Batteries Not Included

This is a short story I wrote on the fly in one day. i did some editing but I am sure there are errors. Comments are welcome as always.

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"I know." I said much, more calmly than I felt. My wife of 32 years paused.

"You know what?" Melinda asked simply as she continued to change out of her work clothes. It was a Thursday evening. Like many evenings lately she arrived home at least two hours later than would be expected considering her workplace was a mere fifteen minute drive away from our home.

"I know you are cheating on me." I said. "I suspect you have been for a while based on how many times we have had sex in the past year."

"We haven't had sex because you can't get an erection anymore." she said. "You started having problems and then once you went on those meds, you have not been able to get more than a chubby."

"You know as well as I do those meds are the only thing keeping me from having a stroke, heart attack or worse." I gritted. For some unknown reason, my blood pressure had gone all out of control. It seemed to happen almost overnight and I would either have blood pressure so low I could barely stand or it would soar untiI I could hear the roaring of my pulse and feel the pounding behind my eyes. I woke up in the hospital not even knowing where I was only to find I had been there in a semi-coma for three weeks. That was almost seven months ago now. The heavy doses of meds now kept my pressure on an even keel, but my pecker quit working. I'd get horny and feel aroused all the time, but the little man between my legs stayed asleep. That depressed me to no end and the antidepressants compounded my ED. I tried the little blue pill but it did not help much. I usually got a headache.

Oh the little guy would wake up a little on occasion. I'd get semi hard, usually first thing in the morning. That was the closest I came to a morning hardon nowadays. Well, I had enough blood flow to make my cock look puffed up. but no where near hard enough to do its job in my wife's vagina. I had full sensation and masturbating my soft penis would elicit an orgasm. Not being able to screw compounded that problem. It seems like I was horny all the time. Able to cum but unable to achieve an erection. If my wife was irritated by the condition, I was livid.

Still it did not excuse the bitch's activities. "Don't give me that crap." I said viciously. "There are other ways to have sex. Oral sex used to be a big part of our love-making. Even when I could screw normally"

"Okay." Melinda said. "Get on the bed and you can lick my pussy. I might even put your limp cock in my mouth if you do a good job. You know full well that it does nothing for me to suck it when it isn't at least puffed up into a semi. I know you pump the thing with your hand to drain your balls when you need it."

"Yeah, like I am going to lick you out now." I growled. "I have no intention on licking up another man's cum. I bet the crotch of your panties is soaked with your boyfriend's semen. Just like they have been four or five times a week."

"You've been inspecting my panties?" she asked. Her expression turned from surprise to grim. "Now that is a fucked up invasion of my privacy!"

"You are concerned about your privacy and not that I know you are fucking other men?" I asked incredulously. "I get no relief unless I do it myself but you go fuck around like a slut."

"Don't call me a slut!" Melinda growled. "You KNOW I have needs. I have always been a highly sexual person. I have offered you oral sex and you turned it down! I accepted I had the choice of keeping you around as my husband and companion or watching you die in a coma. Do you know how hard it was to watch the love of my life lay there in a coma? I changed the diapers they put on you. That was demeaning and disgusting yet I did it! It was my duty as a wife to help you get through it. I still come home every day to be with you. I only go out Friday nights."

"You come home two hours late four or five times a week while it is a short drive from your office. Your forays out Friday nights are without me and have been for a long time. I know you are not having a few drinks with your coworkers. You are meeting men, dancing, drinking and then fucking. You offered me oral sex when you were full of another man's cum and you know it. Yeah a few times you offered to help me cum by sticking a couple fingers up my butt to massage my prostate while you sucked me. You wanted to get me off quick. Of course I would refuse that."

Suddenly Melinda changed tactics. "Look, I will admit I have had sex with another man. Like I told you, I have needs. There is absolutely ZERO emotional connection like you and I share. I think of him as a sex toy. We always had a few sex toys around the house and you NEVER had an objection to my using one. You loved to watch me use a dildo or vibrator on myself. In fact you would use them on me just to keep me cumming until your cock got hard again for seconds. Think of the guy as a sex toy. Just something to get me off and keep me happy."

I laughed at her attempts to snow me. "The guy? Why not use his name? Dave Fisher. And a toy doesn't take you dancing or out to eat. We used to do all that."

"So you know his name. Okay, you and I used to go out to dinner then dancing and all that. We went on great vacations, cruises, trips around the world. With this virus, travel is out the window. For months you can't stay awake past eight o'clock. If you nap during the day, you can't sleep later and you can't play sexually." Melinda groused. Then she paused as she thought."I am surprised you know his name. I am guessing you had me followed. I know you didn't do it. You can't drive safely with your blood pressure being so erratic. You might pass out behind the wheel."

"It was a waste of money to watch my activities and see who I met. I always came home to you.You were never supposed to know I was getting a little on the side. I hate the idea that it might bother you. But I have needs. Like I said before. Dave is a sex toy, No different than one of my other vibrators. OR the rabbit thing you bought me for my birthday. You know where the ears would wave around up inside me as the toy vibrated."

"What about Bob Edwards? I understand Dave introduced you. Bob could take over and keep you occupied when Dave was busy." I offered, sourly.

"Damn. You really did keep an eye on me. You inspected my panties for cum, had me followed and it is all for NOTHING. Except to bitch at me and make yourself feel worse. You know you cannot get by without me. I take you to your doctor's appointments. I fix your meals." Melinda said. "Just playing with your dog wears you out. Your spying pisses me off. It is still damn disrespectful to have me followed."

"Disrespectful? And these guys only are toys?" I asked. I took a series of deep breaths to calm myself. I could feel my blood pressure spiking. 'What about your conversations about how I have no clue? Sitting here at home playing with my dog and a limp pecker. Saying you would like to have me lick their cum out of you and how hot that would be?"

"You heard that? Yeah, I said some pretty wild shit. But none of it was real. I was charging their batteries. Both those guys get off thinking they are getting something over on another man especially their boss. I am guessing you know they both work for your company. But they get SO hard when I stroke their egos. I want them to feel like studs. They know I am using them for sex but have no clue I think of them as only toys, honey. "

"You are my man. Yeah, I know I am getting off on these guys, but it is just like using a sex toy. Wait a minute! You know about our private conversations? You must have me bugged, too. Fuck!!! That is so not right!" Melinda declared. "Do you have my purse bugged or the apartment the guys and I use for our booty calls?"

"Okay. I know you are pissed. but you and I have been together for so long we are ONE. Yeah, I had a couple guys service me but I have always taken care of you. Well, maybe not sexually. I tried something but you did not you would go for it. You refused a couple fingers up the butt while I sucked your limp cock. Sorry, I mean while I suck on you to bring you off and drain you out as many times as possible. I want to make you happy. These guys are NOTHING more than simple sex toys."

"Seriously?" I asked. "You don't want to admit your cunt is dripping with one of these guy's cum. I am left out but you get off and call these two idiots just sex toys like any vibrator you have. Zero regard for my feelings. That is pretty cold. And it is NOT just the sex, you getting off. It is the total disregard for my feelings, the lack of respect." I could tell my face was red. Her minimizing my anguish was making my anger worse.

"Oh, don't get your blood pressure up." Melinda said. "Yeah, these guys are a modern version of a sex toy. You need to grow up. Be a man. Well a man whose cock doesn't get hard. Accept the inevitable. I am gonna fuck these guys whenever I need to get off. They are toys. I am still coming home to you. You will probably live another twenty five years like both your Mom and dad did, well into their upper eighties. And I will be there right by your side all the way. So what if I get a few orgasms on another man's cock? It is YOU I love. We will be together until we die."

"Now, I ordered out for your supper. it should be delivered soon. I have a date and intend to get my pussy stretched a bit. I was going to tell you I had to go back to the office to finish a contract for tomorrow, but since you already know about my boyfriends I'll be honest. You eat and go to bed and we will talk again after I get home from work tomorrow. I'll only be a couple hours at most but I know you will be asleep by then. You seriously need to start thinking of these guys as nothing more than a sex toy. I do."

"Seriously?" I growled, astonished at her audacity. "After all this talk, you are still going out to fuck? What a slutty cunt!"

"Damn it. You know I hate that word. It is demeaning and contemptuous. You are seriously about to piss me off. I've been trying to be respectful of your feelings. That is why I kept my activities quiet. You want 'slutty cunt"? When I get home I might just climb in bed tonight without showering, all sweaty and smelling of cum and pussy juice. I want you to apologize!"

"Fuck you!" I said. I turned and walked out the front door. My loyal border collie, Roscoe, at my heel. At least I had one friend who still respected me.

I had a rough night sleeping that night. The bed in the guest room was lumpy but there was no way I would sleep in my regular bed. If I had a lock on the door I would use it. I suspected the bitch meant what she said about not bothering to shower to wash the cum out of her before she came to bed. I needed the rest. I knew I would be busy the next day and hoped my endurance would hold up.

I was up early and sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee when Melinda came in. I was planning my day. I had taken care of much of my business but still had a few things to do. I ignored Melinda's greeting as she poured herself a cup. "Look, we need to talk. I am sorry I ran my mouth about rubbing your nose in my outside activities. I showered before coming to bed only to find you not there. Maybe we can sit down and talk about things like adults when you get over your little snit." SNIT? I thought, incredulously. I worked hard to keep my face relatively neutral and my mouth shut.

"I have needs and those guys scratch my itch. But they mean no more to me than a vibrator. I love you. We have had a great marriage. We produced three wonderful kids. I intend to stay with you. I want us to get along and to do that you need to understand and accept that if you cannot fulfill my sexual needs I am going to have to get it take care of elsewhere. I am going to do my best to keep it from interfering with our home life. I can see where I have gone a little overboard. Oh. I want you to stop listening to my conversations. I am going to look for that bug, find it and destroy it. And if you recorded last night, for your sake don't listen to it. It will just get you more upset."

"But you have no intention of stopping either." I said quietly. "You aren't even sorry you destroyed our marriage. I wonder what your boys are going to do when they get fired."

"Oh, you are not going to fire them." Melinda said. 'You'd be humiliated when your little condition was made public and the reason you had them fired was because of they were doing your job as my sex partner. And no I am NOT going to stop. But I will be discreet. I have plans to go to a club tonight since it is Friday and I won't be home until very late. But I will spend tomorrow with you. If you are in a better mood, we can snuggle and maybe make out and have some good oral sex, for BOTH of us."

"Oh, damn! Look at the time. I need to get to work." Melinda said. "I'm not going to have time to gather the stuff I need to go out. I'll have to come home to change when I get off work. I've thought about something else. You consider this. We don't need the money I make nor the benefits. I stayed working mainly for something to do with my days. Maybe I should quit and stay home with you. We can be do stuff together, you know like buddies. My boytoys aren't available until late afternoon or evening anyway. Think about it. I'm glad we had this little talk." She was smiling and had a little jaunt in her step as she left the house.

Melinda was right about a couple things she said. The first was I would be upset if I listened to the recording of her conversation last night. I had already listened to it. I fast forwarded through the sex part. The interesting part was her venting. The conversation just stiffened my resolve, not my penis.

"Ron knows about us and Dan." she tersely. "He's had us followed and somehow has listening devices to spy on us." She raised her voice a bit. "Ron if you are listening you can kiss my ass!" I heard the man whose voice I knew to be Bob cursing softly. "No, he is not going to fire you or Dan. He'd hate for everybody to know about his limp dick. And he has all but retired so you won't have to see him at work either. I looked through my purse but I can't find the bug if it is there. He might have paid for somebody to break in here and plant some. We might have to hire a pro to find them all. Right now I don't care if he hears me. I understand he would be pissed if he knew about our booty calls. He just said fucking but did not mention any of the really wild stuff we do." She raised her voice again. "Like you guys fucking my ass! And spit-roasting me! Making me cum over and over until you fill me up!"

"Wow he must have seriously pissed you off!" Bob laughed. "You chewed my ass when I called him a limp dicked cuck that one time."

"You don't know the half of it." Melinda said angrily. "He crossed the line after I carefully explained what we three have is just a booty call. He called me a slutty cunt. I came VERY close to beating his ass. I am in great shape and he is still so weak, he would not stand a chance. I mean I actually envisioned holding him down and spanking his bare ass like I did one of the kids years ago when he used that word in front of me. I did threaten go to bed tonight with your cum dripping out of me. His emotions are all over the place anyway and I know he'd bawl like a baby if I climbed up on his face and rub my used pussy all over it. He's gonna learn that I am the boss now! You know that already don't you?"

"Yes ma'am!' Bob answered. "That is so hot hearing you say that! I'm hard as a rock just imagining you doing that. Come on and let's go screw our brains out. How about we call Dan and see if he wants to come and put a load or two in you." I did not want to listen to anymore. That was more than enough.

I thought about the steps I had already taken. My business had been mine before we married all those years ago. Melinda was entitled to half our community property which was considerable but I had changed my will to give my half to my kids. I cut her out of my estate will altogether. You can't disinherit a spouse in some states but you can in mine. Despite Melinda's optimistic outlook on my longevity, I had my doubts. And if I did live long enough, I was planned to divorce the unfaithful bitch. She'd get as little of my wealth as legally possible.

I was sitting in my recliner when Melinda came through the door that afternoon. "Damn it, Dan! Call me back." she was saying into her cell phone. "I am going to get dressed and take an Uber to the club. This is the fifth message I have left for you. If you don't call me back, I will call Bob again. One or both of you better meet me! I am not in the mood to be denied!" Melinda paused to look at me sitting there quietly.

"Okay, you heard me talking to my toys. You know it is just that." Melinda said. She went into the bedroom and emerged twenty minutes later wearing a little black dress that barely came down to mid thigh. She was carrying her heels. "You seem to be in a good mood." she offered. "I guess our little talk last night and this morning about my friends meaning no more to me than battery operated toys finally got through to you." She grinned. "You are smiling and appear very calm. I guess the booze is helping too." she added noting the bottle of Gentleman Jack whisky on the my side table and the full snifter in my hand. I nodded. "Good, I am glad you have finally grown up enough to accept my little paying on the side is nothing more than my scratching an itch. But it's probably not a good idea to drink too much. Not with your meds."

"Watch this!" I said and called Roscoe over. He sat immediately. "Lay down. Roll over, sit, beg." I said. My faithful border collie performed flawlessly. He danced in circles at my command.

Melinda yawned. "That dog is the one thing that has got you off your ass over the past months. Great!" I could tell she had other things on her mind despite her words of encouragement. She looked at me a few seconds.

"You really do seem happy and content. I guess you are coming to terms that my little playing around is no big thing. Just like using a couple sex toys to get me off." Melinda said again. I knew from the way she said it, she wanted me to verbally agree with her.

"Check this out!" I said, enthusiastically, but did not responding to what she was saying. Melinda grinned and once again congratulated me for finally 'growing up' and accepting her needs to play. I was getting tired of her repeating herself and decided to move things along. I pointed to the bowl on the tale beside me right next to my bottle of whisky. Four oblong lumps of meat sat there. Melinda barely glanced at them and shrugged.

Roscoe performed admirably once again. Melinda watched quietly while periodically checking her phone. I began to feed Roscoe the pieces of meat as he obeyed and performed. "Do you think it is safe to feed that dog raw meat?" she asked. I shrugged. "Where the fuck are those guys? I heard Melinda mutter again.

I held up my hand to show her the last piece of meat in my palm. She finally took a close look at it. Her eyes widened. "That almost looks like.." she said and her voice trailed off.

"Yep. I took the batteries out of your toys." I said.