Heidi's Ideal Marriage

I first met my wife whilst I was on a break in Durban, South Africa five years ago. I was based in Lusaka in the final year of a four year assignment in Zambia and I needed a week or two in a somewhat normal country and found a small but elegant beachside guest house on the internet and booked in for a week. The owner promised to send her daughter to meet me at the airport in Durban and drive me to the guest house. There was no direct flight from Lusaka to Durban so I had to fly into Johannesburg and then transfer to a domestic flight. It wasn't particularly taxing, but by the time I finally landed at the Durban airport I was glad someone was there to meet me. Little did I know then that she would end up being my wife in a few months.

Heidi was slim, in her mid-thirties, blonde, deeply tanned and dressed like she had just come in from the bush with tan trousers, a loose t-shirt and boots that were made for hill walking, not strutting down a fashion runway. By chance she had just arrived that day on a two week break from her job at an upmarket safari camp near Kruger Park and had yet to change out of her work clothes.

To make a long story short, we hit it off immediately, stayed up all night long drinking and talking and, just when the sun was coming up she took off her clothes, walked over to where I was sitting and unzipped my trousers and gave me the best blow job I had in years. Although that was only a few years ago, the time in my life when I could get hard and have an orgasm seem like a distant memory to me now.

We spent the following two weeks in bed with each other between long walks on the beach and nights out at restaurants. When it came time to finally say goodbye, Heidi asked if there was a future for us. When I said there certainly was she asked if I would be faithful to her. I told her I would and asked if she would be faithful to me. She told me the best she could do was try but her willpower often let her down. She then told me that she had a couple of 'fuckbuddies' at the safari lodge but they were married so they didn't pose a threat to me. According to her, they just came over to her little apartment after work, drank some wine and had sex with her. She said one of them was David, the son of the owner of the lodge, and it was impossible for her to say no to him as it would threaten her job and the other was, Jimmy, a handsome ranger that she would almost find it impossible to say no to.

She told me both of them were very well endowed. When I asked her if they were larger than me she just giggled and said most men were far larger than me but tried to reassure me by saying that, although I wasn't very well endowed, most men with big cocks were arrogant assholes and only cared about sex, not about forming a long-term relationship.

I was kind of taken aback but the best I could think was to ask her to be at least honest with me about things. She promised she would and she lived up to her word. After I finally got back to my digs in Lusaka, after a couple of long flights and a dodgy taxi ride over potholed roads in the pitch black of night, I turned on my phone and got two texts.

The first one read: 'David came over, we talked for a bit, and I went down on him. He wanted to fuck me but I felt funny about that'.

The second one read: 'Jimmy came over after he saw David leave and screwed my brains out. Hope you had a good flight back'.

Three months later I proposed to Heidi and she accepted. Of course she had surmised by then that there would never be any expectations on my part that she would have to be faithful in our marriage, so it was easy for her to say yes to my proposal. She admitted that it was very unlikely that any South African man would marry a woman who was openly cheating on him and had every intention of cheating on him in the future. Although she felt lucky to have found me I also knew that my acquiescence to her demands somehow diminished her view of my manliness. She must have confided this to her sister, mother and friends and they must have told their husbands and boyfriends about this prior to our marriage because when we did take our final vows I heard a few giggles in the church when Heidi professed to be faithful during the wedding ceremony.

When Heidi got back to the safari lodge after the break we had been on she told the owner she was going to resign and the staff threw her a party, not quite believing she had found somebody who wanted to marry instead of just fucking her on the side. Of course the engagement didn't stop Jimmy and David fucking her. Every night I would receive a text telling me that she had sex with at least one of them. They were just her current lovers. During the years Heidi had worked there she had sex with a number of the men on staff and a lot of them approached her after her engagement and tried to convince her to have one last go with them. During her nightly calls she assured me that she only was sleeping with two men, even though she was constantly tempted by others. That made me feel that she had a good commitment to our relationship.

I had gone back to Lusaka with a chastity device fitted securely on my cock and balls. Heidi found it when she went to an all women's sex store in an upmarket neighbourhood north of Durban and was thrilled when the salesgirl told her what it was. It was one of those plastic ones which actually are very uncomfortable to wear over a long period but I was committed to the relationship and gladly let her keep both keys and promised to not fiddle with it while we were apart. I had to shave myself before I put it on and the urge to scratch myself when my pubic hair started growing back in was truly annoying.

Despite the fact that she was having affairs with two men at the time she couldn't stand the thought of me even getting aroused by another woman in her absence. I ended up wearing it up until the day we were married and I will never forget the feeling when it first came off. I felt like a virgin. On our wedding night I don't think I lasted more than thirty seconds the three times we made love (that made her quite frustrated). It was particularly hard wearing it in the mornings while I was still in Lusaka and Heidi was at the safari lodge and the text would come in the morning telling me how one of her loves had enjoyed her pussy or lips the previous night.

Since her notice time was six weeks and our marriage was set for four weeks away, after we were married she had to return to complete the final two weeks of her contract. The wedding ring did little to deter Jimmy and David, who continued to fuck her up until the day she left the lodge. I guess that was when I officially became a cuckold. She was faithful to me for about 12 hours after she returned to the game reserve.

Five years later we are now based in London and my wife has had over 18 relationships ranging from one night stands to three year affairs. Since she was raised in a macho culture she seems only physically attracted to dominant men. If you don't know the type, the guys she likes are married, totally alpha and expect their wives to be completely faithful to them but have no problem having sex with a beta male's wife, particularly the kind of sex they have with Heidi. Most English women have a big problem going down on guys, but Heidi loves sucking cocks and she always falls for the kind of guys who love to see her on her knees servicing them.

I don't know how we reached the point in our relationship where it was just unfathomable that Heidi and I would ever have sex. I just sensed I was never going to match up to her more assertive lovers and she knew our relationship would be better if she took the sex out of the equation.

It helps me that I have an understanding doctor who is, in her own way, a feminist who believes my marriage is an ideal model which should be embraced by more couples. Helen is also my wife's doctor and friend and often goes out with her at night. They both look very similar to each other, petite, slim and blonde and they attract a lot of male attention. I know they have gotten up to some wild things together but Helen is too discrete to tell my anything. Heidi obviously confided to her about our relationship and her other relationships and I guess they both concluded that some sort of medical solution would be best for me.

To be honest, my marriage wouldn't work without the help that Helen has provided me. The treatment she has tailored for me has allowed me to be happy in a situation many men would consider to be intolerable. She is also a sounding board for me and I can confide in her about my insecurities and I can tell she enjoys her role in my marriage. Perhaps more importantly, she is there to make sure my wife is healthy and doesn't contract any sexual infections, which is important considering how promiscuous she is.

Every three months I am given a shot of Depo-Provera which eliminates almost all of my sex drive and even controls my fantasies and helps make my marriage work better. If you don't know about this wonder drug, you should look it up. It is an effective form of chemical castration that is reversible. It is the ideal treatment for a committed cuckold as it takes away a man's sexual drive whilst it also serves to eliminate any guilt the wife might have for denying her husband sex over the long term because the husband largely forgets about sex entirely. It is also a hell of a lot more comfortable than wearing a chastity device. I found the one Heidi bought for me whilst I was alone in Lusaka was constantly twisting and pinching my skin. After three weeks of wearing it I was fed up. I eventually threw it away. The drugs assure that I can no longer have an erection. After a few years of treatment, on the downside, I have noticed that my prick and balls have visibly shrunk, not that it matters tremendously. If I even attempted to put on a chastity device now it would just fall off. I don't think they make them small enough to fit me in my current state.

I also attend Helen's surgery every Friday morning for oestrogen treatment which normally wrecks my weekend and confuses me until at least Monday. I take a daily course of the hormone but on Fridays I am given a large booster shot. I find it impossible to go out of the house on Saturday and Sunday, but I use the time to clean and do the laundry for the week. The oestrogen does give me hot flashes which I am told are similar to what a woman has when she goes through menopause. After all, getting a large dose of female hormones and then trying to pretend you are a normal man is disconcerting to say the least.

For any man considering this it requires a lot of discipline not to put on weight. The perfect balance of oestrogen should bring about some feminine feelings without visibly swelling the breasts. Helen has worked out the perfect weekly dose for me. Coupled with exercise and a good diet I have kept a trim figure although my breasts are sensitive and slightly larger and my nipples are very prominent but still small enough where I don't have to face the embarrassment of wearing a bra. I have found that my hair is thicker after going on the hormones and my facial hair is thinning out and there are other subtle changes in my body and psyche. I am more emotional and prone to crying if I get upset. My hips have filled out and are more feminine and my waist is smaller.

To some extent, the oestrogen treatment is strangely addictive. I enjoy the hot flashes and the confusion I feel the next few days and I love the feminine rushes and the unexpected rushes that sometimes make me perspire. The only problem is that there is a letdown when the hormones wear off later in the week and my male testosterone balances the female hormones out. Then I just feel a bit flat and get prone to depression. I have talked with Helen about this and she is considering whether or not to provide me with two doses a week, although they would be weaker. Unfortunately that would take away the rush I get on the weekends, which is the part I am addicted to.

Heidi is quite happy that I am submissive and a bit feminised. Whilst she has an active sex life I take care of all the bills, the cleaning (including changing the cum stained sheets after her lovers leave) and cooking and buying her clothes, making sure that she has a supply of hold-up stockings and lingerie. I do have some underlying resentment at my situation. After all, what man gets married and ends up medically castrated while his wife enjoys her sexual freedom?

It has been over three years since she has had sex with me and on a certain level I miss it. I know it's just not in her realm of possibilities and it's something she refuses to discuss. In fact, it is as if she doesn't account for any sexual desire I may have and considers me sort of a neuter, if that makes sense at all. To be honest, with the regular drugs I take, I have been neutered but there are still underlying masculine urges I have. What most bothers me is that she has two large dildos on her bedside table that she uses to get herself off. Both of them are twice as large as my prick back in the days when I could get hard. It is humiliating to see them when I make the bed in the morning. I often find them scattered under the duvet and covered with her dried pussy juices.

It's not as if all her lovers are superbly handsome, fit and rich. One of her recent conquests, Rob, is anything but a knock out. Granted, he is an alpha male and feels entitled to have a lover like Heidi on the side but I would consider myself to be a better looking man, although, according to Heidi, he possesses a huge cock and the ability to use it to drive her crazy. He also has that inherent confidence that I lack. In one instance he came over to our house to watch a television show and, whilst Heidi was on the sofa next to him, he took her hand and placed it over his cock and had her play with him during the entire television program while I was in the same room. After the program ended she slid down in front of him, unzipped his trousers and proceeded to suck his cock. She begged him to fuck her but he refused, although he did finally cum in her mouth. Then he got up and left without thanking her, although he did make a disparaging remark about my inability to satisfy my wife.

The idea of sex with me just doesn't interest Heidi in the slightest. It is a closed subject we no longer really talk about. Since Heidi has relocated to London she has transformed herself from a sweet innocent looking blonde South African woman to a very sexily clad high heeled woman with a certain reputation. She was barred from the local pub because two men got in a fight over who would take her home, she has had irate wives threaten her and she has had lovers who have filmed her and posted the videos online. I didn't know that she now shaves her pussy until I saw the latest video nor did I realise she has a tattoo on her ass (it's quite pretty but I suspect it is an owner's mark). I never suspected she was into anal sex until I saw her taken that way by one man and heard her moans of pleasure.

What irks me most is the lack of respect some of her lovers have towards me. They act as if they are doing me a favour by fucking my wife. I have been woken up in the middle of the night to answer phone calls from men demanding they speak to my wife and even had the occasional 2:00 am knock on the door from a lover who wants a quick screw (she never turns them down). She currently has three lovers, all of them married. I am still the one that wines and dines her, as her lovers don't want to be seen in public with Heidi, mainly because of her somewhat dubious reputation and also because they know it isn't necessary to spend any money on her because the sex comes with no strings attached. The problem is that when I do take her out I am often not the one she goes home with. That happened again last week when I took her out for drinks and a handsome younger guy picked her up and took her home and screwed her brains out.

There was one instance when her lover, Alex, took her out but that was to a swing club. She claims she has no recollection of what happened and thinks she only made love to Alex once in front of a crowd, although knowing how Heidi gets when she has had too much wine, I very much doubt that.

Heidi was gone from a wayward wife to a full scale cuckoldress. She has all the traits now: spoiled, sulky and truculent until, of course, she has a real man's cock in her hands. That's when her face lights up and she knows what her role life is.

To be honest, I haven't seen my wife in person without her clothes on for over three years. The only chance I have to see her nude is in the videos and pictures her lovers take of her. She sometimes shares these with me if I buy her something nice or do something special for her.

I know I will never be able to become her regular lover but I would like some advice as to how I could convince Heidi to consider taking me off the drugs and oestrogen treatment for at least a while. It would take months for the effect to wear off but I do miss the times when we had a physical relationship. I understand I could never be enough for her but I would be happy with a hand job now and then or even the possibility of going down on her whilst I play with myself. Right now it just seems like a hopeless cause, although I am committed to our marriage and would never consider cheating on her.

I also would like her to be a bit more understanding of my current situation. It seems like the days after I have my oestrogen treatment she doesn't understand what sort of emotions are running through my body or that I am having hot flashes throughout the day. She can be hypercritical and get angry about how the house is looking or the state of her wardrobe or even the meals I serve her. The only person that I can be totally honest with is my doctor, Helen, but she seems to think just upping the dose of oestrogen I receive every week will cure everything. I did tell her that I secretly look at cross-dressing sites on the internet now and fantasise about wearing more feminine attire. She seems to think that is a perfectly normal and welcome development. Thankfully she has promised not to tell Heidi about that as I fear that would only make her happier and I would find a new feminine wardrobe one day when I came home from the office. I do wear panties and pantyhose to bed, along with a feminine top but I really don't want to wear women's clothes 24/7. That being said, with the weekly dose of oestrogen I am getting the urges to do so are increasing.

I know Heidi is happy that I am more like a sister to her now than a husband. She does confide in me sometimes about her lovers and I do like to hear about her sexual exploits. I most long for the time she comes home after making love and lets me taste her lover's cum, but that just doesn't seem like it is ever going to happen. Her pussy seems to be forever off-limits to me.

I guess the event that most changed the dynamics of our relationship happened just a few weeks ago when I came home early and found Heidi on the living room sofa giving head to her lover Alex. She barely looked up at me as I entered the room and, not knowing what to do, I just stood awkwardly in the centre of the room for what seemed like an eternity. Alex hadn't taken his clothes off but had just unzipped and lowered his trousers giving Heidi access to his rather large cock. He looked a bit annoyed at my presence at first but then simply snapped his fingers and told me to make myself useful by sucking his balls while Heidi concentrated on the head of his cock. I was hesitant at first but I did drop to my knees in front of his parted legs and took his balls in my mouth and gently sucked them. That was the first time I participated in a homosexual act and I was surprised how smooth his testicles were and how I could fit both of them in my mouth. Heidi briefly looked at me and, for the first time in a few days she seemed genuinely pleased with me and started to vigorously go down on his shaft until he moaned and exploded in her mouth.