I wanted to leave you, then. But, I did not and could not. Not until I had destroyed every bit of love that I had felt for you, so I could start a new life without even your thoughts in it." He smiled. "...and what better way to have done that, than spend it with you; the so-called love of my life." He chuckled. "I know it sounds strange, but, it really helped. As I saw you every day and night, ignoring your husband and carrying on with your lover, I accepted that fact that we were just two strangers living together...and my love for you, slowly but steadily, died.
No longer I felt the amount of anger or hurt or betrayal that I usually felt; Oh, make no mistake, I still feel those, as only psychopaths can completely and successfully block those out. But, I was a different man after making peace with myself." He smiled in nostalgia. "It just took some time; eight months, to be exact."
It hit his wife, at that moment. Hurt at his words, she looked into Robert's eyes and saw nothing but, a sea of calm that had replaced the hurt in them. Those were the very same eyes that she had been seeing since the last few months and it was only now, she took note of them. Those eyes were calm, but seemed so detached; so distant. It was as if she was staring into the eyes of some stranger, rather than her husband of seven years. They terrified her.
Why only did she notice this now...
Then, she remembered the sex. She remembered how loving sex was with her husband, until a few months ago. Before, it had it gentle, caring and full of love. Now, it was devoid of any love, any passion; almost no kissing and caressing. She realised now, it seemed that her husband had been going through motions, when they'd have sex. It still felt like lovemaking with her husband and not the raw fucking that she'd experience with her lover, but, at the same time, it seemed...
different.
Was she so blinded by her lust for John, she didn't even notice the change in her husband?
Tears started to gather around her eyes, afresh, as she realised that being the case.
"I'd still smile and act normally around you, but, it was just that; acting." He said plainly. "I didn't stop having sex with you, even though I was afraid of catching anything swimming inside of you. Although, I did minimise it to some extent. Thankfully for me, you didn't want to have kids yet and always had insisted I wear a condom, rather than have you go on pill because of your headaches." His eyes bore holes in the photo frame sitting on the cabinet by the opposite wall; It was their wedding photo. "But, you'd let that bastard go bareback on you every time." His voice was low and instead of having an angry undertone, it sounded detached.
His wife wanted to just hug him tightly and never let go; beg for his forgiveness and try to put everything behind them.
He continued, "No longer was I repulsed by you when we were having sex...and no longer did I feel any love towards you while doing it. You were just some whore to keep me company and warm my bed, then."
His cold words hurt her deeply and she tried to look at him with anguish clear on her face. But, he would just stare ahead; his gaze on the photo frame.
"I knew that if I'd stopped having sex with you because of the disgust and betrayal I felt due to your actions, I'd be accepting defeat and would forever be riddled with those feeling, without any reprieve.
So, I knew what had to be done, here. I still had sex with you and every time we did it, my love for you died bit by bit, until nothing was left." He let a small bittersweet smile come on his lips. The wedding photo didn't remind him of the beautiful dreams he had for their marriage, anymore. It didn't remind him of his wife's cheating and blatant disregard for their vows. It only told him of what wouldn't be; what he had dreamt of with open eyes, but, couldn't have.
"...and that brings me to the next part." Robert turned to look at her with his eyes that reflected sadness and a small smile. They hurt her more than his cold rage and words. "I'll be leaving, now. I have a plane to catch for Tokyo. But, if you have anything to say, go ahead. I can, at least, give you
that.
"
"Please, honey... Please... Don't do that to me...! To us...!" His wife sobbed. Her cheeks were coloured and her eyes were pleading. "Please, forgive me. I... I only did that for you... for us." She gripped his hands lightly; knowing that if she let him go, it would be forever. "I know I made some mistakes... and I don't intend to make them again! But, please... Just find it in your heart to forgive me. I... I'm not asking for your immediate forgiveness; take as long as you want! But, just don't leave me!"
Robert frowned. He still couldn't see her hurt without feeling some of it himself. There was a time when he would move heaven and earth before let a single drop of tear show in his wife's eyes. But, that time has long gone. "Samantha." He started in a calm voice. "In any other circumstances, I'd have told you that I didn't this to us;
You
did it. I'd have told you that you didn't deserve my forgiveness. But, I won't." He smiled sadly. "I will, though, say that you should ask for the forgiveness of the late Mr. Richard's wife, who lost her husband because of your actions. After all, his three innocent kids lost their father and an unsuspecting wife lost her husband...only because some people couldn't keep it in their pants." It was the only thing that had left a bad taste in his mouth; the thought that three innocent kids has lost their father in such a way...and he was partly at fault for that.
He really wanted to say, "Had you not strayed, I wouldn't have needed to record your and every other wife's extramarital actions with that serial womaniser. Had you not pushed my buttons, I wouldn't have needed to forward a copy of each tape to the each of the concerned husbands; one of whom has probably killed your lover." But he didn't. He didn't want to be late for his flight. It was a miracle that none of the other wives or their husbands had caught anything. But, then again, all the other flings had been brief and lasted about two or three meetings at most; only his own wife seemed to be the recurring star. Rob had kindly asked the P. I. not to film his wife after her third performance; he had money to burn, but, he wasn't a masochist. Three were more than enough.
Rob intentionally left out that he'd -anonymously- sent a copy of each tape; four, in total, to Mrs. John Richards and he could probably guess what a disastrous route his wife's career was headed to. He really did not need a hysterical Samantha on him, right now. He had to hurry; if Mrs. Richards had already given the police, the tapes, then they'd be at his front door -along with the other...wronged husbands- any moment...and he really did not want to miss his flight. Yes, leaving the country would raise more than a few accusing eyebrows given just exactly
how
he was involved, but, he had more than enough alibi to prove he actually wasn't even in town when the murder took place.
Samantha was openly bawling at this point and the implications of her husband's words about Mrs. Richard did not register with her.
"As for you doing this 'for us'..." Her husband started, while looking at her with a piteous look. "I can only ask if you take me for being
that
dumb..." He sighed. "No, Sam. You were not doing it for us and definitely, not for me. It was for your own depraved, demented and disgusting desire; I've seen the tapes, and while, you didn't actively encourage him, you didn't stop him from demeaning me, every chance he got. Hell, you giggled like a fucking schoolgirl at most of those!" He had to keep his voice from rising. Then, he decided not to and he let the floodgates open. "You were desperate to make partner! You wanted more money! You wanted this big, unnecessary house for just the two of us! You were desperate to fit into with the high and powerful! I was fine with what I was earning even if it wasn't as much as you! I was fine in our old neighbourhood! With our old friends! In our old house! But, don't forget, you only became successful because I was so supportive of you! Not to mention, I declined that high paying promotion with transfer to France only because you wanted to stay here, in your fucking law firm and make it to partner here! I put our fucking sham of a marriage ahead of my career! Just for you!" His short outburst had left him panting and enraged. Instantly, Robert cursed himself for losing control. This was something he wanted to avoid at all cost, but, he failed at that. He shrugged. Shit happens. "Anyways, I have a flight to board." With that, he stood up, ignoring his crying wife and climbed the flight of stairs to go to his bedroom.
Their
bedroom.
