

I'd been managing the back office operations division for almost a year and up to this point hadn't met Tess, just knew of her 'rising star' reputation. Tess Baker called my office to complain about a supervisor in my division. It seemed Joyce Denby had a loud disagreement with one of Tess's tellers; it was one of those situations that happens in any industry, sales versus operations.

After hearing Tess Baker's version of the incident, I responded, "Ms. Baker; this is the first I've heard of it and I'd like to talk to Ms. Denby before I do anything. Seems only fair; I'm certain you'd handle any complaint from a bank customer regarding any of your staff the same way. I promise to get back to you before the end of the day."

"You're right, I would. Thanks for checking into it."

Before I even got off the phone Joyce was standing at my office door.

"John, can I talk to you a second?"

"Sure, come on in and close the door if you have to."

Joyce closed the door and got right to it. "John, I screwed up. I let a teller at one of the branches get under my skin and I pretty much blew up on her."

"The branch manager just called me. I said I'd talk to you about it."

"It was my bad, I had a lousy morning and I let it affect my work. I'll try not to let that happen again."

"Joyce, are you willing to call the teller and her manager to apologize?"

"Just as soon as I leave your office."

"Great, try and call soon because I owe the branch manager a call before the end of the day. Joyce, you coming in here and owning up to this, not to mention willingness to apologize are two reasons why you'll be managing your department when Jim Benson retires next year."

Joyce made her calls and before I left that day I made mine. Tess Baker was very pleasant and appreciative of how both Joyce and I handled the situation. I asked Tess whether I could buy her a cup of coffee some morning and she accepted. It wouldn't be the first time I met with a branch manager to smooth interdepartmental relations, so this wasn't out of the ordinary. We made a date to meet at the Starbucks around the corner from her branch the next Tuesday.

When Tess Baker walked into the Starbucks I was gob smacked. I had heard she was an attractive woman and she was; tall, athletically lean, stylishly dressed and a beautiful face. I don't remember ever being so immediately attracted to a woman before. My grandmother would call it lampo-amare (love like lightning).

I did everything within my power to keep my act together as we sat over coffee and chatted about work related issues. I could have sat there for hours just listening to her southern voice and looking into her brown eyes, but with our coffee cups empty, I excused myself and said I had to get back to my office.

"Ms. Baker, would you like to have dinner with me one evening this weekend?"

"Yes I would, but only if you start calling me Tess and drop the Ms. Baker routine. Would Friday work out for you?"

My heart nearly exploded; she said yes. We made arrangements for me to pick her up at her apartment on Friday for our first official date.

Our first date was at an upscale Creole restaurant followed by a drink at a downtown jazz bar. We had a wonderful evening sharing our pasts and talking about where we saw our careers headed. I dropped her off at her apartment and gave her a chaste kiss. She asked me to join her at a picnic with friends the next day.

Tess much later confessed she was as smitten with me as I was with her when we met for coffee; that's why she chose Friday for dinner, knowing if we continued to hit it off we could spend Saturday at her friends' picnic. I floated on air back to my car after making certain she was safely behind her front door.

Saturday's picnic went well. Her friends seemed to like me with one exception. I'm certain her friend Ted was a bit jealous, but he didn't act out, so the day went without a hitch. I picked her up Sunday morning and took her to church. This Catholic boy walked into the Methodist church and did his best to keep up with the unfamiliar hymns. We sat in the pew with her parents, me on one end, her father Henry on the other, Tess and her mom in the middle. In the pew behind us sat her two older brothers with their wives and children.

After the service we went to her folks' house for brunch. Her mom and siblings were wonderful, but her dad was a bit standoffish. Later I found out he was a bit of a bigot against Catholics and it didn't help my last name was Capone. But I'll hand it to him, according to Tess he never said an ill word against me.

Our courtship was traveling at the speed of light, so I arranged for Tess to meet my daughter Robin the next weekend. Saturday I picked up Robin from my ex's house and the three of us went to the Austin zoo. My luck continued, Tess and Robin got along great. We had dinner together and after we dropped Tess off at her apartment Robin was sitting in the back seat talking about how much she liked my new 'girlfriend'.

Robin and I spent Sunday together, just the two of us before I dropped her off at her mom's Sunday night. I even got a call from Sandy (my ex) on Monday at work.

"Robin spent Sunday night telling Roger (her husband) and me about, as she put it, quote, dad's beautiful and super-nice girlfriend, end-quote. What's going on John? Who is this beautiful, super nice Tess?"

OK, I have to tell you about my relationship with Sandy, my ex, because most people either hear our story with their mouth hanging open or just shake their head.

Sandy and I were best friends in high school. Sandy was the head cheerleader and I was the captain of the football team. We both ran track in the spring and we had most of our AP classes together. We both received academic scholarships to the University of Illinois.

Sandy is absolutely knock-down gorgeous and probably the nicest person you'll ever meet. Whenever we weren't dating other people we dated each other; in fact, we broke each other's cherry and continued to be friends with benefits from the time we were juniors in high school until the time we married. I only had sex with a few other women during college and Sandy only slept with two other guys. None of these relationships lasted, so we always ended up with each other. But here's the thing, we never fell in love with each other, our hearts just weren't there.

So why did we get married? That would be Robin. Sandy stopped taking the pill for health reasons and was using a diaphragm. A couple of bright college seniors ended up doing the same thing couples have been doing for centuries, getting knocked up. I know a lot of couples would have walked down to the clinic to have the problem taking care of quickly, but that wasn't us. We went home, told our parents and said our "I dos".

And life was good. Sandy and I both graduated, moved back to our hometown and got jobs. I worked for a bank in downtown Chicago, Sandy for a local law firm in their accounting department, Robin was either in daycare or with one of our moms. I even went to night school to get my MBA. When the bank in Austin recruited me, Sandy jumped at the chance to move somewhere warmer. It didn't take her long to find another accounting job with a law firm in Austin, which is where Sandy met Roger.

I'll never forget the night I came home and got the news; Sandy made my favorite meal and dessert. We ate and put Robin down before I was hit with "we have to talk."

"John, I've met a man and things are starting to get serious. So far we've only had coffee and lunches together, but I think I've met my soulmate. You and I always knew we weren't in love like we hoped; do you still feel the same?"

I sat on the couch looking at Sandy, my best friend and mother of my daughter. "Sandy, no, I haven't changed. I still love you like a friend and I'm happy we've been able to share our lives and Robin, but I always hoped you'd have it all. Where do we go from here?"

"Roger, that's his name, wants to meet you." (See – I told you this is strange, it gets stranger.)

So, I arranged to meet Roger over dinner. I'm sitting at a table at a local pub when in walks this very handsome, well-built hunk (I'm not gay, but this guy was a hunk). We introduced ourselves and Roger got right to it, the words just emptied out of his head and heart.

"John, I'm not someone who would break up a marriage and split up a family. If you tell me to get lost and never see Sandy again, I'll pack up my bags and get out of town. I love her that much. This started out innocently, we still haven't even kissed, but there's a spark between us and Sandy told me about your marriage and how it came about. I mean it, say the word and I'm gone."

Roger's declaration took me a few seconds to digest. Wow, this guy was righteous. He was willing to quit his job and move just to avoid breaching his ethics. As I thought through all of it I watched his eyes, there was a slight hint of moisture building in them.

"Roger, you and Sandy can find out if this was meant to be, Sandy thinks she's found her soulmate in you. But I have two conditions if you plan to become a couple. One, Sandy and I have been friends for years and I don't want to lose that, I'd like to continue our friendship and I promise not to take advantage of it. As of tonight I promise not to touch her in a sexual manner, I'll show your relationship the same respect that you've shown mine so far.

"Number two, and this is the most important of the two; I refuse to give up my daughter. I'm going to assume Sandy will receive primary custody of Robin. If you and Sandy become a couple, I never want to have a dispute where Robin is concerned. Robin stays my daughter and she continues to see my parents, her grandparents.

"If you agree with my conditions, Sandy and I will start proceedings to separate. Give us a little time to arrange it, it's going to be tough on Robin at first. But if everybody behaves, we can ease her pain and help her understand she's not losing our love. What do you say?"

Roger agreed. Sandy and I did separate and eventually divorced when it became apparent that Roger and Sandy had something she and I never shared, that lustful romantic love of two people who belong together. Sandy and Robin took Roger up to Chicago to meet her parents and even spent an afternoon meeting my folks. My mom and dad were worried and upset when I called them with the news. They always liked Sandy and hoped that we'd stay together as a family. But I prepped them before Roger showed up at their door and by the time Sandy, Robin and Roger left, my parents were wishing them all the best; although dad told me mom didn't stop crying for an hour after the door closed.

Sandy and Roger got married in a small ceremony at Roger's church. Roger's parents were puzzled by our unique relationship, but they loved Sandy and Robin. Still, I think they were taken back when I gave away the bride. It was amusing to watch their friends' reactions whenever I was introduced as Sandy's ex at the reception. I didn't want to wear out my welcome, after an hour I took Robin to my new home (a half mile from where Roger and Sandy made their home) and the newlyweds went to the Virgin Islands for their honeymoon.

So when Robin told Sandy about my new relationship with Tess, Sandy reacted with the same enthusiasm I showed for her and Roger.

Tess and I continued to date and continued to find out how well matched we were to each other; similar, but not exact ideas related to religion, politics, family and the other important values. Only one aspect of a committed, long-term relationship remained, sex. For the first six weeks we only kissed, cuddled or allowed our hands to wander a bit, we took it slow until the Friday night we exchanged our first 'I love you'.

We were dining out when Tess said "I love you" as I fed her a spoonful of Tiramisu. I didn't hesitate. "I love you, Tess. I don't know why I waited so long to tell you."

Tess smiled and took my hand, "Can we go to your place tonight? First we have to stop at my apartment, I have an overnight bag packed."

We didn't finish the Tiramisu. I threw a wad of bills on the table, enough for dinner and at least a 50% tip before practically pulling Tess out to catch a cab. A quick stop at her place, then to my apartment.

We were naked within ten minutes of closing the door behind us. Damn, her body was something out of a fantasy, the most perfect breasts I had ever seen, her nipples hard and pointed. A flat stomach, but no 'six-pack abs' thank goodness, long legs between pretty feet and a perfect ass. What really surprised me were the extras; Tess had a stud through her belly button, a Chinese character tattoo on her upper back and her pubic area was shaved. She was a naked, walking wet dream.

I did my best to go slow. I played with her nipples and licked her clit, it was my first time eating a woman that shaved bare down there. After her first orgasm she grabbed my cock and asked me to "make love" to her; that's how she put it.

"What about birth control? In all my excitement I forgot to buy condoms."

"I went on the pill last month anticipating this; the same day that I shaved for you. I knew we'd get here eventually and I didn't want anything to come between us or mess up this moment."

So I entered her and did my best to hold off my orgasm. I was partially successful, lasting a few minutes before blowing my first load. Luckily, I was so worked up that I stayed hard and we went right back at it.

Here's the thing. Tess told me she only had three lovers before me and that none of them were long term or especially experienced. But Tess blew my socks off that night. My own experience consisted of Sandy and three other women in college and none of them lost control like Tess. It was as if having my cock inside her was the most wondrous thing in her world and as best as I could tell, she wasn't acting.

We made love and we fucked for hours, fell asleep and started up the next morning. She wore me out. Thank goodness we had to meet her parents for Sunday service. I had a hard time looking her father in the eye considering some of the things we did on Saturday.

The sex was so great, Tess was so sensuous and wild, the belly button jewelry, tattoo and bare snatch; all of it made me wonder for the first time if Tess was telling me the whole truth of who she was and where she had been.

But I let my doubts go; Tess and I became engaged within a month and planned to marry the next summer. There wasn't an issue with both of us working for the same bank because we worked in different divisions. Well, there was an issue and I'll get to that later, but it didn't have anything to do with official bank personnel policy.

As I said earlier, I was on the fast track to becoming the next COO at the bank. One reason for my rise was my success in streamlining and automating operations, thereby saving the bank tons of money. The other reason was more personal; Roy Johnson, the bank president and majority stockholder, took a shine to me. He was a great guy to work for, kind of a poppa bear, in his early sixties with a great business sense matched by his sense of humor.

Within weeks of my arrival in Austin I was spending almost every Saturday afternoon as his guest at the golf club. Roy also adored Sandy and was almost as broken up about our split as my parents. He seemed happy for me the following year when I told him Tess and I were dating. He even was a big help in improving my relationship with my future father-in-law when he asked Henry to join our foursome at the club whenever one of the regulars couldn't make it; major brownie points for me.

Plans for the June wedding were progressing. Due to the Baker's religious beliefs Tess kept her apartment and we kept our sex life private. Which isn't to say it wasn't spectacular; we experimented with new positions and fantasies. Tess continued to amaze me with her acceptance of most anything I introduced.

I didn't think I'd get any sleep the night I pulled a dildo out of my nightstand. We were in a sixty-nine, me eating Tess's shaved crotch, Tess sucking my cock when I pulled the 8" silicon dick out and started to tease her labia. On previous occasions I took the opportunity to put one or two fingers in her cunt while eating her. But this was different, the dido had a big head and Tess could feel the difference.

"What's going on back there?" she asked after removing her mouth from my cock.

I answered by shoving the dildo up her sex canal; she was wet from my oral ministrations and the toy traveled at least seven inches until it stopped at her cervix. I knew she'd love this because every time my cock hit her cervix, it drove Tess wild. While the dildo was pressed against her cervix I raked my teeth on her clit. Tess squealed and suddenly the dildo went in that final inch. I was rewarded with a mouth full of Tess's cum.

Tess turned around, grabbed the dildo and threw it off the bed. "Fuck me!" she said before sitting on my stiff cock. She rode it as she kissed me, seeming to get off on the taste of her own cum. She actually licked my entire mouth and chin relishing her taste.

We screwed that night until I couldn't get it up any more and then Tess grabbed the dildo and asked me to give her another orgasm. I gently bit her nipples while ramming the fake dick in and out of her cunt. She came again and I thought I could fall asleep now. As I passed out Tess was still wanking away with the toy. What a night. I hid the damn thing away after that night but had to bring it out of the closet about a month later when Tess asked for it.

Did I create a monster or was this who she always was?

The wedding was fantastic, all issues with Tess's parents were resolved and they were especially pleased when I told them that all of our children would become Methodists, not Catholics. Henry even seemed happy when he gave away the bride. Robin was the flower girl (yes, Sandy and Roger were invited and attended), Jeff Owens was my best man.

Tess and I honeymooned on South Beach in Miami, days on the beach and evenings at the great restaurants and nightclubs. Tess shocked the shit out of me when she suggested we visit the nude beach just north of the city. She read about Haulover Beach, a county park that allowed nude sunbathing. Neither of us had been to a nude beach and didn't know what to expect, you read stories where people are having sex on the beach, etc.