Dear Readers,
As you will recall, Coops and I went into counseling many months ago. At the counselor's suggestion, we have admitted our little indiscretions to each other through diaries. It turns out that Coop had written of our earlier adventures and published them here. I am still in a little shock about that, but chose to respond in kind on this site under the title Counseling. Coop responded in Counseling, Chapt 2. We still go to the counselor together once a week but we had reached a point where we were making little progress. We had worked through many of the mundane issues like how we make decisions and how we communicate day-to day stuff but could not tackle the issues that were really nagging us... you know, little stuff like jealously, relationships and just plain old SEX!!
I started separate sessions with the counselor to have the chance to talk more freely than I felt that I could with Coops in the room. Coops is certain that I have played around even more than he knows about and wants me to tell all... I, on the other hand, have felt that part of my life could be private, and have not always told him everything as I confessed in Counseling, Chapter 1. Soooo, my private sessions explored why I felt this way. In short, I am uncomfortable (jealous?) with the idea of Coops being with someone else and know that this is really unfair since he is OK with my fooling around (OK hell... Very turned on!) and I have taken advantage of his acceptance. I also wanted some of this to be my private adventure, not something just to excite him. The Counselor encouraged me to decide what I wanted to do... leave Coops in the dark and possibly risk further deterioration of communication in the marriage, risk telling all (yes, there is more) or... what
?
After weeks and weeks of discussing this in session I finally made a decision, and you guessed it, time to 'fess up!
Hi Coops. As you already know, I have chosen to tell all... or maybe, almost all, baby doll. LOL. I know that you are already turned on without having the slightest idea of what I have left to confess. Maybe just some fantasies? Or...?... You big pervert!! I hope you are laughing with me, love.
When I transferred from the Junior College to State University, I ended my dalliance with Don that started in the Back To School story you published here. At this point, I was truly focused on getting my degree, and nothing else... honest! However, as fate would have it, I was in a Sociology class where I sat next to this gorgeous hunk that turned out to be on the basketball team. Lucky me! We had a lot of fun kidding around before and after class. I developed a crush on him and went to a couple of basketball practices... God those guys are cute in their little uniforms. Soon, I was daydreaming about him and than the whole team! I fantasized about going into the locker room with the team, watching them shower and ultimately joining them. Imagined soaping them down, getting all lathered up. Mmmmm!! Many a night while you and I made love, I was imagining being taken by the whole team. My first fantasy of a GangBang! Maybe you should be flattered that I imagined sex with all of these jocks while you and I was screwing. You big stud! I was crushed when he introduced me to his girlfriend. She was pretty and sweet. It became clear that he had told her about the "older mother" in his class... all of 4 or 5 years older! Oh, well. The fantasy was fun while it lasted.
The Sociology class was interesting. Taught by this guy in his forties who used a lot of humor in his lectures and really seemed to like his job. He was on a section about different forms of marriage throughout the world when he mentioned a book titled Open Marriage by O'Neill and O'Neill. I loved his description of how couples allowed each other to grow by being supportive of each other developing interests outside of the marriage. He talked of how his wife (also a professor at State) traveled all over the world in her botanical research and how the time apart in pursuit of this actually strengthened the marriage. As he put it, every one of her trips ended with a new honeymoon for them... even after over 20 years of marriage.
He had an "open door" policy during his office hours, so I stopped in one day to chat about this concept of each partner growing in his or her own direction with support and understanding from the other. He was quite pleased that I had shown this interest. He opened his copy of the book to the table of contents and began to discuss the various chapters. I was not familiar the book or the concept of open marriage:
Prof: "And this chapter discusses how couples secure in their relationships can be open to each other exploring other relationships, sexual and otherwise"
I stopped breathing. I could not believe what I was hearing. It was so radical... but a lot like our marriage. I had thought that we were fairly alone in this concept of being OK to explore beyond the marriage. But, here was a whole chapter of a best seller devoted to it!
Me: "Is this what it sounds like? Married couples who are OK with their spouse fooling around on the side? Is this just fiction, or are there real people who practice this? Doesn't it break up the marriage?"
Prof (Laughing): "Slow down, catch your breath. Understand that relationships are what people want them to be. And, this is not 'fooling around' or 'cheating'. If the couple chooses to include sex in the openness of their marriage, it is done honestly and with each other's support. "
Me: "But this is so weird. Is this just a prelude to divorce? Have any marriages survived long after this openness?"
Prof: "The authors cite several real examples and I personally know of couples that it works for. "
Me: "Really? These must be pretty wild people. How old are they, how long have they lasted?"
Prof: "Just real people that you may already know, you just don't know this side of them. Some professionals, some blue collar. Some very attractive, others not. "
Me: "I am sure that I don't know anyone like that!"
Prof: "Actually, you do... although you haven't yet met my wife. "
Me:" Oh My God! Really? And she is OK with this? And you are OK with her too? This is so hard to believe. "
Prof (Laughing again): "Yes, we are both OK with it! Understand that we have boundaries and we stay within them. We have an understanding that when she goes on her research trips that we are both free to explore... and this certainly relieves the loneliness of the long separations, as you might imagine!"
Me: "So, only during these research trips?"
Prof: "That is how we started many years ago. She came back from a trip where she found herself lusting after a grad student in the group and told me how much fun it was to fantasize being with him, but, no, she had not followed through. I asked if he made any passes and she said oh, yes! We talked about this off and on several times over the school year. When her next summer trip was being planned, I suggested to her that if the opportunity for romance arose again, I would not mind if she followed through. Would she mind if I had a summer fling? We talked about this endlessly, finally agreeing that we had to be completely honest with each other and not the least bit jealous. To make a long story short, she wrote me about not just one affair that summer but two!"
Me: "And you could handle that?"
Prof: "I was so happy for her... and, believe it or not, I did not become involved with anyone that summer. I wasn't like I had to run out and prove anything. I flirted more than usual, but nothing developed. "
Me:" What about when she came home?"
Prof: "We were back on honeymoon, with the added spice of her tales! And, during the school year, she managed to introduce both of them to me without their knowing that I knew! I had a lot of fun teasing them about spending the summer with my wife. You should have seen them squirm. "
Me: "Have you ever had such relationships?"
