Sitting at the dinner table with my wife Vivian, her sister Valerie and Valerie's husband Bill I thought again what I had been thinking for years - God but would I love to fuck Valerie. I could even remember the exact time and place that I'd had that thought. It was on my wedding night about two minutes after Vivian and I had consummated our marriage. Sick? Probably, but the circumstances were not necessarily normal.
Vivian and Valerie are identical twins, identical in every way. They walk the same, they talk the same, their mannerisms are the same and not even their parents could tell them apart. It was easy enough when they were young because the parents had some control then, they could dress them differently, put different colored ribbons in their hair and even cut their hair differently. But once the twins were old enough to realize what a unique situation they were in they began to play mind games with the world. They began to dress the same; they wore their hair the same and they did everything that they could to make sure that no one could tell them apart. Once they reached that point the fun began.
Their big thing was to double date and two or three times during the course of the evening they would get up to use the bathroom, come back and switch dates. If you went out with Valerie during the course of the evening your date would be Valerie, Vivian, Valerie, Vivian and so on. Even when it wasn't a double date the two girls still screwed you over. You could make a date with Vivian, but you would never know if it was Vivian you picked up or Valerie. At the end of the date you would take her home and say, "Thanks Viv, I had a great time" and she would giggle and say, "I'm not Vivian, I'm Valerie."
It drove the guys crazy and the two girls thought that it was great fun, but the great time they were having came to an abrupt end when the guys finally got fed up and said, "Fuck this shit!" and stopped asking the girls out.
And so it came to pass that at senior prom time the two best looking girls in school didn't have, and couldn't get, any one to take them.
In addition to having dated one or the other at one time or another I was also their neighbor. I lived just across the street from them and had for twelve years with the result being that in growing up with them and playing with them as kids I ended up being the butt of their pranks more than any other guy in town. In fact, I was one of the first guys to turn away from them. Five days before the senior prom my date had a death in the family and she and her parents headed back East for the funeral and I decided that rather than go to the prom alone I would just skip it.
Three days before the prom I came home from my part-time job of bagging groceries at the local market to find my father and Mr. Pavel, Val and Vic's dad, sitting at the kitchen table. I was invited to join them and Mr. Pavel said, "I have a problem and you are the only one I know well enough to ask about it. Neither Viv or Val has a date for the senior prom and knowing that they won't be going unless it is with each other is driving them crazy. That in turn is making my wife a basket case. What I can't understand is that they are beautiful girls and they have always been popular. I don't understand it. Do you know what is going on?"
I was hesitant to say anything, but then my dad spoke up, "He's here for help son. If you know anything that can help him you need to tell him."
So I told Mr. Pavel what the problem was and how it came to be.
"I knew that they liked to play games with their uniqueness, but I didn't realize that they had taken it that far. So the bottom line is that they won't be going to the prom, at least not with dates?"
"I'm afraid so," I said and started to get up and leave and then my dad said, "What are you going to do about the prom?"
"Nothing. Pam won't be back from Cleveland until after."
"So you don't have a date?"
I could see where he was going and I quickly said, "I really didn't want to go anyway. I was only going to keep Pam happy." I started to get back up again and my dad told me to sit back down.
"You have a chance to do a good turn here and help out Mr. and Mrs. Pavel."
"No dad. I will not be a party to any more of their stupid little games. I've had enough of them. Besides, which one would I ask? Whichever one it was would still leave the other one without a date."
"So take them both" was the answer I got.
"No! The two of them have screwed over me ever since they were old enough to figure out how to make their appearance work for them. It is about time that the two of them pay a price for all the grief they have caused."
That wasn't the end of it of course. Mr. Pavel didn't say anything, but my dad beat on me until I finally surrendered and I agreed to ask both of them to the prom.
That was a trip. That evening I went across the street and rang the Pavel's doorbell. Mrs. Pavel came to the door and I asked to see Vivian and Valerie. They came into the living room and I said, "You probably already know that Pam had to leave town to attend a funeral so I'm without a date for the prom. I came over to see if you might be interested in going with me."
They looked at each other and then one of them said, "Which one of us are you asking?"
"I was thinking more along the lines of both of you."
"You're joking."
