The First Time I Watched

Not that it matters, but most of what follows is true.

Let me start by sketching the background to the memory I am about to share, I'm 70, and I've been married for 45 years to Kate. When we met at university in 1974, she was quite promiscuous, though not much more than a lot of the other girls we knew. She was not at all slutty. In fact she was very ladylike and quite intellectual - very much the product of an exclusive private boarding school.

But she loved sex. She had a rather masculine attitude to it, really. If a fuck was on offer she'd take it with no sense of emotional commitment. In fact before we got together she hadn't really been interested in steady boyfriends. Instead, she had a few 'friends with benefits', who fucked her regularly but were not really boyfriends, and she'd had a lot of one night stands.

That changed when we met, because we quickly formed a strong commitment to one another. But she was not inclined to give up sex with other guys, and I didn't want her to. From the outset she was very open about her sexual career, not excluding her most recent exploits, which she described with some relish and in great detail. This really turned me on. Fifty years later I still can't really explain why, but the image of her giving herself to other guys was deliriously arousing for me, and even as our relationship deepened I made sure she understood that I had no trouble at all if she wanted to continue in her promiscuous ways and take her pleasure with other guys.

Of course there were some changes. After we began to go steady she didn't sleep with as many guys as she had before we met, if only because we were sleeping together most nights. But she did still take opportunities when they arose, and they arose quite a few times. We both lived in residential colleges on campus, and there was a lot of casual sex to be had. There were a lot of good-looking boys around, and lot of those boys fucked her, including quite a few guys who I knew from around campus. She still slept with some of her old friends with benefits occasionally, and had a few one night stands as well. I guess in the first year of our relationship she'd been with about a dozen other guys overall.

A few times I enjoyed her fresh from some other guy's arms, and soon after his cock had been inside her. She came to my college bedroom, and into my bed, straight from someone's bed after he'd fucked her. She had a little phrase she used when she did this. She'd creep into my room [she had a key] and shimmy out of her clothes and climb naked into my bed, and then snuggling up to me she'd whisper in my ear 'Ive just been a very naughty girl.' And then she'd ask 'Would you like to take your turn with me now?' And I was always very eager! So, I got used to fucking her when skin smelt of another guys sweat and her pussy was full of another guy's semen. This was all before AIDS and she was always on the pill, so she never used condoms and always loved the feeling of a mans bare cock inside her hand his semen in her body. And I loved it all too.

Naturally, amidst all this we talked a bit about how hot it would be for me to watch her with another guy, but we never thought of really doing anything to make it happen, and for a long time the opportunity did not arise. Until one night, about a year after we got together...

We'd been to a big party in my college with a lot of our friends, and a few of us went back to one guy' s room afterwards to keep drinking and dancing. We both knew this guy quite well, but he was not a really close friend - and just to be clear, he was not one of the boys that Kate had been wth before. His name was Gavin. He and Kate had been dancing together at the party earlier in the evening, and I had noticed that during a few slow numbers they had snuggled and made out a bit. But I hadn't paid much attention - that kind of thing was normal enough for everyone in those days and didn't necessarily mean anything. I'd been doing the same myself with girls I'd been dancing with. We both made a point of not monopolising one another on such occasions.

When we got to Gavin's room around 1 am, he put on a tape of some music - that was the technology of the day back then! We all started to dance, and drink some more. There were about eight or nine of us to start with. He and Kate were mostly dancing with one another while I danced with another girl. Some of the songs were slow and we were all dancing close and making out a bit, including Kate and Gavin. But one by one the others drifted off to their rooms. Eventually, about an hour after we had got to Gavin's room, there were just the three of us still there - Kate, Gavin and me. As the last of the others to leave closed the door behind them, Kate was slowly swaying around the room in Gavin's arms to a slow James Taylor song. I was sitting on the floor with my back against the wall, where I'd subsided after my dance partner left. It was late, and I was pretty drowsy and ready for bed, and I was assuming that Kate was too. So I expected that when the song finished, she and I would leave too and head to my room, and my bed.

But that is not what happened. When the James Taylor song ended, another slow number followed - it was Simon and Garfunkel's 'Bridge over Troubled Water' - and Gavin and Kate just kept on swaying around the room in one another's arms with the music. I was a little surprised, I guess, that Kate wanted to prolong her cuddles with Gavin at that late hour. What I didn't know then, but learned later from Kate, was that she and Gavin had gone a bit further than I'd realised at the college party earlier in the evening. Out on the dance floor Gavin had thrust his leg between Kate's parted thighs and she had responded by grinding her pussy against him. And she had eagerly pressed her body against the erection she could plainly feel through his pants. And at some stage they had found a secluded corner and went a bit further still, kissing deeply and feeling one another up through their clothes. So by the time we all retired to Gavin's room, they both had the idea of fucking one another very much on their mind. Had I known this I would not have been so surprised by what happened next.

I was idly watching Kate and Gavin as they danced, but not paying much attention to what they were doing, when I saw Gavin slide his hand up under Kate's top and reach for her breast. My breath stopped as I watched him begin to caress her breast through her bra. After a second Kate raised her head from Gavin's shoulder and looked up at him, then raised her face to meet his and they began to kiss - really kiss, deeply - as they swayed gently around his room to the rhythm of the music. Looking up at them from the floor I was jolted awake by the realisation of what was happening. I should explain that Kate loved to have her breasts stoked and fondled, even more than most women, and I knew that she would be completely turned on by what Gavin was doing under her top.

I gazed up at them, transfixed by what I was seeing. And soon, as I watched, and without breaking the kiss, Kate slid one hand behind her back and up under her top, and with a dextrous twitch unhooked her bra, which now hung loose from her shoulders. I saw how Gavin immediately pushed her bra cups out of the way and began to knead and caress her bare breasts. She in response thrust her chest forward in the way women do, pressing her tits into his hands, and at the same time giving out one of those soft mewing moans that are as good as saying out loud 'Im really turned on now and I need you to fuck me'.

Oddly enough, considering all the things I watched over the next 15 or 20 minutes, one of the most arousing recollections I have of that evening is at this moment, when Kate and Gavin are still swaying around the room to Bridge over Troubled Water [I still get hard when I hear it] with Gavin's hands up Kate's top. Her top was a very soft, rather snug-fitting cashmere cardigan which clung to her body. When she'd undone her bra and Gavin had pushed it up and out of his way, I could see her breasts, quite large and beautifully shaped, clearly outlined by the clinging cashmere. And I could likewise see, outlined under the fabric, Gavin's hands as they moved over Kate's breasts, squeezing and hefting and stroking and twitching her nipples as they kissed.

And while I couldn't actually see his hands on her breasts, I could see what was the effect on her, see her melting in his arms, see her face take on that look, and see her movements becoming more and more languorous as she moved her body against his, see him taking control of her. Thinking back on this scene is one of my vividest erotic memories.

It went on for quite a while too - several minutes, which feels like a long time in such a situation. I think things would have moved faster at this point if I had not been there. Gavin was probably not sure what was happening. He was perhaps wondering whether Kate could really be happy for him to fuck her with me watching. And he was maybe wondering too whether he really wanted to have me as an audience while he fucked her. As for Kate - she was in no hurry. She was enjoying the moment, and [as she told me later] she had already decided what she wanted to happen.

So they swayed around the room, Kate's hands clasped lightly around Gavin's neck, which of course lifted her breasts beautifully, his hands on her breasts beneath her top, his wrists pushing up the hem of her top to reveal her smooth belly, their mouths locked in a lingering lascivious kiss, me still sitting on the floor looking up at them, watching intently. But they were oblivious to me, completely absorbed in one another.

Then the song came to its end, and the music stopped. It was the end of the tape, and in the ensuing silence there was a pause. Gavin and Kate broke their kiss and looked at one another for a moment. Then Kate turned her head and looked at me. Our eyes met. Gavin's hands were still stroking her breasts, Kate's arms were still around his neck... she didn't say anything, just kind of half smiled at me in a slightly distant, distracted way, then turned back to Gavin and whispered something in his ear. He said something back. She never told me exactly what was said, but I am pretty sure she asked if he minded if I stayed to watch what they were about to do together. I suppose he must have said that he didn't mind. In the years since then I've often wondered what would have happened if he'd given a different answer. I imagine Kate gently turning back to me and - without removing her arms from around Gavin's neck, or his hands from her breasts - gently asking me to leave so that Gavin could fuck her undisturbed. I imagine myself getting to my feet and slipping out of the room, leaving them together. I find this a curiously exciting thought.

But that is not what happened. Instead, whatever passed between them as they whispered to one another, Kate turned back to me again. This time she smiled much more broadly and, well, conspiratorially. I sometimes seem to recall that she actually winked at me, but that might be my imagination. She didn't say anything, but her look made it clear that I should stay and watch, and enjoy. But she wasn't asking my permission!

And then, as she turned back to face Gavin again, she reached down with both hands and swiftly pulled her top up over her head and tossed it towards me. Her loose bra came off with it and she now stood before Gavin naked to the waist, her breasts beautifully displayed, and now I could see Gavin's hands cradling them. Seeing his hands on her bare breasts took my breath away. She squared her shoulders and thrust her chest forward, proudly displaying herself to him, and bringing her hands up under each breast she gently eased them forward, offering them, and with them her whole body, to Gavin for his enjoyment.

Gavin bent forward to kiss Kate's proffered breasts. For a long moment she cradled his head in her arms, holding his face to her breasts as he nuzzled her. But now she wanted to move ahead. Taking the lead, she drew Gavin across the room towards his bed and tumbled them both down onto the bedspread. A brief flurry of limbs left Gavin lying on his back and Kate crouching over him, straddling him with one knee on each side of his hips, her thighs parted, leaning forward over him, supporting herself with her hands on the pillow either side of his head, and her breasts hanging down over is face. He was kissing and licking her nipples as they dangled in front of him, his lips grazing the soft swelling flesh, his tongue sliding lewdly over her perfect pink areolas, his teeth gently nibbling her erect nipples.

But my attention was now focused on what he was doing under Kate's skirt. Her skirt was mid-calf length and cut rather full, so it hung loosely around her legs. It was easy for Gavin to slide his hands up her parted legs as she perched above him to caress her bum and reach for her cunt. And that is what he did.

Again, I couldn't see Gavin's hands, but I watched the way the fabric of Kate's skirt bulged and rippled as they slithered up her thighs, one hand going round the back to fondle her buttocks while the other slipped, palm upwards, up her inner thigh, under her panties and into the soft, furry folds of her pussy. I could see by the way Kate's hips moved that she was really responding to the feeling of his fingers exploring her cunt, sliding along her already very moist lips, and probing up into her vagina. Because of the way she was crouched over him with her knees either side of him, her thighs were quite widely spread and har cunt was open to him, but as she felt him fingering her she shifted her knees further apart to present her cunt to him more fully. Her small, taut body was arched above Gavin, as she held her head up and her shoulders back to thrust her breasts towards his questing lips and tongue and teeth, while she thrust her hips back and up to meet his hand as his fingers delved into her vagina.

At this point I heaved myself up off the floor and sat on the only chair in the room, which was at Gavin's desk. It was only about three metres from the bed. A lot was going through my mind. On the one hand, of course, I was incredibly turned on and so excited to have a chance to watch Kate being fucked, as I now knew beyond doubt was about to happen. On the other hand I was more jealous than I expected to be at the sight of my girlfriend (and already my presumed life partner) giving herself to another man, so eagerly offering him her body, so obviously enjoying the feeling of his hands and lips on her, so eager and even desperate for the sensation of having his cock inside her, and so eager to give him the pleasure of fucking her. And I was unexpectedly affected by the way her body moved in response to his touch, the look on her face of lust and abandonment, the moans and sighs and whimpers...it was much more intense than I had expected, even before they were fully naked and fucking. But, just to be clear, the jealousy was completely without a hint of anger.... I didn't at all resent what Kate was doing, I was loving it, and I was loving watching it, and the powerful feelings of jealousy and lust just reinforced and amplified each other.

Naturally things began to move faster from this point. For a few moments, maybe a minute, Kate stayed crouched over Gavin while he fingered her cunt under her skirt and inside her panties, and sucked her tits. Then once again, Kate took the initiative. She swung herself off Gavin and stood up beside the bed. With a swift flurry of fabric she shed her skirt, dropping it to the floor around her feet, and then slid her panties down her thighs and onto the floor too. Stepping lightly away from them she stood for a moment quite naked between me in the chair and Gavin on the bed. I love to recall that moment with her naked between two fully clothed guys. She glanced at me for just as second, our eyes meeting. Nothing was said, and her look really just acknowledged my presence, and it seemed to me that her mind was totally absorbed by what she was doing with Gavin. I found that look, the hint of indifference to me that it seemed to convey at the moment she had stripped herself naked to be enjoyed by Gavin, was unsettling and even a bit humiliating but also, of course, oh, so arousing.

After that brief glance Kate turned back to Gavin and, taking him by both hands, she drew him upright so that he too was standing upright beside the bed. Gavin tore his shirt off while Kate undid his belt and his fly and pushed his jeans down to his ankles. He bent down and, with an awkward shuffling with shoes and socks, he got free of his clothes. His hard cock had sprung into view as Kate had pushed his pants down. This was a very memorable moment for me because it was the first time I'd seen an man's cock erect, even in photos - there was no internet back then! He had an average size cock I guess, but it looked awesome. It was amazing to see this organ thrusting out from his loins, jutting upwards, with a slight upward curve, and his balls hanging down beneath it. I was absolutely riveted by the sight. I had [or at least had no awareness of] any bi tendencies, but I was so impressed by the way he looked...and I was so struck by the thought that this part of him that was going to be sliding into my girlfriends cunt, gliding deep into her body, up into her dark recesses...and this was what was going to give her pleasure, this was what she wanted inside her. And his balls, hanging heavy in his sac, full of the sperm he was about to pump into her. And as if to emphasise this, as he stood there next to the bed, naked in front of Kate, she reached forward and took his splendid cock in both hands and squeezed and caressed and stroked him and fondled his balls. 'Yes', she seemed to be saying, 'I want your wonderful cock to enter me, and I want your semen inside me.'

Gavin reached forward and slid his hand between Kate's legs. She moved her feet apart to open her thighs a little and he fingered her cunt as she stood there. And at that moment he turned to look at me, and acknowledge my presence for the first time since all this had begun. I often recollect the look he gave me at that moment, with his fingers in my girlfriend's cunt, and his cock cradled in her hands. His expression was not hard to read. 'Yes,' it said. I'm going to fuck your girlfriend while you just sit and watch.' But Kate didn't look at me at all - all her attention was focused on Gavin's hard cock This is another of the moments that is burned into my memory, and I often recall it today as I masturbate myself.

After just a couple of seconds of this they fell back onto the bed in one another's arms, and for a while they were just a tangle of limbs as they kissed and enjoyed the feeling of each other's naked bodies against one another...all that skin on skin. Then Kate disentangled herself and knelt on the bed and began to lick Gavin's cock as she cradled his balls. Kate was never really into cock-sucking - she was always too impatient to get a man inside her cunt to want to spend much time with his cock in her mouth. But she did quite like to lick a man's cock, and it was so delicious to see her little tongue slide up the underside of his shaft and twirl around the head of his cock... and as she knelt there over him, with him squeezing her tits as they hung down, I could see peeping between her thighs her crisp sweet hairy cunt all ready for him.

At this point I was of course beside myself with lust, and without really thinking I stood up and dropped my pants and kicked off my shoes. I was completely erect of course and I stood there for a moment in my shirt with my cock sticking out and I grasped it and squeezed it and began to stroke. Both Kate and Gavin looked over at me briefly, and then went back to focusing on one another. I stayed standing there like that during what followed, naked from the waist down, a few meters from the two of them on the bed. Looking back I think part of what made me do that, display myself like that, was that I wanted to, so to speak, 'stake my claim' to 'take my turn' with Kate once Gavin had finished in her. Because by this time I was more desperate to do that than I'd ever been to do anything else in my life!