I wrote this story because I wanted to know if I could write in the first person and make the character believable. I think I did, and I like how it turned out.
For those who have seen my earlier work, there are
no
chicks with dicks here. There
is
a fight.
*****
Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I've got some money 'cause I just got paid
Now, how I wish I had someone to talk to
I'm in an awful way.
-- Cat Stevens,
Another Saturday Night
It was Saturday. I was sitting in a booth at the back of Finnegan's Folly, nursing a bourbon. Alone. Again.
It was no one's fault but my own. I knew it. I just didn't like it very much. I was spending the night trying to figure out what it was about me that made every relationship brief and ugly.
I was good looking, the guys on the latest job told me all the time, right before I hit them for grabbing my ass. Tall, lithe (right word, I'm pretty sure), strong (I can punch well above my weight), nice tits and ass (look, don't touch without my permission), and a killer face (except for the crooked nose, which I got defending my kid brother's honor). Everyone started excited, anxious to find out if I was packing silicone. I'm not. My tits aren't big; they
are
firm, definitely more than a handful. After a couple nights of sweaty, torrid sex, they all stopped calling. Darla, the woman next door, said I was too aggressive. Guys, especially, liked to at least think they were in control. I don't understand. What's wrong with getting twisted and bent in interesting directions if you get your rocks off? I always did. None of them seemed to understand.
Here I was, sitting in a booth with Mr. Daniels as my date. It was sad, really, with all the fresh meat in the bar, male and, yes, female. I believe in equal opportunity. Lots of knit shirts over tight jeans, with bulges in all the right places. I was making myself miserable. Time to go.
I drained the remains of my drink--the one I allow myself every day--to ease through the crowd toward the door. There was a knot of tantalizing flesh in my way. I was tempted to grab something. I reminded myself I didn't like it done to me, so I behaved. I was nearly past the crowd when a svelte brunette in cargo pants and a snug wife beater raised her glass at the end of a joke, guffawed in a 'look at me' way, and stepped on my foot. Her beer flew up, drenching her shirt, giving everyone a clear view of her upturned nipples with their large areolae. One poor sap, with no sense of self-preservation, laughed, getting the dregs of the beer in his face. The brunette turned to me, with the slightly red face and defocused eyes that said she'd traded her inhibitions for the beer.
"Clumsy bitch. I'll kick your ass."
I controlled myself with great difficulty. I wasn't angry, the insult was pedestrian and partly true; I
am
a bitch, but not clumsy. Control was required because part of me wanted some fun. The thought of showing the lady the difference between a jab and a right cross, both of which caused split lips and loose teeth, made intelligent choices hard. I didn't need another interview with the local cops; they lost their sense of humor when I was involved. Instead of standing over her prone, bloody body, waiting for her to get up--so I could knock her down again--I smiled. Likely, it was worse.
"I'm sorry," I said, hoping I sounded sincere. "I need to watch where I'm going. Can I buy you another beer?"
"Too late, cunt," the brunette drawled, more from alcohol than heritage. "I'm going to wipe that smug look off your face."
I knew what was coming, so my face was conveniently out of the way when she threw her punch. It all went wrong when the waitress walked into the fist and collapsed on the floor.
My friends, of whom I have a few, tell me my reflexes are quick, my instincts are good. Others, the majority, say I have a short fuse and don't know the meaning of a proportional response. Fuck 'em.
I put my knee into the brunette's crotch, seeing the woman's eyes cross, her mouth contract into a puckered 'O,' which made the evening worthwhile. Because my instincts are good, I ducked the clumsy punch from a guido, and decked him with a left he never saw coming.
Things got interesting after that.
------
Five minutes later, the waitress and I were sitting under a table watching people who ought to know better discover they had no idea how to fight without getting seriously messed up themselves. I saw blood and teeth on the floor, along with the brunette and a couple of guys curled around their crotches. Then the cops showed up to calm things down with expertly wielded truncheons. Once the mÊlÃĐe was over, and most of the crowd hauled outside, a cop peered down at us, crooking a finger in an invitation to come out. He recognized me.
"Winsome. I should have known. Why are you down there, instead of standing over people crawling on the floor looking for their dignity? A fracas like this, I expect you'd be in the middle, if not starting it." The cop seemed amused.
"She didn't start it," the waitress said, standing up to get in the cop's face, which was an interesting feat as the cop was over six feet, and she was maybe five-six. Her brown eyes flashed, dark against a pale face framed by elegantly wild chestnut curls, the only blemish a spreading bruise under her left eye. Her breasts, bigger than mine, bouncing entertainingly in her bra, pushed out aggressively, making the cop step back. I had a flash impression of my green eyes staring into her brown orbs, a delicate hand stroking my sun bleached locks.
"That one," she pointed at the brunette who was walking crookedly out the door with a female cop. "She started it. She tried to hit her," the waitress waved a hand at me, "and hit me instead. The fight started right after that, so we got under the table, out of the way."
The svelte brunette turned a bruised face toward me, her eyes furious. She opened her mouth, but the cop pulled her arm; she stumbled out the door. An ignoble end to an unnecessary beginning. I stifled a grin.
"You want to press charges?" the cop asked. "Won't make much difference, I think. Two other people already said she fights dirty. I imagine she'll get thirty days for assault and drunk and disorderly. And I thought you were a nasty piece of work, Winsome."
"I want to go home," the waitress said. The cop nodded, gave me a wary look, and left. The room became agreeably quiet; I could hear the faint clicking of the clock over the bar.
The owner, who's name really was Finnegan, brought two large tumblers of bourbon to us, along with a towel of ice for the bruise. We sat in a booth, sipping the liquor. I'd have to forgo my next day's drink to keep my promise. Before the silence got uncomfortable, I held out my hand.
"Felicity Winsome. My parents had an odd sense of humor."
"Grace Knightley," she took my hand firmly. It tingled. "My parents were just as odd. I've seen you in here before. Usually alone." I winced. "Thanks for helping me."
"You're welcome. I don't like people with more muscles than brains. The bitch, excuse my French, was asking to get kicked in the coinpurse. I'm surprised no one seems to have done it before. I'm glad you're not seriously hurt." The bruise on her cheek was arousing.
"Well, the
putain
, excuse my English, also has more money than brains or muscles. She's been coddled and sucked up to for as long as I can remember. She thinks everyone has to hang on her every word. Though, I think she'd hope 'oh, my cunt' was ignored." Grace flashed a smile that caused a further tingle. I was confused. I wasn't used to being the one on the receiving end of appreciation, especially from another woman.
"Come home with me," Grace said without preamble. "I live a couple of blocks from here."
"You don't have to do this," I said. I
did