Looking back I still can not believe how easy I lost every thing I most cherished in my life and ended up here living in a beat up old trailer in the middle of no where. I wish I could say I did not deserve what happened to me but that would not be true, I made my bed and now had to lay in it as the saying goes. Reflecting back the worse part about it is the fact that some thing as easy as communication could have prevented every thing, but hind sight is 20-20 as you know and I can not change any thing now. I am writing this story as part of my therapy and also to explain what happened to me in hopes it can help some one else from making the same mistakes as I did.
It has been a little over a year since my down fall and I am just now starting to recover. Last week was the first time in eight months that my kids agreed to meet me in public, that is, if you call the local diner of this small town public. I know how much my actions affected them so I could only blame myself for their reaction, the shame they both felt. Living in this trailer that my ex-husband bought me served as a constant reminder of what I did and how wrong it was, I acted so stupidly.
After being married to the same man for 17 years our sex had become mundane, the same thing every time, with him making love to me in our bed. It was satisfying but not fully satisfying if you know what I mean, I wanted, needed more, the thrill had gone out of it. I will never know why I was so reluctant to bring up my feelings with my husband, but I never did. If I had trusted him enough to talk to him none of this would have happened. Sure we had the usually problems when we started out, money being the main one, but we still managed to have a daughter and a son and muddle through any problem that arrived. I understand how selfish my attitude was when he worked so much overtime, to make sure we had enough money to live comfortably but I felt so abandoned at times, not realizing just how much of a sacrifice he was making for us. We made it through that period without any real trouble; I never acted on my feelings. This only made my indiscretion that much worse, I knew how devoted he was.
My actions could not even be blamed on money in the first place, as my husband owned a very lucrative software company and we were pretty well off, never having to live check to check to survive. I have no one but myself to blame, me and my selfishness plus the fact that I did not trust my husband enough to talk to him. Even though I could have sex with my husband at any time I wanted, all I had to do was ask, this was not enough for me. I wanted more excitement. To this day I can not explain why I never went to him with this problem, maybe I was afraid that he would reject any changes or think me a tramp, but I never once approached him with it. That was the first in a series of mistakes I made that led to my current situation.
I guess I could have quenched my desires at the all-female gym I attended three times a week, God knows I had the chance but instead I chose to have my affair with one of my husband's younger associates. At 36 years old I still maintained the looks of a 20 year old, my legs and ass nice and firm. I smiled inwardly when I overheard a couple of my husband's co-workers at a party once referring to me as 'the perfect trophy wife'. The attention made my aerobics classes worth the effort, it made me feel proud of the way I looked.
Even our kids Becky, 15, and Ben, 16, did not give us any problems, both being on the Honor Roll year after year. Sure Becky would occasionally run up the cell phone bill, what teenage girl didn't, and Ben would skip a class here and there but for the most part they never caused any problems. I miss attending the plays and sporting events I used to attend but I can understand why the kids do not want me there now, they are ashamed of me and how could you blame them?
Now that I have told you how perfect my life was before let me explain what happened to ruin all of it and hopefully some one will read it and think about the consequences of their actions....
"I am so sorry honey but there is nothing I can do about it, it is today or never. I will not get another chance to meet him again, he is only in the states once every five years and I was lucky enough to get a meeting with him, I have to go." My husband explained to me as he started to pack some clothes.
"I wish the timing was different, you know you will miss the company picnic planned for this weekend." I answered not wanting to make him feel bad.
"Could you go to the picnic and give them my apologies? Let them all know how much I appreciate all their hard work." He said as he was closing the last suitcase. "Sally said that she would bring you there so you won't have to go alone."
"I would much rather go with you but if it can not be helped what other choice do I have? I am not mad just disappointed." I was looking forward to spending the day with him.
"You are a doll, thank you for understanding, I will make it up to you, I promise." Kissing me he took his bags to the car and was off.
The whole situation was worse since I craved to get him in bed for a passionate love making session after the picnic. We arranged it so the kids would be gone that weekend leaving us alone for the first time in quite a while. The lingerie I bought for the weekend would have to wait until he got back.
With the kids off to their activities I dressed and waited for Sally to pick me up. I chose a simple sun dress which buttoned down the front top to bottom to wear hoping to remain cool in the hot afternoon sun. Only the top two buttons and one of the lower buttons were undone wanting to look conservative for the party. The dress ended about an inch or two above the knees so I did not think it looked too bad. The open-toed sandals I wore were intended to make walking through the grass easy on my feet. To this day I will never understand why but I wore the lace panty and bra set I bought to entice my husband with under the dress, justifying it by thinking they would be cooler.
About seventy-five people were already in the backyard of one of my husbands top executives houses when we arrived. Sally and I mingled throughout the guests, with me expressing my husband's apologies for not being there and his gratitude for their hard labor for about thirty minutes before she ran into her boyfriend. Sally and her boyfriend left to continue talking with other people and I made my way to the buffet table to grab something to eat.
I should tell you that one of the guests caught my attention immediately, the way he looked at me was leaving me with a feeling that I was just a piece of meat. The way he boldly stared at me, lustfully looking up and down my entire body was erotic. With all of the young ladies at this picnic why did he choose me to stare at? I was at least twice his age.
The attention I was receiving from this man half my age was putting my brain in sensory overload, feeling surfaced that I have not had in quite a while. The three aerobics classes I attended each week were finally paying off as evidenced by his lust filled stares. My instructors told me that I looked a lot closer to twenty years old than my actual age of thirty-six, but I thought they were just saying that to keep me motivated, it appears they were not. Every time I looked around I saw him looking my way which frightened and excited me at the same time, I did not know what to think. No one has paid this much attention to me since my husband and I started dating over twenty years ago and it was filling me with pride, I loved it.
"That is one hot body you have lady. Show me more of those luscious thighs," he whispered in my ear before vanishing back into the crowd.
I never got a chance to see his face but I knew immediately who it was. The gall of the young man turned me on more than I thought it would. I found my hands reaching under the table unbuttoning two more of the bottom buttons, hoping no one would notice.
"Damn I was right, you have got hot legs." "I love it when you show off for me babe, keep it up." "I want you so bad right now honey." Were only a few of the compliments this hot young stud whispered in my ear as the afternoon wore on and for some reason I was delighted that I could please him, the compliments, however crude they were, caused me to get very horny.