My cell phone rings as I'm slugging along in traffic one morning driving into work. It's Leslie from work. She's the admin who runs the office. She's never called me in the morning. In fact she's on flex-time and doesn't get in until 10. This is probably an accidental butt-dial, and I'm going to hear "Good Morning America" in the background.
"Hello. Hello?" Just what I thought, she doesn't realize she's dialed me.
"Hurry up and get over here and fuck me," I hear Leslie command.
Just when I stumble through an, "Excuse me?" I hear another male's voice on the phone but in the background nonchalantly saying, "I'm coming, I'm coming."
"No you're not, and that's the problem," I hear Leslie say with a chuckle. "Come on, motherfucker, come get me off."
I know this is Leslie, for she's not shy about the language she uses. I think that's her husband she's talking to, though I'm not 100% sure because I've only met him once or twice at company events. More and more what I think is her husband says, "Baby, I'm already late. We need to be quick about this."
I hear the rustling of the sheets, then her husband again saying, "Ahhh, that's always nice."
"Nice!? I'm letting you into the gates of heaven and 'nice' is all you have to say? "
It's like she flipped a switch in him, for now I'm hearing Leslie let out some semi-grunts like she's being pounded really good. It's not porn star loud, but I know they are not making sweet, leisurely love either.
I'm glad traffic isn't bad today, for the sound of these two fucking is memorizing. Oh yeah, I had no thoughts whatsoever of hanging up the phone during any of this. In fact, I'm alert enough to put my phone on mute as the sounds of them fucking play over my speakers thanks to the miracle of Bluetooth. That's when it hits me - what if she looks at her log of phone calls made and she sees the call to me for 10 minutes?
Don't care.
Now it's him I'm hearing over her as he says with an increasing loud voice, "I'm coming, baby. I'm coming!"
"Pump that load into me! Come on!"
With a long grunt I assume he's thrusting as deep as he can and cumming inside her.
"Nice!!," I hear her respond.
"I know," was his relieved counter.
"What a second, where are you going? You have some unfinished business here!"
"Sorry, babe. I already told you I was running late. I'll finish business tonight."
"No you won't, motherfucker."
"Eh, you're right. Still gotta go."
I'm still in a daze and then it hits me that I should probably hang up the phone. I'm not sure why now I feel like I should hang up the phone, but...
"HEY, MOTHERFUCKER. DID YOU LIKE YOUR VIRTUAL PEEP SHOW?" It was Leslie, and I had the volume turned up so loud she scared the hell out of me. There was no mistake that she was talking directly into the phone, and there was also no mistaking her next command.
"Get your ass over here and clean me up and get me off!" Click.
Five minutes away from the office meant I was fifteen minutes away from Leslie's. There was no thinking about it or checking my calendar or sending a quick email to some co-workers about being a few minutes late because some workmen were coming to take a look at... I took the next turn and was doing my best not to double the speed limit when heading to Leslie's.
Obviously this just doesn't happen out of the blue. It probably started one day during a staff meeting when I was a smart-ass - I prefer the word "witty retort" - about something and she responded with, "I'm going to break you." A couple of guys came by my office later asking, "What's you do to piss Leslie off," but I knew she wasn't mad. I knew "break me" was more likely to do more with a strap-on dildo than any type of feud at work.
Other tidbits I picked up at the office made today's call not so shocking. When Leslie was pregnant a co-worker, who she did feud with, said, "That's probably not even her baby." When I responded, "That's a horrible thing to say. You don't mean that," she too quickly countered with "Don't it?" She covered her tracks pretty quickly after that by apologizing and saying I was right, that she didn't mean that but nonetheless it resonated.