A Lucky Guy? Maybe yes, maybe no. You make the call.
"So, did you have a good time Friday night?" Those were the first words my wife, Laura, spoke as I walked through the door to my home on Monday evening. By the sarcastic tone in her voice and the fire in her eyes, I figured 'the cat was out of the bag' as they say. My only recourse was to tell the truth, put up with her getting a little pissy and then move on. What I never expected was that it would possibly end my six- year marriage.
Kenny Frankson was a friend of mine from work and although we weren't best friends we got along very well and he and his fiancΓ© Beverly, had been to our house on several occasions. Friday had been Kenny's bachelor party and it was held at the Finetime Pub which was owned by Sean Fenton a life- long friend of Kenny. Ken was a gregarious, popular guy and until he met Bev, was quite the lady's man.
There were about twenty guys in attendance including my best friend, Mickey, whom I had known since elementary school. The party had been in progress for over an hour and there had been a lot of back slapping, toasts and teasing of the groom At one point there was a loud banging from the front table where Kenny was sitting. Nick Castanos, Kenny's, soon to be, best man was trying to get everyone's attention, probably, I thought, to embarrass his friend with another sordid tale of yesteryear.
When the noise finally subsided he held up a glass and, in a booming voice, said:
"A toast to the soon to be groom and congratulations on his capturing the beautiful and sexy Beverly."
After everyone had voiced their approvals, Nick remained standing on the chair holding up his hands in an attempt to silence the crowd once again. He had been talking through a wireless mike so he easily hushed the crowd of men who were in various stages of inebriation.
With a conspiratorial smirk he continued, while looking down at Kenny:
"My fiend my advice to you is enjoy your honeymoon to the fullest because as most of us married men know, after those passionate and torrid two weeks, wives have a spiritual awakening."
He paused for effect and then continued:
"They become nuns!" None of this, None of that. I'm your wife not some bimbo. If you expected me to do that you should have married one of the sluts you used to date. Then one day you discover that your vintage collection of 'Playboy magazines' is missing and you can no longer access the "playboy" channel on your TV. "
Remember when she dragged your reluctant ass to the mall and you'd get caught glancing at a voluptuous young thing and she'd say, "isn't that a cute outfit?" Of course. you were thinking, "what outfit?" Well Kenny, my boy, those days are over. Now, if you happen to get caught casting an admiring glance at a sexy broad showing cleavage and wearing CFM pumps you'll hear quite a different tune. More like: "how could she wear something like that in public or she looks like a hooker." Then to show you how a proper wife should dress she will spend an extra couple of hundred buying clothes that would look much more appropriate on your mother. There are two phrases that every married man must learn if he ever wants to get laid again. It is the married man's mantra and you should start practicing them now. "No Dear and Yes Dear,"
There was a lot of laughter and more than a few hoots from the crowd. But, Nick held up his hands again and putting the mike to his lips said:
"So/ to celebrate Kenny's last days of freedom I have arranged to have Miss Fatima perform for us. Believe me when I tell you, she is the girl who put 'belly' in belly dancing."
Nick jumped off of the chair and reaching behind the bar he hit a switch that turned on the sound system which immediately began pumping out loud middle eastern music and with a flourish and a hand gesture toward the closed door next to the bar, he proclaimed:
"And here from her recent Las Vegas tour, I present you the voluptuous, Fatima."
With castanets clicking and a swirling flourish, a woman in a blue and gold, 'I Dream of Jeanie' outfit appeared and began gyrating her hips to the music. As the hoots, hollers and whistles were dying down, Nick was walking around with a tray, distributing shots of tequila.
Even in the low lighting it wasn't long before it became obvious that the closest this woman ever came to Damascus was Damascus, Ohio. She was no more of a belly dancer than the Pope was Jewish, unless belly dancers completely exposed their breasts within the first three minutes of the show.
The shooters kept coming and the music morphed into a genre more usually associated with strip joints.
Even in the low light and with all the make up she was wearing, Fatima, was at least thirty- five.
and looked a lot better with her costume on rather than off, which it now was. She swirled, twirled and gyrated around the tables sitting on the occasional lap and slapping her ample, but saggy, boobs against some guys faces. I'm sure she would have gladly removed her thong but that was the only place that could secure the occasional bill that was proffered by her scant admirers
I'm not a prude but I am married and even if this woman was as hot as a pistol I would have felt uncomfortable in this situation. I was planning an exit strategy when 'Miss Fatima' swirled onto my lap and pulled my face between her tits. I didn't try to touch her tits or hold her by her ample hips, my hands were by my side and I was thankful that she disappeared from my lap as quickly as she had arrived. She moved on to a few more appreciative laps before the music faded into silence as she seductively twirled her way back behind the door.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Nick follow her through the door, presumably to pay her for the entertainment. It wasn't till I saw a smirking Nick come back out and grab the mike that I got my first inkling that things might escalate. He guided an extremely drunk Kenny out of his chair and announced:
"Miss Fatima will be in the back to- - - - - - -"sign autographs", he said in his most lascivious voice. Our guest of honor's is free but everyone else needs twenty in cash."
I noticed that the crowd had already thinned as I made my way to the exit but there were several guys hanging out by the stage door awaiting their turn. As I pushed the door open I felt a clap my shoulder and laughing, my friend Mickey said:
"Not staying for the encore, Jack?
"Not if she paid me", l chuckled back.
We were parked in different directions so instead of a 'goodbye' he said:
"Hey, I'll give you a call next week. I'd like you and Laura to meet my new girlfriend,"
He winked and added: "This may just be the one."
Over my shoulder, I sarcastically replied: "Yeah, right, I think I've heard that before."
*******************************************
In retrospect. I realize I should have told Laura about the stripper but like they say: "hindsight is 20/20. Now as I faced a very pissed off wife my dilemma was, what did she know. Hopefully, just about the stripper and not the twenty dollar blow jobs. No sense pretending that I didn't know what she was talking about and making myself look even more guilty. I put my proverbial tail between my legs and in my most conciliatory voice, said"
"I'm sorry, Honey, I should have told you about the stripper but, honest to God, I had no idea that it was planned until she appeared. I don't think anyone did. It was a surprise that Nick had arranged for Kenny all on his own."
Her face showed rage but there were also tears running down her cheeks when she spat her next words:
"You fucking pig! How could you let some low-life slut suck your cock, much less pay for it."
I was so stunned and embarrassed that it took my breath away. All I was thinking is how am I going to convince her of the truth. Shit, I was trying to formulate my words but she abruptly turned away from me and all I managed to stammer, was:
"Laura, I swear to you, I didn't. I swear to God Laura, I didn't do anything."
That's all I got out before I heard the bedroom door slam shit. I didn't even try to get my toothbrush, I just slept in my underwear in the guest room that night.
The next day was Tuesday and I awoke to the sounds of Laura in the kitchen and the murmurings of our two daughters, Katlyn, two years and Carly, three and a half years old. I dreaded a confrontation and since my wife was preoccupied I took the opportunity to use the master bath, shower and change clothes.
When I entered the kitchen, Laura had her back to me and didn't bother to acknowledge my existence, so I talked to the kids for a while trying to ease the tension in the room. When she did finally turn in my direction there was a look of disgust and hatred on her face, but she said nothing.
I didn't know how I was going to do it but I knew this situation had to be resolved, so I called my office and took the day off. After drinking a cup of coffee, I went into the living room where Laura had put cartoons on the TV for the kids and was sitting reading a magazine. When I sat on the couch where she was sitting she got up and sat in a chair on the other side of the room.
"Listen Honey, I said pleadingly, we have to talk about this. You have the wrong - - - -"
"No, I don't have to talk about this and don't call me Honey, you pervert"