For those of you who haven’t met me before, I’m Cynthia, ‘Cyn’ for short. The ‘conservative norm’ I recently broke out of had been well established. 18 Years of fidelity in marriage to the one and only true love of my life, Craig Jamison. We have three teenage kids, one son and two daughters. The kids are the perfect sort of teens that defy modern stereotypes, but I’m sure most of the credit goes to a lifelong devotion to Church where we have always attended meetings together as a family.
Our Church has very strict rules concerning moral behavior before and after marriage and up till now I have staunchly supported chastity and fidelity, I still do in fact, but if you’ve been following along I’m sure you all ready consider me to be a world class hypocrite. Even when I became adventurous in high school and promiscuous in college I always pretended, at least, to try to be good.
I developed an exhibitionistic addiction that I had suppressed for eighteen years in marriage and that , along with lust, that took its energy from complacency, set me up to become a willing sex toy for three people I car pooled with in my new job. My husband Craig had supported me in my decision to go back to work, in spite of the fact we didn’t desperately need the money. Neither he nor I realized that my interest in working may have in itself been an early symptom of vulnerable restlessness. When I allowed myself to become centered on my own interests, I started to resent having to give up personal wants and pleasures, that initially had no relationship to sex at all, in order to function in a family setting.
After only two weeks of concentrated interaction with morally liberal work associates in carpool commuting, I was already spiraling wildly into a sexual swamp. Last Thursday, on our trip home Elaine and I sat in the back seat and competed for the attention of Nate and Scott, up front as she stripped me completely naked and I pulled off her panties and exposed her big breasts. We entertained the others by performing sexually for them during the commute home.
I had never made love to a woman before and I don’t know if what we did in the backseat that day constituted a first, but we masturbated ourselves, and Elaine fucked me orally with her mouth and tongue as we brought each other to screaming climaxes.
I had been naked at some point in the car nearly every day that week and everyone got involved. Thursday evening was the first time anyone else ended up at least partially undressed besides me. It became obvious to everyone that we had rolled back the boarders of our sexual play a little more from that point on. I knew it was only a matter of time before I would end up fucked silly, and it wouldn’t end until everything came out into the open with Craig. In spite of the fact that I was obviously on a self destructive path, a perverse thrill went through me whenever I realized how anxious I actually was to commit adultery and wondered whose cock was going to be in me first.
I knew I had to take a break, and step back and look at what was happening, and how I got to that point. I knew I was going to be confronted with my behavior, maybe very soon, and I wanted be prepared to handle it as well as possible, if such a thing is possible. Friday morning I called Elaine and told her I felt terrible and that I wouldn’t be in, she was disappointed but agreed to make sure Sandy, our boss, knew I was ill.
I spent all day Friday and whenever I could get a quiet time to myself on Saturday and Sunday. Now it’s late Tuesday evening, Craig’s already in bed and I’m trying to make myself think. Today I committed adultery and tomorrow will be even worse, so I’m sitting in front of our computer again tonight, trying to bring myself and you up to date. I still can’t make heads or tails out of my thoughts so typing them all out might help, so I can look at them more objectively.
What I knew was going to happen was never far from my conscious thoughts throughout the entire weekend. Even at Church, I renewed my vows of chastity and fidelity to myself while my pussy flooded with arousal and my nipples felt like they were going to explode. Craig taught a discussion group about love, while I was dreaming about committing adultery.
I remember he used the Greek definition which broke love into three levels. ‘Agape’ which is the highest form, is a totally selfless love. He said it’s God like and only happens when something wonderful is done anonymously, so the beneficiary is compelled to thank everyone around, especially God. The middle form or level of love was ‘Philos’, brotherly love, where you are willing to sacrifice what you want for the greater need of someone else. It’s also when you try to discover what someone else needs so you can provide it without their having to ask. I used to be proud of my ability to practice Philos love, and now realized I had become focused on satisfying only my own cravings at the expense of others. No doubt I had become a selfish bitch.
The Lowest level is the one that fit me; ‘Eros’. The need and desire to provide for your own pleasure; at least that’s the way it seemed. The feeling in me was a truly evil and perverse self indulgence. My pussy was constantly hot and I wanted more than anything else in the world to be thoroughly fucked, by anyone but my husband. Here I was, in Church of all places dreaming of being striped naked in front of everyone, and fucked wildly while my husband only observed
“HOW IN HELL COULD I BE THINKING SUCH A THING?” I thought to my self as I dropped my head into my hands and bitter tears started to pour from my eyes. My chest heaved and my body trembled in pain as I realized what I was lusting for. I knew I loved Craig more than life itself, and I couldn’t consciously bear the thought of hurting him the way I had imagined. I didn’t know how I was going to hide my distress and tear streaked face as I scrambled for a tissue to mop up the mascara tracks.
Craig is always able to bring emotion into a discussion like this with a tender story, and this time was no exception. By the end of his lesson, most of the women and some of the men were in tears, so I didn’t look too far out of place. After the meetings, we gathered up the kids and returned home.
I prepared the best meal I could with a rich three layer desert to finish it off to help assuage the guilt. After some family oriented time together in the evening, Craig and I finally headed off into our bedroom. We cuddled, talked and kissed like young lovers trying to get to know everything we could about each other. I couldn’t believe how lucky and fortunate I was to have such a wonderful and caring husband, and was stupefied to imagine risking it all.
Because he was tender and caring and seemed to be able to practice all of the levels of love he had taught us about, it might be easy for someone to think he was weak and could be easily manipulated or deceived. That’s not true! Those are the very reasons it would be impossible to hide my betrayal from him for long. It pained me as I recalled how I had dreamed of humiliating him and I felt my eyes moisten again.
I didn’t really want to hurt, embarrass or humiliate him, I wanted him to see how wicked and wild I was capable of being and love me in spite of it, maybe that’s because I found it so hard to love myself; certainly I had lost my self respect. In Craig’s lesson, the ultimate measurement of the quality of love was found in how effective a person was in improving the life of another. Much of what occupied my mind at that point would likely result in worsening or destroying the lives of everyone I loved around me. Even so I knew I was going to proceed along that reckless path I didn’t know how to do otherwise and I thought I needed to see how wicked and wild I could be as well.
As our emotions grew, Craig’s was pure, mine was not but our actions stimulating both of us became more and more sensual. I pulled Craig’s cock out of his pajamas and stroked it to hardness. He bared my aching titties and sucked on their distended nipples.
Wanting to feel nasty, I moved down to take his cock into my mouth and turned around so I could wiggle my bottom toward talented tongue. He took the hint and made oral love to my pussy with his probing tongue and nibbling teeth. We grasped each other feverously in a 69 position and slathered each others genitals orally until we came together.
Craig acted like this was all for the night, but I had other ideas. It turned him on to see me play with my self so I continued to lay with my open pussy toward him and started to use the combination of our lusty juices as lubrication, while I played in my swampy hole. I fed two fingers from each hand into my opening and then opened my vagina up for him.
