Ohio, 2002
When I look at our family now, more than forty years later, at our two daughters, now married with families, I see both myself and my wife in them. My wife's dark straight hair, pale skin, blue eyes, petite frame, shy smile; my own turned up nose on one and lighter hair and dimples on the other.
But our son is different. He doesn't look much like me at all. He's tall, broad-shouldered, square jawed, with a handsome look of rugged masculinity about him. I am short, rather scrawny, and was never good at sports. He was the star of the high school sports team. In college, he was known to be quite the ladies' man. He eventually went on to be successful in business and is now the general manager of a large manufacturing company. Any father would be proud of such a son, and I am proud of him, but he is not my natural son. He is my wife's son and his father is my former boss when I worked as an engineer at H&M Municipal from 1953-1995.
My wife Cathy and I were high school sweethearts. We met when she was a sophomore and I was a junior. We went to prom together and had our first kiss there. We were crazy about each other and very much in love. I wasn't the tallest or strongest or most handsome boy in school but Cathy was young and innocent and loved my sense of humor. I thought she was gorgeous, sweet and clever. We married right out of high school in 1949. I graduated college in 1952 and got my first engineering job at H&M Municipal a year later. Two beautiful baby girls soon followed and then we bought a home together.
It would seem that we had everything, but our married life was not without problems too. Cathy stopped wanting to have sex with me both times she was pregnant and didn't like to do it as much after that. Something had changed in her. Sex between us had usually been intimate with lots of kissing and cuddling but it didn't generally last very long and she seemed increasingly unsatisfied. My penis was not very large and increasingly I began to feel insecure about this. I now began to remember the insecurity I had felt in school locker rooms when my small stature and scrawniness were most apparent, and how the larger bullies used to taunt me.
The doctors said Cathy's changes had something to do with female "hormones" and that it was normal. I loved my wife and the majority of our time together was as good as it had always been and I accepted it because I loved her. She was a mother now, I was a father, and it made sense that our greatest devotion and focus was now on raising our two young daughters.
Ohio, 1959
My direct supervisor this time at H&M Municipal was a man named Robert. He was my boss and direct superior in the company. He was tall, broad-shouldered, muscular, and a little older. He was also quick-witted and clever. I liked him but confess I envied him in some ways as well for these qualities that I lacked. It made me think again about how I had felt in comparison to other boys in school.
It was at the annual company party that Cathy and Robert first met. It was the first time since having kids that Cathy had really gone anywhere alone with me but she wanted to go this year, so we left the girls with a local teenager to babysit. Robert was married with kids as well but he didn't bring his wife along and in fact Cathy was one of the few women there who didn't work for the company, though a few other employees also brought their wives. Cathy and Robert seemed to hit it off and we all sat together and made plentiful conversation. I tried to tell myself it was silly but as I sat with them I noticed an energy between them that carried the conversation. Cathy laughed when he made a joke and had a hard time recovering herself. I tried to add to the conversation but couldn't think of what to say and when I did get a word in it seemed irrelevant and uninteresting. I found myself sitting there with myself and my wife on one side of the table and Robert on the other, but felt unnoticed. I felt insecure and emasculated by the situation but couldn't think what to do. I didn't want to seem insecure so I just sat there unsure what to do, nodding and smiling along with them as if I was really a part of their conversation. Cathy began to drink champagne and so did I, although I was looking for an opportunity to leave. When others finally began to leave later in the evening, I finally stood up and said we had to go. Cathy was more than a little drunk by this point and protested that she was having too much fun talking to Robert but I apologized on her behalf and helped escort her out. Robert was a gentleman and walked us out and thanked us for coming. Thankfully most of the others at the party had left by this point or Cathy's intoxicated behavior, though not overtly risquΓ©, would have been cause for gossip.
We didn't speak much on the way home but my head felt like it was whirling. I felt all kinds of emotions washing over me, most of all an overpowering jealousy over the way Cathy had devoted seemingly all her attention to Robert at the party while I had sat impotently next to them and said hardly anything the entire time. Just as then I felt I could hardly think straight.
When we arrived back at the house and the babysitter had left, and after checking on our two girls already in their room, we went to our own bedroom. I got her undressed and we sat down on the bed together with the lights on. I could smell the liquor on her breath and despite my jealousy I was suddenly very turned on. She said she had a wonderful evening talking to Robert and kept asking why I seemed upset about something. I tried to say I had a good time too, but it was obvious I hadn't and couldn't even smile as I said it, turning away.
"Oh what, are you jealous? Are you jealous of Robert and how much we talked at the party?" she then said in a mocking tone, sneering at me.
"No, I'm not jealous, Catherine. Why would I be jealous?" I retorted as it was all I could think of to say, but I still couldn't look at her.
"Well I think you're jealous, James," she said. "You're jealous of how much we talked while you just sat there."
Her words hit home, articulating even while drunk what I had wished and imagined wasn't noticeable to anyone else, and I felt angry and horny at the same time. Suddenly I turned around and grabbed her, getting on top of her on the bed. "I'm not jealous," I said again as I lay on her, my throbbing penis pressed against her leg and probing her pussy with my hand. It was wetter than I had ever felt it before.
"Well maybe you should be, James. Maybe I liked the attention he showed me tonight. He is an awfully good looking guy," she began to taunt me in a slurred voice as I entered her with my penis and made furious, frantic thrusts, quickly ejaculating inside her.
In the following days when we talked about that night she at first denied remembering much about it but eventually admitted she remembered most of it. I tried to forget what had happened and move on with our life as normal, but the thought that she had been so attracted to Robert ate away at me. I saw Robert almost every day at work and was reminded that my wife clearly desired him. When he enquired about her after the party, I replied simply that she was doing well. I felt like telling him off for monopolizing her in front of everyone at the party but I again didn't want to look weak and insecure.