Warning: This material may be disturbing to some readers. Discretion is advised.
Statistics
I didn't know anything academic or intellectual about affairs before I was married. Growing up in a classic American suburban household where academic and athletic achievements were celebrated both for daughters, like me, and sons, it was always assumed that I'd get married and forever have a monogamous relationship. I never questioned that -- why should I have considering that my parents, aunts, uncles, and neighbors -- virtually without exception -- had long-standing happy marriages.
However, after the fact -- that is after I started an affair just after my 32nd birthday -- I researched the theory, realism, and intellectual aspects of why married women cheat.
First, I looked at some surprising statistics. They were unexpected since most people believe, like I did (and the stories on Literotica sure support that), that people who cheat almost always get caught and that they almost always get divorces after they get caught. Actual credible sociological studies, however, prove that the contrary is true. Roughly 90% (the results vary slightly from study to study but all are within 10% of each other) of women who admit to cheating never leave their husband, or get divorced. Further, about 85% of women who cheat never get caught.
That led me to investigate why women cheat, because I couldn't easily determine myself why I had. Here the studies are more in line with common perception although with some surprises -- and of course the issue is complicated so that there is less precision than with the studies of how often cheaters are caught and how often divorce ensues if caught.
What is clear from the studies, however, is that the answer is even more complex than you might imagine. There's no one specific reason for infidelity however researchers have identified eight common themes that pass as "justifications" or "causes."
1) Boredom. This may be the major cause for women over 40 who don't have a career, but can occur in other female populations too.
2) Low self-esteem. The low self-esteem can be a perceived failure in a career, as a mother, or of intellect, although it is most often a perceived lack or diminishment of physical attractiveness (again most common for women over 40).
3) Emotional starvation. Women who are emotionally unfulfilled or feel neglected by their husband can have an overpowering sense of loneliness. This is particularly so for women whose husbands give scant praise and do not often demonstrate love and affection.
4) Anger. The anger could be for many reasons -- including emotional starvation as discussed above. However, most likely anger results in cheating if a wife's husband has cheated or is suspected of cheating. The saying "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" exists for a reason. A wife may cheat as a form of revenge, even if in the past she has previously put her married relationship first.
5) Excitement. Every woman's personality is different, and it doesn't change when she marries. If a woman has a need for excitement -- whether it be on a dance floor, participating in dangerous activities, in sports, or whatever -- before marriage she doesn't change overnight when she says "I do." For example if a woman has been a top athlete most of her life and then marriage and children deprive her of the competitiveness that she thrived on when actually participating in athletic contests, cheating may be the exciting substitute.
6) Power. The socially accepted norm when it comes to coupling, even today (though not as much as in the past), is that the man asks the woman out, the man pays for dinner, the man proposes marriage, etc. Some women, especially high achievers, can eventually feel confined by this "norm." As one academic study put it (in terms of Internet hookups, but it is equally applicable to all encounters) "They always felt like they had been chosen, rather than choosing themselves, and then they go online to Ashley Madison, or any other site, and there's all these men, and now they're choosing rather than being chosen."
7) Sexual Deprivation. Obviously people age differently, and their libidos change in different ways with age. As a rough generalization statistics indicate that men's libidos peak in their 30s and women in their 20s. However, the diversity is so great that generalizations are almost useless (one statistic is illuminating, however: a mismatched libido causes problems in a relationship for 48% of women compared to 41% of men). If a wife's libido has increased since marriage and her husband's has decreased, the lack of regular and/or rewarding sex -- even if not expressed verbally -- can greatly enhance the wife's chance of cheating.
8) Simply because the opportunity arises. This is the "reason" that seems most outrageous to the general population (that is to those who have not intellectually studied cheating). However, the same study quoted in 6) above found "There's a lot of data showing that a woman who had an affair with a coworker is more likely to report that 'My marriage is great and I'm super satisfied. I literally saw an opportunity and took advantage of it.'"
One thing that is clear from all of these "justifications" when considered together is that wives who cheat are not necessarily in any way unhappy with their husband or their married life, or even consider it seriously disrespectful to their husbands. In fact one study went so far as to say that 1/3rd of cheating wives characterized their marriage as "happy" or "very happy," and expressed "utmost respect" for their husband. Another surprising thing is that the average cheating wife did not consider her lover significantly more (if at all) physically attractive than her husband.
The above factual information is not in any way meant to suggest that cheating isn't wicked or potentially destructive; it is. The above information simply makes it easier to understand intellectually.
Prelude
Every detail about my early life and courtship, and the physical characteristics of me and my husband, would not lend anything to this story. Let me summarize somewhat salient facts by simply stating:
--I'm Alicia Hunt, 32 years old at the start of this tale and married nine years at the time; I have a degree from Cornell in hotel management and was a competitive tennis player in high school and college.
--My husband is Warren Hunt, 33 years old at the beginning of this story; he has an Environmental Engineering degree from Cornell and ran cross-country there.
--Warren and I have two children, a boy 7 years old and a girl 6 years old (who will remain nameless) when this account commences.
--I'm better looking than average and devoid of excess flesh, but no Elizabeth Hurley or Jennifer Lopez.
--Warren is also better looking than average and devoid of excess flesh, but no movie star.
--My marriage was -- and still is -- "happy," and I sincerely love Warren and my kids.
***************
As an assistant manager of a prestigious hotel in a close-in suburb of a major U S city since I was 26 years old I came in contact with people from all over the world on a daily basis. Most contacts were pleasant, although there certainly were problem guests from time-to-time. One less than pleasant reality associated with my position is that I get hit on daily, most often by travelling businessmen. In some ways I don't mind it since it enhances my self-esteem; in other ways, especially if the "hitter" is obnoxious, I detest it but normally keep a smile on my face. [I only had to knee two "hitters" in the balls over a six year period, both considered justified by the manager and confirmed as such by video surveillance.]
About once every quarter circumstances at the hotel -- especially when completely booked -- require an assistant manager to be there overnight. In that circumstance the assistant manager has a simple room, essentially with only a bed and bathroom, near the South stairwell on the 2nd floor. I was the designated assistant manager on duty for two nights one June when on the first night a problem arose.
I was in my office, not yet having retired to my room, when the receptionist frantically entered. "Alicia, we've got a problem. A gentleman is here with a confirmed reservation that somehow got lost and every single room, without exception, has a guest staying in it the next two nights."
The receptionist handed me the reservation confirmation printout that the gentleman had given her, and upon inputting the number into my computer it was determined to be a legitimate confirmation number, although for some unexplained reason the reservation had been deleted from our computer system two days earlier. "Oh shit," I mumbled as I got up from my desk to talk with the gentleman sure that he would be on a tirade so I steeled myself for the confrontation.
When I got to the lobby the first three things that I noticed were that the gentleman was young (very likely in his late 20s), that he was one of the ten best looking men that I had ever seen in my life, and that he no scowl or any other indication of anger on his face. "I understand that you're Rob Baxter," I said with a smile, holding out my hand in greeting. "I'm Alicia Hunt, the assistant manager on duty."
"Nice to meet you Ms. Hunt -- or is it Mrs. Hunt?" he replied with a smile as he shook my hand.
"Uh...Mrs....uh...Hunt," I stammered, unsure why I was nervous since he didn't seem ready to blow his top. "I'm very sorry but somehow your reservation got canceled a couple of days ago. I assume that you didn't cancel it."
"No, I didn't. I made the reservation myself and this is a very important business trip for me. I really need a room," he earnestly replied.
"I have to be honest with you Mr. Baxter; there seems to be an error on our part, and unfortunately all of our rooms are filled; not even a broom closet isn't in use."
"Wow; Mrs. Hunt I really need a place to stay; like I said I have a very important meeting tomorrow. Is there something that you can do -- I'm not familiar with your city?"
"Of course, Mr. Baxter; please come into my office and I'll find a place for you."
