American Dream Goes Extremely Wrong

Is there any perfect life? from my point of view, that it depends on how a person views life itself. Like any other human being, there is always up and down in life. But as human beings, we had constrained that our freedom is affecting another human being. It took me my marriage and personal life hit by a 4x4 to wake me up from dreamland.

My name is Carla, 42 years old, 5'6" with an hourglass body which most women dreamed off and a bewitching face that could melt almost any man who looks my way. I was born in a highly educated family and with my background education, I could have almost any conversation in life. From what kind of skincare products, clothing trends until cooking secret and recipes for most women, sports, game, politics and investment and economics trend for most men.

I was married to Gerald Brauer when I was 24, he is 4 years older than me, he works for the second largest bank in the country as IT staff with a bright future ahead of him. We live in Charlotte, NC, in a good and nice neighborhood. I might be living in an all-American dream, and since I live in a dream, I took everything I owned for granted.

I have had a very loving husband who will try to fulfill any wish that I had, treat me like a princess, knows my preferences including sex, always be there for me when I need him and believe it or not, he always is there as my trash bin when I need to bitch my work and a place to cry on when life gets harder for me.

But make no mistake, every marriage has its trouble, we may not have trouble with money, but when two different persons with two different personalities, background and family customs to become one, there must be some clash here and there, up and down, but as gentle as he is, mostly he will back off and try to accommodate me. I swear to God that he is a perfect husband for any woman who knew him.

My perfect American dream was shattered into pieces by my own two hands, I was so willing to jump into a deep pit and when my loving husband tries to help me by throwing a rope, I was denied him and choose to stay in the pit that I made my self. I was thought I was so clever and strong then my ego and stubbornness lead me by the leash, and in the end, I hurt every person who cares for and loves me sincerely.

When my marriage was entered the fourth year, I received a wedding invitation from my boss. She is 47 and it is her second marriage, her previous husband was KIA when a terrorist organization ambush his convoy. As her trusted subordinate and a good friend of hers, she was asking me as a bridesmaid and I accepted it with honor. My husband patiently accompanied me here and there for the occasion, from fitting my bridesmaid dress to search matching jewelry, he always attentively sees me and gives his best to speak his opinion when asked. Later, I knew that his action was making a lot of women jealous and envious, they want their spouses to act at least half on how Gerald treats me.

The wedding runs smoothly without any glitch and hiccups, everything just perfect. By the time we got to our own home, Gerald holds me in his arm and said that he was had many weddings, but none of the brides as beautiful and lovely as I was on our wedding day, and it is still the same until today. What was he said make my heart flutter and I think that Gerald could saw steams arise from my head.

One week after the wedding, I had to go to Washington, DC for an official business trip, and probably I had to stay for a week or more if the situation required. Gerald as a loving husband is very supportive, he helps me packing for my trip and wishes me a good trip and success for my job there, so I will have the promotion that I had been longing for the past 4 months.

By the time I was arrived in Washington, immediately I text Gerald that I was safely arrived and heading to the destined hotel, by the time, we still had a good communication, it last until the fourth day of my stay in Washington.

I meet an Italian-American, 6'1" tall, body build as a male god with six-pack abdomens, a charming smile, and a handsome face. His blue eyes capture my heart as soon as we shake hands, and his smile immediately makes me his prisoner. Although Gerald is quite good looking, there is something different about Antonio, it seems that he is glowing with a heavenly light, full of male hormone that could make me drunk and melt.

As my job required me to meet him often, I began to know him more, how women tend to be near him naturally, and that makes me jealous, a typical alpha male, he knows what he wants and he will get it no matter what. I know I suppose to avoid this feeling, but I cannot, and at that time, I didn't want to. Being separated by 400 miles more or less from my husband, my ego and cleverness kick in, I have to get this man.

Do not believe and I repeat and emphasize, DO NOT BELIEVE when a woman cheating that she didn't know what was she thinking at that time, spur of the moment, etc. Been there, done that, just like most men, when he saw a beautiful woman, he will say that the lady was beautiful and attracted to the women, so we are a woman. What makes it different is, what you going to do after you know the opposite gender is attractive?

What Gerald does (and I know this so much later) when he faces an attractive opposite gender is to keep his distance, keep an attitude as a married man. But me, although it is the first time I do feel strongly attracted to the opposite gender after my marriage, I want to be close and to know more about him (as a friend at that time). That what was sealed my downfall, as days went by, my closeness to Antonio grown, from a pure friend to bed partner. Do not blame alcohol, alcohol has nothing to do with your action, ask your own heart what you want?

What is supposed as 7 days trip, become 10 days, I made excuse to my boss and company that it required a longer period to finished my job and it was approved, Gerald also give his blessing for my extended stay, but I took it as a blessing for my infidelity. To all men out there, do not believe that there was guilt when a women cheat, when it was done, yes there is guilt, but when a woman does, no, there is no guilt.

I was enjoying my time with Antonio, our dinner together, our chat, our gesture, everything, it was pure joy, and I was long for more. As Antonio knew that I was married, we took our action carefully and secretly, no intimate gesture when we are together at the workplace or when our presence is required by work. I feel so smart, I feel power over my marriage and I got drunk by this new power that I had.

When Antonio and I kiss goodbye for the last time, by then I felt guilty to my husband, do not believe that a woman will feel dirty after the first cheat, only sorry, sorry that she was capable to cheat and we will question our self like how can this happened, what is wrong with me so I was cheating my spouse, etc. (it happened only for the first time) But think it clearly, as I also a woman, I know that the charm of our opposite gender, our daydream on how it feels to be in his strong arm and feel secure in it and how it feels to make love (some woman will think it was just sex, casual sex or any other excuse) to him that lured us in.

If any reader out there believes that after the first cheat that nothing is different, you are wrong, there will always be something different when we cross the line. For myself, driving by sorry for my husband, I have become more attentive to Gerald, I felt that I need to make up to him for my cheating behavior, it only took me for a while, my action to be more attentive to Gerald exhaust my spirit and soul. The proverb "Once a cheater always a cheater" is true.

My extra effort to be more attentive has created a new circle of life for me, and this circle is eating me a life, it only took me 3 days before I began to remember my time with Antonio, how wonderful is our time together and it create need to experience it once again. As a human being, we as a woman believe that we deserve to experience it once again, and a matter of fact, we believe that not just once, but we believe that we deserve to experience that wonderful time every day.

Those feeling and need accumulating each passing day, until I broke down on the sixth days. I miss him, I long to be in his embrace, I want to see his charming smile, and other thousand emotions began to explode and the result is I called Antonio, just to heard his voice makes my emotions calm when I heard his flirt through the phone, it makes my heart race and my most intimate place is going wet in anticipation for another sex session.

Because all of this, once a perfect husband become unperfect, from one or two weakness become millions of imperfections. I become blind, all I could say was his weakness and start to compared Gerald with Antonio. Please ladies, at this phase, do not ever say that you will never compare your spouse with your friend with benefit (if you ever denied him as your lover so let's called it FwB then), been there done that.

No matter if you choose to gain a new friend with benefit so your cheat won't be discovered by your spouse or keep your lover beside you because you already feel comfortable with him, the result will be the same, you will enter this devil circle and become trapped inside. At this phase, Gerald as an attentive spouse becomes aware of my changing behavior, I began to create lies after lies to my spouse, families, and friends that care, love, and trying to help, what can I say, I already blind, my lies become the truth for myself.

Sex with Gerald wonderful or should I say great, he treats me with respect and love, he would kiss me here and there while he said he love me and any praise that you could think of, he always makes sure that I reach my orgasm before he penetrates me, and after he achieves his orgasm inside me, he always looks me in the eyes, while caressing my head and play with my hair, and said thank you my love and I love you. He never does "wham bam thank you mam (most never said thank you mam)" and then snoring. When Gerald and I finished our sex session, sometimes he massages me or we just talk some light conversation and jokes to each other, then he will cover me with a blanket, kiss me, and said: "good night, sleep dream my love".

While sex with Antonio, I can say it is out of this world experience, he is wild, demanding, and he took my body, mind, and soul to become his completely. He shows me that I'm his possession, sometime he will deny my orgasm, makes me hot and wanton with need, and become a completely wild horse and scream like a banshee. Antonio never tied my arms nor my legs, never cover my eyes, because he likes to see deep into my eyes when I reach my orgasm after orgasm. Antonio took my anal virginity and it hurt, it hurt, but something deep inside me feels satisfied, I feel completely his, my mouth, vagina, and anal, everything has become his possession.

One night, while Antonio penetrates me from behind, he pushes me to the balcony. I couldn't think, I just want to achieve my orgasm, he has denied my orgasm 3 times, I feel so hot, so wanton, and the person who could grant and bring me to my orgasm is only Antonio, so I follow his demand. This is the first time I had sex outdoor, where the whole world could see something that was supposed to be private. I feel completely vulnerable but when Antonio whispers that I will be safe because he is there with me, immediately the feeling like a child in my parents embrace emerge, I feel so calm, secure, soothing, and dependable in Antonio's arms. While I rest my head in his chest, I spoke to him.

"Please make me come, I'm begging you, please let the world knew that I'm yours".

"Your wish is my command princess".

Then his finger reaches my clit and I shudder with the most wonderful and intense orgasm that I ever had. I think that this is the first time that I feel so fulfilled in my life, my legs feel like jelly, so Antonio carries me back inside his bedroom in a princess carry, and gently put me on his bed.

When morning comes the next day, there's a server who serves me with a petition to dissolve my marriage with Gerald. Believe me, if at this stage woman said that she is shocked, that is true because we knew that this will come sooner or later, the question is, is it me or him first who will file for divorce. But if she ever said any other emotions, it means completely lie/bullshit/crap or any other terms you may find fit to exchange it. Believe me, like I said, been there done that. No guilt, no sorry, just shock.

Our cause of the dissolution of marriage is irreconcilable differences, Gerald didn't put my infidelity as the cause for divorce, latter I knew that he didn't want to shame or dishonor me for our divorce. After a couple of marriage counseling sessions and persuasion by my family, friends, and my boss as my best friend, the court grant Gerald's petition.

By this time, if you ever ask do I feel any remorse, regret, or any other terms, I will be said no, what I felt is satisfied so I could be with the one that I love without any prejudice or condemnation from other people, although not even once he said that he is willing to marry me in any condition. Because at that time, I do not need marriage, what I need is to be one with Antonio.

I feel that it is my human right to be with Antonio, which is preserved by our constitution, and it is Gerald's right to file for divorce because he doesn't like me to become one with my true love. Anything else can kiss my ass goodbye.

After that, everything going downhill, but I never see it coming, because I'm blinded by my lust, greed, and sin. The question is for how long you will find it satisfied, for how long you will find it fulfilling? There are so many wonderful people out there, more handsome more beautiful, etc. Like the Chinese proverb, outside of the sky, there is a sky.

For alpha males, the conquest of love is the most fulfilling them, even though there is love in one of those conquests. By the third year of our togetherness, I found out that Antonio is cheating on me, while I was pregnant for 5 months, by this time, I hadn't snapped from my shattered dream. Because of my love, lust, dependent, and longing for Antonio, I become accommodating Antonio for his conquest as long as I can be together with him, just like what I said, I was blind.

When my first daughter was born, then I began to snap from my dream, Antonio seldom helps me with our daughter, I began to develop deep depression caused by a jumble between work and childcare. There are a lot of even that I could tell, but I think this will represent all, what would you do when your daughter is crying in the middle of the night, but you had an important meeting in the morning which crucial for your career? Not just once, but it happened a lot, please remember that a child could easily sick, and I don't know why, most of the time, it happened in the middle of the night.

No, Antonio seldom helps me. No, Antonio almost didn't care if our daughter is sick, and also, I must tell you some of the reality that I experienced, because our daughter often crying in the middle of the night (hungry, change of diaper, just wake up and ask to play, etc.), Antonio decide to had another conquest, so latter, he put less and less money for household expenses, his conquest needs money, right?

Any one of you could guess, how much is the cost for babysitter, daycare, etc.? Just google it and calculate it, so you could calculate how much does it cost to meet the month-end. The only solution is for I took another job, but is there any 24 hours daycare? The answer is no, so I seek help from my family. Luck on my side, one of my relatives introduce me to online selling, and with their help, I could resign from my job and become a stay-at-home mother who has an online business.

Anyone curious how my sex life? I do still have the need, but because my energy mostly drained to take care of my daughter by day time, and I had to preserve my remained energy in case Valery (my daughter name) wakes up in the middle of the night, there is almost nonexistence of sexual activities between me and Antonio, so he chooses to go to his other conquest place.

Some of you probably will say, ask for childcare fund bla bla bla, trust me, I had tried, but if you want to experience what I had experienced, good luck, I do wish you had a different situation than me. If you ever think it is only for a while, trust me, those 5 years felt like 500 years, it will drain you to the bone mentally and physically. I had almost zero time for my body maintenance, no more manicure, pedicure, spa massages, relaxation therapy, gym, etc. which I do often while I was married to Gerald.

When Valery was 5 years old, and because since Antonio has gone MIA in the last 1,5 years ago, I choose to go back to Concord, NC where my parents live, however, I am their biological daughter and Valery is their biological granddaughter, so they accept me with half an open arm, why do I say half an open arm? because my foolishness has ruined my self, and as an adult, I suppose to be responsible for my own life and the life of my daughter. If you think that it is your parents' job to accept you for who you are after you become an adult, I have nothing to say.

After I go back, life becomes better and better, by the time Valery 7 years old, I can stand on my own, so I choose to move out from my parents' house and rent a small apartment for us, abandoned mother and daughter combo. Valery has become the apple of her grandparent's eyes, and me, well there is nothing to say about myself at this stage.

One day, not too long after Valery's 8 birthday, I receive an invitation from one of my old friends from my job in Charlotte, and by my parent's persuasion, I go to her son's birthday party. Unfortunately, at her place, I meet with Gerald, he is still as attractive as I ever remember. He is holding a twin toddler, and he looks so happy and content, just like a winner in life, beside him was a beautiful and gorgeous woman, she let her shoulder-length hair fall freely, her dress looks simple but emphasizes her figure, from both of her hands which she put on top of a twin carriage baby stroller handle, I could see that her hands probably never had any contact my detergent or dishwashing soap, her smile so bright that makes me wonder if I ever smile that bright while marriage with Gerald?. What makes me jealous and mad as hell is, how she looks Gerald, I swear that I almost can see a pink heart shape in her eyes, and by the time she realizes I look in their direction, she removes her right hand from the stroller and place it on Gerald left arm, while she bows her head a little while smiling, her gesture shows her possessive to Gerald.

Suddenly the toddler in his left-hand starts to cry, and not long after, the other one starts to cry also. I can hear her words to Gerald to give her one of their children, but Gerald refuses and said to her to just relax and take her time socializing. By the look at how Gerald takes care of the twin, it shows that he is not an amateur or he often cares about the twin.

A good lady beside me gave me a pocket tissue, when I saw her gave me pocket tissue, I look at her curiously, and she said to wipe my tears. I don't know when my tears fall, I didn't feel sad, angry or any other feeling that I may have, I just feel empty. I took her tissue and said thanks', the nice lady smile and reply my thanks'.

Single mother? she asks me, and I said yes I am, and she decided to be a chatterbox for a while, she's telling me Gerald family story, she said it is well known that Gerald is a good and loving husband, become the benchmark of how a husband supposed to be in their circle, his wife become the envy and jealousy of a lot of women, while Gerald himself become the public enemy for all men, a lot of people waiting for Gerald and Vanessa (Gerald current wife name) to divorce like his previous marriage (to me) with a different purpose, the women will pursue Gerald with all their hand, while the men want to prove to their spouse that being a perfectly good husband is nothing so never ask the impossible possible. There is also quite a huge sum of money involved for those who betting until when Gerald and Vanessa's marriage will last.