I could feel something wet against my cheeks. I reached up to touch it and slowly realized it was coming from Vanessa. I gently pushed her to try to figure out what was happening, but she pushed back against me, deeper into the kiss.
"Vannpha... Vannpha... Vanessa!" I managed to finally push her off, gasping for air. I held her back a bit and looked at her. There were tears streaming down her cheeks. "Wha-?"
Before I could get anything more out, she pushed back against me again and kissed me, harder and more passionate than before. This time it was even more of a struggle. I had to focus on the Reality Ring to give me enough strength to finally push her off of me.
"No! No please! Please... no..." Vanessa cried, more tears streaming down her face. Her breath was shaky and rapid as she clenched her fists tightly. Her face was bright red as they burned with pent up emotions. "Please... Not again..."
"Not again? Please what?" I asked, placing my hand on hers. "Tell me." I barely registered the slight heat of the ring, as I was more focused on Vanessa.
"I LOVE YOU MARIA!" She said it like a criminal confessing their crimes after hours of interrogation and mountains of evidence. Her lips trembled and her hands shook as tears slowly hit the back of my hand. Her head stayed bowed, staring at the blanket and her hands.
"I... don't understand," I replied after a bit.
"No... no... no it can't be..." Vanessa said between sobs. I could hear the anguish and sorrow behind each of her strained words. She seemed to be holding on by threads to not have a full blown breakdown. "It can't..."
"Vanessa, please, I don't understand," I said, staring at my friend. I was too afraid to put my hands anywhere else but hers. I wanted to hug her, but at the same time, I was afraid she'd just cry and kiss me more without explaining anything. Once again, I focused on the ring and on Vanessa. "Please, explain."
"I don't just love you, I HAVE LOVED you, Maria," Vanessa said, emphasizing the HAVE and LOVED. "I've loved you for years."
I tilted my head in confusion. "Wait, years? How is that possible? We only met in college."
Vanessa tilted her head up, her eyes starting to turn red from sobbing. "So... you don't remember? High school? Ninth grade?"
"I... what?" I said, dumbfounded, confused, and worried. I had no idea quite what she was talking about. Vanessa looked like she was about to run out of the room, but then my eyes fell onto the Reality Ring. "This worked before, so, please work?" I gently placed my hand on Vanessa's forehead and focused.
In an instant, I was suddenly shunted back to a memory of Vanessa's. It was a Halloween party, everyone was in various costumes, many were pop culture references at the time. I saw Vanessa slowly making her way through a crowd, dressed as a witch, though still modest in what it showed. Eventually, she came across a group of students playing a mix of spin the bottle and truth or dare and took a seat. It took awhile before I realized what had happened.
"I remember this," I said as I looked, seeing my younger self there, one and a half jello shots in and grooving in my seat to the beat of the music. I had nearly forgotten this was the year they lowered the drinking age. I watched as the bottle spun around until it pointed at me.
"Okay, Maria, truth or dare?" one student asked me.
"Truth!" my younger self said enthusiastically.
"What's something you've never done, but you've always wanted to try?"
"Oh, um..." My younger self pondered for a bit before responding. "I've never kissed a girl before." There were murmurs and chuckles in the crowd, but I noticed that Vanessa seemed to fidget a little in her seat.
"Well then, how about you kiss the next person the bottle lands on?" There were cheers of agreement from the crowd and my younger self nodded. Then, I spun the bottle. It turned and turned until it landed on Vanessa.
The crowd was chanting "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" as my younger self slowly made their way over to Vanessa.
My younger self wrapped her hands around the young Vanessa's face. "Hey, you alright with this?" My younger self asked before Vanessa nodded her head. I watched as the two of us kissed and the crowd went wild. "I did it!" my younger self shouted as she stood up and finished the other half of her jello shot.
I was suddenly taken out of that flashback and into a montage of various other ones, all of them that involved Vanessa watching me from afar.
"So you're going to try to be a filmmaker?" a girl asked the tenth grade me.
"Yeah, but I just need the perfect actress for this little film to get me into a good college. Like, I'm talking model gorgeous," the tenth grade me responded in passing near Vanessa. Quickly, I saw that Vanessa jotted down "Model Work" on a piece of paper.
A flurry of other memories came in, all of which involved Vanessa observing me from a distance and I could feel the admiration and flutter of her heart each time she looked over at me. She noticed my hard work, my passion, my dedication, my smarts.
A different memory came, this one from twelfth grade. "Maria! I can't believe you got in! That's amazing!" A small crowd of girls were surrounding the twelfth grade me. I turned and saw Vanessa look down at her backpack, also holding an acceptance letter to the same college, but then she tucked it away. I heard her sigh and say to herself, "Keep focusing on your modeling. Then, get a role in one of her films and she'll finally see you. She will."
Then came the memory of the day I had come to help film a cheer video, excited because one the cheerleaders was also a model and I thought that would help jumpstart my career. It was the day that I really met Vanessa.
Finally, I was brought back to the present day, Vanessa still sobbing in front of me. I had to take a deep breath as I was brought back, but then I mustered up my resolve. "You were that girl from the Halloween party," I said, pretending as though I didn't just go through her memories.
Vanessa nodded. "Ever since then, I've been in love with you. You're just so amazing, Maria. Everything about you has just been incredible. The work you do. The passion you show for it. You're dependable, you listen to me, you cheer me up. I only got in here for my looks, you earned your way here!" She tilted her head down again. "You're just so much better than me that I was never someone on your radar." More tears streamed down her face. "And I thought that... I thought if I..."
"If you became a model, then maybe you'd get in front of my camera lens one day and I'd notice you?" I said, and Vanessa nodded her head. "But, what about Keith?"
"He was a beard. A ruse. I never saw that you were into girls, so I thought that you'd be uncomfortable living with a lesbian, much less one who was in love with you," Vanessa said, and I really had no defense against that.
If it weren't for the Reality Ring, I probably wouldn't have even considered liking a girl, much less dating one. I could feel my eyes starting to tear up. Here, in front of me, was a girl who not only saw me for who I was, but put herself through so much just for a chance that I'd notice her. Was I seriously just dense to have never noticed? I mean, granted, I didn't pick up on Danna either, but she was just another student in a class. This was my roommate!
"So, I had hoped that by living with you, just maybe, I could show you how well we would be together. And... if I couldn't date you, then I'd be your friend," Vanessa said, lifting her head up and looking at me in the eyes. "I'd be your best friend, the person you could always rely on, a person you'd come to whenever you were feeling down or frustrated or whatever."
This woman! Vanessa, the cheery model and cheerleader, had been carrying around so much pain and anguish. And she hid it completely from me because I was also the one causing it. I... I caused her to hurt for all these years.
I threw my arms around her and sobbed into her shoulder. "I'M SO SORRY VANESSA!" I held her tightly and didn't let go. "I love you! I love you too, Vanessa!"
All the emotions, all the pain, all the anguish, the years of pent up watching from afar and hiding and hoping. All of it was let out in that bedroom. The two of us cried and let all the years of quelled feelings and thoughts burst forth. And then, I felt something build up in me. A warm, yet raging fire. I was going to make this up to Vanessa. By loving her and making her as happy as possible, even if we're part of a polycule.