The After Christmas E-Mail

My girlfriend, Amanda, recently went home to Florida to spend Christmas with family and friends. A few weeks before the trip, she told me that Kelli, one of the friends she would be seeing, had confided in Amanda that she was bisexual. Amanda also admitted the two had kissed briefly about ten years ago, and that ever since that night, she wondered what it would be like to kiss her friend again and see where it might lead.

Before her trip, I told Amanda that if she had the opportunity to be with Kelli, she should go for it. It was something she had wanted for a long time so she should experience it if she had the chance. You only live once, right? And to be honest, I was excited at the prospect of hearing her tell me all about what happened.

However, I didn’t really think she would do anything about her desires. Sure, it was a fantasy we discussed several times, but I figured she’d be a little too nervous to do anything about it. Fantasy is one thing, Making it a reality is another. So maybe you can imagine my surprise when I received the following E-mail a few days after Christmas…

* * *

Hi Hon,

I miss you. I loved talking to you on the phone Christmas afternoon, but I wish you were here with me. I’ve been talking all about you with my parents and I’ve been showing off all of our pictures, too. They keep asking why I didn’t just bring you so they could meet you. So I’ve decided we’re flying down here for my birthday. You wouldn’t be too upset with a few days in the sun, would you?

I went out with Kelli yesterday and talked you up big time. She’s already in love with you. The first thing she said when I showed pictures was, “Wow, Amanda, he’s hot.” I told you I wasn’t the only one who thought that. She even joked that I have to bring you down next time so she can get a piece of you. I told her to keep her hands off.

Anyway, I could’ve told you all this on the phone, but there’s something I need to tell you that I wasn’t sure I could talk about over the phone. I also knew I couldn’t wait and tell you when I got home next week.

Honey, I was with Kelli. I don’t know if I should be sorry, ashamed, happy, or what. Actually, it feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I don’t know, maybe I wanted it more than I thought. Is that possible? Anyway, I don’t want to hurt you. Sure, you said you’d like it if I fulfilled one of my fantasizes, but I’m still not sure how you’ll react to all this. Like I said, I’m not even sure how I feel about it. But I do want you to know that, although I enjoyed myself, I wish you had been there to share the experience with me.

I met her for lunch early in the afternoon. It was great to see her, but I have to admit, I was totally jealous. It was like she walked out of a fashion magazine. She was wearing these really short shorts and a white tank top, which doesn’t sound all that great on paper, sure, but I can’t lie, she looked great. Her skin’s dark and smooth, she’s thin from working out so much, and her dark hair looked like it was professionally done that morning. In other words, she’s gorgeous.

Although I hadn’t seen her for over a year, it was like we hadn’t been apart a day. We talked non-stop over lunch and a few drinks. You know, laughing, talking, and getting caught up on each other’s lives. She’s enjoying life as a mother and wife, and of course, the beaches aren’t so bad either. I naturally talked about you constantly and couldn’t get the smile off my face from knowing you two would get along amazingly. I can’t wait for you to meet her.

After lunch, we went back to her place for awhile. That’s when I showed her the pictures of you. She loved the ones of us from the retreat in the mountains we took in September. She said we looked great together. Cute and happy was what she called us.

That’s when she said something I never would’ve expected, even from her. “I bet you have great sex together,” she said. I was shocked. I just stared at her with my mouth open. I didn’t know what to say. “What? I can’t say that?” she asked.

I got up to get another drink, confused at my reaction. I suddenly wanted to clam up and not tell her anything. Sure, we’d talked about sex before. All good friends do that. Hell, we kissed that one time. You knew that. But it was weird, for some reason, it was almost like I was keeping a secret or something. And maybe I was. I mean, maybe it was just me thinking about the times you and I fantasized about her being with us, and me kissing her and trying new things with her. I almost felt like she knew what I dreamed about just by asking that question. Silly, I know, but that’s what I felt. And I was worried that she knew.

When I calmed down a bit I sat back down, and she asked, “So, do you?” Her persistence caught me off guard, and I smiled as I took a sip of my drink, letting my expression tell the story. She started giggling and I felt myself relax. Then she started asking all sorts of questions. This time, though, I responded. I pretty much let it all out. I told her how you and I are so open with each other, and how that helps us sexually. That you love to kiss me and touch me all over. And that you love foreplay. (She didn’t believe that one.)

When I told her we had sex three or four times a day some weekends, she was completely taken by surprise. I guess she and Chris don’t do it that much anymore. They’re usually too tired from watching the kids. So when I told her about your love for going down on me, well, let’s just say that she was the one being jealous this time.

She said it had almost been two months since she had sex last. “Maybe you two should fantasize a bit,” I blurted out. I couldn’t believe I said that. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe I was just feeling turned on. Either way, I suddenly felt open about talking to her about it.

She asked what I meant, and I told her, “You know, talk dirty. Act like you’re on the beach where others can see you. Or act like there’s another girl or guy with you.”

“What?” Her eyes widened when I told her that. Like she was expecting me to be some innocent little girl or something. “Do you guys do that?”

I admitted that we did sometimes fantasize about both men and women. And that in those fantasies, you would sometimes want to be with the man, and I would sometimes be with the woman. I admitted that it was a great spark for us in bed. That’s when she asked if we ever fantasized about people we knew. I told her we usually didn’t, but I could tell by the look in her eye what she was going to ask next. “Have you ever imagined I was with you?”

I couldn’t lie to her. “Yes, a few times,” I admitted.

All of a sudden, I felt some sort of tension grow between us. She stood and went to the kitchen. I felt uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t sure if I said something to upset her. I thought she would think that it was cool that we fantasized sometimes, even if we thought about her. But after her reaction, I wasn’t so sure.

Since she’s such a good friend, I followed her to the kitchen. “Are you okay?” I asked. I stood next to her and she turned to me. Our eyes met, and I have to tell you, my heart was beating so fast. I looked into her eyes and I wanted to kiss her so bad. The tension I felt earlier was a sexual tension so powerful, I can’t even describe it. I felt myself being drawn to her.

She put her hand on my arm and bent toward me. I leaned in and our lips met briefly. It was only a fleeting kiss, then we looked at each other again, almost as if we were looking for permission. She stepped closer and we kissed gently. It was so nice. Her lips are so soft and smooth. I could smell her hair, her perfume. It sounds cliché, but I felt intoxicated from her touch, her smell.

I felt my lips part, and our tongues began to play with each other lightly. It wasn’t clumsy like the time we kissed when we were younger. We clicked this time. It felt right. Natural. And I was dizzy from it. I felt like I was going to faint. My heart was beating so fast. It felt great. A rush. At the same time, I didn’t know what I was doing. I wanted to share this with her, but I was also scared. I wanted to pull her closer, but at the same time, I wanted to run.

Her hand slipped under my shirt and caressed my ribs. Shivers went up my back. When she moved to kiss my neck, I couldn’t take it anymore. I suddenly felt unsure about what I was doing. Scared. Worried that what I was doing would be considered cheating. So I pulled away, tried to compose myself, and said, “We better get ready for the bar.”

She didn’t say a word as she went to her room to change. I didn’t think she was upset, but there was suddenly this weirdness between us. I could tell already. It didn’t get much better on the way to the bar. Although we laughed and had a good time, I could tell we were both holding something back. We should’ve talked about it. Instead, we started drinking a little to heavily.

I must’ve been pretty drunk, because I lost all inhibition. I don’t know why. My emotions were swirling. It was like I was out of control. The bar wasn’t even crowded yet, and I heard myself tell her about the dildo you bought me for Christmas. “It’s huge,” I said. “And so real. You wouldn’t believe it.”

When she asked if I had it with me, I just said, “Of course.” I told her you bought it for me to use on vacation so I wouldn’t forget about you, and she just shook her head and laughed this evil laugh. “God, he is a catch,” she said, in a joking tone, but I could tell she was thinking about how her sex life compared to ours, and that she longed to be with someone. Her husband, some random guy, anyone.

That’s when a couple of guys came up to us and asked if we’d dance with them. With one look between us, we both knew we had no desire to dance with anyone except ourselves. So we said no, then proceeded to go up on stage and dance alone.

After only a few songs, I was sweating and huffing and puffing. It was a blast. I felt alive. Happy. Full of energy. I’ve never danced like that before. With a man or a woman. It was that sexual tension I mentioned. There was just something between us. We both felt it. We danced so close. I wanted to kiss her again so bad. But I was torn. I wanted her, but I wanted to be true to you.

During the last dance, she grabbed me and pulled me to her. Our lips were so close I could almost taste her. I caught myself before I leaned in for another kiss. I didn’t know what to do, so I ran. I told her I had to go, and left, not sure where I was going.

Thankfully, she followed and met me in the parking lot. We walked to her car and she drove us home, neither of us saying anything. I was so scared. I felt like I was going to lose a friend if I said or did anything wrong. So we didn’t say anything. After a car ride in complete silence, I just said, “Goodnight,” and went to my room. I changed into the romper you gave me for Christmas and plopped down on the bed with the light on.

I was so confused. This was what I wanted. I had a chance to try something with her. Something I’ve fantasized about. But there I was, sleeping alone. I didn’t even get under the covers, somehow hoping that I’d get the courage up to go to her room. I wanted to call you, too, but that didn’t feel right either. I even thought about pulling out that dildo and having fun, to see if that would relax me.

I was about ready to do it when Kelli knocked on the door and opened it a crack. “Can I come in?” she asked softly. I told her it was okay, so she took a step inside.

“Are you okay?” she asked. I told her I was just tired and a little drunk. She said she was too. She sat on the edge of the bed next to my hips and I watched as her oversize T-shirt crept up over her thighs to reveal very shapely legs, hiding almost nothing.

We talked about the day and all that had happened. She admitted that she wasn’t sure what to think, but she knew she didn’t want it to come between us. I told her I had actually enjoyed the kiss, but that I was nervous about it. I had never really followed through on those kinds of thoughts.

She just sat and listened to me, really listened. It was so nice. Comforting. She said she understood. Evidently she went through something similar the first time she was with woman. She also admitted that she had thought about me that way before, and that if we were ever to try something sexual, that we could take it slow and see how it went.

I smiled at her, feeling calm again. She rested her hand on my thigh and gently caressed it as we talked on about how great it was to see each other. Her touch, well, it made me so wet. I was incredibly relaxed, and her voice, her hands, everything, really turned me on and soothed me at the same time.

“Well, I’ll let you get some sleep,” she said. Then she leaned over, resting her hand on the inside of my thigh, her fingers brushing against my bare skin. She bent to me and gently kissed my forehead, then my lips. I responded by putting my hand on her neck and pulling her closer.

We began to kiss deeply. It was so passionate. The tension from the last few hours seemed to rush over us, our mouths loving one another. Our tongues playing. Our lips smacking. It was lovely. They were slow, soft, wonderful kisses.

She stood, then straddled me, her knees to either side of my hips. I ran my hands over her thighs as she kissed my neck and nibbled my ears. I was in heaven. My breathing was fast, and my heart was pounding. Her lips felt so good on my skin. Like an icy burn. I wanted her hands, her lips, her body all over mine.

She stopped kissing me for an instant and our eyes met. Without a word, we communicated all that was necessary. “I’ll be slow,” she whispered. “If I do anything you don’t like, just tell me.” I could only nod.

She unbuttoned my outfit and ran her hands gently over my shoulders, my breasts, my stomach. It felt so good. Her touch was gentle and warm. Caring. But erotic. I felt my hands go to her hair as she leaned down to kiss my nipples. Her tongue flicked back and forth and she sucked me into her mouth. Her hands kneaded my breasts, making me gasp.

When she bit into my left nipple, I thought I was going to climax right there. I was short of breath, feeling her lips and tongue on my skin. Her warm breath blew across my stomach as she kissed her way down. She kissed my belly and bit my sides softly. I gasped again at her every move, feeling every inch of my skin burn with excitement.

She moved up and pulled me to her in a sitting position. As we kissed, she slid her hands under my outfit. I felt the warm romper slide off of me. She laid me back down, then pulled the outfit over my legs, completely exposing me.

“You’re so beautiful, Amanda,” she said. She slid her T-shirt over her head to reveal the sexiest body I’ve ever seen. Her skin was flawless. Her shoulders and hips were so smooth and curvy, and her breasts were perfect. Smaller than mine, but round. Firm. I reached out and ran my fingers over them, caressing, learning their every curve.

Then she lay on me, our entire bodies skin to skin as we kissed. Our hands roamed slowly over each other, inspecting each part with very needed attention. “I want to taste you,” Kelli whispered.

“Oh, God, Kelli,” I gasped. “Please. Do.”

She kissed her way down my body. I tensed and relaxed, tensed and relaxed, every step of the way. My hips started to sway ever so slightly. I felt my body’s climax building. When her tongue found my inner thigh, I almost lost it. Luckily, she seemed to know what she was doing. I felt my body relax as she blew gently over my hips and thighs, making me moan louder and louder.

When she rubbed my pussy, I knew I wanted more. I didn’t have to wait long. She moved her mouth over me and began to lick. Slowly at first, then slightly more vigorous. While her tongue was flicking over my clit, her thumbs were doing….I don’t know what they were doing. She was rubbing them in a slow circle on the outside of my pussy, and oh god, it felt so good.

She was so good at what she did. I couldn’t keep my hips from rocking. Every time I thought I was about to come, I’d grab her head, pulling it closer, then I’d tense up. But she’d slow down, teasing me every time. Her tongue caressed every spot, her lips sucking my lips into her mouth. I was so wet. The room smelled of sex. It was wonderful.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity (and at the same time, not nearly long enough), she sucked my clit into her mouth and her tongue darted back and forth over it. This sent me over the edge. I grabbed the sheets in my fists and screamed, the most powerful orgasm wracking through my body.

My legs started to shake as the climax tapered off. Kelli kissed my thighs, then kissed and nibbled her way back to me. We kissed again deeply. I could taste myself on her lips. It tasted so good, and I wanted to return the favor. But when I moved to do so, Kelli pressed against me. “Relax, Amanda. Enjoy the moment,” she said. “One step at a time.”

I looked into her eyes and knew she was right. I leaned back and she lay next to me, our bodies entwined. We cuddled for awhile, not saying a word, our breathing eventually slowing down and matching one another. We kissed a few times and exchanged looks, but I soon fell into a very peaceful sleep.

I woke up once in the night, under the sheets, the lights out. Kelli was nowhere to be seen. I silently thanked my friend and pulled the blankets around my neck.

When I woke the next morning, Kelli and I shared breakfast. We talked quietly, a calm between us. It was like we shared something sacred, and we didn’t need to speak much or it would in some way ruin the gift. After breakfast, she dropped me off at my parent’s house. I leaned over and kissed her before I got out of the car.

“Thanks,” I said as our kiss broke. She only smiled.

I’m not going to lie, Hon. I’m not upset for what I did. Not really. I’m just worried I might have hurt you in some way. I needed to get this off my chest and let you know what’s going on down here. Please E-mail me back and let me know if you’re okay. I want to know that I did the right thing.

I’m supposed to see Kelli again tonight, and I hope I have your blessing. Last night she showed me something I've wanted to see for a long time. Tonight, if you’re willing, I’d like to be with her again.

I love you, Honey. I hope this is all okay. Please, let me know so I can quiet my nerves, and hopefully, try something new again tonight.

Love,

Amanda