Author's note: I would like to give a special thanks to
whoredinarygirl for her editing assistance. I would also like to thank
Happenstance, for his words of encouragement, and his patience. Friends like you are why I smile. You know who you are.
This story is relatively long, very romantic and takes a little while to get to the point. If that is not what you are looking for, then I recommend you look for a different story. Of course I also recommend you come back later and read this anyway because well... I love readers. Who doesn't?
*****
Part 1
I let out a weary sigh, and for the third time in what had, according to my watch, only been 2 minutes, my eyes left the page of the thick book I was supposed to finish reading. The deadline for my paper was approaching rapidly, its subtle threat hanging over me as a heavy blanket of exhaustion and concerns.
I knew that if I didn't want my dreams to shatter right here and now, I'd have to spend the night working, my only company a mug of strong coffee. Losing sleep would be better than failing this. I hadn't worked this hard just to see everything go to hell when I was so close to accomplishing my goals.
I wanted my life to be structured, planned out and stable. With the need for structure and stability came the dream of having a stressful, satisfying job. It was my own unique way of coping with things. As long as I had a lot on my mind, and had responsibilities and deadlines whirling through my head, my life seemed somewhat organized and meaningful. I would hold on to that strategy, if only to hold onto myself.
The library was empty with the exception of a few students who noisily deposited their books into backpacks that seemed much too small for their intended purpose. All the girls looked almost identical, their short blonde hair painstakingly blow-dried until it fell down their shoulders in a carefree mess of curls, which I assumed was supposed to look casually tousled. They briefly glanced my way and left the library in a fit of giggles, followed by a much smaller group of athletic-looking guys who left behind a faint odor that vaguely resembled the way locker rooms usually smelled.
My tired eyes returned to the book before me, the corners of the pages turned up and the paper slightly wrinkled. I placed a fingertip to the paper and felt like I was touching a little piece of history right here surrounded by shelves upon shelves of words that had been captured by a writer's mind and been arranged neatly into these books to form a world of knowledge.
Libraries always made me feel somewhat nostalgic. The air was stuffy, heavy with the smell of paper, and the slight breeze that brought the beginning of autumn, which floated toward me through the open window, didn't really make much of a difference. I didn't mind the smell though. It comforted me, as if these books were friends I could always rely on. They did not judge, nor did they do that thing which was so much worse—act like I wasn't worth their attention. They were just there, patiently waiting until someone deemed them worthy of being read.
I stood, stretching my sore muscles and, with some effort, forced the book into my overflowing bag. At some point I really should take some time to sort its contents to get rid of everything that I didn't need any more, yet still remained tucked into the safe confines of the faded leather. But wasn't that just like the rest of my life? Wasn't I always carrying an infinite amount of baggage with me that I should have discarded a long time ago?
The rest of the college was almost empty, my only company a few tired-looking women who usually came in after most of the students had left, to clean the deserted rooms and exchange a quick word as they passed one another. Most people would be hanging out with friends right now, either in the rooms that were assigned to them on campus or in the apartments that still lay close enough to college property to be at a convenient distance for their occupants.
I made my way through the large revolving doors and was greeted by the soothing caress of golden sunlight on my skin. I immediately felt better, as if the sunlight was seeping life and energy back into my body and filling my head with positive thoughts.
At least, that is how I felt until I spotted Connor standing near the small fountain that was supposed to make the building somehow look more elegant.
The water that cascaded down the white stone glistened in the sun, a vast array of colors reflecting in its silvery stream. Still, it didn't make the building look any more imposing. Even an expensive-looking fountain couldn't hide the faded color of the bricks, which was an unpleasant mixture of orange and brown, or the graffiti that decorated them. It was just another desperate attempt to give the building back some of the grandeur that it had once possessed.
I was about to turn my back on the lonely figure leaning casually against the fountain, but Connor chose exactly that moment to look up. His gaze met mine and for a second our eyes lingered, as if drawn to each other, unable to look away.
I had always thought Connor's eyes to be captivating. They were the lightest shade of teal, strangely compassionate and intense. Seeing his tousled dark hair fall over his forehead, partially hiding the subtle, perfect masculinity of his high cheekbones and chiseled jaw in that way I knew so well made my heart lurch, and brought back the bittersweet longing that I had been trying to resist all day.
"Hannah," Connor said somewhat sheepishly, standing next to me and petting my shoulder.
He had probably meant it as a friendly gesture, but it only made things more awkward between us. I mean, who in their right mind pets someone's shoulder? Let alone your ex-girlfriend's shoulder. For God's sake.
I smiled back at the person who had shattered my heart into a thousand tiny pieces only weeks ago, trying not to let the agony show on my face. I really had to practice my fake smile more if I wanted to successfully pull this off in the future.
"Hi," I said, my voice shaky.
I wondered if I should engage in pointless smalltalk, perhaps pretend that Connor and I didn't have any history together. Like we were just fellow students looking forward to the upcoming weekend. I didn't have to make a choice.
"Connor, baby!"
Melanie brushed a strand of her long blonde hair away from her pretty face, her blue eyes sparkling and the adoring smile not wavering for even a moment when she noticed me standing beside Connor. She approached us and without even glancing at me kissed Connor full on the lips, her hands roaming down his back and resting on his admittedly deliciously cute ass.
It felt like someone had just hit me in the stomach with a baseball bat, squeezing the air out of my lungs in a barely audible, surprised gasp. Staying upright while also maintaining the cheerful smile on my face turned out to be a lot more challenging than it should have been, watching Melanie's hands still possessively placed on Connor's butt. It was sickening.
"Mel," Connor said awkwardly, sneaking a quick glance at me before Melanie's lips cut him off again.
I felt like I was watching two jellyfish get it on, the wet sucking sounds only adding to that analysis.
I wasn't even going to agonize over this I decided, turning my back on the couple in what I hoped to be a graceful, confident motion. My heels clicked against the pavement as I strode away from them as fast as I could without breaking into a run.
I was such an idiot.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I was such a fucking idiot.
Connor and I had been dating for several months, and I had been lost in the bliss of teenage love and in the way he made me feel. Okay, maybe the sex and booze had something to do with it, but it had been beautiful all the same. Connor might not have been the love of my life, but it had been nice, comfortable even. It was a step up from drunken sex in the car of my prom date and I had been content with the whole thing. It was how most of my relationships had been so far. Never meaningful enough to be called real love, yet comforting and safe none the less.
Things turned out to be a lot less comfortable when I found my boyfriend on the couch in his semi-dark apartment, a petite redhead on top of him and their limbs so intertwined with each other that I actually didn't know which belonged to whom anymore.
It was fucking disgusting. Like a scene cut right out of a Bridget Jones's Diary movie, the aftermath of it complete with a huge bowl of greasy popcorn to dull the pain and a glass of red wine to top it all off.
Instead of feeling like my world had been crumbling down though, I had only been mad. That was when the realization had hit me. I hadn't loved Connor anyway. Not really, at least. Not the intense kind of love that some people still believed really existed.
I was no longer one of those people. Not after that.
The orchard that lay just beyond the college property looked deserted at first glance. That was partly why I loved it, its seclusion felt comfortable to me. Kind of like it was my own private hideaway when things weren't going my way.
A few small birds were pecking at the apples that lay scattered across the grass, skittishly leaving their treats behind to perch on a high branch and watch me with their beady eyes as I came closer. The gnarled branches formed a canopy of leaves above my head, the green not yet having been changed to the warm shades of brown and orange that indicated the end of summer. Sunlight came peeking through the leaves and formed intricate patterns on the grass below. I knew that it wouldn't be long before summer would really be gone, the wind already carrying a hint of chilliness and the days becoming shorter.
Yet, this time, I wasn't the only one here.
Her long, dark hair moved slightly in the breeze, the silky strands a warm shade of caramel. At least, I imagined them to be silky, the urge to touch her hair and find out if my assumption was correct almost overpowering. For some reason she intrigued me, though I didn't know why. She had a certain femininity to her that an unknown part of me yearned to explore.
She looked delicate, almost fragile sitting there alone. Her back was positioned against the rough bark of a tree, her head tilted back slightly as if she was intrigued by the way the clouds moved across the gray sky above. I faintly recognized her to be Jade, a girl who seemed to be taking a lot of the same classes I was.
Yet it couldn't be Jade.
Where Jade was usually rather outspoken, this girl looked like the weight of the entire world rested upon her slender shoulders. It was almost eerie, like I was seeing a side of Jade that didn't at all fit. It just couldn't be there.
"Whoa, you scared the hell out of me," she said, squaring her shoulders and looking up at me.
Jade's gaze met mine for the briefest of moments, and she looked at me in a somewhat peculiar way that I didn't fully understand. Momentarily, I felt as if captivated by the rich, warm brown of her eyes, and by the way she looked into mine. Then, feeling embarrassed and a bit flustered, I looked away.
