I wrote this story because I wanted to know if I could write in the first person and make the character believable. I think I did, and I like how it turned out.
For those who have seen my earlier work, there are
no
chicks with dicks here. There
is
a fight.
*****
Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I've got some money 'cause I just got paid
Now, how I wish I had someone to talk to
I'm in an awful way.
-- Cat Stevens,
Another Saturday Night
It was Saturday. I was sitting in a booth at the back of Finnegan's Folly, nursing a bourbon. Alone. Again.
It was no one's fault but my own. I knew it. I just didn't like it very much. I was spending the night trying to figure out what it was about me that made every relationship brief and ugly.
I was good looking, the guys on the latest job told me all the time, right before I hit them for grabbing my ass. Tall, lithe (right word, I'm pretty sure), strong (I can punch well above my weight), nice tits and ass (look, don't touch without my permission), and a killer face (except for the crooked nose, which I got defending my kid brother's honor). Everyone started excited, anxious to find out if I was packing silicone. I'm not. My tits aren't big; they
are
firm, definitely more than a handful. After a couple nights of sweaty, torrid sex, they all stopped calling. Darla, the woman next door, said I was too aggressive. Guys, especially, liked to at least think they were in control. I don't understand. What's wrong with getting twisted and bent in interesting directions if you get your rocks off? I always did. None of them seemed to understand.
Here I was, sitting in a booth with Mr. Daniels as my date. It was sad, really, with all the fresh meat in the bar, male and, yes, female. I believe in equal opportunity. Lots of knit shirts over tight jeans, with bulges in all the right places. I was making myself miserable. Time to go.
I drained the remains of my drink--the one I allow myself every day--to ease through the crowd toward the door. There was a knot of tantalizing flesh in my way. I was tempted to grab something. I reminded myself I didn't like it done to me, so I behaved. I was nearly past the crowd when a svelte brunette in cargo pants and a snug wife beater raised her glass at the end of a joke, guffawed in a 'look at me' way, and stepped on my foot. Her beer flew up, drenching her shirt, giving everyone a clear view of her upturned nipples with their large areolae. One poor sap, with no sense of self-preservation, laughed, getting the dregs of the beer in his face. The brunette turned to me, with the slightly red face and defocused eyes that said she'd traded her inhibitions for the beer.
"Clumsy bitch. I'll kick your ass."
I controlled myself with great difficulty. I wasn't angry, the insult was pedestrian and partly true; I
am
a bitch, but not clumsy. Control was required because part of me wanted some fun. The thought of showing the lady the difference between a jab and a right cross, both of which caused split lips and loose teeth, made intelligent choices hard. I didn't need another interview with the local cops; they lost their sense of humor when I was involved. Instead of standing over her prone, bloody body, waiting for her to get up--so I could knock her down again--I smiled. Likely, it was worse.
"I'm sorry," I said, hoping I sounded sincere. "I need to watch where I'm going. Can I buy you another beer?"
"Too late, cunt," the brunette drawled, more from alcohol than heritage. "I'm going to wipe that smug look off your face."
I knew what was coming, so my face was conveniently out of the way when she threw her punch. It all went wrong when the waitress walked into the fist and collapsed on the floor.
My friends, of whom I have a few, tell me my reflexes are quick, my instincts are good. Others, the majority, say I have a short fuse and don't know the meaning of a proportional response. Fuck 'em.
I put my knee into the brunette's crotch, seeing the woman's eyes cross, her mouth contract into a puckered 'O,' which made the evening worthwhile. Because my instincts are good, I ducked the clumsy punch from a guido, and decked him with a left he never saw coming.
Things got interesting after that.
------
Five minutes later, the waitress and I were sitting under a table watching people who ought to know better discover they had no idea how to fight without getting seriously messed up themselves. I saw blood and teeth on the floor, along with the brunette and a couple of guys curled around their crotches. Then the cops showed up to calm things down with expertly wielded truncheons. Once the mΓͺlΓ©e was over, and most of the crowd hauled outside, a cop peered down at us, crooking a finger in an invitation to come out. He recognized me.