Tom told me a day ago that he would be out of town for a two-day meeting. He would leave tomorrow, and if things went to schedule he could fly out Friday morning or early afternoon and be home by dinner Friday. He traveled a lot in his job as an engineer but usually only short trips like this. I didn't mind as it gave me some time away from him.
It's not that I didn't love my husband. Tom was a good father, a gentle lover and a wonderful provider. He had never given me any cause to want to be away from him but our marriage didn't seem to be enough for me after the baby was born. Our lovemaking didn't satisfy me and Tom wasn't able to meet my needs for companionship. I wasn't sure what the problem was but I wasn't happy.
The problem seemed to begin just after Rachael was born. The birth was easy, she was perfect and we loved her to death. Tom couldn't get enough of her and spent most of his free time playing with her and taking us both out to eat or shop or just enjoy the day. I found myself resenting the time he spent with her. He would stop everything just to be with her and when I wanted to spend some time with just him, he couldn't understand why I didn't want her with us. I thought that if we could resume lovemaking, he would once again pay more attention to me. I don't know why I felt this way, but I did.
The first time we tried to make love after Rachael's birth, it was terrible. I was impatient, Tom was clumsy and he was being too gentle. I wanted him to make love to me, not pamper me! I finally got angry and told him to get with it! He did, but almost as soon as he tried to enter me, he went limp. I was furious with him and, as a result, he was unable to perform that time. I was so angry that I remember yelling at him and I think I laughed at him, and called him a wimp or something like that.
The next few times were only slightly better but none of them left me with any kind of satisfaction. We tried to get into a routine, but most of the time, I just faked it to get it over with. I wanted Tom to be more aggressive and to just take me like he used to. He seemed to want to take things slow and just cuddle and make love. That wasn't enough and I couldn't think of a way to tell him to just fuck me instead of making love to me. Sounds crazy but that is the way it was.
I began to wait for Tom to come home so that I could let him take over with Rachael so I could pamper myself. I would usually go take a warm bubble bath after dinner while Tom played with the baby. I sometimes dried myself off and went to bed early with a book or with the TV on. I had no interest in going into the den to play with him and Rachael. I began to plan her evenings with Tom so that I was not even needed. Tom did not seem to mind and he enjoyed his time with her so I thought, no harm. Things got to the point that I hardly talked to him after he got home and just did my thing. It was only on weekends that we behaved as a family. I didn't enjoy it, but I couldn't disappear all day.
One day after Tom went to work, I took Rachael over to her grandmother's place. That was Tom's mother and father's home in Boardman. She loved to baby sit with Rachael. I had called and told her I needed to run some errands and wouldn't be able to take the baby where I had to go. She agreed so I dropped her off at about 10:00 that morning.
I went into town to see John Williams, my old boss at the bank. John had hired me right out of college and had become a good friend as well as a boss. He knew Tom and they played golf together occasionally. I wanted to speak with him about getting back to work. He welcomed me into his office and asked after my family and my new daughter. I told him that all was well and that Rachael was doing great. Growing fast and healthy.
"The problem is, John, that I need to get back to work. I'm going crazy without anyone to talk to and something to keep my mind busy. A baby is a lot of hard work but it is way short on stimulation for the mind. I need adults to talk to. I want to come back." I was close to tears as I talked with him. I wanted to say more about my life at home but didn't.
"Julie, you know you are welcome anytime you want to come back. I did hire a new man, Richard Means, but not for your job. You know we had an opening anyway so when you left on maternity leave, I filled the second opening, but kept yours open. Richard is working on loan approvals, but if you come back, I will move him to corporate loans. That should suit everyone. OK with you?" John seemed pleased that I wanted to come back because I had been one of the best. Richard was young and inexperienced but worked hard. This move would be best for both.
"That's great John. I'll get things in order at home and try to start the beginning of the month. That's just two weeks away."
"How does Tom feel about your returning to work? I didn't think he would want you working with the baby at home." John was curious, as he knew Tom's feelings about Julie working. They had played golf on several occasions and were friends, although not close.
"Tom doesn't know my feelings yet but I wanted to talk with you first to be sure my job was still here. I'll tell him tonight. I'm sure he will be OK with it." I knew that was a lie but I was going to go back to work in any event. If Tom didn't like it, that was too bad.
That is what led to one of our more violent disagreements. I decided to make Tom feel good so I deliberately faked a major orgasm as we made love at my instigation that evening. I had decided to tell him as we lay together after intercourse. I did and he hit the roof.
The conversation was bad mainly because Tom figured out that I had already made the decision and hadn't asked him for his opinion. I simply told him what I was doing and made no attempt to make him part of the decision. I didn't feel bad when he got angry; rather I got angry also and just shut him down. It felt good. That had bothered me later because I didn't know why I took delight in shutting Tom out of my choice to go to work. I also remembered saying some things to Tom that were harsh and cruel and I even made a remark about Rachael that was totally inappropriate.
As I thought back on that night, I felt a cold shudder go down my spine. I wasn't sure what that was but I dismissed it.
When I returned to work two weeks later, it was as if I had never left. It felt good, it felt right and I did not miss the crying and spilling and whining from a 1½ year old at all. I got right into it and within a week I was back to normal. The only thing different was Richard. He was new and he was young and he was good looking. All those things combined into one guy. Wow!
As things got back to normal at work, they just got worse at home. I usually arrived home first, got dinner ready and ran over to pick up Rachael. By the time Tom got home, I had lost the good feelings I had during the day at work and things just began to get intense and I began to get angry. That's when I began to leave Rachael to Tom and go off to take a bath, or to read or watch TV. I wanted to keep away from both of them so that I wasn't constantly reminded of this life that I wanted to be away from.
Things began to get into a routine at work and at home and nothing changed for a good 4 months. Then John Williams called me into his office and asked me if I would like to make a change to commercial loans rather than continue with personal loans. I told him that I thought Richard had that job. John said that he did but that the corporate office wanted to expand the commercial loan business. That would mean Richard would not be able to handle the extra load.
"Julie, you know you are very good at this business. While Richard is young and aggressive, he doesn't have the tact and finesse that you do. He needs someone like you on his staff and I want you to be that person. It will mean a raise and a promotion for you. I would give the department head job to you if it were my choice. But, corporate has picked Richard to head the department. Will you do it?" John looked at me intently.
This was a major move for me, and one that I couldn't pass up. It would mean more money but more importantly, it would be a new challenge. I needed that challenge at this point in my life.
"You bet I'll take it. When do we start?" I smiled and watched John relax.
I didn't tell Tom about the change right away. I just told him that there was going to be a new department and that I would like to be part of it. Tom was not very interested in what I had to say about work so it just went right by him. Actually, that was my intent. I'm not sure why, but I didn't want to mention that I would be working for and with Richard Means. Tom had met Richard and had nothing good to say about him. He thought him to be arrogant and conceited. I didn't agree and thought he was cute and very sexy.
For the next two months, I worked with Richard and learned the commercial language and twists, those that were different from the personal loan field. Richard was very good at his job and I did quickly learn the tricks of the trade from him. We worked together on several big loan accounts and were successful. I finally was able to begin taking some of the smaller loans on my own and closed most of them without problem.
We had just been contacted to handle a major client for a loan that would be the biggest we had worked on to date. Richard wanted both of us to handle this one just to be sure. I agreed and we made plans to begin the research.
We had been working all morning on one of the client's subsidiaries for information and background when Richard suggested we go to lunch. For some reason, we had never been out together for lunch or any meetings. It just had never happened. So this was a first for both of us. I accepted and we went to the local Holiday Inn for lunch.
We had eaten and were finishing up when Richard jokingly mentioned that we should just get a room here at the Holiday Inn and work there. When we got tired we could just have some fun before we got back to work. He blushed as he realized what he had said. I just looked at him and smiled. I said,
"And what kind of fun would a young man like you have with an older woman like me?" I wanted to see what he would say.
"I don't think of you as an older woman. You are beautiful and sexy and certainly not old. I would be glad to show you what kind of fun we could have." He was certainly not offended or embarrassed to the point where he missed an opportunity, when presented.
"Why don't we make plans to do as you suggest then, say tomorrow?" I held my breath waiting for his response.
"You're on. I'll get the room and tell John that we have a client meeting here at the hotel. Are you sure you want to do this? I know you are married and have a daughter. I do not want to be part of anything that would cause you a problem."
