How High A Price A Step Further

Please read 'How high a Price?' in the Loving Wives section by The Troubador before reading this ending.

This is my meager attempt to take this drama a step further.

Susan wept for release. Her mind was reeling replaying what she knew happened, with what Early, her injured husband, had just said.

Guilt and fear were tensing her stomach with a knot of pain the likes of which she had never believed possible. She was bordering on being sick and heaving. The tears would stop briefly and then start again. She remained, shaking and sobbing, in the living room chair unable to move as her head reeled. Her emotions oozed guilt for hurting Early. Her greatest accomplishment in life had been meeting and marrying Early. He was her rock, her life's companion, her husband and her best friend, her sunshine.

This was all now in doubt and it was due to her actions!

Early said that I was thinking, and trying to live, a contradiction. My gratitude for John's help seemed in proportion at the time it was offered. Now it was clear that it was a horrible mistake. Is there anything I can do to prove to Early that I am trustworthy? Furthermore, how did I get to this place? Susan's troubled mind looped these thoughts again and again. She remained huddled in the chair nearly catatonic with the emotional storm cloud rocking her emotions to their limits.

Early had stepped out on the patio, tears filling his eyes and falling to the wood patio deck below. His head pointed down, his eyes were staring at the wood, and he imagined he'd cry himself a puddle, no matter what course his life would take. He was trying to imagine how Susan could have brought herself to that point in her life that she could betray him and ignore her marriage contract. He was angry and hurt. These thoughts swirled over and over and over again changing little. He was suddenly hit with the realization that Susan had wept, but her words were all defensive. She didn't think to say she was sorry. Then he remembered Susan telling him, "But it didn't mean anything, Early. I am still all here, nothing in me is changed. I love you totally. I AM yours." Nothing in her has changed. She has been capable of this betrayal mentally all along, and but for the justification and opportunity it had not occurred before, or had it?

Early continued to silently weep staining more boards. Was he blind to some character flaw that could allow her this betrayal? Suddenly he remembered who he was professionally. He was a corporate troubleshooter. Could the skills he used at work be put to work to save his relationship with Susan? It would be the most difficult problem he could imagine to have to solve. It involved everything that was dear to him. Again, he began to sob now. He thought that he was only capable of such intense hurt from a death. Indeed, when his father passed away just 3 years ago, he had sobbed intensely, just like this. His response today was proportional to the damage he felt was done to his marriage and to his future.

Susan was all he had. They never had children. They focused their attention and energy on themselves and their careers. If he lost her, which, he might, he would lose everything that meant anything to him in a profoundly personal way. He mustn't let that happen through laxity on his part. The relationship may not be recoverable, but he was going to try to salvage it, if he could, and if Susan wanted to too. Susan had been his everything, she still was in his heart, and that is why the betrayal was such a damaging blow to him. He had to try. He could not turn off twelve years of his genuine love and devotion despite what Susan had done. Emotions flood on their own and point to a rational base. He must seek that base and reaffirm it again, if he could.

The sobs began to ebb and an intense desire to salvage his marriage slowly began to form and to direct his minds eye from just feeling the awful hurt, to a take action mode, where he could use rational logic to move from this horrible emotional pit of doom.

Now, he set himself the goal of salvaging his marriage to Susan, if that would be the proper thing to do. A final judgment was still undecided concerning that. He was truly torn in half. Half of him wanted to take Susan in his arms and hug her with love as tightly as he could. The other half wanted to shake her silly and just walk away. His heart certainly wanted, no desperately yearned for, saving his marriage to the woman he had so earnestly loved these many years.

Whenever Early sought to solve a corporate problem, he had formed a habit of asking a multitude of questions. He realized that he must first ask for an accurate description of the events. It would bring him both angst and ultimately relief. It was all necessary to move beyond the hurt.

Early took a huge breath of fresh air. As he exhaled, he imagined that he was exhaling tension. He needed to think, and his emotions were a definite hindrance. He continued to breathe deeply exhaling tension. It was helping to bring him to a stable center from which he might begin his analysis.

Early recognized that in his first confrontation with Susan, he had done most of the talking. He knew that that would have to change. He needed to understand Susan as well as the situation. He needed facts.

Early looked at his watch. It was now 11:30 am. A full hour and a half since Susan had arrived home. He stood and reluctantly reentered the room he had last seen and heard Susan. She was still in the chair he had left her in. She looked glum and had stopped sobbing. Her eyes averted his eyes, she stared at the floor and waited for him to speak. Early took the couch across from Susan and sat on the edge, ready to listen attentively, or leave abruptly, that would be up to Susan. Early was fighting his impulse to just ravage her with cruel words. But, he thought, he mustn't do that. He truly wanted to understand, although he believed he never would, how what happened, happened. So, in a forced calm voice and with deliberate fight for control of each word and emotion Early said, "I need you to tell me, in the greatest detail you can, what happened from Wednesday until you came home this morning."

Susan didn't stir and remained silent.

Early continued his fight to remain patient.

Susan finally began to speak with a clear, but subdued voice, "Early, I love you and only you. I am yours yesterday, today, and in our futures whether you choose to accept that or not. I had promised to John that I would never tell a soul about our time together. I will now break that promise to try to save my marriage to you."

Early felt the hairs on his back stand on end just hearing the name John spoken so normally from Susan's lips. Remain patient he reminded him self.

"I am terribly sorry that I've caused you such pain," Susan managed to say before she broke down and cried for a few moments.

Somehow, she gathered her inner strength and continued, "I will relate to you everything that you have asked. I will try to be accurate. I do not know how you can possibly believe what I will relate as being true. You believe that I have lied to you and my actions and words have demonstrated that I am untrustworthy. I do not know how you can possibly believe me unless you agree to allow me to see John again, but this time with you present."

Early's mouth dropped with incredulity. He felt that he would be violent if he ever met the despicable character that Susan seemed somehow enamored with.

Susan continued, "You need not agree now. But after I've related the facts, I will want corroboration from the only one that can give it, John Stickner. He is the only one who knows all that has happened between us. He may want to deny my description of the facts for reasons that will become clear to you in due time, but he is the only one that can vouch for the veracity of this witness."

Early was a powder keg and she nearly set him off with the first few words from her mouth. It took all of his energy to calm himself to ask Susan in a civil tone, "Please continue."

Susan took a huge breath in through her nose and exhaled audibly out her dry mouth before saying, "Wednesday was a very important day for our firm. Two huge and immensely important closings were taking place. As you may recall, I have been working on the Melrose project. I inherited it from another attorney, Jason Clark, who was criminally negligent concerning this client. He took a bad situation and made it considerably worse. He was fired and thrown out of the firm without recommendation. He was blacklisted by the top firms and possibly will have to move from our state if he ever seeks employment as an attorney again."

Susan paused and asked Early, "Could you possibly get me a glass of water. I am all cried out. If I talk, even a little more, without water, I'll never get through this."

Early quickly stood and went to the kitchen for water for both Susan and himself. The movement was helping release a slight amount of his seething anger. He began to repeat a mantra, "Listen, listen, listen," that he said over and over again. He returned and politely handed Susan her refreshment before sitting down again on the couch as before.

Susan eagerly gulped the cool water. It was refreshing. She felt the movement of her body swallowing and somehow wondered if a person ever forgot how to swallow. It was such a simple task, and yet she recalled that occasionally she would swallow "the wrong way" and end up coughing and coughing She hoped that she didn't forget something simple and instead provided Early with a complete picture of all that had happened.

"Thank you," Susan said as she placed her water glass on the table next to her chair. She continued her description, "I was handed the Melrose 'mess' as it was now referred to. I had less than three months to get answers and form documents that would save this failing entity. I worked feverishly with a bunch of uncooperative and even hostile principles. I routinely handed facts about the case to Linda, the senior attorney, who was supposed to know the most about the case. In the preliminary stages, Linda was very helpful and we worked very well together. But then came her surgery. She had to have a complete hysterectomy and she couldn't help when I most needed help. I asked around and everyone else either didn't know anything about the case, or was so swamped with their own workload that they had no time to assist me. I had not asked John Stickner, because he was out of the country. He stopped me in a hallway and said that because he had just got back to town, he hadn't got caught up in anything yet. He said he could spare a few moments to review what I had and where I had to take it."

Susan paused for another sip of water before continuing, "Over the next two days John poured over a good deal of the documents relating to this fiasco. He penned some recommendations. However, we didn't meet in person. All of our collaboration was done via net meeting and phone conversations. He initially steered me in the right direction to handle the case. I was initially headed in another direction and would have eventually discovered my error. However, with John's insight, I saved those weeks of spinning my wheels in the wrong direction. Then, over the course of the next few months, right up to the closing, he reviewed the case and my work. He only reviewed what I asked him to review, He didn't take over the case and become the de facto lead attorney like had happened in two previous cases where other partners 'assisted' me. He kept his involvement to a minimum and allowed me to draft all documents and lead to solution by my own effort. It was an enormous effort from me. I want to say I hope I never have another case that is so terribly fouled up as this one was. One per lifetime is plenty. John had to have put in many hours on the case. Yet, when I reviewed the billing ledger, his name was always absent."

Susan paused again for more water before continuing, "I asked him about that and he said that like the movie 'Pay It Forward' someone had once helped him in a significant way that had changed his life for the better. He simply hoped that with this example I would help someone else out at some other time. He allowed me to take all of the credit for what turned out to be a successful and even profitable conclusion. That Wednesday, when the papers were signed, I received word that I was wanted in Mr. Jensen's office. He greeted me with a big smile and congratulated me with the success in the Melrose case. He hinted that I was next to be made a partner. I was delighted by this news. For as long as I have been at the firm, I have had my eyes on a partnership and had worked everyday with that goal in mind. With that unofficial promise, I was giddy with success. First, was the Melrose case, and now, was a partnership promised. Significantly, I had with my own effort coupled with some good advise of a friend gained stature in the eyes of my firms most important managing partner. It was then that he suggested that I take a few days off as just a little compensation for the efforts he knew were expended. He even suggested that Jennifer take a few days off too. He suggested that I book into the 'Four Seasons' and relax and get pampered and do so at the firms expense."

Early was still caught up in the phrase 'advise of a good friend' as Susan paused again to refresh her parched throat. He had to keep repeating his mantra "listen, listen, listen," to allow this to continue. He was sickened when he heard 'good friend, or John's first name. The word 'Stickner' was a poison causing his anger to rise dangerously. His blood pressure was through the roof. But, he maintained his calm outward composure despite the storm that was raging within him. He had asked and she was relating facts. He just didn't see any virtue in John Stickner whatsoever. How could Susan see him as a friend even now that their marriage was perhaps destroyed by him? It was that simple question that allowed him to suppress his emotions enough that Susan could continue.

Soon, Susan continued her narrative, "I went to tell Jennifer that I was going to book us in the 'Four Season's' for some rest and relaxation when John came up to Jennifer's desk."

"Congratulations Susan! I knew if anyone could make good of Melrose it was you," John said with a smile and a handshake.

"Thank you, I understand congratulations are in order for Spires too," I replied.

"Thanks, We were on the right side of that situation," John admitted.

"Jennifer, Mr. Jensen suggested that you and I deserved some 'Four Season's r&r on the firm. Could you book us for a couple of days," I asked?

John had overheard me and said, "Susan and Jennifer, I am celebrating too, along with the rest of the Spires team. We are calling it 'fun in the sun' and it will be held at my home. I would like to invite you both to join us if you'd like. James, Kathy, Bill, Renee, Thomas, Rita, Debbie, Daniel, Victor and Oscar will be there. I'm catering the food, I have an oversized Jacuzzi, and the pool is delightful this time of year. Of course, the 'Four Seasons' may better meet your relaxation needs. I'll send you each an email invitation with directions and what not and you can think about which would better suit you. I just wanted to let you both know that you'd be welcome to join us if you care to."

Jennifer looked at me, opened her eyes and rapidly shook her head up and down as if to say 'yeah, yeah, yeah,' with just body language. I thought 'Why not?' I had heard that John's house and garden was fabulous and I had missed meeting his wife, Cindy Stickner, the last time there was a get together there. It was a party held after dark and was a much more formal affair that lasted just a few hours and the weather was so dreadful that day.

"John, it looks like you can add two to your guest list," I said.

"I'm glad. I'm looking forward to your both enjoying some time at my home, I'll send you the e-mail with the details and don't forget your swim suits," he said and then left Jennifer and I to high five each other and our good luck today.

"I left word with the receptionist that I would be tied up for a couple of days. It was a standard practice to tell clients that I was in meetings and would return calls. It sounds better than saying that I am busy relaxing in John's Jacuzzi while their important matter must wait. Our receptionist was ill and we had a temp fill in on Thursday and Friday. She was briefly told that we were out of the office for a little r& r, but our calls should be answered like we were in meetings. This normally does not apply to immediate family. A husband or wife is supposed to be told, if they do not know already, where we are, and given John's phone number so we can be reached in an emergency. You were the only spouse that was out of town and I didn't know until Friday afternoon that our receptionist was out. I didn't think much of it at the time. After all the temp was there."

Early was boiling and fuming beneath his calm exterior as he listened to Susan mention John's Jacuzzi. He was, at times, wringing his hands and arms with the tension that was building. Susan's story was gradually approaching descriptions of the moments he most dreaded to hear, but would die, if he didn't hear. The strain was so difficult to bear! He knew he'd get gray hairs from this story, but now the possibility of white hairs was very real, as his body was convulsing internally. His stomach was churning and he hoped he could continue to maintain as Susan continued her account.

Susan sighed and began again, "Wednesday evening I just crashed at our home in our bed. I had rode the emotional roller coaster and was dreaming of the Melrose success, the promised partnership, the couple of days of r&r and looking forward to holding you in my arms to share all of this good fortune. I was even relaxed enough to feel a little horny. I missed you Early, I longed for you. I wanted to feel your strong muscles hold me tight. I longed to feel your expert mouth work a miracle on my willing body and bring me to orgasm after orgasm as you always do. Yes, Wednesday night I dreamt of your cock deep inside of my tight vagina. I fingered myself instead, and missed you even more, because I crave your fat cock inside of me much more than my measly fingers. I had crashed upon reaching our home. Later, when I awoke, I realized that I hadn't called you yet. When I reached you I was half asleep, I must have said something that gave you the impression that I would be at work all day Thursday. I hung up from talking to you and crashed again. I finally slept a deep and very restful sleep."

Early was about to loose his meager hold on his composure. He wanted to shout. Susan's account was killing him inside. His eyes became blurred both from tears and from high blood pressure. Susan's overtly sexual language was almost too much for him to bear. He pictured John Stickner with Susan performing undefined sexual acts and Susan's acceptance of him in his presence made his vision blur.

Susan continued her account, "John's email said that brunch would be served around the pool at 9am. Eleven of the firm's associates were there when I arrived at 9:30am. I was the last to arrive. When John said that he was catering brunch, he wasn't fooling. There were tables set up with fruit, eggs, sausage, toast, a choice of coffee's and juices or milk and donuts, bagels, cottage cheese, cream cheese, waffles, hash browns and cereals. I fixed a lite meal and sat next to Jennifer. She had really been a great help to me over the past few months. A week ago, I had bought her a Dillard's gift certificate and gave it to her while we were eating. It was only $500, but her eyes lit up, and I believe she was happy with the amount. We chatted and just enjoyed the calm of no work and the pleasure of each others company."