Couple’s Therapy

"Well," the therapist said, in a tone at once inquisitive and reassuring, "what brings you here to me today?"

"Threesomes," the woman stated unceremoniously. She turned to her husband and, through clenched teeth, added: "I want one. Jack doesn't."

Jack rolled his eyes to the side before the therapist could look his way. He would have rather been anywhere but at the mental health center that morning. His shoulders slumped, as if in defeat, and his gaze drifted toward the nearest window.

The therapist gave Jack a moment and the trio sat in silence. When he reengaged, she briefly studied him before turning her attention back to the wife and asked, "May I ask how old you each of you is?"

"I'm twenty-seven," said Mia.

"Thirty-three," replied Jack.

"How long have you been together?"

"Four years--"

"Three and a half, Mia," Jack interjected.

Mia struck the hardwood floor with her sneakers. "Jack!" she exclaimed. "It's four. Not three, not three and a half, not five. Four. The party at Stephanie's. How many times do we have to agree on this?"

"We were still dating at that time, Mia. We didn't 'get' together until the night at the hotel six months later when Nancy hooked up with Aaron from--"

"When did you get married?" the therapist interrupted.

"Four months after we met," Mia said cheerfully.

"O.K. Describe your relationship."

"Normal," Jack said, slightly irritated.

"Normal how?" The therapist studied at Jack.

"Just normal. We don't have kids. We both work. We go out Fridays; sleep in on weekends."

"It's boring..." exhaled Mia.

"Boring?" the therapist repeated inquisitively. "Can you elaborate?"

"In bed."

"How often do the two of you get intimate?"

"Often," said the man.

"Every day, week, month?"

"I'm a very sexual person...," Mia chimed in. "We fuck all the time. Not because of him, but because of me. I need sex. I can't go without sex. It's like I don't exist without it."

"If we fuck all the time and it 'helps you exist,' Mia--"

"That's not what I said!"

"Why the hell do you want to bring another man into our relationship?!" Jack snapped in frustration.

The therapist scribbled something in her notebook as the couple's row escalated.

"Your penis is too small for me, Jack--"

"And what the hell do you expect me to do about it? Grow another?!"

"It's not about you, Jack. It's about me. I try and I try, but no matter what I do, I just can't come when we're together. I'm so sorry... I love you; God knows I love you so much and I want us to be together, but I'm so tired of faking orgasms all the fricking time, Jack. I don't know what else to do anymore... I have needs, sexual needs, and I can't meet them with you... not like that. I deserve to come as much as you do, don't you realize that?"

"For fuck's sake, Mia! Why did you choose to marry me if you really think that way?!"

"I told you already -- I love you. Our relationship's great."

"But you're faking orgasms?"

"Not everything is about sex, Jack."

"Then what are we doing at the therapist discussing threesomes?OI#@?!"

The therapist signaled to Mia and Jack to calm themselves. "Is this the first time you've discussed the issue?" she asked.

"No!" yelled Mia. "I can't even count the number of times I've tried to bring it up but--"

"Thank you for clarifying that, Mia. Jack, I'd like to hear your thoughts on Mia's request."

"Doc, you're a woman and a therapist... How on earth is it my fault that her ex had a giant dick?!"

"Don't you bring Sean into this, Jack!"

"Why not? His name comes up all the time when we fight--"

"This is about me. Me, me, me, me, me. Not your dick, not Sean's. Ugh!!! Why are all men so self-centered?! I deserve to come! That's why, Jack."

"Mia, Jack, let's take a breath."

"I didn't exactly get to choose my dick size at birth, God damnit--"

"Jack, lower your voice. I need you to do your best to relax. Both of you. Join me -- let's breathe together. Breathe in slowly... and now out. Again, in... and out. There we go, just like that. Keep breathing, slowly and steadily. One more time. O.K., let's move on. Mia, suppose Jack were to say 'yes' to your request--"

"Over my dead body--"

"Jack, I'm talking through a hypothetical with Mia now -- you'll talk when you get your turn. Mia, if Jack said 'yes,' how do you imagine things playing out?"

"There's someone from work--"

"What the actual fuck, Mia??!?!?!"

"Jack," the therapist insisted. "Don't make me repeat myself. You'll get your turn to respond. Mia, continue."

"Pete. He's in Legal."

"Pete in Legal..."

"He's single. We flirt... all the time."

"How do you know he's single?" the therapist asked.

"He told me. Pete's into me."

"What have you done, Mia!"

"Quiet, Jack! I'm not cheating on you! Nothing like that! My dad cheated on Mom all the time -- I don't need to tell you that; you know it. I promised myself I'd never do it to anyone, and I won't. You're the love of my life, Jack. I love you so much. It's just that this tiny problem, we have to fix it -- don't look at me like that, I didn't mean 'tiny' as in your dick size -- I'm attracted to Pete. I really am. I want to sleep with him. But I don't want to alienate you. Be there in the room with us. Watch me fuck him. I'm sure Pete will say yes if I explain to him that--"

"If what, Mia? If what?!?@>? If you invite him over to our house? Sleep with him in our bed? Why did you marry me if I'm not enough for you?"

"It's not like that, Jack... I told you -- I love you. But I have needs. It's complicated."

"Mia," the therapist intervened again, raising her voice to break up the couple's fight, "have you considered any alternatives?"

"Alternatives? What kind?"

"Extended foreplay, cunnilingus... Tantric sex, Kama Sutra... Some couples use toys -- vibrators, dildos, strap-ons. A man's penis size and a woman's orgasm aren't as closely related as the porn and sex toy industries would have us think."

"See?" Jack swooped in, "I told you!"

"What I'm saying, Mia, is you have ways to work through this as a couple, without involving other people in the relationship," said the therapist.

Mia felt cornered. Just when she thought the therapist was on her side, the therapist proposed... strap-ons and strip poker?

"Toys won't work."

"Have you tried any?"

"I use toys on me all the time."

"With Jack?"

"That's not the point."

"What is the point?"

"I need a man, Doctor--"

"Mia, I have to stop you there. The words you're using are emasculated Jack. You already have a man. He's in this room, sitting next to you on the sofa. You've chosen this man; he's your husband. It's clear, however, that Jack is uncomfortable with your request to open the relationship."

"It's not opening the relationship if he gets to watch me--"

"Is that how you see it?"

"How else can I see it, Dr. Greene? Tell me?" Mia's eyes flashed in anger. Her hands balled up into fists at her sides.

The doctor responded with a fixed smile and the two women stared at each other unblinkingly for a minute that felt like eternity.

"We're almost out of time today," the therapist said. "Today's session was introductory; our next one will be a full hour long. There's a lot to work through, but I'm happy with the progress you both made, and I hope your are, too. Mia, you've stated your needs loud and clear. But you have to stay open to meeting them in a ways Jack is comfortable with as your husband."

The therapist then turned to Jack: "Jack, you have to face Mia's frustration for what it is. Like you, she has a right to feel sexual pleasure. Maybe the issue is penis size, maybe it's somewhere else. The two of you will need to open up and figure it out together. Let's meet again next week -- I'll ask my assistant to get in touch. Before we wrap up, I'm giving you homework: I want each of you to think about what you want out of this relationship. Write those things down. Then think carefully about your limits. Write them down too. Do this by yourselves, when the other one isn't around and at a time and place that welcome introspection. Between the things you want, your limits, and what your spouse wants is the middle ground, and that's where both of you can feel both comfortable and satisfied. Don't share with each other; we'll discuss your lists here in a safe space when we meet."

----

The open-plan office stood empty. Everyone had gone down to eat except Mia, who stared blankly through the window pane to her right.

She didn't feel like she was missing out on much anyway; the cappuccino in the corporate canteen smelled like crap, and Mia found the pasta blander than a prepackaged meal on an intrastate flight.

The couple's therapist only made things worse, she mused.

It had been three days since the session -- and a torturous four since Jack and her had last had sex.

"Progress..." Mia's inner skeptic said, in a high-pitched theatrical voice. "Progress... Small or not, I used to get dick. Now, I get no dick at all. Thanks a million, Doc. What a help. Try swapping husbands with me in bed for a day and then tell me to get a dildo."

It wasn't that Jack had a micropenis -- he was what most women would call "average." It was that Mia had slept with hung men almost her entire life, and Sean, her ex, was the biggest. If Jack's penis wasn't average-sized, they'd be a perfect match.

In the early days of them being together, she thought she could ignore it. But with time, Mia's small-penis problem only grew bigger.

Jack had been keeping his distance from Mia since the therapy session, which infuriated her. He'd would wake up at different times. Go to work early. Work until late. Bring work home. Fixate on housework. Spend extra time in the gym... Anything to avoid spending time with her. The sexless days felt like being chastised, and Jack's avoidance left Mia anxious. It was as if she didn't exist.

As Mia kept staring through the window, someone on her floor came up behind her. She could tell by the perfume that it was Pete.

"Hey, Mia!" Pete said. "You do know that lunch breaks are for taking a break from work, right? It's in your contract."

"Maybe I have to hustle through my lunch break because you keep distracting me."

"You should report me to HR."

"Maybe I will." Mia shot Pete a look and twirled her pen in his direction.

"Then I'll get disciplined. Is that what you want for me, Mia?"

"Oh, Pete, I would do anything to see you disciplined," Mia said in an exaggerated, near-orgasmic tone. She felt her nipples harden.

"I better go before HR spanks me, then."

"You better -- or I'll do the spanking myself."

Mia and Pete exchanged smirks and Pete went off to have lunch with the rest of the Legal department. Mia swung in the swivel chair, looking around. She moved closer to her desk and played with her hair. She was up to no good.

She stuck one hand under her skirt, spread her legs as wide apart as the skirt let her, and held the elastic edge of her thong to the side. She traced her slender middle finger over her narrow, wet slit and, upon inspecting the finger, confirmed her suspicions: the exchange with Pete had left her dripping.

Mia stuck the finger in her mouth and coated it with a big glob of spit, which she smeared on her labia, parting the lips so the crevice around her hole flared out like a shy flower. She teased her clit, drew circles around her vagina's opening, and hitched the finger's textured tip back up again, each brush more forceful than the last.

A sharp gasp escaped her mouth when Mia bent the finger at the knuckle and plunged it in her pussy, smudging the grool on her panties as warm, pearly juices gushed out from her finger's intrusion. Mia looked around one more time to check for coworkers: there was no one around to be found. Her ring finger and middle finger came together like scissors and Mia used the full force of her wrist to start pounding her pussy while taking turns wrecking her hole and rubbing her clit in a frenzied rhythm.

She pictured herself riding Pete cowgirl-style as Jack watches from the ottoman at the end of their bed. In her fantasy, Mia sank onto Pete's dick, circling her hips to tease him, before diving wildly onto the rest of his manhood, which made Pete groan like a bull in heat. They swapped tongues and locked lips, then Pete pulled her hair aside, licked her neck, and bit her ear. Mia, gliding up and down Pete's shaft, smacked her hips into Pete's again and again as her silver fox of a cowoker filled her up, stretching her inner walls to the point of tearing until they both came so hard that Mia's world went black.

Mia was agonizingly close to the edge now. The unmistakable sounds of queefing and squelching kept echoing on the cheap-plastic keyboards and monitors on the office floor. She reached orgasm, closing her eyes and screaming out in self-induced ecstasy as she quivered on the inside and trembled like a sex junkie in her seat.

Once Mia regained composure, she slipped out of her creamy thongs, scrunched them up into a ball, and gracefully made her way to the clothes hanger in the other end of the building where Pete hangs his motorcycle jacket. She stuffed them in Pete's inner pocket.

"That will teach Jack to ignore me," she smiled before sneaking into the ladies room to fix her hair and makeup.