Being in the Fire Was Better

First of all, the story isn't finished yet so stop judging the main character as a complete wuss. He went from one bad situation to another so shock is definitely a factor. Second, I got an anonymous about misspelling a word. I went thru the story a couple of times and found several misspellings and grammatical errors. Quit nitpicking. Third, I realized that my end of story aside sounded a bit whiney. That's my bad. And fourth, this part may deviate a bit from the end of part 1. Feel free to hold that against me. You bastards!

And thanks for everyone with the positive feedback. BTW, I screwed up while posting. This whole thing should be "Loving Wives". Anyone ever wonder why cheating husbands are considered "Erotic Couplings" instead of their own "Cheating Husbands"?

I woke up with a bad taste in my mouth, a head that was spinning and the humiliation of knowing I had fucked up. Here I am an alcoholic that didn't just fall off the wagon but jumped clean off. The empty bottle of Crown was proof of that. I cursed myself as I got up and started the shower. I wasn't going to fall like this. I had been sober for three fucking years till last night. I wasn't going to start drinking again. The one fall from grace was going to be the only fall.

A hot shower always makes you feel better. Hot water on stressed muscles. Clean soapy smell on your skin vs. the stink of sweat. My hands were hurting but they would just have to deal with it. I looked at my fingers and realized that the skin was beginning to scar. I may not have been burned bad enough to be hospitalized, but it was bad enough that my hands would be scarred for life. No biggie really. They were small scars compared. I stayed in the shower long after I was clean. I let the hot water run out. My god but it felt good.

I toweled off and got dressed. It was only 5am by this point and I wasn't about to wake up Carlee. I really needed to talk to her. I needed a shoulder to cry on and I sure as hell couldn't depend on Maria. Which is where the problem was. I wasn't ready to get a divorce. Shit, Maria and I may be able to work things out. I needed to understand why she cheated on me in the first place tho.

Don't get me wrong. I wasn't about to stay in a relationship I couldn't trust, but I was willing to let Maria have her say. No matter what she had done she deserved that at least. Maybe I had been cold and distant with her and didn't know it. Maybe she was just a cheating slut. But I WAS going to give her a chance. She would be allowed her say. But I wasn't ready to talk to her yet. I wondered what Carl had told Carlee if anything.

And as I thought of Carlee I thought too of Ricky. Ricky who had taught me the ropes. Ricky who had once pulled me back when part of a floor underneath me gave way. Ricky who I had once had to punch out because he was drunk and getting out of line, Ricky who had forgiven me. The Ricky that followed me into a burning house when we were both off-duty and helped pull the whole family out. I lead the way into that one with no equipment at all but he followed me in. I thought of Ricky and mourned the loss of my brother. Jesus, I loved him like he was my brother.

I sat on the bed and thought about me and Ricky for awhile. Everything we had been thru. When I next looked at the clock I realized it was after 9. Time to get things done. First item on the list, head back to the station and pick up my cell phone, wallet, keys and other personal effects. I wasn't quitting but I had left everything in my locker when we went to the last fire. I walked into the station and there was complete silence. Nobody wanted to talk to me and I was OK with that. I wasn't really in a conversational kind of mood.

Clint came up to me. "You're wife has been calling every ten minutes. Can you give her a call to relax her? We didn't know what to tell her or where to reach you."

"I'll be swinging by the house a little later. For personal reasons I'm not in the mood to talk to her right now. If she calls again just let her know I'll talk to her this evening." I told him.

I still needed time to think about where things were going to go from here and not just about my marriage. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do my job any more. I wasn't sure what would happen the next time I needed to walk into a fire again. Both because of what I saw happen to Ricky and the fact that he wasn't going to be with me any more. I was stuck and completely lost.

I headed back to the hotel and got my things together. I wasn't going to hide from my wife any longer. It was time to get things over with. And I owned the damn house. I sure as hell wasn't going to live somewhere else. But I was going to live in the guest room. I can't believe she fucked someone in our bed. Maria had a lot to answer for.

When I pulled in the house was dark and Maria's car wasn't there. I let myself in and moved myself into the guestroom. Pillows, blankets and toiletries, that kind of thing. We had a bookshelf in there and I moved several of my favorite titles to it. I figured I'd be staying for a while. I changed the sheets on the bed. They'd been there WAY too long. Finally I knew the room was mine.

I went to the living room to wait. I was not looking forward to Maria getting home and the argument that was going to happen. But shit happens, and you have to get it over with and done.

Around 8 she came in the door with her cell phone at her ear.

"I can't talk about it right now, mom. I just need to find Eric and straighten things out with him. I'll call you when I know something. Goodbye."

"I'm in here, Maria."

She looked a bit shocked when she came in and sat down on the other end of the couch from me.

"It's been going on for a year and a half, Eric. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Saying I was shocked by her statement would have been an understatement. First she blatantly admitted it with no denial, second it was going on for a year and a fucking half????

"A year and a half? Why?? Was there something I wasn't doing for you? Why?"

"The only part you played was the fact you were away too much. I'm sorry. You go off to the job and I don't know if you are coming home or not. You've told me about the guys that died or were hurt so bad that they may as well have died on the job. I've always been so scared. I watched "Ladder 49" and that just reinforced my fear. I never wanted to hurt you. But me and Carl started getting close at some point. Please listen. I didn't intend to cheat on you." She started crying.

"Carl didn't set out to seduce me. I know this. He is a kind and decent man."

"How long did it take him to start fucking you?"

"It wasn't like that. I needed someone to talk to when you weren't here. He had a good shoulder to cry on. He listened to my fears and worries. You weren't here. When I worried about you he was here to listen."

I sat and looked at her. I remembered our time together. I remembered a few arguments. I remembered our wedding and as many of the good times as I could.

"So what do you want? Do you want a divorce" I asked. "Do you want to be free and clear to see Carl"?

"I want my husband to love me more than his job. That's all."

She was on her knees now as she said that. I could understand it. Firemen and police didn't always have successful marriages.

"I may be done with the job. After losing Ricky I don't know if I can go back. But I also don't know if I can trust you."

She started crying and headed upstairs to her room.

I hated hurting her. But I didn't know what to do at this point. I didn't believe she was just a cheating slut in any way. The whole situation was complicated. I did know that her contact with Carl was now dead if she wanted us to work.

I finished my drink and went upstairs to our bedroom. I closed the door and slid under the covers. Someone had to make the attempt to fix our marriage. I pulled her to me.

I just hoped that I could save it. I love my wife.