A Painful Confession: Cliff and Amy

We were having our usual family dinner at the kitchen table. Just Amy and I because our kids are grown and out of the house. The meal was a simple veggie stir fry concoction I whipped up. I fixed dinner tonight because she had something going on at the school where she worked and was late getting home. Amy's usually home before me but not tonight. We decided long ago that a family dinner was important, not only for Amy and I, but so we could spend some quality time with our kids.

I was about to refill my coffee cup when my 51 year old wife mentioned something I didn't catch right away. I was distracted by my thoughts about an issue at work and wasn't giving her my full attention. What she said didn't make sense so I probably misunderstood her. I saw her gazing at me intently, waiting for my response.

"What...?" I asked, "I don't understand. You're what...?"

Amy studied my face with a strange expression.

"I've been seeing Cody." She said quickly. "You know, the new Phys Ed teacher at school, Cody Bakerfield. I know you met him."

"I know who Cody is." I replied trying to make sense of this. Suddenly I had a weird feeling in my stomach, "So you're seeing him. What does that mean?"

Amy took a deep breath, "We've become friends Cliff. I've been eating lunch with him. And after school lets out we've been...I mean I've been...uh seeing him. You know, meeting him, going out with him sometimes."

"Seeing him? Going out with him?" I scoffed, "Christ Amy! What are you telling me? You're having an affair?"

It was a joke and I waited impatiently for her to deny my outrageous remark.

Instead she watched me close and stated, "Yes."

"Yes?" I snickered and in disbelief blurted out, "Yes what? You're having an affair?"

"Yes Cliff."

This can't be true. I started to speak but nothing came out.

"Please just listen Cliff." She said quickly. "I'm sure this is a shock, and I know what you're thinking. But its not like that. Its not a bad thing Darling. Really its not. I-I just had to tell you about Cody because I DO love and respect you. I always have."

"Respect me? Love me?" I gasped. "How can you...?"

"Its true." She interrupted me. "You've always been my number one guy. Getting married to you was the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you and I'll never give you up. I love you so damn much...I just couldn't go on seeing him without saying something to you."

My eyes locked onto her face, holding a shred of hope that this conversation was some kind of joke, maybe a setup or something. Amy loves me as much as I love her. She couldn't be having an affair. When she didn't retract her statement I tried to figure out what the hell was going on.

"I don't know what to say Amy. I'm completely confused right now."

"Please don't feel bad Cliff." She pleaded. "Yes I've been seeing Cody. But he's just a friend and I certainly don't love him. Think about it honey, my being with him hasn't affected our love and our relationship one bit."

I ground my teeth, still reeling from this unexpected turn of events.

"How can you say you love me?"

"I DO love you." She continued earnestly, "We have a great marriage and I'll always treasure that. But I need to have other male friends too."

"I've never complained about you having male friends." I countered.

"I know that, and I appreciate it. And that's really all Cody is to me. I always love being with you honey. But when I'm with Cody its different. He's a lot younger than us and thinks differently about things like this. I have to admit that sometimes he makes me feel like a teenager again. I haven't felt like this in..."

"STOP!" I cried. I wanted to remain reasonable but my self control suddenly snapped. I had to interrupt her romantic story.

"Please spare me the details of your sordid affair! I don't want to hear how you feel with him, or what you and that asshole do behind my back."

Amy saw the anger and spoke cautiously, "I'm sorry honey. I know its a sore subject right now. But I want to be truthful. Please don't hate me. Yes I'm seeing Cody. But you don't have to worry about anyone knowing. We've been very discrete so no one knows. We both made sure of that. I'm sure you never suspected anything and no one else does either."

"That's supposed to make me feel better?"

"I guess not. I just wanted you to know we aren't disrespecting you in public."

Just in private I thought to myself.

"Please believe me Cliff. Cody will never take your place. He's just a fun young guy for me to hang around with for a while. A guy that gets something from me that you never missed. I'll always put you first in everything and please believe that I never meant to hurt you. I just couldn't keep hiding it from you. Being with Cody is just a small favor I need you to allow me."

I was seething at her casual attitude. He's just a fun guy? A favor? She gives him something that I'll never miss? My face was flushed with anger and my eyes glared at her. I tried to lash out verbally at her.

"You, you sorry, selfish, conniving..." I sputtered furiously. Before I could stop myself I blurted out, "...y-you damn cheating sorry ass, cold hearted...How could you damn it?"

She let me finish my rant and said, "I guess I deserve that."

I couldn't take anymore right now. I jumped up so fast the chair I was sitting in fell over backward. I spun around and marched angrily out of the room. My coffee was forgotten.

"Where you going Cliff?" Amy cried. "Don't go please!"

"I need a minute to process this." I snapped back at her. "Give me a few minutes and I'll be back."

I charged out the back door as she whimpered, "Okay my love."

I stomped out onto the spacious deck in the back of our house, red faced and breathing heavy. An affair! She's cheating! I was furious at the disrespect she's showing me! I pounded the railing in frustration before trying to calm down. I'm usually pretty even tempered. But tonight listening to my wife's bull shit about her adultery I was losing control.

For years the ability to remain stoic and in control of my emotions has served me well as an Accountant. Many times when speaking with a frantic client, my patient, cool headed appraisal of their situation calmed them down, and helped me figure a way out of their financial problem. Unfortunately this was different because it was personal.

I couldn't believe my middle aged wife. We've been married over 20 years and now she tells me she's in an affair with a young guy she works with. Yeah, I've met that ass hole. I thought he was just a friend of hers when I met him at some school function a while ago. Amy introduced him as a friendly acquaintance and I stupidly believed her. Now I know different. My frazzled mind was spinning with disturbing images of what I had just heard.

I took some deep breaths and tried calm down. I had to think and I couldn't do that if I was distraught. Bursting back into the kitchen screaming at her would only turn our discussion into a bitter shouting match. Cursing her out might make me feel good at first. But in the long run it would be counter productive. Screaming and yelling has never been my style anyway. If I know Amy, yelling and cursing would just make my stubborn wife harden her position. It would give me no information to figure a way to get her to stop.

No, I had to approach this issue using all of my faculties. I had to force myself to revert to my objective, unemotional Accountant personae. I need information about her affair so I can objectively analyze the data.

It took another ten minutes for my blood pressure to slow down. When my heart stopped racing and I was breathing normally again, I went back inside the house to confront my unfaithful wife.

Amy was still at the kitchen table fidgeting nervously with her coffee cup. She glanced up as I entered with a worried tentative look on her face. She waited for me to sit back down and started to speak. I put up my hand to cut her off.

"Wait a second. Let's start this over." I said in an even tone. "Needless to say my love I never expected this tonight. I have to say Amy, I'm completely amazed and pretty upset right now."

"Oh Cliff you don't have to be..."

I put my hand up again to stop her again.

"Hold it. So what's your plan now? I guess you want me to forgive and forget? Is that it Amy? You've been seeing a guy at work behind my back and I'm supposed to just forgive you?"

"Well, not exactly." She said looking uneasy. "I knew you'd be upset. I can't blame you for that. I-I just wanted you to know what was going on. I mean...I didn't want to keep you in the dark anymore."

"Shit." I cursed before I could stop. "So what did that slick bastard say when you told him you were going to clue me in?"

"I...uh...well he thought...I mean, we both thought...its for the best Cliff."

"That's what he said?"

"Not exactly. Despite what you think, Cody's not a bad guy. I know he feels bad about us sneaking around. We both do."

"Really."

"Yes. He doesn't want to screw up our marriage and neither do I."

I was going to challenge her to end her affair when she drove the knife in deeper.

With a resolute look she sighed, "Whew, this so is hard. But now that you know what's going on, I-I want to keep seeing him. Not too often mind you, just now and then, and of course after school hours."

I gasped at the gall of this woman and snorted, "Oh, of course."

I was speechless and maybe she was too. Neither one of us spoke. We just sat there looking at each other. The atmosphere was incredibly tense for a while before my wife sighed with a pained look.

"I'm so sorry honey. I know this is hard for you. But he's really a nice guy. We connected on some level and have a lot of fun together. I admit that I'm into him, but it won't affect us one bit."

"You've got to be kidding."

"No I'm not. Me seeing him won't change anything between us. It hasn't yet and I'm going to make sure it won't in the future. You probably don't agree, but he's been a good friend for me. It might not seem to you right now but I think he's been good for our marriage too."

"Really? You're insane."

"Just try to think logically Cliff. Have you noticed how upbeat and happy I've been lately? You remember accusing me of being bitchy last year. Well I admit I was. We were arguing, our marriage was tense and our love life was growing a little stale. We were in a rut when I first started seeing him."

"What a great story. I guess he's a marriage councilor too?"

She ignored my sarcasm.

"Since we became friends, Cody helped me straighten out my attitude. I appreciate it and I know you do too. I guess we're more than just friends now. I don't need to see him often just occasionally when you're busy. I know we can work this out Cliff. I love you. I want to grow old with you and be with you forever. You have to know that."

I could hardly believe the bull shit I was hearing!

"So you're not ending the affair." It was a statement. "You're asking me to accept that you're going to keep fucking him."

"Of course it will end Darling...eventually." She assured me, "We get along right now but he's a lot younger than me. We're from different generations and we both have very different interests. Cody and I could never have the type of long term, committed relationship we have. At some point our mutual feelings for each other will just fizzle out. Just not right now."

"You're really out of your mind."

"Please Cliff. You have to believe me. I promise you nothing between us will change in the slightest." She patted me on the wrist like a good boy. "I'm still the same loving wife I've always been. We'll still carry on our loving relationship. I adore making love to you and always will. For the past few months you haven't noticed anything different have you?"

I hated to admit it but she was right. I never suspected the reason why our relationship had become so sexual lately. When we first started dating Amy and I had sex frequently. Over the years we were just as loving, but as the kids got older and needed us to accommodate their busy life style, our love life did slow down quite a bit. Even after they left for college we never got our love life back to the frequency it was previously.

I didn't see it as a problem though. I assumed most married couples our age didn't tear up the sheets every night. But with my new knowledge, I realized Amy was correct that we had gotten back on track. I couldn't deny I was elated that we were now making love several times a week, if not more. It was the same frequency we enjoyed when the kids were younger. When she asked if I had noticed any negative effect on our love life while she was fucking Cody the truth is I didn't.

When I didn't answer her, she answered for me.

"Of course not." She said confidently. "Despite seeing Cody from time to time I made sure I was always there for you. You have to admit we make love a lot for people our age and I love it as much as you do. I'm here for you anytime you need me. We both love each other I know that. When I'm with you, Cody never gets in the picture. He's only a tiny part of my life. We have a stable, 20 year marriage and I want to continue that."

I asked incredulously. "Of course I love you but how can I stay married to a cheating slut like you?"

She didn't like that. She frowned and her sympathetic expression hardened.

"I'm not a slut." She stated categorically through tight lips. "I'm surprised you'd insult me like that. This is the first time I've ever cheated on you. And just so you know, I've never been with a man I didn't have feelings for."

"So you have feelings for him?" I exclaimed. "That's fucking wonderful! How do I know you haven't just replaced me with a younger model? That you're just waiting to see how things work out with asshole, keeping me as a backup?"

"Its not like that at all Cliff." She insisted. "You're my husband and I do love you honey. I'll never leave you. Its just that once in a while I want to be with Cody. Not all the time mind you, and not forever. Just until I get this weird urge out of my system. That's all I'm asking. Just a little time to do something you'll never have to worry about. It won't effect us. Just like it hasn't for the past few months."

I sat there for a few painful minutes as my naive, brain dead wife babbled on. I couldn't believe she'd think our relationship wouldn't change. Now that I knew she was a cheating slut, it already had. My mind was racing with disturbing images of what she and that bastard were doing every time she wasn't home.

After a while my brain came back to reality and I listened as she kept justifying her sordid affair.

"It'll be better for us in the long run Cliff. I've been so much more relaxed and positive lately, and uninhibited...in the bedroom I mean."

She giggled.

"You must've noticed how much better sex has been. I haven't turned you down for sex once, and I don't plan to. I've also allowed you some extra things that you've wanted to do for years. Well I'll let you do anything you want now. Since I've been with Cody I've been able to express the sexual side of myself fully. No more hang ups about oral sex or anything. You must have noticed. Don't you feel that's true Cliff?"

She's right again. I did notice and it pissed me off.

Our sex life used to be pretty conservative. We aren't swingers. We do enjoy oral sex and a few different positions. But we never watched porn, included others in our bedroom and mainly used the missionary position because I enjoyed looking into her eyes as I pleasured her.

I wasn't complaining. Amy's a lovely woman and a generous lover. We both got off and I was certainly satisfied. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't notice that Amy had turned into a sexual dynamo the last few months. I thought it was because the kids weren't around, or because of some hormonal thing as she got older. Maybe I'd become a better lover! Now I realized it was fucking that young stud from school that was firing her up. Funny how she thought the truth would excite me, when actually it was very depressing.

I always felt lucky to marry her. When we met Amy was a sexy divorcee, four years older than I with two young children. I was attracted to her and we got along fine right from the start. It was her second marriage and my first. I know I was happy to be in a relationship with such a charming, intelligent woman.

My coworkers used to kid me about having an older wife. But I loved her and her kids and never worried that they weren't mine. Her first husband was a loser and a dead beat Dad. He her left soon after she had their second child. When we married I adopted them and raised her kids as my own. While I wasn't biologically their father. I was the only Dad they'd ever known. They both have grown to be respectable young people, and I'm proud of them.

Now, after twenty blissful years of marriage she dumps this shit on me.

"Say something Cliff." She urged studying my face. "I know you're upset and you might feel hurt. I don't want you to. I want to help make this as easy as I can. I know you still care for me. And I know you have needs. Let me help you feel better honey. You'll always be my number one."

She rose from her seat, flashed a suggestive smirk and came to me, swaying her hips in a manner that usually turned me on.

"Please don't worry about anything. I'm here for you. Let me know how to help you baby. I'm sure we can think of something."

When she started to sit on my lap I shoved her away. She gave me a hurt look but didn't push it.

Without warning I got up and bolted from the room. It caught her by surprise and she barely had time to call out, "WAIT!", before I was out the door and into the car. As I drove off I saw her at the doorway with her hands covering her face.

I had to get out before I did something I'd regret. It was ten minutes before I realized I was just driving around in circles. I thought about doing the usual angry bitter spouse thing, heading to a bar and getting shit faced. There was a small local bar at the next corner so I parked in front, went in and sat down.

I ordered a beer and the bartender could see I was upset.

"Having troubles mister?" He asked.

He was a fat guy with a beard. He seemed sympathetic so I blurted out the painful conversation I just had with my wife.

"That's not good." He commented. "But its a story I've heard too often."

"So what do those other guys do to fix it?"

"Different things. Some guys go crazy, beat up their rival and get sent to jail. Others just dump the cheating bitch and go on with life. What are you thinking about doing?"

"I don't know. She just told me tonight. I'm still in shock I guess."

"That's reasonable." He replied. He wiped the bar with a towel and then said, "Its no business of mine. But if it was me I'd want to know how it all started."

"How will that help?"

"You said you're an Accountant, and you need data to fix a problem right?"

"Yeah." I did remember telling him that.

"My opinion is that you need to see how she got involved with that guy. How he convinced a normally faithful wife to cheat. How he got under her skin. Even if you can't get back together it might make you feel better to know that it was just her character flaw, and you didn't do anything wrong. It was all her."

Bingo. That rang a bell. He was right. I can't just run away from this. I had too much time and emotion invested in our marriage to just give up. Maybe if I knew how this got started I could get it to unravel somehow. It would be painful, I was sure of that, but I needed to know.

"Ya know, you're right." I told the guy. I threw down a twenty on the bar and headed out the door.

He called out, "You left a twenty buddy."

"Keep the change." I told him. "It was worth it."