The Path Not Chosen: Leap of Faith

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~Leap~

Playing the coward, I brainstormed options that would deliver the message in my absence. Letter with a red rose:

frighteningly romantic

. Email:

too stalker

. Via friend:

too yellow-bellied

. The exercise only served to make plain the fact that I would have to break the ice face to face.

I procrastinated all week. On Friday, Alyssa declared that she wanted a salad at Hurly-Burly for dinner. I decided that tonight was the night. But I managed to rationalize avoiding the conversation through dinner on the basis that an unfavorable outcome would be inconvenient in public.

It was a brisk October night, not long after dusk and campus was quiet as Alyssa and I walked home from the restaurant. A storm was gathering in my gut. It was time. I struggled to muster my strength. I'd gone over the conversation a hundred times a dozen different ways, but my rationality slipped away from me now. How was I going to do this? We strolled on, passing block after block of silence as the tension mounted.

"Are you okay, sweetie? You're awfully quiet tonight."

"No, I'm good. I just have a lot on my mind."

Finally we were just across from the dorm. My window was about to close. I took Alyssa by the arm and stopped her at a bench. My heart pounding nearly out of my chest, I said, "I need to talk to you about something." We sat down together.

She waited a moment, then when I was mute, she spoke first, "Okay. What's up?"

I took a deep breath, but it didn't ease my anxiety. Instead, I could feel the emotion welling up inside me like a boiling cauldron. I looked away from her to help hold myself together, but when I finally spoke, my voice was wobbly, "I have a problem." She listened intently, becoming truly concerned. "I've met someone, you see, someone wonderful." I glanced at her briefly as I said this, eyes beginning to tear up. "This person has changed everything I thought I knew about love and passion. I've never met anyone like..." Another peek at her. "But I'm afraid to say anything,... because..." My words failed. I wiped the tear running down my face, again sheepishly peered at Alyssa.

Empathizing, but beaming genuine happiness at the news, she put her arms around me and drew close in comfort. "I can't believe you haven't told me before now!" She shook her head. "No wonder you've been acting so strangely."

"I just didn't know how to..." The words choked in my throat.

"Hey, I know it's hard to take that risk. I've been there! But you know me. I think you should go for it!"

A wave of clarity fell over me. Dr. Riggs' words echoing on Alyssa's lips confirmed everything.

When an opportunity presents itself, grab hold and don't let go.

I had my omen. My every muscle relaxed. The tears stopped.

In a moment I cupped her angelic face in my hands and stared into her captivating eyes. I whispered, "Alyssa, it's you." I kissed her delicately on the lips and did not cease, holding her softly in my grasp. Time stopped, and the world fell away from us. My face flushed. Every tension dissipated. All was ethereal and Heavenly. I don't know how long the kiss lasted, but suddenly it was over. I opened my eyes to find that she had stood up. She was staring across the yard, seemingly in shock.

Blinking, her gaze migrated to meet mine, then averted, and she spoke in a confused stutter. "I ... don't ... know what to say." She stood there a moment longer, then broke stride for the dorm.

I held my hands to my chest as my heart seized inside.

That was it. The end. I'd made my move and missed the mark. I was a pariah now. Anguish filled me. I stood up and followed her twenty paces behind. Neither of us said anything. She entered the dorm alone, and the door closed behind her. I put my hand on the handle, but didn't open it. Instead, I dismissed my legs under me and they crumpled. I collapsed on the cold cement, the steam from my breath rolling down my chest. I allowed the tears engulf me.

How could I have been so stupid to think this was going to work out somehow? That this beautiful woman would every return my affections? I'd never even made sure that she'd be open to sharing with another woman. I was a fool and a dreamer and I deserved this. It would have been better to keep it all a secret forever, to just adore her from afar. But that was not real happiness either. I guess there was no good option for me. It was hopeless.

I don't know how long I laid there in the cold, but eventually the sobs slowed. I picked myself up from the ground and weakly climbed the staircase inside. Now for the aftermath. Would she speak to me? Was there a shred of hope for our friendship? No, she would probably ask me to move out, or just move out herself. My gut tightened. On to the next chapter of my life.

Live and learn,

I encouraged myself. It didn't help much. I thought of her radiant smile, sobbed again.

I arrived at the door. I put my hand on the knob, but couldn't bear to open it. For the first time since I'd met her, I dreaded the sight of Alyssa. It was a horrible thought. But I had to go in. I just hoped she wouldn't want to talk tonight. I couldn't bear it. I was scarcely holding myself together as it was.

Just then a door opened down the hall. I glanced to see Courtney enter the hallway and a boy sneak out behind her, a clear violation of dorm curfew. I didn't care. I didn't want them to see what a terrible mess I was, and so I choked down my tears and entered the room.

Alyssa lay on her bed. She had taken off her coat, but uncharacteristically still had her suit on. She was on her side facing the wall, silent.

I turned away, still trying to hold myself together. I desperately wanted to escape. I got undressed, skipped my pajamas and climbed as quietly as possible into bed. I too rolled onto my side completely covering myself except for my face, trying my best to become nonexistent. Once in place, I allowed a few tears to escape, dripping down without a sound. I concentrated on thinking of something, anything else besides Alyssa and tonight's events, but it was impossible. A sniffle betrayed me.

I heard Alyssa stir. "Paige?"

I tried to compose myself, but when I opened my mouth, no sound came out. I cleared my throat. Then as normally as I could possibly feign, "Yes?"

"Are you all right?"

In agony, biting my lip, "Yes."

Silence.

"Would you come over here?"

Oh, God, don't make me do this now!

Another sniffle. I paused, but I couldn't deny her. Slowly, I rolled over, extracted myself from my covers and sat on the cold floor in front of her bed. But I could not look at her. I could no longer control myself, and I was crying now, tears streaming down my face onto my chest. I must have looked like a whimpering child.

She reached out, took my hands in hers. Was she trying to kill me?

"You know I love you, right?"

I couldn't answer.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you." I could hear emotion in her voice. I looked over to see through my tears a few tears of her own. "It's just that you shocked me with that." I looked away. "You have to understand, you kind of dropped a bomb on me."

I couldn't help but to chuckle a little. I shrugged. "I guess I did."

"But you're precious to me, and I don't want to lose you, and I definitely don't want to ever, ever hurt you." She brought her hand up to my cheek, eliciting even more tears. "And so..." she paused, seemingly nervous now, "I guess what I'm saying is that I don't know where this is going, but I'm willing to give it a shot." And with that she pulled me in with her hand and kissed me on my lips, my tears drenching her face. Was this really happening, or had I lost my senses? I couldn't believe my turn in fortune. Did she just have to absorb the idea? My insides were jelly. It was all I could do to prop myself up against the bed to continue her delicious kiss. I felt like I was going to explode or fall to pieces, or both at the same time.

I withdrew a few inches and opened my eyes to look at her ravishing face and confirm it all. When she saw my expectancy she gave me a huge grin. I longed to embrace her with all my strength. I reached out to do so, but she resisted, sat up and said,

"You know that I would invite you up, but you're still wearing your normal clothes, and covered in tiny threads. I'll have to cleanse you first." I had completely forgotten about her condition. I stripped out of my panties and bra. "Go to the closet on my side," she continued. "On the left, there's a box on top with a red label. Bring it out."

I obeyed. Inside I saw spray bottle and a set of her towels neatly folded in plastic bags. Alyssa took one towel out of its bag. She then sprayed my right arm and wiped it off slowly with the towel. She continued to carefully cleanse every part of my body.

At last Alyssa stowed her equipment, stripped off her own clothes and extended her hand, inviting me onto her bed. I climbed over her and settled in next to her so that she was on her back with me on my side but tipped forward against her.

I was in Heaven. I was still cold from the walk, but her body was warm. She pulled the covers over us and we lay together, bodies naked and pressed intimately together. I put my hand on her shoulder and she put hers around my waist. I stared at her hypnotizingly beautiful visage, studying every detail. She turned to face me. Gazing deeply into her big, brown eyes a wave of pure emotion washed over me, raising me to a whole new, deeper, previously unimaginable plane of love for this celestial creature. I felt my innermost core bond to her in a way I could have never imagined. I belonged to her now, and I never wanted to be free again. I wanted to tell her I loved her over and over and over, but I restrained myself for fear of overwhelming her during our first moments together. I wanted to caress her sweet body, to pleasure her in an expression of intimacy, but that would wait. I would have to be satisfied with merely basking in her presence.

I reached behind her head and ran my fingers through her hair, down to her shoulder over and over. Her soft hair felt like butter between my fingers. She closed her eyes and indulged in the sensation. I treasured every feature of her face, her eyes, forehead, perfect nose, her unblemished cheeks, her shy ears (one peeking out now) and her lovely lips. I leaned into her neck and drew a deep breath. My nostrils filled with her sweet lilac scent.

Kissing's okay,

I thought. Still nervous I drew close, holding her gaze, placed a fragile kiss on her cheek, then another, then another. She turned to face me and I pressed softly against her waiting lips. I kissed her again, and then dove into her lips completely, pulling her close. I held the back of her head and worked us together like instruments making the most joyous music. I took my time. Eventually, my tongue emerged rimming her lips with its tip and then pushing inside. She let me explore as her tongue danced with mine. My body was waking up. I noticed my hand had left her head and was wandering down her side. I was leaning into her more. Soon I would not be able to control myself. So I returned my hand to her shoulder and withdrew my tongue. I rubbed noses with her and then met her eyes. "You are

so

unbelievably beautiful."

"You are too," she smiled. It seemed to be sincere, and I decided not to protest tonight.

"Thank you," I said. She just smiled again. She placed her hand on my face, then my shoulder and down to my side on my hip. Then her hand found my exposed breast. She caressed it gently, then focused on my tit, rolling and pinching. Just a little of that, and my crotch tingled.

"That's nice."

"I know

I

like it."

"Mmmmmm..."

"I have a confession to make," said Alyssa. "I've been thinking about what it would be like to make love to you. I just didn't think it would ever happen."

"Really?" my face full of surprise. "And now that it is?"

She chuckled. "You're rocking my world."

"I'm already so addicted to you, Alyssa."

I began to kiss her sensually and ran my hand up and down her body, pressing my chest against hers, then back down to rub circles on her lower abdomen. Nervously, I continued rubbing, encroached on her tenderness delicately until I detected the top of her slit. Eagerly, I dropped my middle finger into her warmth and explored further until I found her clit. She was wet, very wet. And best of all, she was wet for me. My finger rubbed up and down over her clit until she parted her legs for me. I began to rub quickly side to side, the motion that I always used to bring myself to climax. She responded by letting her head fall back, eyes closed, and hiking her pelvis up to my hand.

Soon she was breathing harder. She put her hand on my arm, as it labored hard to pleasure her. She turned to kiss me, put her face on my cheek. But as her body began to gyrate and twitch under me, she moaned and could no longer concentrate. She breathed irregularly now, moaning more. She spread her legs all the way and brought her right knee almost to her chest.

Very impressive,

I thought,

and very sexy.

Her wet genitals slid easily under my fingers.

"Ah!" Alyssa sat up on her elbow, threw her head back again and opened her mouth. "I'm coming," she whispered. She froze completely, no breath at all, as I continued to rub her.

After a few moments she relaxed. She resumed kissing me, then rolled on top of me. She slid down and began to suck on my chest, first the left side, then the right. As she did so, she slid her hand down over my stomach and between my legs, which parted for her. She rubbed me just as I had done for her. I laid back to savor the sensation of her hand on my body. I rubbed her bottom and gripped her cheeks in my hands. Now, it was my turn for a twitching body and heavy breathing. But I resisted. I was worried about the embarrassment of having a wet orgasm.

"Come on, sweetie. Come for me." She picked up the pace, making it all the harder to hold back. I tensed up, giving it my last ounce of resistance, releasing a long, slow, "uh." Then the orgasm took control, delightful contractions eclipsing every other sensation. I bathed in the moment, the warmth of her nestled up to me. It was magic.

I turned and whispered in her ear, "Put your finger inside."

"But you're a virgin. Are you sure? Aren't you saving yourself?"

I kissed her and gazed deeply into her eyes. "I've been saving myself for

you

."

Alyssa was visibly moved. "Oh, sweetie, I don't know what to say."

Her forefinger gently worked its way downward. I closed my eyes and held my breath. I indulged in the pleasure, but all the while braced for the pain. Her finger worked its way around my opening, teased the lips. Then she was inside. My first penetration. It was euphoric. Alyssa and I were one. There was no pain, only delight. My breath escaped me, and I looked deeply into her eyes, my soul fusing to hers.

"Was that all right?"

It took me a moment. "It's fine. It didn't hurt at all. I thought it was supposed to hurt."

"So did I. It hurt for me. Did you feel anything?"

"A little pressure at first."

She extracted her finger, showed it to me. It was covered in blood. "That was the real deal." She cleaned her finger on her towel.

I felt empty without her inside. I took her hand and guided it back down.

"That good, huh?"

I turned away and I felt her enter again. "So, so good. I never imagined how good it could be."

She exchanged for her middle finger, and inserted it all the way to the knuckle. She began to work my clit with her thumb, slowly, and kissed my neck. This went on for a long time. She never tried to make me come. She was gentle and affectionate, kissing my neck and shoulder as her finger worked my virginal recesses.

"I'd give you another finger, but I don't think you have room for me in there."

"Do it."

"Okay." She slid her forefinger around my juices lubricating it anew. Then she pulled her middle finger out and inserted them both together.

"O-ah," I groaned.

"You like that? Do you want to come?"

"Yes."

Alyssa stopped to move down the bed. When she kissed me, she now kissed my stomach, and better than that, she had ideal leverage. She pumped my body faster, and every part below my midsection tensed. I dug my fingers into my ass cheek, gripping it ferociously to maintain control. "Oooo..." I fought through the panting. Alyssa curled her fingers digging into my G-spot as she thrust inside.

I raked my hand through her hair as she kissed me above my hairy mound. Her tongue meandered into my bush and crested to the top of my slit. I came. My legs shot forcefully together, trapping her arm, deliciously inserted deep inside. I froze as the euphoria flowed to cover every part of my body. I relaxed and slumped onto my back.

I opened my eyes at the sound of her, "Mmmm." She was rubbing her fingers together under her nose. "Definitely virgin. An excellent year and vintage, I'd say." I chuckled. After a kiss she got up, cleaned her hand again and turned off the light. When she returned, she laid down with her back to me, and gloriously pressed up to snuggle in for some rest. I draped my arm over her and laid my head behind hers. I spread my hand over her stomach, and pulled her tightly against me as if some force was threatening to take her away. She was the greatest treasure I could possibly imagine.

She fell asleep before I did, confirmed by her slumbering twitches. I wondered what she was dreaming about. I imagined that I was the covetous goal of her unconscious adventure.

~The End~

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