She walked into my bar for the first time.
I knew just which table she would aim for.
CCC, they called it -- the Cheating Cunts Club.
CC Clubbers were of any race, class, or looks. Somewhere between elegant and shoddy, noticeable or not, whatever. Nothing identified them but a shared expression. It is not too subtle. It is a tension, a certain set of eyes, lips, jaw, and spine, a certain gait. The syndrome includes even taut fingers and flushed earlobes -- but eyes are the giveaway that proclaims, I Am A Cheating Cunt.
My background playlist included that old Eagles standard, Lyin' Eyes.
I correctly guessed her drink. She was amazed when I brought the mango margarita, double tequila, easy on the salt.
"How did you know?" She was amazed.
"Experience, that's all." No telepathy needed.
I knew she would tip big. They all do. Guilt, I am sure.
---
"Evie, you're a prize." Alicia cheek-kissed her friend. "Your call was all the excuse I needed. Sammy will still never know."
"They only know what we let them know," Kittra said, accepting her own fresh drink from the barkeep. "They're so easy."
The women around the table did not bother to nod agreement. Obvious was obvious.
Evie asked, "You still faking it with that tennis pro at the club?"
"Sure. Sammy still thinks Pietro is
nhu say sua nhu gnu mà u xanh
, as queer as a blue gnu, and he mostly is. He sure looks and acts it. Sammy shows up at the courts and Pietro tunes into him, not me. He almost grabs Sammy's ass. I'm lucky to get a pat on the shoulder.
"But Pietro likes my short hair and small tits and my tight little ass. He says I'm almost a boy, except for my little sloppy pussy, ha ha. He and his fuck-buddies don't seem to mind sticking their long queer dicks into my digestive system, one end or the other. Just so I don't kiss their mouths unless we're sharing down there, it's all okay."
Evie said, "Maybe you should grow a moustache and five-o'clock shadow. Then you'll almost be one of them. Well, maybe get a clit enlargement, too."
That deserved its round of chortles.
Sharla asked, "So you're all, umm, safe and everything?"
Kittra pressed, "And if you're only giving away your pie-hole and your asshole, not your cunny hole, then you don't really qualify for the Cheating Cunts Club, now do you?"
Alicia laughed. "Sure, I qualify. I get one long queer dick up my tight ass, and another up my tight pussy, and they can feel their dicks rubbing right through that thin membrane. They fucking love it! They can kiss over my shoulder, too. And a guy at my other side, I blow him and stick a monster toy up his ass, he's happy." That last sip left her dangerously low.
"And safe? They've used so many steroids, they're all sterile. Sperm counts are in the shitter but Viagra keeps-em hard forever. I won't be popping out any unexpected-looking babies." She waved for another margarita.
Lauren said, "So these fag-boys do it for you? I always prefer studly idiots. I like-em big and stupid, real dumb. The way they claw and bite me, I hope they had their shots. When Lazlo sees me all scratched up, I just say it was a hard day at the veterinary clinic. So I go to bed with him, I usually stink of Betadine overlaid on my job's normal
eau de chat
."
Eau de chat
. That is the smell of cat, in case you are French-deficient. Humans do not usually find it sexy.
Alicia said, "Those fag-boys are pretty studly guys, you may notice. They're all into muscles and erections. And sticking those erections into really tight holes. That's my cue. "