Dance 12

DANCE

If you like a lot of sex in your stories, this may not be your thing. If you like normal married people trying to deal with turmoil in their lives, I hope you can relate. All characters and their reactions are based in part on people I have known. Life is sometimes hard.

My thanks to Randi for her expertise. She helped this story in so many ways. Although I have a long way to go, she has taught me a lot.

My thoughts were on the last twelve months of my life. I just kept thinking back on my marriage and how things could have gone so wrong. I mean, we seemed to be so happy and so normal, then everything seemed to go sideways in a hurry. I never saw it coming. How could I have been so blinded and so stupid?

Rose was my wife of twenty-one years. What a beautiful name. Right from the start I knew she was the one. I fell hard.

Rose is one year younger than I. We met at a bar on campus. She was just about to graduate with an accounting degree and I was finishing my second year of law school. We talked, laughed and danced that night, although I've never been much of a dancer. We really hit it off right away. Life was wonderful for two people in love. We spent as much time together as we possibly could. I enjoyed all my time with her and our sex life was terrific. We were both experienced, but not really promiscuous.

One night she told me, "I love being with you, Tom. I love our time together."

We had only been dating a few months, but I wanted her to know how I felt. "I'm glad, Rose, because I love you, also. I think I have from the first night."

We were married shortly after I graduated from law school. Rose got a good job at an insurance company and worked really hard to get her CPA. As I graduated from law school with good grades, I landed a job at a large local firm. Life was good. We both had good jobs and worked hard. We spent every night together, as we rarely traveled for work. The weekends were spent drinking and partying with a large circle of friends.

Three years after we were married, Rose gave birth to twin girls. The pregnancy was difficult and after complications with the delivery, we were told Rose could not have another child safely. We certainly were disappointed, but at the same time ecstatic with the babies. We named the girls Barbara and Deborah, after each of our mothers. Our life was so busy those days with the girls, our jobs and still trying to find time for each other. We tried early on, but as the years went by, it was harder and harder to spend much alone time together.

After nineteen years of a happy life, I found myself trying to figure out how things turned out as they did. I suppose the problems started about twelve months earlier at Rose's annual company Christmas party. Rose's company had four big parties each year. The first was in February for a Valentine's Day dinner dance. The next was a fourth of July picnic, followed by a fun Halloween costume party. The last was a very nice Christmas party with dinner and dancing.

The previous year's party was no exception, and it was held on a Friday night a few weeks before Christmas. Drinks were to start at 6:30, with dinner at 7:30, followed by dancing. I was out of town, as I was having to travel more for work. My plane was delayed, so I was to be late getting in. I called Rose, told her to go there alone and I would catch up as soon as I could. My plane was very late and I didn't get to the party until a quarter till nine.

When I arrived, Rose was on the dance floor with a guy from her office. Rose worked at a large company, so there were over two hundred people at this party. I don't dance well, so I let Rose dance with her friends. I went over to the bar and got myself a drink. I then sat down with some guys that I knew and talked for a while. It must have been forty-five minutes later, and Rose was still out on the dance floor. I noticed two guys were keeping her card full. I asked who they were, because I hadn't seen them before. One was a guy Marty Peters, who was unmarried, and was maybe my age. The other guy was Rob Keane, from the actuary department. He was thirty-nine years old and a widower with no children.

Finally, they took a break from dancing and headed our way to sit at a table near me. Rose noticed me then and her eyes popped open. She looked startled.

"Tom, how long have you been here?" she asked.

"I think about an hour, Rose."

She then looked very embarrassed, "Why didn't you let me know? I would have come to be with you."

I was now a little pissed off and told her, "You seemed a little busy; I didn't want to bother you."

"I was just dancing, Tom, because I didn't know you were here. Please don't be upset, because I wasn't ignoring you. I honestly was waiting for you to get here."

I replied sarcastically, "You sure didn't get bored while you were waiting. I could have been here for three hours. I don't think you would have noticed."

We let it drop there, but I did have a strange feeling about her dancing with those two guys. We had a nice time the rest of the party. Neither of the two guys asked her to dance the remainder of the night.

The rest of the holiday season was good and was spent with family and friends. The only problem was my work was really heating up and I had a lot of big issues with which I was dealing. Even during the holidays, I missed important time with my family. It was the same way all thru January, as my days were very long and traveling was frequent.

I remembered telling Rose in January I would miss her Valentine's day party because of a travel commitment. I was going on a golf weekend with clients. It was always important to spend time with clients away from the office, but to be truthful, I looked forward to four days of golf and relaxation. I know she was disappointed because she really liked those parties. The trip in February was for a full weekend from a Thursday thru the following Monday; I had not spent much time with my family, as my work was so important to the firm. Besides, I was gaining a great deal of personal success. I was also earning a lot more money, and that would be good for my wife and the girls.

We left on that Thursday morning and I called Rose that evening after eighteen holes of golf and dinner. We talked briefly, as I was tired and wanted to go to bed. I got busy with my own fun, so I didn't talk to Rose again until Sunday evening.

"Hi, Rose, It's me. Sorry I forgot to call the last few days; I guess I got sort of busy."

"Oh, that's okay, honey, the girls and I were busy ourselves on Saturday getting them ready for their own Valentine's day dance. They had such a good time; You should have seen them."

"That reminds me," I said, "Did you talk to any of your work friends to see how the company party went Friday night?"

"Tom," she replied, "I went to the party Friday night; the ballroom was beautiful, the food was good, and I must have danced for three straight hours. It really was a good party this year."

I was surprised. I didn't expect Rose to go without me. We talked for a few more minutes before we said goodbye. I didn't know whether to feel angry, disappointed or both. We always went to those things together, and I expected Rose to pass if I couldn't be there. I knew that sounded unfair, but at the time, that's how I felt.

In March, I was still feeling put out that Rose had gone, but she didn't feel she had done anything wrong, so I kept my feelings to myself. We had planned to take the girls for a week in Florida for spring break. We were to leave on Saturday morning and fly back the following Sunday. As was usually the case back then, I had problems at work and didn't fly down until Thursday. We did have a good time with fun dinners, the beach, and the girls loved shopping at all the little shops down there. Rose and I did connect some in our room, but probably not as much as we should have.

The months of March and April were pretty much the same as they had been. I was traveling a great deal, while Rose was working and spending lots of time with the girls. She knew they were heading off to college in August, so it seemed she was maximizing her time with them while she could. One change in our routine was that Rose started joining her friends from work on Wednesday nights for a few drinks and dinner. I thought nothing of it because I didn't come home from work till about 7:00 or 7:30. Rose got home between 8:00 and 9:00.

May was more of the same, which had me working crazy long hours six day a week. One of my clients had an emergency and I had to travel to Dallas for almost ten days. Unfortunately, the trip meant I had to miss the twins' graduation from high school. All the women in my house were really upset with me for missing such a big occasion. I didn't get it. Didn't they realize I was working my tail off to support my family? In my job, I had to react to my client's needs. Rose and the girls should have been more appreciative than they were. Needless to say, things were a little frosty around my house for weeks. Looking back, that's when I really felt a disconnect in my marriage. I hardly had a chance to talk with my family. The girls and Rose were up and out early each morning, sometimes before I came down for my coffee. I would work till 7:00 or 7:30 every night, five or six days a week. When I got home, I still had paper work and then I went to bed, exhausted. I hardly talked to any of them, certainly, I had no time or energy to make love to my wife.

The next big event at Rose's work was the Fourth of July picnic. I knew Rose was on the planning committee, so she was working extra hours to prepare. The picnic was to start at 11:00, and go until around 3:30. I had promised to play golf with some guys from work, but I told Rose I would be at the picnic by 12:00. We played our round, and then time got away from me because I decided to stay for lunch. When I got to the picnic, it was around 3:30. There weren't many people left, only the committee and volunteers for the cleanup. I found Rose at a table with her best friends from work. I did notice that fellow, Rob, sitting next to Rose, but not in an inappropriate way. The look on Rose's face said it all. She was livid. In all our years together, I had never seen her look at me that way. There must have been eight people around that table and no one could look at me. I tried to apologize to her, but she was having none of it. She just shook her head and wouldn't speak to me. I knew when I wasn't wanted, so I slowly went back to my car to go home. I understood why Rose was angry at me, but wasn't I entitled to a round of golf with my friends? I hadn't taken a day off like that in months.

If things had been frosty before, then the rest of July into August were frozen. My girls, like Rose, had nothing to do with me. I thought they'd come around in a few weeks, but that didn't happen. The girls stayed busy with their summer jobs and Rose looked hurt whenever I had a chance to talk to her, which wasn't that often. Right after the picnic, Rose joined a gym close to her office. Three mornings a week, she started working out before work. At the same time, I kept up my pace at work. I felt if my family could see how hard I was working and how successful I'd become at my job; they'd feel a lot better about me.

Late August, I took a Friday off and we drove the girls to college. The school was about three hours away, so I rented a big SUV to take everything they needed. It can be a hard thing for parents to part with their children, and we shed a few tears on the way home. I knew Rose would especially miss her girls. They did so much together and had a special bond.

Not long after the girls were gone, Rose added Friday night to her night out with the friends from work. This was a little different from her Wednesday nights, because I think they were going to clubs for drinking and dancing. Rose was never a big drinker, but she really loved to dance. I was still getting home about 7:30 at night, but Rose started coming home later and later. Some nights she wouldn't be home till almost 11:00. I trusted her completely, and if I was worried, I guess I could have joined them some nights. The truth was, I was so tired from a long week I was usually in bed by the time she came home.

Sunday was the only day I wasn't working at that time, but on those days all I really did was rest and maybe watch some football. Our relationship had deteriorated to the point we didn't talk much and enjoyed no time together in bed. Several weekends, Rose went to visit the girls at school, so I was really alone all weekend.

This was the way things were leading up to her Halloween party. They decided to have a buffet so people could eat whenever they wanted. The party was to start with a band playing at 7:00. Almost every year the party was held at a hotel ballroom. Everyone dressed up in costume and there were prizes for the best ones. I had decided to surprise Rose by renting a clown costume. It included a full head mask with baggy pants, and even had big floppy shoes like the clowns at a circus. I thought she would be pleased I put in so much effort.

The party was on a Friday night and I told Rose I would meet her there so she wouldn't see my costume ahead of time. I still got held up at work on a project, so I arrived about 7:30. Having already put on most of my costume at work, I drove to the party and put on the shoes and mask in the parking garage. My face was pretty well hidden behind my mask, so I realized as I entered no one would recognize me. I thought I'd walk around and check out the party before I found Rose. I went over to the bar, got a drink, and then went looking of Rose at the tables. I looked around all the tables, saw all of her friends, but no Rose. Finally, I looked on the dance floor, and that's when it hit me. What had I done? She was dancing a slow dance with Rob. It wasn't just that they were dancing, but it was the way they were holding each other. They couldn't be snuggled up any closer and Rose had her head resting on his shoulder. It was the way she used to dance with me. Rose had on a French maid's costume that made her look incredible. Not slutty, but just really sexy, and her body looked so lean and fit. Working out three times a week for four months made her look fifteen years younger. Why hadn't I noticed? Looking around, there must have been half the guys at the party watching her. They sure noticed.

I felt sick to my stomach. I knew then that my behavior the last ten months might have cost me my marriage. I must have looked like a statue standing there because I couldn't move. It was then that I felt rather than saw someone next to me.

A voice said, "Tom, I don't think it's as bad as it looks." It was Marie, a vice president at the insurance company, and a good friend to Rose. "But if you want to save your marriage, you've got your work cut out for you."

I said, "Marie, I'm sick to my stomach right now and I don't know what to do. Will you tell Rose I came to the party but left right away because I became ill? Wait until later tonight, because I need some time alone."

"That's fine, Tom. Why don't we meet for lunch tomorrow and talk this through? Rose has been too good a friend, and you two have been very good together for over twenty years. I want to help if I can." I said fine, so we made plans for the next day and I quickly left the party, but not before I went to the bathroom and lost my lunch. I went home to do some serious thinking.

When Rose got home it was pretty late. She came to our bedroom where I was pretending to be sleeping. She said, "Tom, Marie told me you went home sick. How are you feeling?"

I acted groggy and said, "I feel pretty bad, Rose, I just want to sleep."

Rose sounded nervous, "How long were you at the party, Tom? And did you see me before you left?"

I told her I was only there a few minutes and didn't see her. It was difficult talking to her because of all the mixed emotions in my brain. I was upset with myself because of the way I had acted towards her and the girls. I was also jealous and angry. I didn't know about the true relationship between Rose and Rob. Had I pushed her into this guy's arms? How far had they gone, and was it a sexual relationship yet? Was I a fool to not see her in an affair of some type, or had I read their dancing all wrong? Did I still have time to save my marriage?

Rose left the bedroom, but I could tell she was very nervous. I think she was actually shaking when she was leaving. What did that mean?

I didn't remember sleeping, the whole night. I was up very early and out of the house. Rose was going to visit the girls at their college. It was mom's weekend. I left her a note that I was feeling better and had gone in to work. I told her to have a good time with the girls and I would see her the next night.

I did go to my office for a little while, but my mind was in a fog. How was I supposed to work when my entire home life was collapsing? I left early to go to meet Marie, and I had been there for some time when she arrived.

Marie was a very direct person. "Tom, do you still want your marriage to Rose?"

"Yes, Marie, of course I still want to be married to her."

She shook her head. "Do you want the same marriage you have now, or the one you had just a few years ago?"

"That's the question, isn't it, Marie? The marriage we have now isn't really a marriage. I take most of the responsibility for the deterioration of my marriage. It hit me right in the face last night. But at the same time, I don't know where Rose is now. Is it too late, and how far have they gone? Does she still want me?"

"Look, I don't think it's gone that far, but I think she has feelings for him. He's actually a good man, but he shouldn't be involved with a married woman. Tom, this isn't some sleazy affair where he's been trying to seduce her to get in her pants. But I think he's fallen in love with her. Hell, Tom, almost every man at that party last night was watching her. She's a very beautiful woman and a lovely person. They started as friends and it's progressed because she feels her husband doesn't need or want her anymore. They do have lunch together most days."

I waited a few moments to reply. "I promise you I will do everything in my power to rekindle our life together. I think Rose has enough morals to not go over the line, but I'm worried because of the lack of respect I've shown her. I still love her like crazy, I'm not giving up on my marriage. I promise to change and I'll make her see the change in me."

We agreed to stay in touch. I would start my change the next week and she would keep an eye on things at their office. Things were strange, Sunday evening. I appeared that Rose was still nervous about what I had seen or heard Friday night. I finally asked her to sit down so we could talk.

"Rose, I have a few things to talk to you about. You don't need to respond if you don't want to, or want to think on things for a while. The last year I've changed. And not for the better. I've put my work and my own ego ahead of my family. I promise you I'm going to be better. I'm ashamed to say I've neglected you and my daughters. Our sex life has gone to hell, our time together and communication is non-existent. Everything is my fault."

"Tom, this last year you have hurt me beyond words. I feel like we don't know each other anymore. You now admit it's your fault, but I don't know how to feel. I need time to wrap my head around this conversation."

I told her to take her time, but I was going to show her how much she meant to me. I wasn't going to give up on us.

Monday morning, I requested a meeting with Ben Davis, the managing partner of our firm. He had always been a mentor to me and a close friend. I told him honestly about the events of the last year, up until what I had seen Friday night.