"TANSTAAFL"
"What?" Francis asked into the phone. Despite being fluently bilingual, she had never heard of the word that Benjamin had just used. It must have been and Americanism.
"Never mind. It's just an expression. So, what favor do you need?" Benjamin replied.
Francis hesitated. She was not quite ready to spring her request. "It's a bit personal. I'll tell you when you're here."
"That sounds a bit ominous. If I didn't know you better, I would be worried. Anyway I've got to start cooking tonight's dinner."
"Me too. Take care. I'm looking forward to seeing you in person for the first time."
"Right back at you. Bye," Benjamin said.
As the screen to her mobile dimmed, Francis felt suddenly alone. It was a feeling that she had more and more often during the summer. Whether she was closing a chat session or hanging up her phone, Francis felt a sense of lost whenever her contact with Benjamin ended. It reminded her of when Patrick was courting her before their marriage. Francis mentally chided herself.
Don't be silly. It's a simple medical procedure. You can't commit adultery through sperm donations. Besides, Patrick is the one who insisted that they use donor sperm after the test results showed that he was infertile.
Francis brought some seaweed to the kitchen sink so that she could wash it for a new recipe she wanted to experiment with. She threw it into a pot of water and turned on the flame. As the water slowly boiled, Francis grated cheddar cheese in the food processor, the food processor that Patrick's mother had given her at the bridal shower.
Yes, a sperm donor was Patrick's idea, but we could have easily gone to a sperm bank. I'm the one who suggested we find a donor ourselves. I'm the who spent months convincing Patrick of the idea. I'm the one who built a relationship with Benjamin so that he would agree. Be honest. I wanted Benjamin's sperm in me the minute I heard his voice on Patrick's voice mail. I wanted to be pregnant from Benjamin's seed the day I saw his face.
The hiss of water boiling over the edge of the pot broke Francis's train of thoughts. She lowered the flame to a simmer. The seaweed needed the better part of an hour to become palatable, which gave Francis plenty of time to unwind.
Francis went into the living room to turn on the stereo. It was nice to live in such a large home. Her promotions at MUFF made it possible. The living room alone was slightly larger than the studio apartment she had back in law school. It was much larger than the room Patrick had on campus when he was working on his PhD.
It's a good thing I finished my grad program. We could never afford this lifestyle on Patrick's salary. I'll never understand why he settled for a Masters.
Francis reclined on the couch. She closed her eyes.
Patrick isn't the man I first met. It's not just that his career is going no where. He's even become less of a man in bed. I gave him some slack when we first realized there was a fertility problem, but it's been over a year now. He does his husbandly duty by fucking me when I ask, but I miss having a man in bed with me. Things spiraled out of control last May, when I tied him up. I thought he might like that banana in his bum. I didn't expect him to like it that much.
Francis rested her hand in her lap.
A woman needs to feel like a woman. When she calls her husband on her lunch break to say that she wants a cock that night, she doesn't expect him to come home with a strap-on for her to wear. Is it any wonder that I have feelings for Benjamin? Sure, Benjamin is gay, but he's 10 times the man Patrick has become. He's strong, and fierce, and won't take crap from anyone. Patrick is ... sweet. That's great when I need the garbage taken out. It's not so endearing in the bedroom. What woman wouldn't want a gay top over a straight bottom?
Francis nervously bit her finger nails. They used to be long and polished. Now they were trimmed short so that they wouldn't be uncomfortable in Patrick's bung hole. Francis threw out her nail polishes a couple month ago. Painting short nails seemed rather pointless.
I can't be unfaithful to Patrick. I can't go behind his back.
The front door opened. It was Patrick home from work. "You're home early," Francis remarked.
Patrick explained, "Debugging that algorithm took less time than I expected. The computer's crunching the data. It will have results in by the time I get back to work on Tuesday."
Francis could feel her back muscles clench. She look at the grandfather clock. "The seaweed needs to simmer for another 5 minutes. Then I have to bake the quiche for half an hour."
"I'm not hungry yet anyway. How's your case going?"
"Not well. I will have to go to the office on Monday to work on it and meet you at the Jazz festival when I'm done," Francis said as she averted Patrick's gaze.
Patrick kissed Francis on the cheek. "You go upstairs and work on that brief. I'll finish dinner."
Francis didn't even bother to argue. She went to the home office to watch an episode of
Tash ma Tash
online. After it was over, she came back downstairs. Patrick had dinner on the table waiting for her.