Dee Dee's Husband Responds

Vastiesmith wrote a story called Dee's One & Only Affair. Her story is told from the wife's point of view. I wondered what a strong man who would not tolerate that sort of behavior would do if he were made aware of his wife's posting on the Internet. I saw him as a religious man who deeply loved his wife. Now in his fifties he has to decide, not what to do--he has no choice but to divorce her, but how to respond emotionally to the situation.

This is NOT the way I thought I would be spending the night of my twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. I'm sleeping in the guest room, alone--by choice. Monday, tomorrow, Cee-Cee, the 'Dee Dee' of her story, will be served with divorce papers and a proposed settlement. I think it's more than fair, and I hope she'll be smart enough to take it. I don't want a messy divorce--Frankly, I want the nastiest possible divorce with the lying, cheating bitch (I wish my vocabulary were sufficient to say just how vile I think she is) tossed out with nothing but the clothes on her back. Strike that, tossed out naked in the snow!

But, I'm a better person than Cee-Cee, and even if Jenny isn't my child, I love my daughter. My 'dear' wife did change a few things in her story to try to hide who she was. Her first child, Jenny, was a brown-haired, brown-eyed girl. When I found the DNA test results she mentioned, I barely made it to the toilet before I lost my lunch. Our second--Brad Jr., and he does look like me--is blond-haired and blue-eyed, not the other way around. They are both grown and on their own now. Her daughter just gave birth to Cee-Cee's first grandchild. A beautiful little boy named for me.

That's not fair, she

my daughter! It

my grandchild! I may not be the father, but I

WAS

the 'daddy.' That's the reason I hope the divorce is quiet. I don't want to hurt my princess, or her precious family. I hate Cee-Cee with every fiber of my being, but I'd rather have a fatal malfunction with my single engine Cessna than hurt my 'little girl.'

I'm rambling, just another indication of what an emotional wreck I am right now. I'm a senior pilot for a major airline; logic and order are my watchwords. Besides, my real purpose is to set the record straight. I may not be the writer that my wife is, may she be damned to lowest region of hell, but

am an honest man. In addition to being cuckolded and being forced to raise another man's child... That makes me furious in the abstract, but I wouldn't trade everything I own for my 'daddy's girl,' and that's what my beautiful daughter has always been. Still, my lying, round-heeled slut-wife never gave me that option. I deserved the choice! I also don't deserve the libel of her story. I'm not the man she described. Only God can forgive her for lying about me to the whole world... Okay, I believe what the church teaches, that with God's help I should be able to forgive her, but I will never get past it.

Oh, my name is Brad, but my friends all call me 'Bud.' The sperm donor of my daughter is named John, but I guess my lying, cheating wife called him 'Jo.' How cleaver to swap names in her story, no one who knew us casually would ever guess... Right!

She hid our identity so well; I suppose that's why dozens of anonymous 'friends' mailed it, or its link on an erotic story site to me. I don't suppose there's a good way to find out your wife cheated on you, or that your first child isn't actually yours. Still, seeing the intimate details of her 'hot' affair published has to be one of the worst. Not just reading the graphic minutiae of their lovemaking... fucking, but reading repeatedly how much better he was than me. I'm sure Cee-Cee lacks the courage, character, or hate to say those things to my face, yet she told the world in her story. Over forty thousand people have downloaded it since she posted it last week! I've been given enough hard copies to know that I'm a laughingstock of our small town.

We did marry young, and I worked the whole time I was going to school. It was also the only time in our marriage that Cee-Cee worked. Cindy Compton was her maiden name, and I always called her Cee-Cee. Wasn't "Dee Dee" a clever disguise? Once Jenny was born, she became a stay at home mom. Five years ago she and our son started college together. They graduated on the same day. He has a degree in petroleum engineering, and she got a degree in English. She didn't get a teaching certificate, so I wonder what kind of job she'll get. Her gravy train has derailed if I have anything to say about it.

She didn't mention, in her story, that while she was fucking around on her "boring, tired, and inattentive" husband, I was working myself to death for us. Yes, I was gone a lot our first year. I was happily working forty hours a week, carrying twenty hours of tough aeronautical engineering courses and doing one weekend a month in the Air Force Reserve. She didn't mention that I turned down an appointment to the Air Force Academy because she didn't want to wait to get married, did she? The summer she got pregnant, when we'd only been married seven months, I wasn't gone two weeks. I was gone two

months

busting my butt to earn the right to go to flight school. I've wondered if I would have felt better if she'd started her "wonderful affair" while I was gone instead of before I left?

Yes, I remember very well when it started. I wasn't sure at the time, but did notice the signs and I was very worried... you see I

love

her without reservation. What a joke I was. If love is a decision and not an emotion, I'll change the tense to

loved!

She also didn't mention that I was as virgin as she when we married. I didn't have the sexual experience of her "wonderful lover," who "took her to heights my husband has still never achieved." She also didn't mention that, with me, she always changed in a locked bathroom. She didn't mention that we have

still

never made love with the lights on. She didn't mention that until she 'let' me go down on her, that first time, she had always insisted that oral sex was "too dirty." She somehow failed to mention that she

never once

, in our twenty-five years of marriage, provided oral sex for me.

I'll never forget that first oral sex, the one in which she detailed my shortcomings in her story. It was the only time in our marriage she laughed and giggled during sex. Somehow, she didn't mention that she made fun of my efforts at the time. What a joke, I wasn't just wearing horns, I was cleaning a very fresh load of her lover out of her. I wonder if she has any idea how it makes me feel to know that she didn't think it was 'too dirty' for me go down on her when she was full of her lover's cum. For the rest of our marriage, she had to have a drink or two before she would 'let' me provide her oral sex.

Was our love making short? Yes. She always managed to convey that sex was 'wifely duty' and not a very pleasant one, either. She never once, in twenty-five years showed any real passion in bed. She lied about that in her story too. I never got a big welcome home fuck in my life.

That was another of her lies. She even admitted it in her story, if you read carefully. During that first summer of Air Force training, I read sex manuals, and I talked to other guys. When I came home, she was her normal cold fish self, but I was horny enough that I persisted. But, after she "let him (me) give her two orgasms orally," she went right back to being a cold fish. To read in her story that I wasn't a good lover is...

I need to control my temper. I'll just say that Cee-Cee is one of those women who thinks that sex is 'dirty.' It was only when she was being a dirty adulteress that she could allow herself to do 'dirty' sexual things. Do I have to say how much it hurts to know that my wife was willing to cut lose with another man, but even twenty years-ofur later, was never willing to show that side to me. When I think back to the countless nights that I endured sexual frustration...

No, my lying, cheating wife didn't paint a very accurate picture of our sex life, but I loved her so much I was never unfaithful. Not even when I was away for months overseas in the Air Force, or later when I was flying for the airline. If you think airline senior captains don't have plenty of opportunity to cheat, you're living on a different planet, but I never did.

Why, you might ask, if I loved her so much am I divorcing her over an affair that is almost twenty-five years old and a cuckold's child I couldn't love more? Frankly, because of my faith, my first response to that story was to forgive her, and never bring it up. I even felt some anticipation that our sex life might finally get to where I might be allowed to turn the lights on. I played with the idea that we might renew our vows on our anniversary and start over. I thought I might push her sexually and never let her know why I was now more aggressive. Armed with what I learned in her story, I was certain I could break through her "sex is only to produce children" mentality she's shown all through our marriage.

I tried to rationalize that her affair was a lifetime ago and that she chose me... Then I asked myself why she chose me? Was it because her 'lover' had a dead-end hourly job and I had a bright future? I tried to tell myself that it wasn't important why she chose me, what was important was that she did.

Then I re-read the story, especially the last part, and I cried for only the third time in my life. I didn't even cry when my parents died. The only times I had cried was the first time I held each of my children. However, when I re-read the end of her story I cried like the broken-hearted man I was. Ultimately, she didn't choose me. She wrote that if I died, she might seek him out to be his secret lover. No doubt, she knew that if I died she'd have financial security. I might have lived with that. It at least implied she would honor her vows. What I could not tolerate was the part where she said that if his wife died she would to leave me for him. She valued his marriage vows and not ours!

That's when I understood. All through our marriage, I was

NEVER

first in her heart. I wept for all those lost years. I knew at that instant I would never want to touch her again. I put that in the divorce request, that she is never to contact me. I wonder if she'll honor it? I hope so; I'm not sure I can resist acting like a jerk and getting petty revenge if she doesn't. If she tries the crying, "I only love you and it was just sex" line that so many cheating wives seem to try--Well, I have some very cutting remarks prepared, but for the sake of our kids, I hope I don't have to use them.

When I stopped crying, I made a point of finding out about her lover. He wasn't hard to find. I just called his first wife. She told me "Jo" was single, after his third divorce, and behind in all his child support payments, not even worthy of revenge.

I wasn't surprised; a man who cheats as he did doesn't stop. I got his current address, and for a bit I thought about inviting him to our anniversary party, but I didn't want to ruin the party our kids were giving us, for their sake. Instead, I'm leaving a current picture his latest ex emailed me. I'll put it on our fridge. On the back I've written his address and phone number. (He's gained over a hundred and twenty pounds. I've had to stay trim for my job). I doubt she'll contact him, but you never know. Her story certainly had longing for him. Having her marry him would be sweet revenge--except for what it would do to my daughter.

I thought about all sorts of ways I could hurt that cheating, lying, bitch the way she'd hurt me. With twenty-five years of mutual history, I know dozens of ways to destroy her. For example, I almost ordered an expensive sexy dress in her size--her size when we married. It's funny, I almost wrote that Cee-Cee was still a fine looking woman. I erased it. I realized I had been seeing through a lens of my love. She never lost the weight from either pregnancy. Her skin shows the results of too many hours sunbathing. She's fat, old, and wrinkled! Unfortunately, my faith teaches forgiveness. I decided that I was a better man than that. I will turn the other cheek. Besides, it would take twenty-five years of pain to even the score. No, I'll let her go her way, and I'll go mine.

I'm going to try to find what I think every man deserves in a marriage. A woman who loves him. A woman who has him first in her heart and whose sexual fantasies include him. I'm not prepared to settle for less.

Knowing I can love someone who looks like Cee-Cee does now gives me confidence that I won't let my hormones do my thinking next time. In faith, I believe I can forgive Cee-Cee for her affair. With God's help I suppose I will forgive her for stealing almost twenty-five years of my life. But I will not give the lying, cheating, bitch the opportunity to steal a single additional day.

Revenge? It's tempting, but I believe the best revenge is a life well lived. I have no doubt that without that lying, cheating bitch, I'll find both.

There gentle reader I leave this story. I think Bud is a good man torn between what his religion tells him to do and his human side. He has only had a week to deal with his discovery that his whole life has been a lie. Yet is the story isn't over? Are all his 'friends' really reading that story? Personally, I think someone is trying to break up the marriage. Did Cee-Cee's story accurately reflect the affair, or did she spice it up to make it a better read? Most important, was Cee-Cee telling the truth when she said she would choose her lover over her husband if the situation was right. If Cee-Cee was like the Dee-Dee in the story, I think she's very lucky Bud is strong enough in his faith to forego revenge. If she's used poetic license--well I believe that a spouse should be spared from the knowledge a one-time momentary insanity--if the guilty spouse repents. In my book, repent mean you try to make the other party 'whole.' One of the things that means is you can't make yourself feel better by dumping your guilt on the innocent spouse. However, if an affair resulted in a child, the spouse always has a right to know and decide. Certainly, the sperm donor should pay child support. I would never give Dee-Dee a second chance, but then, I think Bud is a better man than I.

Joesephus