I fought the anger down and managed to speak in something close to my normal tone, "Tell me why you're confused?"
"Danny, the doctors will never be able to reconstruct Tom's hand, you smashed the bones to smithereens ... and yet you took his cum in your mouth." Had she been talking to him while she had been in the spare room?
"I don't know any other guy who would want sloppy seconds after their best friend had fucked me and yet you took his cum, the cum of a man you hate, in your mouth ... and then fucked me while his cum was still inside me.
"Why? Why was it not ... oh shit! I can't even get my head around it enough to put a proper question together," and she tried again.
"On the one hand it's the hottest thing a guy has ever done to me but on the other, that was his jizz in me ... you should have made me clean myself up before coming anywhere near you!"
"Wow," I didn't quite know what to say. I had no real idea why I had done it ... it just seemed like something I should do at that point ... something that she would like me doing but ... when I thought about it, I wanted to vomit.
"Sarah, you're wrong ... so, so wrong. If I want you, I should be willing to take you as you are ... and I wanted you ... badly."
"Yes, but that was HIS spunk inside me."
"So what? Does what he ejaculates have some magical qualities that might kill me if it touches me? Will having a taste of him suddenly put me under his power and make me lose interest in you?
"Of course not and thinking that it does just panders to his grubby little image of himself. As far as I was concerned any man could have cum in you and I would have done the same thing.
"The only thing I care about is that you found it incredibly arousing, and I'll do it again whenever I think that the time is right."
She looked at me and I knew that she wanted to ask another question but perhaps now wasn't the time.
"OK, so tell me why you're still scared of me?" Sarah was lying snuggled in my arms and I felt her tense up when I asked her that question.
She hesitated and then took a deep breath, "You caught me cheating and I saw what you did to the guy I was cheating with ... a guy who was your best friend. I guess, despite your assurances, I'm afraid that you might do something similar to me.
"You also just did something wildly erotic to me when you put your hand around my throat as we made love. For a split second I thought you were seriously going to choke me but there was only the slightest bit of pressure and it sent me into a scary place where I thought I was dying ... but having the most incredible orgasm at the same time.
"Danny, my love, we've just fucked like never before. I've never had an orgasm like the one you just gave me, and you threw me into it before we had even talked about how badly I've treated you. Now I've come out of it with a burning desire to hold you and never let you go ... but I still don't know what our future is going to look like."
I stroked her hair and kissed it as I listened to her, "OK let's put that to one side for a moment, I whispered, "last week, if I had called you from Camp and asked you if you loved me, you would have said that you loved me totally and without reservation, or words to that effect."
"Yes, that's right," she agreed, "because I did then and a I do now."
"So now tell me how much you love me now that you know that I know that you like other men enough to have sex with them when I'm not around?"
"Oh boy," Sarah muttered, "that is such a hard question because ..."
"My love, trust me, think about where we are right now and where could have been after you got home last night.
"Please don't try and hide what you really feel and only tell me what you think I want to hear. We can go on building an incredibly strong relationship or we can watch it all crumble into dust, it all depends on how honest we are with each other.
She pushed herself up on her elbows and looked me right in the eye, "Danny, I love you unreservedly. The only other guy I had any feelings for was Tom, with the others it was just sex."
"How many other guys have you slept with since we've been married?"
I could tell that Sarah was thinking about what I had said before, but my last question really got her attention and I wondered if she would be honest with the answer because there was no real way of me knowing how many guys she had fucked.
"Four besides Tom. They were all one-night stands, three were guys I met while I was away at conferences, and one was a guy at work. Tom was the only long-term guy and we've been meeting while you've been away for almost two years?"
"And how deep were your feelings for Tom?"
"I loved him Dan," I saw the tears beginning to form in her green eyes, "and I thought that he loved me. I would never have left you for him because I loved you more and he would never have left his wife because he said he could never afford the child support."
So they had discussed it ... she had thought about it and even considered doing it ... with a total fucking loser like Tom.
"But after last night, I know he doesn't love me at all. As you said, he was very quick to try and throw me under the bus."
"Could any of those one-night stands have grown into something bigger?"
She hesitated for a moment but then shrugged her shoulders, "The guy at school could have, he's very nice and I know that he really would like to go on with it, but I had Tom and I didn't want another long-term lover."
She settled back down and put her head back on my chest and, for a while, she cried.
"Why are you crying?" I asked as I stroked her hair.
"Because I lost something I thought I had and now I'm probably going to lose something I knew I had." I knew what she was referring to and the ice that we were walking on was thinner than it had been before but there was still hope.
"No, my beautiful lady, you haven't lost me," but I knew that I was very close to leaving her.
"So, where do we go from here?" she asked as she looked straight into my eyes.
"That all depends on where you want to go." Before I could answer Sarah's question I needed more information, and she would still need to be honest with me.
