"Would you love me if I were a worm?"
Amanda looked up from her book.
"What kind of a question is that?"
"It's simple. Would you love me if I were a worm?" Elle repeated, punctuating her words for clarity.
Amanda raised an eyebrow at her partner, who was painting her nails on the floor and browsing social media. Amanda was sitting a few feet away, up on their bed. She had been reading a novel.
"Who starts a conversation that way?" Amanda complained.
"I knew it," Elle moaned, turning away to hide her face. "You wouldn't."
Amanda furrowed her brow in confusion. A minute earlier, they had been enjoying a peaceful morning side-by-side, and now she was being asked hypotheticals about invertebrate romance.
"Of course I would love you--even if you were a worm," Amanda offered after a few moments.
"Too late. You had to think about it too long." Elle grumbled.
"This feels unfair," Amanda protested. "Is this some kind of game? Or a trick?"
"It's not a trick. I mean, who can blame you? Why would you love something small, slimy, and disgusting?"
"Exactly!" Amanda cried, relieved her girlfriend understood. "If you were a worm, how would that even work? We couldn't talk, go on dates, or kiss, have sex... it would be horrible!"
"Oh?!" Elle bursted, wheeling around to glare furiously at Amanda. "So, let me get this straight-- if I were a worm, you would dump me? Just because I couldn't do those things?"
"What?" Amanda said dumbly. "That's not what I meant..."
"Just because I turned into a worm, we couldn't go on dates? Or kiss? That's what you said."
"Just think about it practically. It would be too--"
"Whatever."
"If
I
were a worm, would you love me?" Amanda retorted, flipping the question around. Her voice was getting pitched as she tried to manage her frustration.
Ella crawled towards Amanda, who had kicked her legs out over the bed. Elle knelt on the floor between Amanda's legs and grabbed her partner's hand.
"Of course!" she cried emphatically. "Of course I would still love you! I would carry you around. And I would feed you... whatever worms eat... "
"Dirt," Amanda offered.
"Dirt! I would feed you dirt, and I would tell you stories--"
"Okay, okay! Enough--I get it!"
Elle continued, talking over her partner. "We would watch television together...I would knit you a little worm-hat..."
"Okay! I'm sorry!" Amanda laughed. "If you were a worm, we could do all those things!"
Elle opened her mouth to respond but remained silent. A look of consternation crossed her face. She dropped her partner's hand.
"Sure," she said quietly. She pushed herself up slowly, then walked back over to her original spot on the floor.
Both women sat in silence as Elle sat back down and resumed painting her nails. Amanda slowly picked her book back up.
"Are you still mad?" Amanda asked after a minute of silence.
"Nope."
"Really?"
"Yep."
"Okay."
"It's fine that you only love me for my body and my personality. Not everyone has what it takes to love a worm."
Amanda dropped her book again.
"I have what it takes."
"Nope."
Elle heard Amanda climbing out of the bed and gave a quick glance towards her partner. She had been trying to ignore her, but something about Amanda's movements seemed threatening. Her eyes widened when she saw Amanda reaching under their bed.
"I'll prove it to you."
"What are you doing under there?" Elle questioned nervously.