Claire and Robert sat in their car outside the venue. Claire was pissed. She couldn't believe they were still having this argument. "Just come in and play nice," he was saying.
"Oh, please forgive me if I'm not in the mood for one of your fucking charity auctions, Robert. Things aren't exactly as rosy as last year."
It was true. Since last year's charity auction fundraiser, Claire had caught Robert sexting with some skank secretary at his work. Claire hadn't suspected a thing. She wasn't even going through his phone. She wasn't the jealous type. Why should she be? She was so out of his league it wasn't even funny. Claire's body looked like it had been carved by a sculptor. Her slim waist curved out like a race track. She had spectacular music-video girl tits and an ass that simply could not be believed. Everything she wore from skirts to jeans to the tight, elegant silvery gown she had on tonight drew stares and whistles everywhere she went. Once in college, at some divey bar that she only went into to piss off her country club president father, a bartender told her she was a PAWG. "What's that mean?" she giggled.
"Phat-assed white girl." She had always liked that.
But no, she didn't even have to be suspicious of Robert to catch him. The stupid prick hadn't changed his privacy settings on his phone. Little miss 20-something sent pictures of herself in some ridiculous corset and a dildo buried in her snatch right to his goddamn lock screen. The little punkass couldn't even cheat correctly.
"We are not in a good place, Robert. I do not want to go in there and be your fucking trophy wife tonight. Let ALONE be bid on in the auction. It's HUMILIATING."
Robert rubbed his eyes with his hands, "I know. I know. I just... if we can get through tonight and my boss is happy with the amount of money we raise, I could get promoted. If I get promoted, we could literally buy a new house. We can figure all this shit out later, but if we get through tonight, it'll make everything a whole lot easier." Claire sulked. She couldn't really argue with that. Robert had been on the short list for a VP position for some time now.
"Okay. Fine. I won't cause a scene. We can go in, but I am not participating in the auction. I just can't deal with some weird old guy acting like he 'owns' me all night."
Robert shook his head, defeated. "Fine. Just be a good girl." He exited the car and Claire pursed her lips as she thought how fucking sick she was of being told that.
Inside the ballroom, all the bigwigs from Robert's company were there. Claire dazzled Mrs. So-and-so, head of whatever the fuck, laughed at the lame jokes of Mr. Big-fat-and-mustached who oversees the blah blah blah, and of course, found time to glare at Robert's secretary lurking in the corner drinking some childish pink cocktail. Claire ordered a Basil's Hayden on the rocks, slammed it back, and ordered another all without ever taking her eyes off the girl.
Robert and Claire took their seats next to Ben and Heidi Gardner. Claire was genuinely happy to see them. They were all good friends. Well, used to be before the texting debacle. They were all caught up to speed on Robert and Claire's issues, so there was a bit of tenseness in the air. Claire did her best to seem cheery and put them at ease, gabbing with Heidi about this and that while Ben tried to talk to Robert about horse racing, of which he knew nothing.
Inevitably, the auctioneer, an ancient local comedian named Archie Templesmith, took the stage to polite applause. "Ladies and gentlemen, it is time for the main attraction of the evening, a grand Southern tradition, the sweetheart auction!" More applause. "The rules are as follows: you fine folks in the audience will hear a little bit about our lovely ladies who have graciously agreed to participate this evening. Then the bidding will commence. All proceeds go straight to the Clean Water Foundation." More applause. "And, should you win the hand of one of these lovely ladies, they become your date for the evening. But no funny business now!" He winked and the audience laughed politely. "May I call to the stage, Brenda Lamont, Trish Del Toro, Missy Walker, Desiree Anderson, and Claire Mulcahey."
The audience applauded as the four other women got up and approached the stage. Claire's expression turned incredibly grave and she locked eyes with her husband. He gave her a sheepish grin. 'Fucker,' she thought. 'I should fucking kill him.' Before she could do or say anything a spotlight hit her.
The auctioneer said, "There she is! Claire! Come on up here!"
The walk up to the stage seemed to take an eternity. Claire was stewing mad. 'How could he put me in this position?' As she walked, Claire noticed man after man (and some women) taking time to check out her famous ass, no doubt imagining what they'd like to do with her if they were given the chance. An idea started to bubble up and she tried, with difficulty, to shake it off. 'No. That'd be insane. You're being insane." But as she climbed the steps onto the stage, she caught site of that trashy little selfie-taker blowing a kiss to Robert in the audience. An atomic bomb went off in Claire's head. Something snapped.
"Who would like to go first?" said Archie.
"I would!" said Claire, loudly and clearly, surprising herself and Robert in the crowd.
"Well all right then!" said Archie. "Mrs. Mulcahey, why don't you take the mic and tell your potential suitors what they might expect if they are lucky enough to win a date with you."
Claire walked up to the microphone. "Um... A date with me. Well... (a deep breath) for my date this year, I'd like to offer something a little different. Our date will happen right here on this stage."
The auctioneer made a big show of stroking his chin. "Intriguing! Tell us more, Mrs. Mulcahey."
Claire's heart was pounding in her chest but her winning trophy wife smile didn't show it. "Well, you see Mr. Templesmith, I've always been known as a good girl." She added a coquettish little hip pop as she said 'good girl.' The audience chuckled. "Ever since I was little, it was drilled into me how important it is to be good. All my life, men have been telling me to be good. My father, my teachers, my husband. 'Everyone knows Claire Mulcahey. She's a good little girl.'" Archie and the audience were starting to wonder where the hell she was going with this. "But the truth is folks, I fucking hate being good."
Over at their table Robert stopped breathing. What the fuck was going on? Heidi and Ben whipped their heads back and forth from Robert next to them to Claire on stage.
Claire forged ahead, thinking it was now or never. "The truth is, I want to be bad. The truth is... I'm just a phat-assed white girl who wants to get fucked."
The audience gasped. Some people laughed. A good portion of the men leaned forward in their seats. Archie was completely taken off guard. "Um— uh well we could—," he sputtered but Claire kept going.
"And so, to the highest bidder I offer you this: you get to take part in a once-in-a-life-time, no questions asked, nothing off-limits sex show right fucking here on this stage. With me." The audience was positively buzzing now. A few, Claire noticed, were scrambling for their checkbooks.
Archie was trying desperately to get control of the situation but before he could get to the mic, Claire had reached under her gown, pulled off her thong, and held it up with one finger before saying, "So... let's start the bidding. Who wants to beat up my married pussy with their big fat dick?"
At their table, Robert clapped his hands to his mouth and choked out a scream but it was drowned out by the excited and disbelieving furor coursing through the audience. Robert turned to Heidi and Ben and said, "What the fuck do I do?"