Corporate Family Dinner

Authors note: some pretty graphic sex is back in this chapter - skim carefully because there IS some significant points about and after the sex. Another pretty short chapter.

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Elaine - Thursday AM:

I didn't sleep very well last night. And when I did I vaguely remember some terrible dreams. Like I was drowning or suffocating. I thought I was miserable before. But nothing like last night with the devastation of how yesterday ended after finally, just a little ray of sunshine and hope I felt. Being with Bob working together looking for his new offices was the best feeling I had actually had in a long, long time. After his first few verbal cracks at me - we settled down to at least friendliness. And I saw him actually checking me out in the car. Looking at my legs and me in a new light that certainly wasn't just disgust, if not hate. I was really turned on myself. My pussy was wet and I hoped he could smell it and just take me. The fact that he DID remain so physically in control and remote actually made me want him even more. Then his fucking phone call, from "Karen", and my own phone call with the shameful news of my actual STD infection and his own revelations, correct intuitions even, that made me feel like a frog being dissected.

I ran into the house bawling and barely got myself even a little bit together before Julia rushed home from just up the street. At least Bob was there and handled her great, as always - before explaining he had to go out for a "business" meeting and might be late, "not to worry."

And I waited and waited but Bob never came home all night. Despite what he had said I KNEW he was in bed with Karen all night. I didn't know who she was but if I met her right now I knew I would do my best to kill her with my bare hands. A totally irrational feeling and even shameful considering what I had been doing the last two years and then black Friday.

But then I couldn't help wonder, "why didn't Bob try to kill Sam that night? Maybe by then he didn't really love me after all, at least not so much?" It was all very confusing to me and I couldn't put any spin on any of it to make me feel better. So I just suffered. At least I could lie to Julia and just say "he got in about 12 last night and was real tired. And he STILL had to get up real early and leave today. Just remember he really is working so hard for you and me - the family. OK? I'm sure he'll be back tonight OK." Jules bought it, but I really wondered and worried about it.

Finally about 8:30 this morning he showed up in his old car. He went in the basement entrance and I could hear his shower going. Then he came upstairs into the kitchen all dressed for work. I just had my robe on and probably did not look well, and I was afraid to say anything at all, except "can I make you some breakfast?"

When what I wanted to do was scream at him and beat HIM for hurting me so bad, all last night.

He just said, "Sure, thanks. Just fix me some of whatever you're having to go with my coffee. I'm a little hungover this morning so don't expect much pleasant conversation for a while." And he actually smiled a little. The fucking asshole. All relaxed after HIS night of fucking that bimbo...my mind was spinning.

Then he quietly said, "Any word from Kay yet?"

Oh, Christ - right there all my moral high ground indignation just became ashes in my mouth. But my pain didn't go away - maybe ratcheted up a tad. Fuck.

"Yes. She'll do it. She said she will call you sometime later today."

"And I've already called the Urologist and they can see you at 11 this morning if you can make it. You don't have to confirm, just show up. If you can't make that let me know and I'll reschedule."

Please, God, don't let him have an STD that I gave him, I thought - but also that little personal devil on my shoulder was whispering, "but it would serve that bitch Karen right if she got it from fucking a married man..." More confusion. Why the hell hadn't I thought this way about Bob years ago - and really protected my man and my marriage???

"That will work, I'll run by on my way to Ross's..."

"Ross? Ross Clark?"

"All right. I might as well tell you. You'll find out anyway as part of the office space lease info. I'm working for Ross Clark now and his new start up company Robotics Systems Solutions. We are going to compete with IMT&R in just a small way for a long, long time. IF we don't go under the first year while never landing a single customer. Like I said, I'm not even making as much as I did before. This is very risky and I won't have any real good personal prospects if this fails. You need to know this for your own long term planning. Maybe you should want a divorce from me sooner rather than later...just saying."

This was a bit of a shock.

Finally, I said, "No. You can divorce me now any time you want to and I won't fight it. As long as it's "no fault" and "shared custody" - my only requests. I don't dare "demand" terms, now. But I won't divorce you. I just won't. And I don't want you to divorce me, now or ever."

"Whatever," he replied - and went back in the basement with his coffee after finishing his eggs and bacon and toast breakfast.

Time for me to stop crying - over spilled milk and so much, very much, else. What a waste I had made of the last 11 years - and just last week I was thinking how very much "I had grown and poor Bob just hadn't."

I resolved to call Washington University admissions today and talk to someone about their graduate psychology programs. They were a good school and undoubtedly expensive and I would request grants and financial aid info as well. I also dug out some of my old favorite psychology text books and started rereading - especially the human sexuality and sexual deviations parts. Nowadays almost nothing seemed actually considered abnormal or deviant or "needing treatment" - just "lifestyle choices". Well, maybe pedophilia. Maybe.

Bob - Thursday morning:

I got home around 8:30 the next morning, showered and dressed, then walked upstairs to make myself some breakfast. Elaine was in the kitchen just waiting, I guess. I was wondering what she would say but just curiously, not in a concerned way. "Frankly, my dear, I didn't give a damn." OK, not quite the exact quote (and maybe I did give a damn just a tad anyway. Just like every other damn romantic thought Rhett Butler really DID give a damn, right then, still at least a little about Scarlett, as he stormed out. Sigh - we're all fools. Despite my brave words yesterday about Elaine not being Elaine anymore and I not being me. I was STILL just me, and she still looked and smelled and even talked like the exact same Elaine that was the woman I made love too just last Thursday night.)

But all she said was "want some breakfast" and started making me some.

Run by the urologist at 11 - yeah, THAT'LL be fun. And Kay was going to call me. Did I really want to do that? No - and yes. I had too, now. I just needed all the info I could get - this was me now as a stranger in a strange land - Elaine's psyche - that I never even much concerned myself with before. And what a dangerous frickin mistake that was...

I'd call Ross about 10 and let him know - then head to HQ's - his house - right after the doctor's unless he wanted me to do something else specifically. I still needed a little more info from him before I could really start working more independently on my own. I'd never been an exec/owner before but I already liked it. Just doing boring/grunt work really wasn't boring, when one was actually in charge and not just working for a paycheck. No wonder so many small business and even large business owners often put in incredible work hours - month after month and then year after year. And then often just died when they finally did retire. It was life itself and a GOOD life, when even a little bit successful.

I went back downstairs and fired up my laptop to check emails and news and get ready for the day. But my mind just wandered and I thought back to the surprises of last night. For not actually having sex last night with Karen - I still sort of felt all relaxed and satisfied as if I had. Strange. I wasn't in love with Karen but was I heading that way? Was she?

I was pretty drunk by the time she dragged me up the steps to her apartment. I was leaning on her pretty heavily and she had her arm around me. Well, I wasn't actually THAT drunk - but I really liked her hugging me like that. She sat me down on her couch and went to get me a blanket and pillow. And came back dressed only in a long t-shirt. Was she wearing panties, even? She accidentally did bend over and I saw she was - if you could call that little bit of nothing panties...

What should I do? I was afraid of doing the wrong thing. No doubt about it, and I decided to just go with the flow. I also had that little possible STD infection issue. Damn Elaine in so many ways - but still, maybe it was time for some major changes in both our lives. She didn't have to just blow us (me!) up like that! Wouldn't it have been great if I had started this whole new risky but exciting career thing with her full co-operation, support, and backing? Dream on, Buddy, and stop thinking about Elaine - that bitch - right now. Not when you are in a beautiful half-naked woman's apartment at night after a pleasant evening drinking with her.

Karen sat down on the couch with me and grabbed my hands - and looked me right in the eyes. I looked back and started getting lost in those huge green/dark (because her pupils were so open now) windows to her soul. I had judged her as "average pretty" when I first saw her? Not even close - the more I was with her the more beautiful she was. She was "Elaine beautiful" - the way I dimly remembered Elaine when WE first met and fell in love - and maybe even more than that. I felt I could have stayed like that forever.

Finally, Karen spoke. "I wanted some alone time with you in a little quieter environment. You scare me, Bob, in a way I haven't felt about any man in a long time. I feel like I'm a pretty level headed woman most of the time. No way I should get emotionally involved with you, separated or not. You are still married and a father who dearly loves his daughter - and still has strong feelings for his wife. It doesn't even matter you may not know exactly what those feelings are - or that they switch from hate to disgust to something else 6 times a day. You ARE still involved with her and as long as that happens I am only, at best, "the other woman." I don't want that, intellectually.

"But the heart wants what it wants, and doesn't always obey our intellects. So, I've got a problem and just maybe you've got a problem too? Because the real question is - what does your heart want?"

I couldn't quite look her in those marvelous orbs anymore. Because she was right and I just didn't know. Right now I wanted her - so bad I would almost do anything.

"I want you so bad I would do almost anything. Except hurt you. Right this minute I think you could heal my broken heart. Or at least patch it and anesthetize it quite well so it stopped hurting. I want that so badly. I need it. And I think you know yourself you could do that, and almost enslave me at the same time with your love, your body, your sex, and just being beautiful, kind you. But you also know that that might ultimately hurt you. Or at any rate I think it would. You don't want a slave, even me. Maybe especially me. You want a man who freely and willingly willfully loves you and you alone with his whole being. It's what you deserve. And I'm not that man right now. And I wish I was. Desperately."

She smiled a little.

"Wow, that's kind of heavy, she said. You're pretty drunk aren't you? Maybe I wouldn't mind having you as my slave for awhile. Just a little role playing...hmmm"

"And you are just drunk enough you didn't notice me noticing you look right between my legs at my ass when I bent over - and that noticeable tent right there that developed. You stared - and got caught - you can't stare like that. You just have to glance, like at the Sun." She looked at me funny and giggled. "That's a Seinfeld line..."

And then she actually grabbed my crotch lightly - then leaned over and kissed me on the lips with her lips closed, then moaned softly and opened them and our tongues were dancing - and my silly dick sprang to instant attention. Ignoring my own high-minded intellect and that pretty speech I just made.

After a timeless period with our tongues exploring each other all on their own, she broke and sighed. And stroked me lightly.

"Good night, lover - I'll have pleasant dreams tonight - especially of this," and a little gentle squeeze of my cock. "And I hope you do to - maybe of my nice panties?" And she winked at me.

"I think you have a problem just as much as I do, which brings me some happiness. I hope it works out best for both of us. I really do. But I know it's complicated and won't be resolved quickly. I'll see you now anytime you want. All you have to do is call me and beckon. You're my priority number 1 boyfriend now and will always come first - but until and unless we really do sleep together - when you decide you can do that with or without "all your heart". I might go out with other guys when I am not with you. That's the best I can offer, right now."

"Give me another kiss, Babe - and thank you. I wish I wasn't such an idiot. I wish water wasn't wet, and the sky wasn't blue, and I didn't still feel so much about that fucking bitch, my wife. Believe me. And never more than right this minute. I don't deserve even what you are offering. But I'm a greedy bastard and I will take it."

And I grabbed her and kissed her roughly. When I broke that kiss, tears were flowing from her but no sound was made - and she quickly walked into her bedroom but didn't even shut the door. It was a pretty long time before I got to sleep.

Elaine would have preferred I just fucked Karen, by far - rather than this new relationship with me Karen had just defined.. A fuse had just been lit and a countdown begun that normal male hormonal driven sex-drive would inevitably play a part in. I knew myself and my appetites - and so did Elaine. I think Elaine especially was still depending subconsciously on her sexual "control" of me just like in times past. About 2 weeks had EVER been the longest we could go without sex - and inevitably that first time doing it again was absolutely Pavlovian in tweaking the brain's "reward" centers. But now I had another outlet opportunity, and for sure it would probably be a LOT longer before Elaine and I ever screwed again, if ever. On the other hand - I may not last a week with Karen now. Damn, she was beautiful and apparently uninhibitedly sexy. But also self-controlled in a way I liked, I thought.

Oh well, back to today. Last night was over - maybe.

I finally talked to Ross this morning and sort of had a lunch date set up for as soon as I could get there after my doctor's appointment. Apparently it would include his CFO - a guy who had brought quite a bit of skin into the game and helped a lot with the initial financing. Maybe I would get some budget numbers to actually start crunching and playing around with regarding the office, equipment, and personnel beyond me and Ms. McManus.

About 2 that afternoon I got a call - from Kay. "Hi Bob" said a nice contralto and pretty sexy sounding voice, "I'm Kay, Elaine's friend and partner in crime. I heard you wanted to talk to me?"

Already I didn't like her attitude.

"Yes, actually I think we should meet and talk. There's...quite a lot I'd like to cover about Elaine and ... some of her activities. She explained a little?"

"She said I should answer all your questions as completely and honestly as I could. I will do that, if that's what you really want. Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Ok, I'm free tonight. Where do you want to meet."

"Whatever's convenient for you".

"OK" and she named a bar or restaurant I'd never heard of close to the St. Louis Airport. "How about 8 o'clock?"

"Yes, that's fine...uh, do you want to eat then? I will be happy to buy you dinner."

"No - I will already have eaten by then. I think it might be prudent to just keep to drinks, tonight. See you then. Bye."

"Wait, how will I know you?" I was about to say but she had hung up.

Then my phone beeped with a message and there was her picture. It looked like a model's "glamour" head shot. I wondered if she sent that to strange men a lot? I was still hesitant and fearful about this meeting as I figured additional emotional pain was headed my way. But I also thought I needed to man up and do it. Maybe I actually owed Elaine this, in a way.

The fact is that I was starting to feel deeply ashamed. Not that Elaine cheated on me and cuckolded me publicly but that I had literally let Friday happen in a very real way.. I could have stopped it - and rather easily. All I had to do was reach out and grab Elaine's arm and not let go. She could have screamed and made a fuss - but Sam and his henchmen were not ABOUT to interfere so publicly, someone was sure to video it and it would have hit youtube that night. Those little asshole weasels would have scurried like the rats they were.

So - why hadn't I? The feminization of men in our modern culture? Part of it. Wanting to please my wife and not hurt her, as always, now a habit with me? Yes. Just not WANTING to make a public fuss, and maybe lose my job? That too.

But all that together wasn't a good enough reason. Not really. Not to me. I let myself down and I even let Elaine down. She was my wife, until she wasn't. That's a fact, Jack. Fuck. Maybe it's time I stopped blaming her for EVERYTHING. Self-responsibility is such a bitch, applied to oneself instead of just all others. "Honor is a gift a man gives to himself." Japanese, I think. But I understood. Elaine couldn't dishonor me, nor any of those 20 other men she had fucked. Only I could, and I felt like I had and was still. Time to man up and gift myself.

I had already called Karen and told her I had another meeting set up tonight about Elaine and my marriage mess - so she was free to go out with someone else tonight...and she laughed and merely said "imagine me sticking my tongue out at you... What about tomorrow, Friday?"

"We'll get together and do something for sure. I'll call you tomorrow afternoon and set a time. OK?"

"You'd better." Is all she said. I really liked her attitude. My biggest problem was I was totally out of it as far as "dating" - being married so young and for so long. But I guess Karen really didn't care.

I also got home in time to spend some quality time with Julia and even fake some with Elaine. Then told them both I had a business meeting at 8:00 and I think Elaine guessed it was with Kay and looked like she was about to throw-up. I left at 7:30.

I walked in and she was easy to spot. I just had to look in the direction most of the men's eyes were glancing so often. She wasn't dressed like sex, overtly - but somehow she was. Like I had seen many, many women hover around Ross - this was the reverse. She was definitely the focus of male attention and I was betting the normally most successful men at casual pick-ups had already given it their best shots. I walked up to her and quietly said, "Hi Kay, is this seat taken?"

She was quick and played the game. Not smiling she merely indicated the seat and I sat down and looked around. Half the men literally snorted and turned back to the bar or their companions. I didn't need telepathy. "What the fuck does that guy have?" thoughts filled the mentalist airways.

I turned to her and said,"Thanks for that."

She finally smiled at me and raised her hand and snapped her fingers just like Mrs. Robinson. And a waitress scurried right over and I said cool as I could, "Grey Goose screwdriver - half and half."