I'm fucking heartbroken. There's no other way to put it. Lauren broke my goddamn heart. She ghosted me after 6 months of dating. I was ready to say I love you. I've been waiting and waiting for her to call me back, text me, anything. But it's been two months of nothing. Radio silence. I'm giving up for the sake of my own heart.
All I want tonight is to feel something. Anything.
I put a black handkerchief in my right pocket and head to the divey leather bar.
I try to inconspicuously scope out the bar, but no one really catches my eye. I sit down at the bar and order a whiskey on the rocks, and I sit swirling my glass in contemplation.
I sit there for minutes or hours when an older leather dyke sits down next to me, a silver fox with large muscles under her motorcycle jacket. Her dark brown eyes catch mine and she says, "What's on your mind, kid?"
I laugh mirthlessly. I feel like a kid and not a kid in the worst way right now, grown-up enough to have my heart broken and childish enough to have my first, worst heartbreak. I haven't taken a sip of my drink yet.
"I'm 25," I say, not answering their question.
They raise an eyebrow at me as if to say, 'my point still stands.'
I sigh. "Heartbreak," I say, not wanting to add more.
They nod in understanding and flag down the bartender, ordering a beer.
"I'm sorry, kid," they say. "What's your name?"
"Max," I say. "They/them. You?"
"Al. Call me he," he says.
"Nice to meet you, Al," I say, raising my glass to his in a toast.
"Likewise," he says. He leans back and looks down, smirking. "I see you're flagging, tough guy."
I laugh again, a little brighter this time. I feel a little hot all of a sudden, too. "Maybe I am," I reply.
"Maybe?" he quirks an eyebrow. "I wear the same color, on the left," he says.
"Do you?"
I sip my whiskey.
"What kinds of kinks are you into?" I ask, keeping my voice casual.
"Impact play, bondage, choking, needle play... Those are the big ones."
I nod and swallow.
"I'm not into needle play, and choking is a mixed bag - I like a hand around my neck, but not breath play. But impact play and bondage... That's what I'm looking for tonight."
I sound confident, but this is also turning me on a little. I feel excited at the possibility of finding exactly what I was looking for tonight.
He nods, a smile quirking up one side of his mouth.
"What do you like to be called in bed?" he asks me. A throbbing is forming between my legs.
"I like 'good boy' and 'slut,'" I say. "But, uh, 'tough guy' earlier did it for me too."
"Did it?" he asks with a smirk.
---
"Okay, tough guy," he says, pushing me into the wall. I swallow my whimper, trying not to let a sound out. "Show me how tough you are."
I try to push back at him, shove him off of me, but it's hopeless. He doesn't budge.
He laughs mockingly. "Is that all you've got, tough guy?"
I flush in embarrassment, the red reaching the tips of my ears.
"That's what I thought," he mocks. He shoves his leg between my thighs, the friction reaching my hot cunt. I shiver.
"Please," I say.
"Please what?" he asks, pressing me against the wall with his arm across my chest. "What do you want, tough guy? Spit it out."
"Fuck," I pant. "Please. Um." I struggle for words. What I want is for him to keep pushing me around, spitting insults at me, but I don't know how to ask for that.
He grips my hair and tugs me around with it, and I cry out in pain, not expecting it. He turns me to face the wall and presses me against it hard, his thick frame pinning me in place.
"Are you such a dumb little slut that you can't even talk?" he mocks. "Don't even know how to ask for what you want?" He reaches his hand up to my throat and chokes me. "Is this what you want, tough guy?" he asks. "You want to be shoved around and hit and find out how much you can take?"
I whimper and nod.
"What a cute, pathetic little boy," he praises. He shoves me again into the wall, choking me and reaching his free hand down to my jeans, where he roughly rubs me. It makes me gasp and he makes fun of me for it, saying, "What's the matter, tough guy? You like having your little boy cunt rubbed?"
I groan in response, still speechless. My hips move of their own accord, grinding into his touch as I strain against the hand on my neck.
Fuck. Why can't I talk right now? His hand is tight around my throat, but not tight enough to stop me from speaking. Sounds escape my mouth, but none of them are words, just pathetic whimpers and moans.
"Tell me what you want," he whispers in my ear in a low voice.
"Please," I gasp. "Please."
"Come on, you stupid boy. Use your words."
Goddammit. This is so hard. I want his hard hands on my ass, making me red. I want to hurt before I get to feel good.
"Please spank me," I whimper. "Make me cry." I haven't been able to cry in the past two months. I need to feel something.
"Good boy," he growls, rubbing my cunt harder and whispering other dirty things in my ear, telling me I'm a good slut, a good little whore, that he's gonna spank me until I cry.
He pulls me away from the wall, throwing me to the bed with ease. I cry out in surprise more than anything. He tugs me back to him and starts wailing on my ass, the smacks dampened by my jeans. I try not to gasp at every strike, try to be tough enough to take them.
He orders my jeans off and I rush to obey, unbuttoning and wiggling out of them awkwardly. He shoves me back down onto the bed, covering my body with his, forcing my legs apart and grinding into my ass. "You slutty boy..." he says. "You want this ass spanked raw, huh?"
I whimper. "Yes, sir."
"Call me that again," he orders.
"Yes, sir," I say again, louder and more confident.
He brings his hand down hard on my ass and I yelp, I can't help it. He does the same to the other cheek, not relenting, just repeatedly hitting my ass as I choke on air and try to breathe through the stinging pain.
"Please, sir," I gasp, when it's too much.
"What, boy?" he asks, pausing and rubbing my ass.
"Please," I say, saying nothing.
"What a cute, dumb little boy you are," he says sweetly. "Can't think of any words to say."
"I just -" I start to say. "I just needed a break."
"Oh, poor little boy can't take it anymore?" he mocks. He pulls my underwear down my ass, leaving it halfway down, and grasps my cheeks firmly, rubbing and massaging me.
Then he surprises me with another smack on my bare ass, and I cry out in shock and pain.