The Mother Tracie Deserves

SPEEDING FORWARD

As November's early dusk darkened into night, we flew down the highway. My stepdaughter Tracie sat in the passenger seat, stunningly beautiful in her glittery mini dress. It pained me that I could only glance at how the dress showed off her perfect nineteen-year-old body. I was driving as fast as I ever had.

As I zipped past a slower car, she teased me, "Wow, Mom, when did you become a race car driver?"

I chuckled. "You usually tell me I drive like an old lady."

She said, "Well, usually, you do."

"Oh stop," I said, batting at her playfully, then gripping my hand back onto the steering wheel. At such speed, I should keep both hands driving. But I couldn't resist a brief touch of her smooth bare knee. Her lighthearted giggle was sweet music to me - especially after the year we'd had.

"Well, at least tell me where you're taking me," she said.

"Nope."

"Mom!" She scoffed and crossed her arms. "You're so mean to me." She pushed out her bottom lip in an exaggerated pout that made me smile.

"I know I am, sweetie. But I already told you, it's a surprise." A few days before, I had only told her to pack a bag for a few days and that we'd leave right from the award ceremony. She saw the excitement in my eyes and I didn't have to ask twice.

"Well, I'm already surprised," she said. "I have never seen you speed like this."

"I have on occasion."

"Oh really?" she said doubtfully. "Like when?"

I had to think a moment. "Oh," I remembered. "Like that time the school called me when you hurt yourself on the playground. I got there in record time."

She laughed. "You had to think back that far?"

"Well, it was only..." I said, calculating. "Wait. That was, what, ten years ago now? Wow." I marveled at how much life had passed since then, how many changes had come for my daughter and me, some good, some bad. I said, "It doesn't seem so long ago. That's every parent's nightmare to get a call like that."

"Oh," Tracie cooed sympathetically. She put her hand on my thigh and squeezed. "I bet you were scared. I'm sorry I worried you like that."

"Don't be sorry, baby. You were just a little girl." The feeling of her hand on my leg made me drive even faster.

She said, "I had to spend the rest of first grade with that itchy old cast on my arm."

"But as soon as it came off, you were back to climbing and running and playing just the same. You were always a tomboy, like I was."

She took off her seat belt and sat up tall and straight, turning toward me. She said, "Do I look like a tomboy tonight?" Showing herself off in that gorgeous little dress, she drifted her hand above its scoop neckline, her fingers drawing across the flawless skin of her cleavage. She looked like a fashion model.

I said, "Absolutely no tomboys here tonight. Oh my goodness, I'm so excited to get you out of town."

She caressed my cheek. "It's been good at home though, hasn't it, Mom?"

My whole torso tingled. "Mmm, girl. So good. But it will be even better the next few days."

Keeping my eyes on the road, I turned my face a little to kiss her hand. My sweet stepdaughter put each of her fingers to my mouth for me to kiss. They carried the fragrance of her chest. She gently nestled a fingertip between my lips and I began to softly suck. Electricity shivered through me. The only sound in the car was the roar of the pavement under our wheels. When I teased the tip of her finger with the tip of my tongue, my eyes rolled up in lust.

BBBRRR! BBRRR!

The pavement rumble strips shouted that the car had drifted to the side of the highway. With a gasp, I quickly corrected my course.

"Yikes," Tracie said. "I guess I better let you focus on the road."

"It's not easy," I said, my heart beating faster for more than one reason. "You look so amazing, honey."

"Thank you. So do you. Maybe we should slow down a little?"

I shook my head. "No. I need to get us there. But please put your seat belt back on."

She did, saying, "I'm sorry for distracting you."

"Sweetheart, you didn't distract me. It's the rest of the world that distracts me. The only thing I want to pay attention to is you."

Tracie put her kissed hand to her heart. "Wow, Mom, you say the nicest things. Wherever we're going, let's get there fast. I can't wait to do some serious cuddling with you."

I shook my head in disbelief. I sniffed a little laugh, but then my lip started trembling. I bit on it to keep from crying.

"Mom? What is it?"

I took a deep breath and shook my head again. "I just can't believe how lucky I am, baby. What has happened between us, after everything, it's... it's a miracle." I pushed the car faster still, streaking past the dashed highway lines toward a future that promised to be happier than I'd ever dreamed.

But I couldn't help also looking back. The regrets and shame that came before were all the more painful in comparison. The sooner my daughter and I reached our destination, the sooner I might escape the dark memories of one year before.