Author's note: I would like to give a special thanks to
whoredinarygirl for her editing assistance. I would also like to thank
Happenstance, for his words of encouragement, and his patience. Friends like you are why I smile. You know who you are.
This story is relatively long, very romantic and takes a little while to get to the point. If that is not what you are looking for, then I recommend you look for a different story. Of course I also recommend you come back later and read this anyway because well... I love readers. Who doesn't?
*****
Part 1
I let out a weary sigh, and for the third time in what had, according to my watch, only been 2 minutes, my eyes left the page of the thick book I was supposed to finish reading. The deadline for my paper was approaching rapidly, its subtle threat hanging over me as a heavy blanket of exhaustion and concerns.
I knew that if I didn't want my dreams to shatter right here and now, I'd have to spend the night working, my only company a mug of strong coffee. Losing sleep would be better than failing this. I hadn't worked this hard just to see everything go to hell when I was so close to accomplishing my goals.
I wanted my life to be structured, planned out and stable. With the need for structure and stability came the dream of having a stressful, satisfying job. It was my own unique way of coping with things. As long as I had a lot on my mind, and had responsibilities and deadlines whirling through my head, my life seemed somewhat organized and meaningful. I would hold on to that strategy, if only to hold onto myself.
The library was empty with the exception of a few students who noisily deposited their books into backpacks that seemed much too small for their intended purpose. All the girls looked almost identical, their short blonde hair painstakingly blow-dried until it fell down their shoulders in a carefree mess of curls, which I assumed was supposed to look casually tousled. They briefly glanced my way and left the library in a fit of giggles, followed by a much smaller group of athletic-looking guys who left behind a faint odor that vaguely resembled the way locker rooms usually smelled.
My tired eyes returned to the book before me, the corners of the pages turned up and the paper slightly wrinkled. I placed a fingertip to the paper and felt like I was touching a little piece of history right here surrounded by shelves upon shelves of words that had been captured by a writer's mind and been arranged neatly into these books to form a world of knowledge.
Libraries always made me feel somewhat nostalgic. The air was stuffy, heavy with the smell of paper, and the slight breeze that brought the beginning of autumn, which floated toward me through the open window, didn't really make much of a difference. I didn't mind the smell though. It comforted me, as if these books were friends I could always rely on. They did not judge, nor did they do that thing which was so much worse—act like I wasn't worth their attention. They were just there, patiently waiting until someone deemed them worthy of being read.
I stood, stretching my sore muscles and, with some effort, forced the book into my overflowing bag. At some point I really should take some time to sort its contents to get rid of everything that I didn't need any more, yet still remained tucked into the safe confines of the faded leather. But wasn't that just like the rest of my life? Wasn't I always carrying an infinite amount of baggage with me that I should have discarded a long time ago?
The rest of the college was almost empty, my only company a few tired-looking women who usually came in after most of the students had left, to clean the deserted rooms and exchange a quick word as they passed one another. Most people would be hanging out with friends right now, either in the rooms that were assigned to them on campus or in the apartments that still lay close enough to college property to be at a convenient distance for their occupants.
I made my way through the large revolving doors and was greeted by the soothing caress of golden sunlight on my skin. I immediately felt better, as if the sunlight was seeping life and energy back into my body and filling my head with positive thoughts.
At least, that is how I felt until I spotted Connor standing near the small fountain that was supposed to make the building somehow look more elegant.
The water that cascaded down the white stone glistened in the sun, a vast array of colors reflecting in its silvery stream. Still, it didn't make the building look any more imposing. Even an expensive-looking fountain couldn't hide the faded color of the bricks, which was an unpleasant mixture of orange and brown, or the graffiti that decorated them. It was just another desperate attempt to give the building back some of the grandeur that it had once possessed.
I was about to turn my back on the lonely figure leaning casually against the fountain, but Connor chose exactly that moment to look up. His gaze met mine and for a second our eyes lingered, as if drawn to each other, unable to look away.
I had always thought Connor's eyes to be captivating. They were the lightest shade of teal, strangely compassionate and intense. Seeing his tousled dark hair fall over his forehead, partially hiding the subtle, perfect masculinity of his high cheekbones and chiseled jaw in that way I knew so well made my heart lurch, and brought back the bittersweet longing that I had been trying to resist all day.
"Hannah," Connor said somewhat sheepishly, standing next to me and petting my shoulder.
He had probably meant it as a friendly gesture, but it only made things more awkward between us. I mean, who in their right mind pets someone's shoulder? Let alone your ex-girlfriend's shoulder. For God's sake.
I smiled back at the person who had shattered my heart into a thousand tiny pieces only weeks ago, trying not to let the agony show on my face. I really had to practice my fake smile more if I wanted to successfully pull this off in the future.
"Hi," I said, my voice shaky.
I wondered if I should engage in pointless smalltalk, perhaps pretend that Connor and I didn't have any history together. Like we were just fellow students looking forward to the upcoming weekend. I didn't have to make a choice.
"Connor, baby!"
Melanie brushed a strand of her long blonde hair away from her pretty face, her blue eyes sparkling and the adoring smile not wavering for even a moment when she noticed me standing beside Connor. She approached us and without even glancing at me kissed Connor full on the lips, her hands roaming down his back and resting on his admittedly deliciously cute ass.
It felt like someone had just hit me in the stomach with a baseball bat, squeezing the air out of my lungs in a barely audible, surprised gasp. Staying upright while also maintaining the cheerful smile on my face turned out to be a lot more challenging than it should have been, watching Melanie's hands still possessively placed on Connor's butt. It was sickening.
"Mel," Connor said awkwardly, sneaking a quick glance at me before Melanie's lips cut him off again.
I felt like I was watching two jellyfish get it on, the wet sucking sounds only adding to that analysis.
I wasn't even going to agonize over this I decided, turning my back on the couple in what I hoped to be a graceful, confident motion. My heels clicked against the pavement as I strode away from them as fast as I could without breaking into a run.
I was such an idiot.
