I Need More

Scared? Wouldn't you be? After twenty-years of marriage -- happy, good marriage -- it's comes to this. And it's not like our sex life hasn't been great at times. We have sex most days. Good sex, fun sex. We have the emotional connection. My husband is my soul mate. My best friend. I tell him everything. Well, almost everything. How can I tell him this?

Through our whole life it's been all about me. Everything he does is to support me and build me up. Even through the tough times when I was unbearable, pushing him away, he still encouraged me. How selfish am I now to say that it's not enough.

I want more. More excitement. Like I said. Sex is great with him. We have fun and passion, and orgasms are like cake recipes, I have tons and they're all delicious. When we make love, my butt in the air, he driving into me from behind, it's like magic. I feel so close to him. But it's not enough. When we're done, we move on. We don't think back to the feelings and emotions. We... I need something to bring that emotional state into our lives.

It's time for a change. He and I aren't enough. We need more. I need more.

I'm a bitch, right? A horrible person. I know. That's something that hasn't changed. I've always been a horrible person. Draining Chad's life. Holding him back because he is safety. Even though I do everything he wants in bed to the point of submissiveness, It's still always about me. When he forces me down on my knees and sticks his cock in my mouth, I love it, and he knows it. When he makes me touch myself down there, my nervous anxiety pushing me over the edge, I cum hard. He makes me cum. In control, but driving my needs, and I hate myself more every time.

After all, what do I have to offer? Fat thighs and a big ass? Sure I have big boobs, and he loves them, taking every opportunity to grab and fondle my sensitive nipples. But that's just it? He acts on his urges to grab them, then spends ten minutes doing what he knows I like with them. Kneading them, focusing on my nipples, pushing them together so his teeth can brush against both areolas at the same time. He's a skilled lover and I don't deserve him.

Yet, I want more.

Tonight. It has to be tonight. I will tell him. I'm so afraid. He might yell. He might hit me. Throw me out. Not that he's ever done that before. He'll know I'm a deranged weirdo. Just like I've always known. But I have to do it. I've realized that we women aren't spiritual people like we so often boast. We are driven by Biology just like every other living creature and no matter what expectations I've tried to meet, I can't get past that simple fact. Sorry Mom, Dad. Hate to say it Pastor and friends. I'm not that women you think you know.

And Chad? I'm not the woman you love. I'm just a filthy bitch who you love too much to give her what she needs. So I'm gonna make it happen. I'm sorry. Someday, you'll realize what an awful wife I am and maybe then you'll do it.

I can do this. I will do this. I just need some courage. That's asking a lot from such a wimp. I need help. So I log on to a site I found in Chad's history. One with every kind of porn imaginable. He doesn't know I found it and I'm very careful to hide.

My hands slide into my shorts, underneath my sheer panties, finding a moist opening as I pull up my favorite video. My breath is already ragged. The bedroom mirror next to me reflects a chubby face almost as red as my hair. My seductive eyes half open as I peer at myself.

On the monitor a scene opens in a typical suburban bedroom. A large, muscled man embraces a beautiful woman in a robe. She has long, blond hair and a thin waste. From the angle, you can't see much of her front, but I know her luscious boobs are firm and round. They kiss with him pulling her head back by the hair. Just like Chad does to me. They disrobe and he pushes her down onto the bed. A brief flicker from a wedding ring catches my eye.

The man takes of his robe and he's naked, half erect penis wagging in front of him. The woman looks back and licks her lips. She want's that cock. She needs it. As his mouth traces kisses up her calves, I stroke myself, feeling the slick coating inside me. He reaches her butt and nibbles, drawing a gasp from the woman and me. He moves up her body and pulls hard on her hair, forcing her mouth to his and ravages her lips.

I stick my finger deeper, reaching for that spot and caress as he enters her from behind. Pushing her head down, he slaps her ass and drives deep. She appears to look at someone off camera, staring at an unknown participant.

The man doesn't care, he keeps thrusting, the force shaking the bed and causing ripples in her ass. She's nearing orgasm and so am I. The flood of pleasure increases as I rub two fingers over my love spot and press. I can't tell the difference between her moans and my own. I'm so close. I need release. Now three fingers rubbing and pinching me, my arms are shaking with exertion.

The man grinds his pelvis into her ass and pulls her hips to him. With a final thrust she screams, a powerful orgasm ripping through her body. He slows his pounding, filling her with long, slow strokes as she comes down.

Through it all, she never looks away from the offscreen person. She's taunting someone. Showing them what they can't have. It's erotic.

I rip down my shorts and dive in with both hands. Two fingers inside me, my hips thrusting upwards to meet them. want to cum. I need to cum.

In the video, the man pulls out, his cock dripping with both of their juices. He points it in the direction that the woman is looking toward and the camera pans over. It's his wife, kneeling with thighs spread and her ass on her heals. She has one hand mauling her own breast and another one stroking her clit which is on display.

The look on her face starts my orgasm with a tremble. A mix of lust, love and loathing as she fingers herself to orgasm then crawls over to her husband, licking the mix of love juices off his cock. The other woman laughs at her, slapping her ass.

No words are spoken, but my trembling body understands as wave after wave forces my mind to go blank. I no longer see the video. Just myself. Cleaning my husband's cock.

I want this, and tonight I will tell him.