Unrequited

Here's part five of five. If you're just joining us now you should read the other parts first. If you're anything like me you're going to need some Kleenex before this is over. All characters in explicit scenes are over eighteen. Here we go!

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Unrequited, Part 5

Contrary to what Kayleigh had said, we hadn't talked anymore about her possible impending relocation, or any other cohabitation related topics. There really was an elephant in the room now, and the distance it was causing was increasing day by day

The next time we made love it was just, well, different, I guess, like we were both trying to put on a show of normalcy.

My parents had decided to go on a Christmas cruise, so they came into St. Louis for the weekend before flying down to Miami. We did Christmas at Natalie and Greg's house the day before they left.

Kayleigh spent the day with my family, and an hour in I was sure everyone could sense the tension between us. Natalie even pulled me aside and tried to get whatever was wrong out of me, but I feigned ignorance. In reality I was bursting to tell someone, but unfortunately, keeping secrets came far too naturally to me, I guess.

As we drove out to Kansas City on Christmas Eve I thought things were finally starting to improve. We talked most of the way, each telling the other stories of Christmases past. Just before Kayleigh fell asleep in the front seat she reached out and took my hand, so I was feeling pretty okay by the time we pulled into her parent's driveway.

Unfortunately that good feeling evaporated as soon as I saw Molly, her penetrating gaze telling me her disapproval of me hadn't abated in the slightest since Thanksgiving. Luckily the multitude of small children present gave ample distraction. Kayleigh had two blue plastic IKEA bags full of wrapped goodies for her nieces and nephews. My own gift for her was tucked away in my suitcase, a glittering, diamond encrusted snowflake pendant and chain.

We hadn't talked about the job opportunity, even as Christmas passed. As December moved toward closure I felt like good old Damocles was double fisting it, with two separate swords hanging over my head.

Sally and I met for lunch a few days before her New Year's Eve party, as we both had the week between Christmas and the first off.

"So, we have a big cake and we're renting a champagne fountain, and I'm making a bunch of bruschetta." Sally wrinkled her nose at me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Why?"

She pointed at my plate of uneaten chicken parmigiana, "Well, you haven't touched your food, and I know that's one of your favorites." Concern spread across her face. "Is something wrong between you and Kayleigh? There is! What is it?"

"There's nothing wrong. Yet."

Sally's mouth dropped open. "Yet? Bethy, tell me what's going on."

"So you can fix it?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Maybe, but I won't know until you tell me what it is. Or am I going to have to beat it out of you?"

I'd sighed in resignation. I'd known I was going to have to tell her when I added the 'yet' to my earlier statement. So I gave her the gist of what had happened at Alexis's party.

"So, that's it. She's probably going to move back to Kansas City in a few months. And then it'll be over." My voice broke as I finished, the reality of losing Kayleigh running me through.

"Oh, Bethy." Sally jumped up and came around the table, sitting in the chair next to me and hugging me tight. I let myself cry on her shoulder for a moment, heedless of the embarrassed looks we were getting from the other patrons.

Our waitress reappeared with a concerned look on her face. "Everything okay?" I tried to answer, but couldn't get anything out. I let my eyes close as Sally responded.

"Yeah." Sally nodded towards my plate. "Would you box that up? I think we're going to go."

"Of course."

A few minutes later Sally was walking me back out to my car. "Keys?"

I gave them to her, and she put the bag containing our lunch in the back before climbing into the driver seat. I did the same on the passenger side, staring at the window as she drove me home. I felt the yawning pit of loneliness of a life without Kayleigh reaching for me. I remember full well the abject misery of the months before I'd met her, and after Sally had met Tim. It terrified me almost to a panic.

But I couldn't go with Kayleigh. And it wasn't about my job, IT is an in demand field, and with my degree, experience, and good references I'd likely have no trouble finding work in a major urban area like Kansas City. And it wasn't about Natalie and Emma. I'd miss them terribly, but plenty of people live hours away from their families.

It was, of course, about Sally. We hadn't been apart since we met. And I knew it was never going to happen. Tim was going to pop the question, they were going to get married, fill their house up with kids, and live happily ever after, as much as that was possible.

And I'd watch. Kayleigh has been a blessed distraction, a balm that'd soothed away the open wound that was Sally, but that wasn't fair to her at all. She told me she didn't want to be settled for, and she was right. Kayleigh was amazing, incredible, and she deserved so much more than me. Maybe it was for the best. I'd just let it die a natural death, and she could find someone better.

Sally handed me her purse. "There's a thing of tissues in there."

I sniffled, realizing tears weren't the only thing running down my face. The simple act of blowing my nose calmed me some, and I was able to keep things together until we made it back to my apartment.

Sally sat next to me on the couch and held my hand. "OK, so I'm going to ask the obvious question first. Have you thought about going with her?"

I just took a breath. Time to lie to Sally. I was too fucking good at this. "We're not there yet. I thought maybe after the new year, maybe in the spring, but..." I went through the other, non Sally-centric issues.

Sally was a good friend, letting me talk until I didn't want to anymore, and then just sitting quietly, watching me while my mind finally ground to a halt. I put on some travel show, and we just sat together until it got late.

"Sorry, Bethy, but I need to be getting home. We'll see you New Year's Eve, right?" Sally's eyes are heavy with concern. "You'll be OK?"

I noted. "Yeah, I'm fine, thanks."

She pulled me into a hug. "I love you, Bethy."

I'd heard her say it so many times, but every single one hurt, but still, I craved each occurrence.

"I love you, too."

"Now, you call me if you need to, and don't do anything sudden, or stupid, or both. Right?"

I promised, scout's honor, and Sally reluctantly left me alone with my thoughts.

*****

"What are you wearing?"

"I think, this..." I stepped out of my closet and my ruby red blouse and charcoal slacks. The same outfit I'd worn when I'd met Kayleigh, and from the look in her eyes she remembered.

"Yeah, I like that one." Memory flashed in her eyes. She'd technically been cheating at the time, and I'd been broken, angry, and viciously lonely. Two damaged people finding each other, if only for the night. Maybe that foundation was just untenable.

I forced myself to hold a smile as she ran a hand over my arms, feeling the silky material. She herself was dressed in a white, A-line dress, V-necked with half sleeves and a black belt.

The skirt was dual layered, with a patterned black and silver interior peeking out on the higher cut right side. She was beautiful, and I had to stop myself. I've never felt the distance between us so acutely, and I never wanted to cross that gap and lose myself in her so badly. No. I was losing her, and I had to start accepting that.

Kayleigh smiled up with me, and I could see she could feel it too, the sadness in her eyes breaking my heart. I tried to shake it away. "You're ready?"

"Yeah, just let me get my purse."

We made our way out to my car. I had offered to drive, which gave me something to do other than concentrate on my coming nightmare. I felt a little like I was driving myself to my own execution. I told myself dozens of times over the past weeks that at least it wasn't going to be a surprise, so I could mentally prepare for it. What a load of crap. How do you prepare for the actualization of a nightmare you've been having since you were fifteen? If you can, you're a stronger person than I am.

It was just past nine when we arrived. There were a few cars there already. I parked on the street, not wanting to get locked into the driveway. There was music pumping from inside the house, and I doubted very much that anyone inside would hear a doorbell, so I just knocked twice before pushing the door open.

Brian was standing just inside with a box. "Hey! Beth! Keys, please." He waved a box, the contents jingling inside. "We're all going to be safe tonight!"

I laughed, shaking my head as I dropped my keys into the box. "The question is, are you going to stay sober enough to guard them?"

"Will do. Actually, Amber doesn't like drunk Brian. She says I get mean and snarky."

Kayleigh giggled. "Really?"

Brian pretended to look thoughtful. "Yep. Not the first time I've heard that, but it is the first time I've cared. I actually want the girl more than the beer. Weird."

I patted him on the shoulder. "I think you're growing."

He made a show of looking crestfallen. "Really? Damn. Seriously though, we're moving in together in February, hopefully. We're looking for an apartment now. Amber says it's important that it be our apartment, not hers or mine."

"I agree completely." Kayleigh kept talking with Brian about his upcoming cohabitation, so I scanned the scene some. I didn't see Sally, so I made my way through the living room into the kitchen. Sure enough she was there, just picking up a tray of soft meat cubes, each speared with one of those decorative toothpicks with the tiny colorful ribbons on the end.

She pulled her white apron off, revealing a high waisted black skirt and sleeveless blue top that made her aqua eyes pop out of her head. Her blonde hair was laced with shining silver strands, each glinting in the soft light. She was stunning.

She saw me as she began to carry out of the kitchen, her dazzling smile almost knocking me over.

"Hey, Bethy, I'm so glad you made it! Try one of these." She held out the tray, and I dutifully plucked a toothpick and bit off the cube on the end.

"Mmm, that's good."

Her smile brightened a few notches. "Really? I got the recipe off the Internet. Garlic butter beef bites, or something like that." She carried the tray into the adjoining dining room, where the table was already laden with an assortment sort of goodies.

Once she set the tray down she gave me a hug. "It's good to see you, Bethy. You look great. Did, um," her eyes darted around, her voice suddenly hesitant. "Did Kayleigh come?"

I nodded, trying to be nonchalant. "She's in there, counseling Brian about his upcoming living arrangements with Amber."

The tension in her face evaporated. "That's good. And Brian, can you believe it? Tim swore he never thought this would happen, but Brian told him that he saw how happy Tim and I are, and, well." She shrugged, blushing a little.

"So, still cohabitation bliss for you then?" I smiled like I knew the answer, which I did, trying to hide the knife twisting inside me.

Sally glanced around at the interior of her dwelling. "It's home, Beth. Not just where I'm staying, but a real home. Mostly because he's here. I want this forever."

I swallowed, trying to keep my voice upbeat. "So are we talking wedding bells soon?"

Sally put her hand on my arm. "All he has to do is ask."

I felt the knife sink deeper, berating myself inside for what I was feeling. I knew she would say yes. I don't know why it still hurt so much.

Sally and I made our way into the next room, where Kayleigh was sitting against the wall, still talking to Brian. Amber had joined them, the two lovers holding hands, smiling widely.

We approached, and I put my hand on Kayleigh's shoulder. "Careful now, she'll charge you two hundred an hour."

Everyone was laughing as the front door opened, and Brian excused himself to go perform his duty as keeper of the keys. Amber joined him, and my girlfriend smiled, her bright green eyes sparkling up at me.

I smiled at her. "Did you have fun?"

Kayleigh grinned. "Yeah. They're going to be fine."

Sally excused herself to go greet the new arrivals, and I nodded toward the food table. "Want to get something to eat? They've got quite a spread."

As my hand slid into Kayleigh's I heard Sally laugh from across the room, and I hated myself. For crying out loud, why couldn't I just be with the woman holding my hand, the one standing next to me, loving me when I didn't deserve it. I had everything anyone could want right here. So why was my heart still breaking?

"Are you okay?"

I pulled myself out of my stupor. "Yeah, fine." Going into the next room helped, at least for a few moments.

"Hey, Beth." I'd just handed Kayleigh one of those clear plastic plates when I saw Tim bustling towards us, an excited, nervous energy radiating off him. "So, I was wondering if I could ask you a favor?"

"Uh, sure?"

"Could you record the proposal? I'm going to do it, like, five minutes to midnight or so. I'll get everybody together first."

"Yeah, sure, Tim. No problem."

Tim put his hand on my shoulder. "Thanks, Beth, really. Hi, Kayleigh. Okay. You guys have fun."

He disappeared into the small crowd, and Kayleigh turned back to the food, putting a few things on her small plate. "So, proposal?"

"Yeah, Tim is proposing tonight."

"How long have you known?"

"Since Thanksgiving. He told me then, asked me if I knew Sally's ring size."

Kayleigh moved down the table not looking at me. "Is that why you got sick? Ran off on us?"

The shame of how I acted that night burned inside me. "It just, um, took me by surprise."

"And tonight?"

I shrugged, trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice. "I've had a month to get used to the idea."

"Yeah, how's that going?" Kayleigh didn't wait for a response, just heading off to an empty chair and sitting down.

I followed gingerly, setting my plate down next to her. I couldn't tell how upset she was, definitely at least a little, so I tried to be as neutral as possible. "Would you like a drink?"

I could see her gather herself before she answered. "Yes, please. A glass of red wine?" She pasted on a smile, which I returned as best I could before heading over to the bar. I poured Kayleigh's wine, taking a bottle of 7-Up for myself. The last thing I needed was to get drunk and do something colossally stupid during the proposal.

When I made it back to Kayleigh she was talking to a woman I didn't recognize. She was pretty, with a round face and deep brown eyes, wearing a sleeveless pleated dress that showed a nice figure and just a bit of cleavage. I felt a momentary swirl of jealousy. Talk about inappropriate, but in my emotional state I had a harder time than I should have pushing it down.

"Hey, sweetheart, here's your drink."

She turned and smiled warmly at me. Obviously she hadn't been flirting. "Thanks, honey. This is Annette, Tim's sister. Annette, this is my girlfriend Bethany."

Annette and I shook hands, a look of recognition passing over her face. "You're Sally's friend. I've heard your name more than once."

"Guilty as charged."

"Yeah, Tim told us what he's planning, so my husband and I came down for the night. Hopefully this one goes better than the last one."

Kayleigh looked up, confused. "The last one?"

I shrugged. "Tim's been engaged once before."

Annette's eyes rolled and she put her hand on my arm. "Total gold digger. She was awful; none of us liked her. To be honest, when I met Sally I thought we were in for more of the same, but she couldn't be more different, could she?"

I shook my head, "She's the best, and she's totally enamored with Tim. I, um, I've never seen her so happy."

Annette smiled. "She's the first girl I've ever seen Tim be himself around, he's had a hard time with that. They're going to be very happy together."

I nodded, feeling that familiar spike of pain and misery went through my heart. I took a sip of my 7-Up, now regretting my probably wise decision to not partake in any alcohol.

We talked for a few more minutes, hearing a few stories about Tim as a boy before Annette's husband joined us, and they spent some time gently bragging about their two children.

Kayleigh kept up our half of the conversation while I continued to glance at the clock, which slowly made its way towards my execution. Before I knew it, it was past eleven, then eleven-thirty.

One of the New Year's Eve shows from Times Square in New York was playing on the family room TV, and as the clock passed eleven forty-five, everyone began to congregate there. At ten 'til midnight Tim caught my eye and I moved to the front, readying my phone.

"Excuse me! Can I get everyone's attention?" Tim held up his hands and the celebratory murmur in the house quieted. "All of you know that when I bought this house, I was hoping to fill it with a family, and I remember standing in this room, with a lot of you, one year ago, when the prospect for that seemed incredibly dim. But this spring I met a girl, kind and beautiful and way out of my league, I thought." There was general laughter.

"But somehow she agreed to let me take her out, and then become my girlfriend, and then move in with me. And in doing so she made this house a home, and I want it to be our home, forever. Sally?" Tim held out his hand, and my best friend stepped forward, tears already in her eyes.

Tim took both of her hands in his, his voice quavering with sincere emotion. I know what he said, because I've seen the video. But in the moment I heard nothing. Instead, I was nine years old again, stepping off my bike after riding around from the back of the for sale house on my street, watching a girl my age in a pink dress with shining blonde hair playing on a blanket in the yard while movers carried furniture into her new home. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my life. I hadn't understood it, but I'd loved her since that moment, and I'd been doomed. There'd never been any hope.

Tim dropped down to one knee, opening a small, velvet, clamshell box. "Sally Marie Andersen, will you marry me?" With that a sob broke free from my chest, but no one, except maybe Kayleigh, noticed. There were plenty of other whoops and cheers to cover it as Sally said "yes".

Tim slipped the ring on her finger, fitting perfectly, and the gathered company cheered and shouted as the deliriously happy couple embraced. Suddenly someone started counting down from 60, and the few people who didn't have them scrambled for drinks and partners. Tim and Sally were still holding each other. I felt a small hand slip into mine and lead me back through the crowd.

Kayleigh pulled me into the next room and set me gently down onto a sofa. I looked down at my phone through a haze of tears. "Oh, god, I think I missed part."

"It's OK. I got the whole thing. I wasn't sure if you'd be able to." I looked at my girlfriend, her eyes full of both concern and pain as she watched me pine for another woman. A spike of the deepest shame burned through my already fractured heart. "I'm so sorry." I began to weep, and Kayleigh pulled me to her while great, wracking sobs shook free from my chest as I buried my head on her shoulder.

Fortunately my bitter tears were drowned out by the music and general frivolity from the next room. It took a bit, but eventually I quieted, and Kayleigh let me go.

"Okay, I'm taking you home." She stood, leaving for a moment before returning with our coats and keys.