This is a sequel to Saddletramp1956's version of this George Anderson classic. Thanks to ST for permission to use his story. This sequel starts at the Epilogue of Saddletramp1956's "February Sucks - Big Time". I recommend you read that first before reading this sequel.
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The next few months were rough on all of us. The children and I learned to cope without Linda, and we settled into a routine. I learned all the things Linda used to do, mostly by trial and error. It wasn't easy being "Mr. Mom," but I managed with help from my mother. Linda's parents pitched in as well. After a while, the children got to where they didn't miss their mother as much. Emma had been undergoing counseling, which helped a lot.
Linda, by the way, tried killing herself two more times, and was saved, again by her mother. After the third time, she was declared incompetent and placed in a long-term mental health facility run by the state. I've heard that she spends much of her day in a near-catatonic state, not speaking to anyone. She eats, breathes, goes to the bathroom, and sleeps, but that's pretty much it. The rest of the time, she sits in her room, rocking back and forth, apparently dreaming of happier times.
In July, I decided to sell the house. There were just had too many memories associated with it. The hardest ones weren't the ones from after she left, they were the ones from before. The memories of the wonderful life that was destroyed were the most gut-wrenching.
Thanks to the help of a counselor named Samantha Curtis, I was slowly putting my life back together. I didn't have much of a social life due to all the hours I spent with the children. They were still my first priority. Even if I had time, I came to the conclusion that I could never trust another woman the way I had trusted Linda. I felt that if I was so wrong about her how could I really know what anyone was like. Samantha tried to get me to change how I felt about that but we eventually hit a brick wall that I couldn't get passed. We kept trying though.
In October my phone rang and I saw it was the hospital Linda was at. "Hello this is Jim Carlisle."
A man replied, "Mr. Carlisle this is Doctor Webb at the Blue Lake Village Hospital your wife."
I interrupted him, "Former wife."
"Ah yes, um, where your former wife is being treated." There was a slight pause.
"What can I do for you Doctor?"
"Well, as part of Linda's treatment I was wondering if, well if you would be willing to be part of a session with her."
I was a little shocked and thought for a second. "You know we're divorced and I've made it clear I have no interest in trying to reconcile with her?"
There was another slight pause and then he continued, "I understand that. This isn't for your marriage, it's for her to hear from you what her actions did to you. I know you had some interactions with her right after she, um, after she."
The doctor paused seeming to struggle for words to describe what she did so I helped him out. "After she abandoned me publicly in front of friends to have an affair on a night she pledged was to be a special night with me?"
He answered sounding a little uncomfortable, "Yes after that. I know you two had words. But what I would like is for you to talk about what her actions did to you without the raw emotions of the event being so recent. I believe there would be value in her treatment if you could talk about it in a less emotional setting and with some months to reflect on what she did."
I thought for a minute. No question I made myself clear to her immediately after her betrayal. However, I imagined it could bring me some peace of mind to describe my thoughts more calmly and hear her reaction now. "I have a question. Will it just be me talking or will Linda have to respond to what I say? I guess I'm asking if this will be a conversation between Linda and I that you moderate?"
"Yes, that is the plan."
"Ok I'm willing to do that. I have another question. Her parents told me that she pretty much just sits there quiet rocking in a chair in almost a vegetative state. Is that true?"
The doctor didn't answer for a second then replied, "I'm not at liberty to."
I cut in, "Listen doc, you're asking me to do this which I can assure you will be gut wrenching to me. I'm in therapy now and to be blunt don't think I'll ever recover some of what I lost. I will never be able to fully trust another human being again. Do you understand the implications of that for someone in their thirties? Do you?"
"I do," the doctor responded softly. There was another pause and then he sighed, "I can tell you that Linda does sit and for the most part doesn't talk. She began talking a little over a month ago to some extent. She has made some progress but I will just say that she is a deeply damaged person from what she did. I think if she gets to hear directly from you it will fill in things for her that would help her recovery progress."
"Ok what are the next steps in this?" I asked.
Sounding somewhat surprised that I agreed to participate, "Well, I would like to have a meeting with you and your therapist to get some basic information together. If you want, you can have your therapist with us when you and Linda talk. Would you like that?"
I sighed, "Yeah that's probably a good idea."
A few days later I met with Dr. Webb and Samantha. The doctor gave us an idea of Linda's condition. It was clear that the aftermath of that night effectively killed the Linda I had known. Not only had she tried to kill herself several times, she was unable to take care of herself at all for well over a month. She needed to be given IV nutrition since she wasn't eating. She also would only talk to herself having imaginary conversations with me. At other times she would just sit there crying.
I asked about who had visited her and the list was short, just her parents. None of her friends had even tried to see her. Dee the queen of all bitches who I hated with all my heart didn't even visit. That bitch helped kill my marriage and was partly responsible for destroying Linda. She should have bent over backwards to help her now, but she was nowhere to be seen.
Dr. Webb said that Linda said her first words that weren't just talking to herself in August, over five months after that night. It took over a month before the doctor was able to have a conversation with her of any substance at all.
The doctor outlined the agenda for the discussion. He had a set of questions he wanted me to speak to. I asked if he could give them to me ahead of time so I could write up answers. I thought that would help me take the edge off of my answers and make sure I covered everything I wanted to. While he understood my reasoning, he resisted. True he didn't want me coming in and showing her raw unedited anger, however he didn't want my answers to be emotionless. He felt some tempered emotion would be helpful in conveying what I went through.
We set the date for the discussion the following week. As I walked out of the facility with Samantha she stopped me and pointed towards a bench in a garden. "Let's chat for a minute." We sat and she started, "What are your feelings about this?"
I thought for a second, "I guess I'm hoping that if I get everything off my chest it could help me move on. Maybe knowing that she really understands what she did to me I can feel better about us not being together anymore. I'm tired of being stuck in life, I want something to change." I shook my head and sighed deeply.
Samantha had an unusual look on her face. "That's an interesting choice of words. So it still bothers you that you aren't with her anymore?"
"Well yes. You and I have talked about this some. I really felt my marriage was the best. I thought we were lucky how we got along and how much we loved each other. I know you tell me that it's just a matter of time for me to find that again, but I doubt that. Maybe I will someday. I have two kids to raise and I don't have the time to find someone. I don't trust anyone other than my kids and my parents. Even if I get past that I don't envision finding another woman I think is my soulmate. I just don't. Not anytime soon that's for sure." I sat there feeling the sadness of the past months covering over me.
She looked out into the garden for a moment. "What's your biggest fear of having this conversation next week?"
"That seeing Linda in the state she's in will make me even more angry about what she did to herself and what others like Dee did to our lives."
The ensuing week went pretty quick and it was finally the day of the session. I dropped the kids off at Linda's parent's house for the day. Her mom pulled me aside and said, "I know how hurt and angry you are. Just please be gentle when you speak. Linda is different now. I don't just mean that she's very sorry for what she did. I mean that she has changed a lot. You'll see. Just be as compassionate as you can."
As I drove to the hospital I thought about how I would answer questions in as neutral a way as possible. I wanted to convey the hurt I endured but to strip away the anger I felt. I wanted her to understand what I went through and why, but I didn't want to inflict pain on her just to make her pay for what she put me through. Surprisingly I wasn't looking for retribution or revenge, I was looking for closure. It sounded like Linda was already suffering enough.
After getting signed in Dr. Webb gave me some basic instructions. We would be sitting in an area that was like a small living room with couches so we were comfortable. He said Linda would already be there if I wanted to say hello. I asked him if there were any restrictions on 'small talk' before we got started. He said no but if he felt it was going in a direction that wasn't healthy, he would intervene.
When I first saw Linda I was shocked. She looked at least ten years older. She had lines on her face that she never had before, and her hair was completely gray. She was thin, almost unhealthy looking, and seemed to slouch over and not sit up straight. Her eyes were empty and didn't sparkle like they used to. Her expression was blank and without emotion. She almost looked like a person who was 'gone', like a body absent a person inside.
I went over to her and sat next to her and said hello. She perked up a little and said hello back. "Jim you look good. You lost some weight. Are you eating ok?"
I shook my head, "I, um, I've been busy and don't eat so good some days." I continued, "You look good too."
"I appreciate that you're trying to be nice but you and I know that's not true. I, I'm not as active as I should be and need to maybe get some exercise. I'm thinking about doing that soon in the future."
She looked down with a sad look on her face. "Are you seeing anyone? She asked next.
I wasn't sure this was where I wanted the conversation to go but shook my head. "I don't really have the time and I'm really not interested in having a relationship now with anyone. I, I think I'll just stay alone for a while and then maybe sometime in the future who knows."
