"So you're ready to stop lying?" I said, quickly getting over the shock from Aubrey's sudden appearance.
I watched her press her lips together into a thin line. The look on her face was the saddest I've ever seen. I've seen her sad dozens of times, but never like that.
She looked extremely tired, and that hit me like a truck. Knowing that I was part of the reason she was like that made me feel guilty and made all the anger I was previously feeling vanish. Even though I knew that I wasn't the only one to blame in this situation, I wanted to fix things, so I agreed to go with Aubrey to a café so we could sort things out between the two of us.
The café we picked wasn't very far; it was a tiny one inside the campus. Aubrey and I didn't say much on the way there, both of us probably feeling wary of the conversation ahead. After ordering, when the drinks arrived, she took a deep breath and finally began to talk.
"First of all, I just want to say that I'm so sorry for the way I've been acting these past few days, Sisi. I didn't mean to hurt you, but I know that I did."
"You know what hurts me the most about the way you've been acting?" I asked, looking deeply into her eyes, but she dropped her gaze to her cappuccino.
"The lies?" she answered, her voice barely a whisper.
I nodded and waited, but she didn't say anything, so I pushed her. "Aubrey, please talk to me," I said, reaching out for her hand and squeezing it in mine.
She finally looked me in the eyes again. I could see she was desperate, like a cornered animal. But she squeezed my hand back and let out a shaky breath, gathering the courage to keep going.
"Please, Sisi," she said, her eyes watery, "please don't hate me, please don't feel disgusted by what I'm about to tell you."
"Never," I said firmly.
After a pause that could have been just a minute but to me felt like many hours, Aubrey blurted out.
"I love you, Sienna. I've always loved you since we were teens. And it's not the same as the way you love me. It's not fraternal."
I felt my heart dropping, my mouth hung open from the shock, and not in a million years could I put my feelings at that moment into words. But Aubrey just kept going.
"I know it's wrong and disgusting. But I'm a broken woman, Sisi, and for years I've been trying to fix myself. I've tried so many things to get rid of these feelings." She paused and gulped down hard. At that moment, she was shaking. "And Jessica Chandler was one of them."
"What?" I wanted to ask what she meant, but in the state I was, I couldn't manage more than one word.
Aubrey stared at me, and just then, I saw it in her eyes. Beyond the despair and sadness, there was pity. She was pitying me. And that was terrifying.
"Jessica knows about my feelings, so she's using you, Sienna. She's using you to punish me for doing the same to her."
"No," I managed to say, but my voice was barely there. "You're lying."
"You'd know if this was a lie."
And that was when the world crumpled beneath my feet. I was shaking, feeling suffocated, my heart thundering against my chest to the point of pain. That couldn't be the truth. I didn't want to accept it. So, I got up and left. I couldn't take it anymore.
•••••
I stood in front of her door, tears burning their hot paths across my face. I had tried so hard to stop the tears, but it was useless; they just kept coming, and I didn't have time. I needed to talk to Jess now, so I knocked on her door in that pitiful state. Quickly, Jess opened the door.
"Sisi," she said, deeply worried by the state I was in. "What happened?!"
She tried to pull me into her arms like she always does to comfort me. For a fraction of a second, I wanted to let her, to pretend that the talk with Aubrey hadn't happened and that we could just stay inside our perfect little bubble. But I knew it was impossible, so I pushed her away and stared deeply into her eyes.
"Why? How could you do this?" I felt like there was a knot stuck in my throat; talking was so hard.
Jessica's eyes were wild, thoughts and feelings passing through them in a rush. She tried to reach out to me, and once again, I didn't let her. I could tell that it hurt her as much as it hurt me.
"Sienna, please. I don't know what Aubrey told you, but whatever it is, I can explain," her voice was shaking.
"So you know it was Aubrey?" I said, feeling my heart getting heavier and heavier. "You know, Jess, you know everything, so stop pretending."
"I'm not!" she said, desperate.
"Well then let me tell you!" I screamed at her between sobs, unable to contain the feelings that were forming a storm in my chest. "She said you knew that I was related to her and that-" I had to take a deep breath before finishing the sentence, but it was no use, I was suffocating. "That you're using me to take revenge for what she did to you because I'm the one she loves!"
Jessica froze. All color escaped her face; her features were still like a statue, only her eyes were alight.
"Sienna, please. I swear it's not like that anymore. I love you," she said.
"So Aubrey's not lying?"
Jessica paused, measuring her words carefully before speaking again.
"No, but-"
I knew Aubrey wasn't lying, but hearing it from Jess was totally different. It destroyed everything that was left in me. I didn't hear anything she said after 'No'. The only thing I was hearing was my heart thundering and blood rushing through my veins.
"We're done," it was all I managed to say before running away to god knows where.
•••••
And I walked and walked; aimlessly through town. Some people looked at me, wondering why there was a random girl crying on the streets, but I couldn't care less. I walked as if I could get away from the pain that my broken heart was causing me, but it was pointless. My phone rang again and again, but I kept it forgotten in my pocket. And when night fell, I entered the first hotel I came across and asked for a room.
