"Larry, what do you think of Marilyn?"
I stopped my cleaning up from the cocktail party and looked at my wife. "Chip's wife? Or Monroe?"
Alice stuck her tongue out at me and said "Smart ass."
I laughed. Alice could always make me laugh. "She's fine. Plays a heckuva game of hearts."
"Do you think she's ... attractive?"
I waggled my finger at Alice. "Oooh no, I know this game. If I say yes, you'll get mad at me. If I say no, you won't believe me and will start grilling me about it. No way Alice." I wiped the last of the crumbs from the coffee table and walked towards the kitchen. "Not gonna play that tonight. I'm a little buzzed, relaxed and happy. I just want to go to bed"
Alice followed me. "Larry, I'm not playing you here. I really want to know."
I stepped on the foot pedal of the trashcan, dropped the last of the mess from the party in and let it drop shut with a small clang.
"What is it Alice? What's going on?" I was getting annoyed.
"Just tell me ..."
"WHAT??"
"Whether or not you think Marilyn is attractive?"
"Fine. She's attractive ... okay? Are we done here?" I turned and started loading glasses into the dishwasher.
"How?"
My shoulders slumped. Without turning around I said "How what?"
"How is she attractive?"
I spun around. "For god's sake Alice. What the hell are you expecting me to say here? Yes, Marilyn is an attractive woman. She's smart, has a nice figure that she keeps fit, and she has a pretty face. Now can we PLEASE finish cleaning up and go to bed?" I turned back to the dishwasher.
"Chip's quite good looking."
I froze. Every warning klaxon in my mind started going off. I clenched my jaw for a moment and counted to 10 before I turned around slowly to face my wife. "Alice, we've discussed this. I have no interest in swinging."
Alice had started bringing up the subject of swinging soon after we retired and moved to Florida. She was quick to point out every upside down pineapple she saw on a house, car, golf cart or polo shirt. She started talking about it while we would make love, using "fantasy play" as an excuse. She even talked me into watching swingers porn on her ipad with her in bed one night while she tried to give me a hand job. "Doesn't that look hot Larry? Wouldn't that turn you on?" I didn't get hard and she gave up. But later that night I woke to find her fingering herself next to me in bed, her face lit by the ipad.
Alice squared her shoulders and raised her chin. "Larry, I'm bored .... sexually." She saw my face start to break, but went on. "You're a great husband, a wonderful father and grandfather and a generous and tender lover. But you're the only man I've ever touched." Her chin was starting to quiver. "I don't have a lot of time left where another man would be interested in me sexually. I need to experience that. And I'm going to."
I was numb. I couldn't fathom what I was hearing from my wife of 37 years. "Alice ... are you .... leaving me?"
She rushed to me and threw her arms around my paralyzed body. "No ... no no no!! Larry, I love you! More than you can possibly know."
I pushed her away from me, gently but firmly. "THEN FOR GOD'S SAKE WHY ALICE?? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US?!?"
I expected her to cry, to admit or confess to something, to break down in some way. But she just got that familiar, patient smile. "Larry, I'm not doing anything to us. Don't you understand? I need this for me, to feel ... I don't know ... sexy and desired again. It's important to me. It doesn't mean I don't love you or don't care about our marriage. Why can't you understand that?"
I turned my back on her, gripping the counter. "You don't think I look at other women, Alice? You think I don't fantasize about some young hot woman being attracted to me? Making me feel virile and relevant?"
"Oh I know you do Larry. I've looked at your browser history."
The blood drained from my face. Tears started to burn my eyes. "I'm sorry my love. I'm so sorry."
She came up behind me and pressed herself against me. She put her arms around me and said "Larry ... Larry. It's okay. Don't you see? Deep down you feel the same way I do!"
I was weeping, shaking my head. "No. No I don't. Me masturbating to some porn on the internet is NOT the same as doing something about it."
She turned me around and wiped my tears, kissing my cheeks. "I'm sorry this is hurting you. But if I don't do this, I'll end up resenting you and our marriage. And I don't want that my love. And I don't want to fall in love with anyone else either. I just want .... sex .... with someone besides you."
"So you are going to do this. You're going to make me a cuckold?"
She smiled, which somehow hurt me more. "If you'd be willing to swing, you wouldn't be a cuckold."
I sobbed. "I can't Alice. I can't watch you be with someone else. It would kill me."
"I know baby, I know." she kissed me "That's what I told Chip."
"SONOFABITCH!! WHAT?? I'LL FUCKING KILL HIM!"