A Cucold's Diary

Note: To all our friends who have written to us about our stories, we want to say thank you; to the other writers who have shared their "adventures," we are grateful for giving us the inspiration to make our fantasies real; and to those who have written to flame, we truly hope you get a life one day!

I am writing because our relationship has taken a new turn; one which is very exciting for both of us, but which may not translate so well into stories.

From the first time I found Internet discussion of cuckolding, I was amazed to read of women who have had the same lover for five, 10 or more years, with the knowledge and blessing of their husbands. Now I understand - it looks like my wife is becoming one of those lucky women, too.

Those of you who have been following Sally's exploits know that she has had three lovers. The first, Ted, was both sensitive and an excellent lover. With all of Sally's misgivings about becoming a "hot wife," there were a thousand things that could have soured her on the whole experience; instead, she had a wonderful time and laid (!) the foundation for what was to come (!) in the future.

When Ted moved on, we met Ty, who turned out to be one of the most interesting people we've ever met - in any situation. He's a world traveler, exceptionally literate, and a lover of good conversation. It took me a while to realize that the hours he and Sally spend talking together were not necessarily designed to make me crazy with anticipation - rather, they were intense foreplay which got *Sally* crazy with anticipation, and prepared her for the lovemaking which followed. It was after her first date with Ty that she asked me - for the first time - if it would be all right with *me* if she saw him again. Now, THAT was something I never expected to hear from my proper, upstanding-citizen wife!

We got together with Ty several times, until he drove both of us crazy with his schedule; it would be weeks between notes from him, and he was erratic enough in his communication to lead Sally to believe he just didn't care very much. After one long period of silence, we went searching again, and that is when we found Joshua - a different experience completely. Joshua was an ex-Ranger, tall and muscular, extremely well endowed, very young and black. It was an experience in pure sex for Sally, which was a lot of fun, very intense, and sometimes uncomfortable for her, because outside of the sex, there was almost nothing they had in common, and conversation was sometimes strained.

It was right after a date with Joshua that she fired up her Hotmail account and found a note from Ty. She read it, read it again, then said she wanted to talk with me.

I had no idea what to expect, and I sure as hell didn't expect what I heard. She began by saying "I'm sorry," and I held my breath; I thought then that she was going to say she didn't want to continue our cuckold games any more. Her apology continued: "I know how much you got turned on by my having sex with Joshua, and how upset you were when Ty left me hanging... But, when I got the email from Ty, I realized that I really like him and I really want to see him again. I'm sorry, Paul; I know it's not what you want, but I really want to see him instead of Joshua."

I was speechless. I WANTED to respond, but I couldn't form the words. She thought I was upset, and trying to control myself; in fact, I was more turned on than I had been at any time in the past year and a half - hell, in most of my life! She hugged me, trying to make up for my disappointment, and after a few seconds I pulled away from her arms, sat her down opposite me, and began to tell her what I was feeling.

"Sally, my love... for seventeen years I have dreamed of you having sex with another man and cuckolding me. At first, you couldn't believe I really wanted you to have sex with another man. Then you couldn't believe that I really got off on knowing that the other man was better than I am. But I've told you the truth from the beginning: I have always wanted you to cuckold me. So now you tell me that you don't want to see Joshua again - NOT because you don't want to be unfaithful to me, but because you've found a lover you really like, and want to be with. My love, I am NOT upset; I am excited beyond words!"

She looked at me with her eyes wide - a combination of insecurity and hope. "Really?" she asked. "You're not disappointed that I don't want to see Joshua again?"

"Do you WANT to see Ty?" I asked.

"Oh, yes!" she answered.

"Do you WANT to go to bed with him?"

"Yes, I do. Very much."

"Why?"

She thought for a minute, then responded, "He's smart, and funny, and he makes me feel like a woman - pretty, and desirable and sexy - and he's a wonderful lover, and I want to spend time with him, and with him in me. If you're asking whether I'm doing this for you, I'm really not. I'm glad you get into it, but I want to see him - and to be with him. I just don't know if he wants to do it..."

Shaking - almost to the point of convulsing - I asked her if she would like me to contact him and find out. She smiled a smile of genuine delight, and said yes.

To make a long story short(er), Ty was very pleased to hear that Sally wanted to see him. We all got together for dinner one evening, and after dinner we walked through a nearby park. The two of them held hands, and later wrapped their arms around each other's waist as they walked; I dutifully followed behind. Near the end of their walk, Sally asked if she could see him at his house the following week; he responded with a kiss.

All the way home that night, she talked about him. Their conversation at dinner and during their walk had been completely G-rated, but as they had done previously, they ranged through topics as diverse as dinosaurs and modern theater. She has always said that she finds intelligence sexy; obviously, it was true, as she was completely taken with him.

When we got home, she asked if I was really all right with her seeing him instead of Joshua. I answered by reminding her of the definition of a cuckold: "a man with an unfaithful wife," and I asked her if she wanted him enough to be unfaithful to me. She smiled - obviously thinking back to her feelings as he held her and walked with her - and said yes.

She asked me when I wanted to start "playing the game," and I said I was ready as soon as she was. "All right, then," she said with authority, "let's begin NOW. You can't cum until after he does, you can't even go inside me until after he does, and you're going to spend the whole week helping me get ready for him. Okay?"

What could I answer? I've never gone seven days without cumming before, but I did. I've hardly ever gone seven days without having sex with her, but I did. And as of four days before their date, she added something new: I couldn't even SEE her undressed! She closed the door when she changed, she closed the door when she showered, and I had to face away from her on the bed when she masturbated. Through the mattress I felt her shake and spasm when she came, and when she said I could look at her again, she was in her nightgown and under the covers. Just before she fell asleep she whispered to me that she was thinking about him when she came, and that she would fall asleep with the thought that soon she would be in his arms.

A few days before their date, she said she wanted to know something: "If you're so excited by my being unfaithful to you, wouldn't the *ultimate* turn-on be if I left you for another man?" "No," I replied. "What excites me is that you are MINE, and are giving yourself to another man. I never want to lose you - I just want to share you." She liked that answer, and as my reward, she began reminding me that she had already judged him to be three times better in bed than I am. Throughout the last days of "preparation," she'd call my beeper and type in just the number "3"; that was all I needed to understand that she was thinking of - and looking forward to - him.

All week long, as I masturbated almost continuously ( without relief, of course), I thought about what was happening. I thought about her *liking* him. I thought about her *wanting* him. I thought about her decision that she would give him her body, and I would get only my own hand. I thought about her answer when I asked, late one night, if I should be jealous; she thought for a minute, then said yes. Shuddering and stuttering my response, I asked if I should be a LITTLE jealous, or a LOT jealous. She said, "I'm not going to leave you, but I think you should be a lot jealous." I asked, almost pleaded, "Are you telling me the truth?" "Yes," she responded, "I am. And the more you whimper at me, the more attractive he becomes."

So I didn't bring it up again. I just masturbated and thought about how this was my wife's decision: as she got ready for her lover, I got only my hand.

I didn't bring the camera that night; it just would not have been appropriate. Nor will I go into all the details of their lovemaking, other than to say that before they began, she told Ty everything she had done with (and to) me that week. She said she hadn't let me touch her, since she was saving herself for someone else. He smiled, asked if it was anyone he knew, and took her into his arms... and his bed.

I learned something that night: there IS something more exciting than pictures of a hot wife in action with her wedding ring showing! After they undressed, and just before they laid down together, Sally pulled off both her engagement ring and her wedding ring, and threw them in my direction. I caught the diamond, but the wedding ring fell, so I had to search around on the floor to find it. By the time I found it, they were lying in bed, kissing each other. I slipped both rings onto my pinkie, and looked at them throughout the night. Sorry if it wouldn't make a great picture, but holding Sally's wedding ring while she made love to Ty was unbelievably exciting!

She came hard that night, and he did, too. They made love for nearly two hours, nonstop. I sat on a chair, and occasionally on the floor next to them, and watched them pleasure each other. I watched them touch each other everywhere, and they almost never stopped kissing. In fact, when Sally began to cum, Ty drew her face to his, and kissed her deeply throughout her orgasm.

A few times, when I sat on the floor by the bed, I reached over and took Sally's hand in mine. I held her hand while he was inside her, and I will never, ever forget that feeling. At times she squeezed my hand back, and at times she held out three fingers - a quiet confirmation that she still felt he was three times better than I. On the drive home, I asked her if she minded when I held her hand; she said no, she liked it. She said it made her feel anchored; she knew that I loved her, and that she was free to enjoy the sensations of her lover without guilt or concern. I was so pleased to hear that!

All the way home, she sat quietly. A few times she asked if I was all right, and if I minded her enjoying her feelings in silence. Of course, it was fine with me.

At home, I really tried to stay hard enough to make love to her, but I just could not. She teased me about it, saying he could only be three times better if I at least did SOMETHING. Every time I got soft she giggled, and finally she drew me to her, hugged me tightly, and said, "I think even your body understands that I was his tonight. Why don't you jerk off like a good little boy?" I agreed, and just as I was about to cum, she looked into my eyes and said, "Thank you for tonight. I really loved being with him." Hearing that, and releasing a week's worth of tension and sex, I came more than I can ever remember.

Two days later, sitting next to her at a meeting, a thought crossed my mind - and has stayed there ever since. I thought, "My wife has a lover. There is a man she longs to be with, who sees all of her, feels all of her, and takes what is supposed to be mine, with her permission and her pleasure."

So, there you have it. Sally and I still make wonderful love together, and we both renewed our promise that we will spend the rest of our lives together. But there is another man for her, and we've just set up their next date. She's very happy about that, and so is he.

And as for me, my fantasy is fulfilled every day: I'm her cuckold.

Paul & Sally

Your comments, compliments and shared experiences are welcome; flames cheerfully ignored.