Head Coach

If you have read the intro to my story "

It's Strictly Business

," well... it happened again. This time it was

NoTalentHack

- a misnomer if ever there was one - who I was binge-reading, and once again, I woke up at 3 a.m. with the beginnings of this story in my head. No, I couldn't get back to sleep. Maybe I should have tried harder.

Please don't take this the least bit seriously! There is some truth in here, but like "It's Strictly Business," it's a ridiculous premise, written (mostly) with tongue firmly in cheek.

Many thanks to

UpperNorthLeft

for reviewing it. On his vacation, no less! Any remaining errors are mine, mine, all mine.

Head Coach

~*~*~*~*~

"Holy shit, when did you buy a thong, Wendy?" Hunter called, holding up the offending undergarment that he had just discovered wedged between the box spring and side rail of their bed. It looked like some dental floss attached to a postage stamp of burgundy silk. For a minute, he started to get excited, but then he realized it wasn't new and it certainly wasn't clean, never mind the fact that he'd never seen it before.

"I didn't hear you; what did you..." she was saying as she came into the bedroom. "Oh shit." Her face went pale, and her hands covered her mouth.

"What do you mean, 'oh shit'?" And then, realizing, his legs suddenly went weak, and he collapsed to the floor. He stared up at her, his mind a blank, as she looked back at him in panicked dismay.

"Hunter...babe..." she tried to think of what to say, how to explain.

Hunter turned away from her. He lay down flat on his back on the floor, staring at the ceiling. The room felt like it was spinning around him.

Wendy went to her knees beside him, crying. "I'm so sorry..." She reached one hand out, tentatively, but when he flinched away, she withdrew it.

"You're cheating on me?" he asked in stunned disbelief, still staring at the ceiling.

"Please Hunter, let me explain?"

"Explain? Explain what? You're cheating, what is there to explain? I can't believe this! Clearly, he means more to you than I do, if you won't dress like this for me, but for your... your...

lover

you will?"

"Please, no, it's not like that!"

"No? You'll forgive me if I don't believe you. Just leave me alone, I can't look at you right now."

She cried harder, but she did leave the room. He didn't know where she went, and at that moment, frankly, he didn't care.

At first, he was planning just to wallow there, on the floor of the bedroom of his discontent, but something made him get up. He went quietly down the stairs to hear murmuring from the kitchen. He stood there, staring at her as she cried into the phone.

"He knows! What are we going to do?" and then she saw him. "I have to go."

"Oh, that's just peachy, Wendy. The first thing you do is call your boyfriend. Just fucking great. I guess that shows me where I stand." Realizing he still had the thong in his hand, he threw it at her. It fluttered over to land in her lap like a dying butterfly. She stared at it as he grabbed his keys.

"Hunter, wait! We have to talk! Where are you go-"

But he was already out the door.

~*~*~*~*~

He needed to talk to someone, so he called his brother and asked him to meet at Killian's. It was a sports bar with a cliché over-the-top Irish theme. But it was nearby, and the beer was cold.

"Yeah, sure, let me just let Jacqui know. Give me... a half-hour?"

"Thanks, bro. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important."

Forty-five minutes later, Hunter's older brother Reggie rolled in. "Sorry man, RJ decided to have a meltdown when I grabbed my keys. Took a minute to get him settled; I had to promise that you'd come visit. Not sure why that kid likes you," he added. Reggie Junior was Hunter's nephew.

"Because clearly, I'm the fun brother, duh," Hunter said, a little smugly. But his heart wasn't in it, and Reggie could tell.

The waitress brought their beers, took away Hunter's empty one, and took their appetizer order.

After taking a sip, Reggie asked, "Okay, little brother, want to tell me what's going on?"

"Dunno how to say it so I'm just gonna say it." He took a breath. "Wendy's cheating on me."

His jaw dropped. "No fucking way!"

"Way," Hunter replied.

"Jeez, man," Reggie shook his head, looking around. "Hunter, are you sure?"

"Yeah, she pretty much admitted it."

"Pretty much?"

"I was too pissed to bother sticking around for any details; I just left."

"Fuck me," Reggie breathed, and sat back in the booth. "What are you gonna do? You need a place to crash?"

"Yeah, I think so. Just for tonight though, I don't want to get you into hot water with your wife. Thanks." He turned on his phone and sent a quick text to Wendy that he was going to be at Reggie's, and not to come over there.

He had several from her. He read a few, all apologies and pleas for him to come home. He ignored the rest and turned it back off.

Jacqui was understanding and Hunter was distracted playing with his nephew. Four-year-old RJ was a cute kid, and Hunter loved the little guy. And he loved that RJ asked that his Unkie Hunter read his bedtime story. After he was asleep, the three adults sat down to talk. Hunter re-told the story for Jacqui.

"I'm so sorry, Hunter," she commiserated, as she gave him a hug. "That's... well, I wish I could say it's a

complete

surprise, but she has always seemed... well, a little self-centered to me."

Hunter looked at her in surprise, and she continued, "I never said anything, because she's your wife, and honestly, I never thought she'd go

that

far. I swear."

"Wow," Hunter croaked, holding his head in his hands.

Reggie put a hand on his shoulder. "Just let us know what we can do, Hunter. We're here for you.' He looked at his wife, and she nodded. "Besides, RJ likes having you around," he chuckled.

"He's a great kid," Hunter acknowledged. "And thanks. I appreciate you both."

They talked for a while longer, then bade each other good night. Hunter tossed and turned, and eventually fell into a fitful sleep, where he had vague dreams of being trapped in the Alfred Hitchcock movie "The Birds," but instead of avian attackers, he was being swarmed by flying thongs.

He awoke, tangled in the sheets, gasping for air. It took him a long time to fall back to sleep.

~*~*~*~*~

Not really having a plan, Hunter dragged his ass back to the house the next morning.

When he walked in, Wendy was sitting at the kitchen table, staring morosely into her steaming hot mug of infidelity. Or maybe it was coffee. She jumped up and started toward him.

"Surprised you're here," he said, rather nastily, stopping her in her tracks. "Boyfriend busy with some other slut?"

"Please don't be cruel," she started to cry.

"Don't be cruel? You're kidding, right? Anyway, why do you care?"

"What do you mean, why do I care? You're my husband and I love you!"

Hunter laughed without warmth. "Could have fuckin' fooled me."

"I do," she whispered.

He stared at her.

"I don't have a boyfriend," she finally mumbled.

"What the hell, Wendy? You can't possibly expect me to believe that, not after yesterday."

She took a deep breath. "Can I try to explain? Please?"

"I don't know, can you?" He spat out and didn't spare the sarcasm.

She ignored that. "Do you remember about two months ago, we were supposed to meet for lunch at that little tavern near your office, and you had to cancel at the last minute? Well, I was a little angry with you, so I went anyway, and there was this woman there, and we got to talking, and... she invited me to meet for lunch again, and it sort of became a thing, and then... it kind of just happened." Her face was beet red.

"Wendy, I told you, my boss gave me no choice... Wait, back the truck up. Woman??"

She nodded, head down. "The thong isn't mine, it's hers."

Hunter flopped into a chair, running his hands over his face.

"What the absolute fuck, Wendy? Since when are you a lesbian? Don't you think that was something you should have told me, oh I don't know, BEFORE we got married? Jeezus!"

"Well, first of all, I'm bi. As if you couldn't tell I like having sex with men - well, you - after all, I did marry you, dumbass."

Well, he couldn't argue about that; he remembered the wedding! And the honeymoon...

Insert the sound of a phonograph needle scraping across vinyl.

Hunter glared at her. "Not really helping."

"Well, I had two girlfriends and one boyfriend in college. Not at the same time," she added quickly when Hunter raised an eyebrow at her.

"Remember my roommate Blair? Well... "

"Oh shit. Were you and she... while we were dating?"

"No, Hunter. When I met you, I told her I was developing feelings, and we got into a huge fight, and she moved out."

A little light came on in Hunter's brain. "Ahh, NOW I know why she was always looking at me like I was dirt," he mused.

"Yeah, sorry. You didn't deserve that."

That

pissed him off. "So, what's different this time? Why do I 'deserve' it now?" he asked, crossing his arms.

Her face went white. She couldn't look at him.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. God damn it, Wendy. I'm going for a ride." He went and put on his leathers, grabbed his helmet, and jumped on his bike.

A few hours later, a little calmer, he walked back in to find her sitting on the sofa, staring at nothing. The TV was quietly talking to itself in the background.

"So, you let this woman seduce you."

She looked up at him and sighed. "I promise I won't lie about it, Hunter. Not anymore. Yeah, I suppose I did. I can't explain it, there's just... something."

"Gotta wonder how hard you resisted. If at all."

She put her head down.

So, not hard. Jesus.

"Does she know you're married?"

She looked down. "I told her I was getting a divorce."

"Well, you're right about that!"

She staggered. "What?? No, please! I don't want a divorce!"

"Then why on God's green earth did you tell her that you were getting one?"

Looking ever more ashamed, she whispered, "She said she wouldn't date a married woman."

"Fucking awesome, Wendy, you're lying to both of us. Just perfect."

She sobbed quietly.

He leaned back in his chair. "So what's your brilliant plan? You say you don't want a divorce, but she's bound to find out you're still married, don't you think?" Hunter's sarcasm game was on point.

"I don't know!"

"Are you planning to keep seeing her?"

She gazed at him desperately. "I... I'd... like to..."

He threw his hands up. "FUCK!"

She flinched.

"And what about me, Wendy? What about my feelings? Did you think about me

at all

?"

"I... I haven't treated you any differently..." Even as she said it, she knew how lame that sounded.

"The hell you say. When was the last time we made love?"

"We did just the other day!"

"No Wendy, we fucked the other day. And that was only because I basically had to beg you for it. We haven't made love in... how long ago did you meet her? Two months."

Her mouth hung open.

"Yeah. Tell me again your feelings for me haven't changed."

"But I can fix it! I can make it better, I promise!"

"Sure. You get all the sex you want, and I get to lie here every other night imagining you with your tongue up some dyke's twat."

"Please don't be crude."

"Oh, SO sorry."

"I love you; I do! She just gives me something you can't. And you give me something she can't."

"What is it?"

"What?"

"What does she give you that I can't? You never talked to me or gave me a chance to fix it!"

"Because I don't think you

could

fix it. I'm sorry, it's just... different! Being with her. Something feminine... soft... It really, really turns me on! But you turn me on too! I love sex with you, and you're big and strong and I love how you take care of me and make me feel safe."

"Well, she can put on a strap-on and have all of you now."

"You think that's all you are to me? A cock?"

"I have absofuckinglutely no idea what I am to you right now."

"I love you and I need you. I want us to be together!"

"Just not all the time though."

"Please! Why can't you understand?"

"Understand what? You've just told me that I'm not enough for you! How do you think that makes me feel? You've completely emasculated me."

"I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you! I can't control how I feel! I do love you! I want to stay with you! I just need her too!"

He laughed bitterly. "So, you want to have your cake and eat it too." He laughed bitterly. "See what I did there? Eat it too?"

Wendy stared at the floor.

"Do you love her?" he finally asked.

"N-no, I don't think so. I think I

could

though. Sorry, I said I wouldn't lie anymore."

"God damn it," Hunter cursed. "Wendy, I can't take any more of this right now." He went to the guest room and collapsed on the bed. He could

feel

her, watching him from the doorway, but he ignored her. Finally, he heard her footsteps slowly move down the hall toward their... no, not anymore...

her

bedroom.

The next morning, he got up early and started writing a note. He thought about all the things Wendy had said. In her mind, she did still love him, but she was so wrapped up in this shiny new exciting relationship that she had lost sight of just how much she had excluded him from her life recently. And he wasn't going to put up with that. He scribbled, crumpled, scribbled, and crumpled, and was again staring at a blank page when Wendy came downstairs. Her eyes were puffy, and she looked like hell, but Hunter was pretty sure he didn't look any better.

She looked at the detritus littering the kitchen floor, and the backpack by the door. "Were you just going to leave me a note and disappear?" she asked sadly.

"I don't know

what

I was going to do," he replied, equally as sadly. "But I think I need some more time to... well, think," he finished awkwardly.

"Okay," she whispered. "Honey... I swear. I do love you. I'm sorry for hurting you."

"Enough to

stop

hurting me?" He had to ask, but really, the damage had already been done.

She was quiet for a while, but finally said, "Can I... think about that too? While you're thinking?"

"Whole lot of thinking going on around here," he quipped, and Wendy smiled wanly.

"I'm not going to disappear. I'll let you know where I wind up. But I'm telling you, I can't stand by and be a party to this. You have to choose. And even if you stop seeing her, I'm not sure we can fix this. You do get that, right?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Yeah, me too."

There didn't seem to be anything left to say, so he picked up his bag and headed for his brother's house. Maybe he'd take RJ to the park or something. The little guy always cheered him up, and Lord only knew, he could use some cheering.

Part 2

It had been a little over a week since Hunter had discovered his wife's affair, and he was no closer to a resolution. He tried to focus at work, but it was a losing battle from the start. He was in the Monday morning staff meeting when he was startled by one of the other section leads yelling his name.

"Huh?"

"Hunter, have you heard a word I've said?" It was Coline Marsalis, and she was giving him an exasperated look. He had worked with her for a little over a year, and she was a model employee, and he respected her. For some reason, it dawned on him that on a personal level, he didn't know much about her.

"Sorry, Coline," he apologized. "I'm having a bit of a day. A bit of a week, actually."

Their boss watched their interplay for a minute, then sighed. "We're about done here anyway. Let's wrap this up, and you two can iron out your questions?"

"Yes sir, sorry," Hunter acknowledged.

He nodded, picked up his laptop, and they all started to file out.

Coline reached out to put a hand on his arm "Hunter, hang on a sec?"

He stopped, looking at her expectantly.

"So, what's up? Something's clearly bothering you."

He was a little surprised; they'd never had any time of personal conversation before, and her apparent empathy seemed out of character. He looked at the floor, then sighed. "Can I buy you lunch? Not something I want to talk about here."

"Dutch," she replied, grinning. "Don't want you getting any ideas."

"Deal."

They managed to address the issue that Coline had been trying to explain earlier, and she thanked him and headed back to her section. At noon, she stuck her head in his office. "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be," he said, and they walked outside and up the block to a quiet restaurant.

After getting two iced teas - unsweet for him and sweet for her - and placing their orders, Coline leaned back and eyed him. "Okay, spill."

"Umm... Coline, first... can I ask why you're doing this? I mean, I appreciate it, but this is the first time we've ever had any kind of non-work-related conversation."

She looked off to one side before replying. "Yeah, that's fair. Not sure, really. Well, in the meeting, you looked like someone killed your dog, so there's that. Then... well, like you said, I realized that we'd never really talked, and I just thought... maybe you could use a friendly ear. And frankly, I know I give off a vibe at work - I've perfected my resting bitch face, after all!"

Hunter stifled laughter as she continued, "And maybe I wanted to show

someone

that's not who I am. So yeah, trying to help, but selfish reasons too."

He was shocked. He didn't

dislike

Coline, but he

had

viewed her as sort of an all-work-and-no-play type, at least up until now. And he was grateful that she had reached out. It must have taken a lot. He found himself rapidly adjusting his opinions.

So he gave her a small grin and asked, "You want me to ease into it or just lay it out there?"

"Hit me. I'm a big girl."

"Okay, remember, you asked for it." He gave her a weak half-smile. "I found out my wife is cheating on me."

Her eyes went wide. "Shit! Oh, Hunter, I'm so sorry!"

"Thanks."

"Have you confronted her?"

"Yeah. She said she didn't mean to hurt me, she's sorry, she still loves me, she wants to stay married... blah, blah, blah."

"Wow. Have you decided what you're going to do?"

"Not yet. I told her I needed some time. She said she needs time to think too."

"Oh fuck, she doesn't want to give him up, does she?"

"Her."

"WHAT?"

He chuckled sadly. "That's what I said too. Apparently, she's bi. She's been in a few relationships with women before we got married, but I had no idea. I guess she met this woman and," he made air quotes, "It just clicked."

Coline shook her head. "Damn. How long?"

"I'm really not sure, but even if it was just one time... I don't know. She says this woman gives her something I can't. I honestly don't know how I feel about that. If it was another guy... if she had picked another guy over me... I'd already be looking for a lawyer. But a woman? How can I compete with that?"

Softly, Coline asked, "Is it a competition?"

Hunter looked surprised. "How can it not be?"

"You can't let it be. If you do, nobody wins."

"You're going to have to explain that one to me, Coline," Hunter replied with a puzzled expression.

"Just be the best husband you can be. Show her what she's risking."

"But that feels like rewarding bad behavior. And I'm not sure I can be that person, knowing what she's doing."

Coline nodded. "I get that. Sorry, I don't have any better advice right now."

Their food arrived. Hunter picked at his meal as he watched Coline eat.