This is one of my blog posts that is creating a buzz. I hope you like it. A mix of experience and fantasy.
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I called her on the intercom when I realized we were going to be closing the office together, working late as the only ones there again ...unpaid overtime for the company. "Hey Marcia ...just stop by my office before you leave tonight ok?
After everyone had left but us, at about 5:20, when I had been done with my work for 15 minutes, but just waiting for her to come by as I had asked, she tapped on the door and walked in with those astounding blueish eyes that looked at me as a mentor, always waiting for me to take the lead on a project or with the next direction for her...how I love that way she looks at me so vulnerable and trusting and ...well...young. At 23, stunningly beautiful thick black hair, her light blue polo shirt and khaki pants in now way showing off what I knew was beautiful beneath, with her 5'6 skinny girl stature offset by hips that were larger than the rest of her frame ..and the same could be said about her breasts, large round cantaloupes that defied gravity some days in her business attire.
However, I had seen more of those beautiful breasts when Marcia and I were washing cars for charity one Saturday morning. Braless with a clinging black t shirt that day, her nipples stiffened by the wetness as if to announce that she was available and between boyfriends, and she knew how good it looked, for she was putting it out there to get the compliment I gave her. "Every guy that comes by here today thinks you are the hottest girl in the state," I flirted..and there is no doubt that day she wanted the guys to notice...and they did ..and I did. She is not a lesbian.
But then again, neither am I ...as far as anyone I work with knows.
But I had decided Monday that "this was the week" I was going to make a pass at her, and early that Tuesday morning I had decided that "this was the day," it was going to happen, and I felt like I looked my best for the guys too in a strapped sun dress low cut with my far less than perfect boobs half showing. You know, my boobs since high school get me noticed and I am never afraid to orchestrate whatever that show is ..some days a little showing, other days as much as I can in the workplace ....don't care what anyone says about me or about them. Not perfect and of course sagging as I approach my mid-30's. But they've always been big ...and full ...I even if I am someone who doesn't often allow myself to think good things about myself, I at least will say that I can make cleavage look good for the guys ...but on this day, it wasn't for the guys at all. I pulled the dress down and pushed my boobs up and through while I waited for her to come in.
And I was scared and nervous because I just have barely done this ...but I can't say never ...and in fact, since the last time I really "went for it," I found the lesbian love of my lifetime ...or at least for a few months before the heartbreak ....I felt empowered to give it another try ...but this time, with a co-worker ..with someone who could bounce it back and hurt me ...I was taking a HUGE chance. But I had reasoned that Marcia was worth it, and so many signs she had given me made me or things she had confided to me made believe at least two things. One: That she was sexually aware and fairly free, by saying things like "hey I'll try anything once, and twice if it feels good," and the like, and Two: That she and I were close enough to take the chance I was about to take, by telling me, among other things, that I was her best friend, and that there was "nothing" she wouldn't do for me if I asked. I was about to ask her to do something ..but not for me, but rather WITH me. What was about to happen was very very big....either a big disappointment ....or a big step forward for both of us...stepping forward to the bedroom I hoped.
Boldly and confidently I was ready to make a serious advance
"Is something wrong?" She asked with genuine concern. "Did I do anything wrong?"
"No... ..first ...sit down," and she did across the desk from me in the fairly cramped and cluttered office, " and ...just hang on a second...do you have a few minutes?"
"I don't have a life," she laughed.
"Here, " I said while opening my desk and reaching in for the turquoise bracelet I had bought her the weekend before.
"I was in that shop again and this time I didn't just THINK that was perfect for you...I couldn't resist getting it for you."
"You shouldn't have ...it is wonderful," she was sincerely flattered. It was a perfect bracelet for her and when she put it on, "I can't take this ...this wasn't cheap I know where you got it,"
"But I wanted you to have it ."
"Wow ... you know me all too well Brenda ...I love it. THANK you....I'll do something nice for you sometime."
"You're good to me all the time, if it weren't for you I'd be here to midnight tonight" I laughed, and we both did in acknowledging we were working pretty hard as a team lately.
"Marcia ..I love to hear you laugh...its great."
"What on earth can I do to repay you for this?"
"Welllll...thats the thing....I need to talk to you about something ...and you can repay me by not killing me if you don't like what I am about to talk to you about.....or ....at the very least, if you could keep a secret."
"Oh no, you're quitting...you got another job?"
"No no no...not that ...I'm not going anywhere....I love working here...and the biggest reason is cause I get to work with you everyday."
"Just don't leave."
And I steeled myself ...because the small talk was over ....the "ahhhhh" of the awkward what comes next moment had arrived, and I was about to drop the big lesbian bomb on her. And I knew she didn't know it was coming. And I didn't know what would happen ...but I couldn't go another day without saying it.
"Well...I need to talk to you...or rather...I want to talk with you..and I'm just nervous cause I know ..or I THINK what I am going to say is going to shock you...I think."
"Well I think you know you can talk to me about anything ...I thought we already are completely honest with each other?"
"Well Marcia? This has been going on for a month ..or maybe it's been going on since we started working together a year ago...and I haven't been able to find the words. "
"Marcia....(her eyes locked mine and she looked SO beautiful ...and I knew there was no turning back)I'm looking for an excuse to ask you on a date."
"ohhhh", and after a slight nervous laugh and a long pause she continued"you mean a hanging out date or a date date?
I sighed as deep of a sigh of relief as I have ever sighed because of the fact that I had finally said it. "alot of that depends on you...but I AM talking about the the kind with a kiss good night or even more is what I was talking about....and let me explain?"
At that point it looked like a possible rejection. She started shaking her head back and forth as if to say no and looking at the ground snapped nervously, even with a tinge of anger "I never been on a lesbian date....much less with a married ..."
"Yeah ...I gathered that, I interrupted, " ....and I'm sorry but I also know the lesbian inside me that almost nobody knows about isn't usually this direct and bold ...but I think we'd be OK...no pressure ... no big deal .... you know, just take it as a compliment that I'd like to ....ummmm...be more than friends...and obviously, I needed to trust you....I mean, hell, I could get fired or you could break up my marriage cause my husband doesn't know just how much of a lesbian (yes I said it) I have become ...see ...nobody knows ...so Marcia ..I am trusting you like nobody else in believing you won't tell anyone that I'm trying to jump your bones (I laughed) and...let me say one more thing while I'm making an ass of myself.
"You aren't!" she injected