Body Language

British English spelling and grammar.

Second appearance - drastically edited.

***

Body language

Friday lunchtime, the park

"So, what are your chances for the deputy head's job?" asked Tania.

"Hopeful, but ours is a popular school." replied Hayley, "There'll be others after it. And very often the deputy head's post gets filled externally' new broom and all that. The interviews are the first week of the summer holidays. Good job we haven't booked anything."

"Well good luck. Now tell me about this annual party."

"Oh, of course, this is your first isn't it? Well the board of governors treats us at the end of the school year; the second Friday in June."

"What should I wear?"

"Fairly formal, little black dress, heels. Just flirt a bit, enjoy the free wine."

Hayley Simmons and Tania Marks were teachers at the same secondary school. Hayley was slim with long blonde hair; named after the actress Hayley Mills. Tania was shorter and bigger in the bust; brown hair in a feathered bob.

Barry and Ken, respectively, were their husbands. Barry was a salesman at the BMW dealership. Ken was a bank manager. On Fridays, the girls had sandwiches in the park if neither were on playground duty.

"Come and sit with us Sue." said Hayley.

Sue joined them and opened a Tupperware box.

"That looks nice, better than sandwiches."

"Perks of the job." she replied. "So, what are you girls talking about - sex?"

Tania laughed.

"Hayley's just wondering how many of the board she'll have to screw to guarantee her the deputy head's job!"

"I said no such thing!"

"Well, to take it seriously, there are six governors." said Sue. "Three parents; Clive Ingols is the only one I know. He runs McBails Pharmacy, has a son in year two."

"He's an acquaintance of Barry's from way back, though they don't get on." agreed Hayley.

"And Adam Cartwright fancies you of course."

Hayley and Tania started humming the theme tune to the old tv show Bonanza. Their headmaster was saddled with the name of the Ponderosa's eldest son.

"Yeah, we all know the head does." agreed Hayley. "Dirty old bugger fancies anything in a skirt, no offence."

"Nevertheless," continued Sue, "his opinion will carry some weight, and he's gone against county guidelines before. As for the vicar; Kevin Yeo's a dirty old man too. That leaves the local councillor. I don't know much about him."

"I do." confessed Hayley. "We were at university together."

"Are you coming to the party, Sue?" asked Tania.

"I am." she replied. "It's not just for the board and you teachers. The Catering Manageress is invited too."

She paused, and looked at them.

"OK. I'm the dinner lady!"

Next morning, Barry's house

Hayley was still in bed, but Barry was up early. He had having to work two Saturdays out of four. He left a mugful in the coffee machine, fished out the filter paper and dropped it in the bin. Something small and shiny caught his eye. He'd told Hayley before about dumping broken glass in there. He fished it out carefully, but it wasn't glass. It was a tiny sliver of foil. Barry was about throw it back, when he noticed something printed on one side - an 'equals' sign. Frowning, he slipped it into his pocket.

The BMW dealership

Sam, the other main salesman, was in the toilet and Phil the trainee was polishing an SUV, when the girl walked in. A rock chick; ripped jeans, short pink hair, black leather jacket over a white T-shirt. Barry shook hands with her. A second person entered; short middle-aged lady with a lavender coloured cardigan; its pockets bulging. She seemed mesmerised as young Phil approached.

"What do you think that lady's going to buy?" the girl asked Barry.

"She's a brochure collector," answered Barry, "or just looking for the toilets. Her pockets are full of tissues for her summer cold. Trust me, I can read people!"

"Can you now? Tell me what I'm interested in, then."

Barry looked at her, not his type but pretty.

"Jacket, jeans, Doc Marten's; I'd say you're more of a biker at heart. So if you're serious about moving into the car market, you'd prefer a Two Series convertible."

"Wow, spot on!" she exclaimed. "Have you got any second hand models?"

She followed Barry to the used section.

"We have this one. Year, twenty seventeen, sports model, automatic. It's a two litre engine and goes like shit off a shovel: seventeen thousand nine hundred."

She didn't flinch at the price, nor at the unbusinesslike use of the word 'shit'. Barry was proud of his phrase 'if you're serious'. It was a subtle challenge.

"I love this shade of blue. Can I have a test drive?"

He drove it out onto the forecourt and checked her driving licence.

"Are you peeking at my tits?" she enquired, grinning.

"No! Sorry! I was trying to see what's printed on your shirt. I can only see 'S G, ELE, and UTTO'. What language is it?"

She pulled open her jacket and Barry said a mental thank you to the underwear gods. She was braless.

'IT'S GOT AN ELEVEN BUTTON' said the shirt.

"It's a quote from Spinal Tap." said the girl.

"Spinal Tap, isn't that a bit before your time?"

"Yeah, classic though." she said, and started the car.

Barry fished the silver foil out of his pocket; he recognised what it was. Not an 'equals' sign after all.

Back from the test drive, there was a quick debrief.

"Bastards!" said Sam. "I go to the toilet and two walk in! How did you guys get on?"

"My heavy metal girl, Chrissy, is twentyone, and just got an inheritance. She's seeing her solicitor about releasing eighteen grand next week, so we're nearly there. How did you do with your librarian, young Phil? I imagine she'd need a ladder to get into the X7!"

Phil smiled.

"Seems I polished it just in time, she's buying it! Asked if BMW do a cushion, but was happy enough when I showed her the seat height adjustment."

"Are you sure she wasn't having you on?"

His face fell.

"Yeah, she could've been. You guys have more experience of reading buying signals. But she did give me this!"

He produced a wad of fifty pound notes.

"Twenty thousand pounds - her pockets were full of it! She'll bring the rest round Monday. What? What did I say?"

"Nothing!" laughed Barry. "Clearly, reading body language is not all it's cracked up to be. Congratulations Phil!"

"Bastards!" repeated Sam.

Barry made a quick phone call.

"Is it convenient to pop round and see you now mate?"

"Of course, come any time."

"Hold the fort Sam, would you? I'm taking an early lunch. Won't be long, it'll give you a chance to catch up!"

McBails Pharmacy

Generally accepted wisdom was that Clive's pharmacy, McBails, was lucky to be next door to Colombia Coffee - the city's best coffee shop. Many customers took him their prescriptions, and had a coffee while he filled them.

He motioned Barry through to the rear office..

"Want a coffee? I live on the stuff."

"I'd love one. Thanks."

They sat, and Barry passed him the silver foil.

"Can you tell me what this is?"

Clive glanced at it.

"It's part of the packaging for a birth control pill."

"And this would be from day eleven of the cycle, right?"

"Yes."

"I believe I once told you, I cannot father children."

"I believe you did."

"Did you prescribe Hayley the pill?"

Clive took a swig of his coffee.

"Barry. Do you recall that chemistry lesson at school, just before O' levels?"

"What, the one where you dropped a rusty nail into the bubbling sulphuric acid, and it exploded? How could I forget? The splashes made holes in my school blazer."

"Well Holroyd went apeshit about that incident, and he blamed you. You took it like a trooper, failed Chem, and I passed. But it could have been the other way round; I majored in chemistry at Bristol uni. When I graduated, I got a job, married, divorced, and my life is what you see today. And I owe much of it to you - except the divorce."

"Wow! You've carried that baggage around all these years? It's OK mate. I was never going to pass Chemistry, and I'm doing all right. Are you going to answer my question?"

A white-coated assistant was sitting at a desk with a CCTV screen. Clive made a few keystrokes, whispered something, and told Barry to sit next to her.

"This is Sally; she's on work experience. My vows of patient confidentiality are not as binding as a doctor's Hippocratic Oath. But I should not divulge information about my customers."

He walked out. Sally pressed Play. And Barry watched a video clip from behind the pharmacy counter. The camera zoomed in on Hayley's purchase of birth control pills.

"Who zoomed in for the payment?"

"Automatic." said Sally. "It does it for every transaction. Please don't ask me any more questions."

Barry went quiet and Sally spoke to the screen.

"This is the customer's second purchase of three months' supply of birth control pills. Earlier this year, she came in for a morning after pill."

Sally turned from the screen and smiled at him.

"You shouldn't be back here. Please leave now."

Barry returned to the pharmacy, where Clive reappeared.

"Sorry mate." he commiserated.

"Thanks. I imagine what I saw is connected to that customer's promotion prospects at her school. Yet the job wasn't on offer three months ago!"

"I know. There's something I want to show you. Come up to my 'flat above the shop'."

"Wow! It's enormous. This is bigger than your shop!"

"Correct; after I graduated, I inherited thousands from my uncle. People think McBails is a chain, and I'm a manager."

"But?"

"It's a private joke. I own McBails, which is an anagram of 'lab', and MSci - my masters' degree. I also own Colombia Coffee next door, where I am not bound by a code of ethics. There are cameras in there too. Nominally they're for security, but I'm a voyeur and it amuses me to watch and listen to customers. This flat extends over the shop as well."

Clive ushered Barry to the sofa and turned on the tv. He scrolled through the images and zoomed in on an attractive woman.

"Recognise her?"

"That's Alison Taylor, a friend of Hayley's. She's the head teacher, at another school."

"Correct." said Clive. "And this is where she often meets Hayley on a Saturday. I recorded them last week."

Last week, Colombia Coffee

"So did Barry break your fidelity deal?"

"No I did. He has no idea."

"Ooh, do tell!"

"OK. What do you know about Barry and me?"

"Um, you were at teacher training in Nottingham, and met Barry who was an apprentice mechanic. You had a miscarriage, married him, and he joined the Air Force."

"That'd the truth, but not all of it. The baby wasn't his."

"Really, whose was it?"

"It was Clark's, the love of my life. We met in high school and he was in the same teacher training college as me. But suddenly his family were emigrating to Australia, and he was going to finish his training there. We split, and I hooked up with Barry on the rebound. But their emigration got delayed. I'd already slept with Barry by then. Next, Clark hitch-hiked up to Nottingham to say goodbye ... properly."

"Could the baby have been Barry's?"

"No. We were using condoms. Clark and I didn't. I had a termination and neither of them ever knew. It was much later, after I married Barry, that we discovered he's infertile."

"On the rebound is usually doomed though, isn't it?"

"Perhaps. But then Barry ditched his apprenticeship and joined the RAF. Said he could learn just as much about motors, and get paid more. Suddenly, I was losing both of them, and Barry wanted to marry me. It seemed so romantic, world travel!"

"But it didn't turn out like that?"

"To be fair, it did. I wish he stayed in."

"So what's the problem? Now, I mean."

"Clark and I kept in touch, just unsigned Christmas cards at first. I made sure he always knew my address. He finished his training in Oz, got married, and started teaching at a high school in Adelaide. He and his wife never had children. It's uncanny how his life matched mine in some ways. But his wife died in a car crash; he got a big life assurance payout and paid off his mortgage. Then, earlier this year, his gran died and he came back to England for the funeral."

"And you went to see him. Let me guess, you made mad passionate love, and rekindled the flame."

"We fucked like rabbits; eight times, in twentyfour hours! I had to go next door, for a morning after pill."

"That was risky. Doesn't Clive know Barry?"

"Yes, but they don't like each other, some incident from their schooldays. And pharmacists have a code of ethics."

"So will you be seeing this Clark again?"

"What do you think? He's rich, hung like a horse, and we never got over each other romantically. He wants me to go out to Australia and join him early next year. Their school term starts late January, when they'll be appointing a new head. He's most senior but content with head of year and responsibility for sports, and he hardly needs the money. His school specifically wants someone from England, ideally already in a deputy head post. They even asked Clark if he's still in touch with anyone here. I'm practically a shoo-in; just need an interview!"

"You're giving Barry the elbow then."

"I have to. I know it sounds bitchy, but Clark was always the one for me."

"And what are your plans for promotion?"

"Well Cartwright, our head, will recommend me. I've been giving him blowjobs for weeks. I've brought it up with Spencer Nabb, who has influence with the vicar. Three votes will swing it. I just need to sort out when and where."

"So you plan on fucking Nabb?"

"I do. He's chomping at the bit."

"I've been there, Hayley. He 'helped me out' with my last promotion. I fucked him, and our headmaster, to get mine. He's keen on anal by the way!"

"Not a problem. So am I!"

"Go for it then; what's the problem? Spencer's well off. He can afford a hotel."

"But he's recognisable in these parts. And even if we go further afield hotels keep videos: check-in, corridors. We must be careful. And you know what he's like. If he doesn't get his wicked way with me, he may recommend some other candidate. And Yeo will follow suit."

Saturday evening, Barry's home

Hayley was out, visiting a friend, and Barry was seething; now he grasped the enormity of it all. It was one thing for Hayley to give the head blowjobs, and plan more sex with two of the board. But quite another to discover his entire married life had been a lie. An abortion! OK, it hadn't been his. Nevertheless, there are some things that should be divulged before taking your marriage vows. And this Clark was the love of her life. Barry had always been second best. He vowed Hayley would lose everything, even the love of her life. He just had to work out how. In the bedroom, he found himself staring at the curtains - floor to ceiling, midnight blue, thick. Hayley couldn't sleep if there was any light in the room. They were like blackout curtains.

Another of her odd quirks, was that she only ever opened the left one when she got dressed in the mornings. Said she might be seen from nearby houses if they were both open. He went and stood behind the closed one. If Hayley had sex in here, she would close the other, but surely she wouldn't spot him. He went down and looked at the lounge window, also floor to ceiling curtains. If he told her he'd be away overnight, she'd probably do it in the bedroom. But what if she did it down here? She might use the sofa. Could he force her to go upstairs? He had an idea.

Second Friday in June, Grosvenor Hotel

"I know you don't care for these events," said Hayley, "so have a glass of wine. I'll circulate, and oil the wheels."

She was wearing a pale grey, knee-length dress of clinging jersey wool. It came with a wide plastic belt, cinched tight to accentuate her curves.

Barry tucked himself into a corner with a glass of red and a plate of quiche slices. He felt detached; his marriage was over, and he no longer cared. But he did want indisputable evidence. He would reveal his fake travel news on Monday. Hayley walked from group to group, flirting. Then, seeing one man on his own; made a beeline for him. He was wearing a grey suit of soft fabric, like mohair, a pale blue shirt, and grey suede boots. Who on earth wears suede boots with a suit? This must be the arse-fancying Spencer.

Her approach was subtly different. Shoulders back, rolling hips. Barry watched for some of the half dozen attraction signals. The first wasn't long coming; she held eye contact with him and ran her fingers through her hair. If a woman smiles and touches herself then, in crude terms, she'd like you to touch her. She moved closer. Nabb was asking her a question. She raised her eyebrows, widened her eyes and touched her lips. Another question; but this one was obvious: 'Would you like another drink?' She took his glass and sipped from it - very intimate. 'Oooh that's delicious, I'll have what you're having!'

As he turned for the bar, she rummaged in her handbag. Compact out, check make-up, lipstick freshened, compact back. Just enough time to tug her dress down, pulling it tight across her breasts.

He returned and handed her a fresh glass of wine. Barry could not read her lips, but her body language was obvious. She gently punched his shoulder.

'You'll be getting me drunk you naughty man!'

Her right hand held the glass and her left went to her throat. 'Would you like to put your hand around my throat? Hold me down while you ravish me?' Then it dropped and brushed her left breast.

The room got crowded, and they moved closer to the wall. He leaned his hand on it, next to her face. That was a classic trapping gesture. He may not be consciously reading her signals but that didn't stop him playing the game.

'What are you going to do; now you've trapped me?'

He removed his hand and placed it on her hip, pointing across the room with the other. Their heads tipped towards each other, his cheek touching her hair. Barry ignored the pointed finger and focussed on the other hand. It slid around Hayley's hip to the small of her back. Then lower, to her buttocks. Suddenly she went into overdrive. Increased blink rate, puckered lips, stroking the stem of her glass as if masturbating it. Finally, one hand went to her breast again. Spencer was getting some tonight!

"I could do with more of a handful, personally."

Ken approached, holding a glass of red.

"What? Oh, hi Ken. Sorry, I was miles away."

"Wine and cocktails are all right, but I prefer a pint. When Tania said open bar, I was expecting beer."

"I know what you mean. Wine always makes me thirsty."

"I see Hayley's collared the new councillor."

Barry made a show of looking around the room for her.

"Oh, is that who he is?"

"Tania says they were at uni together."

The flirting couple put down their glasses and looked at their watches. Hayley twisted her wedding ring and Barry knew she was on the point of looking in his direction. He quickly turned back to Ken.

"I can't say I've ever seen him before."

Out of the corner of his eye, he was aware of the man, leaving the room. He faded Ken out. Two minutes later, Hayley drained her glass and headed for the same door.

"Are you listening?" said Ken.

"Sorry mate, gotta pee."

Along the corridor, there was a thump of the Gents' door closing. Barry waited a minute and entered. Urinals empty, but the far stall was occupied. He turned on a tap, pulled a couple of paper towels from the dispenser and opened the door. Then let it bump shut. He heard "Quick then!" He tiptoed to the cubicle and lay on the floor to look under the door. Inches from his eyes were grey suede boots, poking out from under dropped grey trousers, and blue underpants. Almost touching Barry's face were the soles of Hayley's shoes. She was kneeling on the trousers.