"Hello?" A pause. "Oh hello."
I glanced across at Hannah as I drove watching her face as she answered her phone.
"Ok then. What time?" She sighed and said, "Yes, I'll be there. Bye."
I looked across. "Problem?" I asked.
"You're going to have to drop me home" she said. "I'm on standby and they've just called to say they need me for the next Newcastle to London flight. They're picking me up in half an hour."
I tried not to let my disappointment show, concentrating on my driving.
"You'll have to let me know where you live then."
"Uh, yes. Sorry I forgot you didn't know where you were going. Turn right here," she said glancing in my direction. "I'm sorry about this Jess, I was hoping they'd leave me alone this time and call someone else in."
"Never mind, there's always next time" I said.
Hannah looked at me with relief and smiled. "Next time?" she asked, teasing me.
I glanced at her, grinned and said "Sure, why not?"
She smiled. I shivered a little, realising that I loved that smile. She turned to look out of the window as we continued driving and she directed me to her home. Five minutes later I pulled up outside a well kept semi-detached house.
"Here," I said as I scribbled my number down on a piece of paper. "Call me," I said handing it to her.
"Thanks," she said.
I leaned over towards her and gently kissed her cheek. She looked embarrassed, pulling away slightly.
"Sorry," I said.
"No, no, it's OK. It's just my parents don't know about me. In fact, I'm not even sure I know about me."
"Oh," I said turning away to look forward trying to keep my feelings in check. I felt slightly rejected, but chastised myself remembering how I felt a few years ago. "Well, I hope work isn't too bad."
"Thanks," she said as she opened the door. "Come on Tyson!" she called letting the dog leap out. "I'll see you soon," she said giving me a small smile as she shut the door.
I watched her walk up the path to her front door before putting the car in gear and driving off.
Max jumped into the front seat and looked at me. "It's ok mate, I hope we'll see them again as well." He tilted his head to one side looking at me as I talked to him as if he understood every word I was saying. I reached out and stroked his head, "Good boy. You know what love is, don't you? As long as you get your dinner," he tilted his head again at me, "walks," another head tilt, "love and treats you're OK aren't you?" He sat there with his head tilted to one side knowing that I had said all his favourite words in one sentence, with a hopeful look in his eyes. "We're going home now," I said as he bounced from the front seat into the back and then back into the front again.
The rest of the week went by slowly for me. I tried to keep busy, which wasn't hard at work as we were busy, but also when I had time to myself. Every time my phone rang I grabbed it looking at the caller display waiting for it to come up with an unknown number. I was disappointed each time.
"Get a grip Jess," I said to myself on more than one occasion. I kept daydreaming, remembering that kiss we had by my car. Was it in my imagination or had she really responded like she had? It seemed almost like a dream to me, but I knew that it had happened and I wasn't dreaming. But why wasn't she ringing me then? I had no way of contacting her, although I suppose I could have phoned her work, but then I didn't know her surname. I could have knocked on the door of her parents' house, but then if her parents didn't know about her lesbian inclination, I didn't want to go there and rock the boat. "You'll just have to be patient Jess," I told myself on more than one occasion, which is something I knew I wasn't very good at.
Anyway, what was I hoping for? I hadn't been with anyone for years, since my last lover left me. Why would Hannah be interested in me? Everyone always ended up leaving me, leaving their boot marks on my heart where they had trampled on me.
I had only had two relationships that meant anything to me. The first one had been with one of my teachers at school when I was 15. I don't know how we didn't get caught, but somehow we didn't and it had ended when I came up to university at the age of 18. She told me that there was no way we could keep on seeing each other and I had to go out and spread my wings. However I didn't want to spread my wings. I wanted her, I was in love with her. She ended it by saying that it was fun while it lasted but it was over now.
I was devastated. My heart was broken and I spent the first two years of college getting over her.
I didn't have another relationship until I met Beth in town when I was out one night seven years later. I really thought that she was the one. I'd had a number of flings in the intervening time, but nothing that meant much to me. With Beth we just seemed to connect immediately. It was slow to start with, but after a few weeks she finally did come up to my flat for the coffee which I had offered every time the taxi dropped me off on our way home from a night out.
That first night with her was special. We actually did drink a coffee, before I got the whisky glasses out. We sat up talking for hours, sipping a particularly nice single malt -- Laphroig if I recall. I invited her to share my bed and we just snuggled up to each other, spooning as though it was the most natural thing for us to do. The following morning I had woken early and lay there listening to her breathing. She had turned over towards me, and as she did, the loose t-shirt she was wearing slipped up to reveal a perfect breast.
She woke to the gentle kisses on her breasts, my hands tenderly stroking her sides and back. She pulled me up to her lips where we kissed passionately and deeply. The love-making that morning just blew me away. Tender and gentle it reflected the love that we both felt growing for each other.
We moved in with each other three months later and lived a very happy two years together. I had come out to my parents during that time; they had accepted Beth saying that as long as I was happy, they so were they.
I didn't anticipate her just leaving though. I came back from work one day to find the flat empty. She had moved all her stuff out and left me a note on the kitchen table. The dread I felt in my heart when I saw the note was compounded when I actually read it.
"I need to go. I've found another job in another city. It was never going to work out for us. I'm sorry. Beth."
She had just vanished off the face of the earth. I felt my heart shatter and drop to my feet as I read that note.
I tried for months to find her but she had disappeared, hell, I didn't even know if she was still in the country. Those years after Beth were a bit vague looking back now. I was depressed, on medication, contemplated suicide on many occasions, but somehow I just couldn't do it. Maybe it was my family, maybe my friends pulling around me and being there for me, but I just kept going somehow. The final part of my recovery came when I went and found Max at the dog shelter, bringing him home with me after the third visit.
Having this living creature with me, relying on me all the time and giving me totally unconditional love, no matter what mood I was in brought me back to myself. He was there, always happy to see me, always happy to do anything, and his enthusiasm was infectious.
I sighed, coming back to reality and lifted Max's dish to feed him. As I put it down for him and he sat there looking at me waiting for the command that he could eat, the phone rang.
"OK then!" I said to Max and he rushed towards his dish gratefully, almost inhaling his food. "Honestly Max, anyone would think you're never fed!" I exclaimed while reaching for the phone.
"Hello?"