Realizing the Truth

My mind seemed to launch in a thousand directions, but my body reacted just the way it should have. I put the food on my desk and grabbed my Jordans. While I laced up my sneakers, B put herself back together. I couldn't help wondering if I'd just thrown away a lifetime of friendship to have the satisfaction of her being in my bed... I let that thought go. I knew I did the right thing. I was in love with this woman and I was going to do whatever I had to in order to keep her. B's voice finally penetrated my thoughts when she asked, "Are you ready?"

I automatically jumped up and said, "Yeah. Let's go."

We rushed downstairs. I only stopped to grab my car keys and cell phone. Dashing out the door, I locked it and ran to my car. Turning the ignition, I looked at B for a sceond, nothing on her face showed what she was thinking, so I backed out of the driveway and sped to the hospital.

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Valerie

I looked at my watch and saw that it was 4:13. I was supposed to meet S.J. and Bianca at the food court in less than 20 mintues, but I really didn't feel like going and being the third wheel in the group because they were too blind to see that they liked each other. Shaking my head, I see the Starbucks just as I enter the mall. I walked to the counter, I seriously needed a vanilla bean frappe. As I ordered, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. You are way too beautiful to be here alone. Where's your boyfriend?"

I turn to see a tanned guy in a muscle shirt. He looked like he was in his early twenties. I had to return the smile he was giving me as it became seemingly etched into my brain. I shook my head and answered, "I don't have a boyfriend and I do some of my best work alone, thank you very much."

He smile never changing as he said, "Ah! So is that why you're here? You're working?"

"No, I'm currently not working. I'm supposed to meet a few friends here in a little while." I answered, shaking my head again.

He gave me the most adorable puppy dog face and replied, "Aww. See now I'm going to be bored. I was hoping to spend my afternoon with a gorgeous girl and get to know her over a cup of joe."

I laughed then and said, "Sorry. You'll have to find your entertainment elsewhere. Hopefully with a girl who is straight and not bright enough to notice that you aren't looking for anything but to get in her pants."

I started to walk away after I got my frappe, but he stepped into my way. "So you're gay then?" He asked with a smirk on his face. "Yes, I'm gay. If you'll excuse me, I have to go."

I walked out of Starbucks and decided I wasn't really up for playing with S.J. and B. I glanced at the food court to see them totally engrossed in each other. I texted Biance letting her know I wasn't showing up and my regrets before walking back to my car. I looked up as I walked and saw that the sun was just setting. Wishing I had someone to share the beautiful image with was the last thing I remember before waking up in the hospital room. I looked up to see S.J. and Bianca walk into the room. I instantly began to sob.

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S.J.

The entire ride to the hospital was complete silence. Bianca didn't so much as look at me. I couldn't figure out what to say, so I decided to say nothing at all, but that didn't seem to help. We got to the hospital and I spoke to her for the first time, "I'm sure she's going to be fine." She didn't look up from the spot she'd fixed her eyes on. We walked to the nurses station, "Hello. I'm looking for Valerie Montegomery. Can you tell me what room she's in?"

The young nurse looked at me, first with a rather somber expression and then her face seemed to light up. She just stared at me as her mouth hung open, not saying a word. I was used to young bi or lesbian girls reacting this way towards me especially given the freshman at McCallister, but right now it was annoying and it clearly registered in my voice as I said, "Hello? Valerie Montegomery. Where?" The nurse fumbled with some papers before finally saying, "Room 2010. Just go straight to the end of the hall, make the first right and it's the third door down on the lefthand side." I nodded my head before walking away not saying anything else, but Bianca spoke for the first time, "It must be really nice for you to just get whatever you want, when you want it and not care one way or the other." That halted me and I spun around to looked down at her and said, "Excuse me?! What exactly was that?" She muttured a nothing as she walked past me and turned towards Vale's room. I caught up with her.

As we entered, Valerie burst into tears.

Instinctively, I walked up and wrapped my arms around her. She wept on my shoulder while Bianca came to the other side of her and held onto her as well. The three of us just sat there hugging until Valerie laid back down and drifted to sleep. It was at that moment, I saw Vale's mom. She motioned for us to go outside the room seemingly relieved that Valerie had fallen asleep. We followed her out and then hugged us before saying, "I was the one who texted you a little while ago."

"I'm glad you did." Bianca answered before I could say anything. I immediately asked next, "Do you know what happened to her?"

Valerie's mom looked down and said, "Yes. She was attacked. The videotape at the mall shows her being ambushed by a small group of young men."

Bianca and I both looked at each other with shock. "Did you say the mall?" We both asked at the same time.

"Yes, she was supposed to meet you two there from the message she sent me this afternoon. I'm not exactly sure why she wasn't, but she doesn't remember anything. All I know is that from the tests the doctor ran, she was raped mutiple times, given the amount of semen they found on her .." Vale's mom broke off crying before continuing, "On her body and face. They have a few faces of the men who ambushed her, but I don't know anymore than that."

She left it at that as we heard Valerie call out for her mom. Vale's mom rushed back into the room and then after a series of "okays" she came back out and told us that Vale didn't want us there right now and she'd call them both later on when she felt up to it. We both explained that we understood and turned to leave. As we walked towards the entrance, the nurse from earlier stopped me. "Yes?" I said after walking towards her.

"Hey. Um ... I don't know if you'd be up for it, but um, I was wondering if you'd, like, maybe want to go out to dinner with me tonight?" She asked stuttering through her question. I could feel Bianca's eyes peering through the back of my skull.

"That's um, really nice and all, but I'm not really up for that right now. Thanks for the offer though." I told her as easily as I could. She was clearly disappointed, but didn't let it show for long. Then she began scribbling on a piece of paper and handed it to me before saying, "Well, if you change your mind at anytime, just give me a call. I'm Nicki, by the way." She extended her hand. I shook it as I introduced myself and told her that if anything changed, I'd let her know. She smiled and turned back to her work. I walked to where Bianca was standing and we exited the hospital together.

She said nothing until we got back into my car, "Well?" I looked at her trying to figure out what that meant. I stared at her blankly and she added, "Are you going to go out with Nicki?" I looked at her and just turned the ignition on the car. I didn't answer her. I didn't say anything until we were a few minutes away from my house and then I said, "I'll let you get dressed in your own stuff. Let me know when you're done and I'll take you home." I pulled into my driveway as I finished the sentence and was out of the car before she could even respond. I walked to the front door, unlocked it and walked inside closing the door behind me.

I walked up the stairs and into my bedroom before I even heard the front door open again. Grabbing the cold pizza off my desk, I grabbed my remote and flipped through the channels of me t.v. until I settled on Bones. Just as I got comfortable, I saw my door swing open and Bianca standing there, fury all over her face. I flicked a glance at her before returning to Bones and asked, "Everything okay?"

"Is everything okay?! How can you even ask that? How can you lie there eating pizza in the same bed that you fucked me blind in a few hours ago and act like it never happened? Like it meant nothing to you?!" She yelled at me with the same anger she did back when we were 8 and I destroyed all her Barbie dolls because she called me a boy for dressing in only jean shorts and oversized t-shirts.

"How? Well, let's see, I'm hungry, this is my bed, I never said that it didn't happen or that it meant nothing to me, but given your behavior since it happened, I figured it'd be better if we didn't spend this weekend together. You're welcome to take a box of pizza with you so that you can enjoy it as well, this is an amazing pie." I answered her without looking at her. I laughed as Hodgins and Zack did another crazy experiment. At that exact moment, she ripped the electric cord from the wall and turned so she was standing at the end of the bed in front of me.

"You know, I always knew you were a player when it came to you bedding girls, but I never thought I'd be just another one of those girls for you, S.J."

"I never said you were, Bianca. The instant I walked back into this room earlier, you've been acting like a bitch. I know that we're lesbians and our emotions are pretty much always in the way, but give me a break. Do you really think that I brought you back here so that I could fuck you and then just leave it alone?!"

"Yes! Because that's exactly what you did. I didn't even touch you after you kissed me. You just detached yourself and walked away. Do you have ANY idea of how much that hurt?"

"Hurt?! Hurt you?! Was I not the one to confess my love for in my own damn kitchen?! You think this is about a fuck?! You and I both know that I look at a girl and smile I can have my head between her legs when I want! Don't give me this crap about you being hurt, B. I'm right here. I've been right here. You're the one acting weird. Making your snitty little comments at the hospital and in the car. You make me seem like some pussy chasing whore when we both know that I'm not! But you know what, maybe that is what you think about me. So let me make this very easy for you. Get dressed and meet me downstairs in 10 minutes. I need to get you home so I can I get ready for my date tonight."

I got up and walked out of the bedroom, leaving both Bianca and the pizza behind. I walked into the gym my parents had built for me so I could train at home when I wanted. I grabbed my boxing gloves and walked over to the punching bag. I began to pound the bag as tears feel from my eyes. I can't believe she's making it seem like I just slapped her in the face. I just need to think. Hell, she needed to think. I need to know that she's committed to me and no one, but me. I continued to thrash the bag even though I couldn't see anything past my tears. I loved her. I was in love with her. One of my best friends and she making me seem like a whore. Well, I'll show her exactly how much of one I could be. Even if I never touched Nicki, she'd be a damned good distraction from Bianca and all this bullshit. Maybe I'll even ask her to go with me to prom. Hmmm ... That would put Bianca in her place. As the tears finally stopped, so did my fists. I removed the gloves and whipped my face with one of the towels I keep in there.

I walked downstairs in my sweat stained undershirt. Grabbing the box of pizza I ordered specifically for Bianca and my car keys, I walked to the front door. She stood in front of me. Our faces so close the slightest move would bring our lips together. I took a few steps back, I had no intention of being that close to her again. She stepped towrads me, I put up a hand and said, "Look, just stop. Clearly us being together was a very bad idea. Now we know and can file it away in the Don't Ever Do That Again pile. Let me take you home so I can get back and get washed up."

With that I opened the door and walked towards me car. As I started to back out of the driveway, Bianca asked, "Are you really going to go out with Nicki?" I looked at her but didn't answer. She continued by asking, "Well, are you going to fuck her?!" Again, I didn't answer except I didn't even look at her this time. I pulled to the curb in fron to her house. She didn't get out of the car though, so I got out and walked over to her door and opened it from the outside. She looked up at me. I looked straight ahead and said, "Get out of my car, Bianca." She did. I closed the door as soon as she was clear from it, reached in the backseat, handed her the box and began walking back to the driver's side.

I was just about to climb in when she said, "S.J., if you truly love me, you wont do this. If you truly love me, you'll call Nicki right now and tell her that something came up and you can't make it. You'll take me back to your house and make love to me. You'll tell me you love me and we'll figure this, us, out, but please don't do this."

I just looked at her. I stood there looking at her and then finally said, "I do love you, Bianca, but you clearly don't understand to what extent. I told you I was in love with you before I made love to you and then you got upset when I wouldn't let you touch me, well guess what, I didn't because I wanted to know that you loved me back before I did that. Now ... Now, I'll never trust you enough to let you touch me again." I got behind the wheel of my Chrystler 300 S and drove off without saying another word to her.

Later that night, I did go out with Nicki. She wanted me to fuck her, but I couldn't touch her. I didn't even have the desire to. I was afraid Bianca had destroyed my sex drive. I didn't let my mind stay on Bianca long, but unfortunately, I didn't have much of a choice because when I pulled into my driveway half an hour later, there she was, leaning against my door waiting for me. I sat in my car trying to figure out how to handle it and then decided I'd do nothing at all, I got out of my car and walked towards my door.

As I approached, Bianca came to meet me. I stepped around her and unlocked my door. Turning around to keep her outside I said, "Can I help with something, Bianca?" No emotion showing in my voice. She stepped back onto the porch and said, "Yes. You and I need to talk. Can I come in?"

And that was the question I didn't know how to answer. I just stood there looking at her for awhile and then said, "No. Anything you have to say to me, you can say Monday morning at school."

With that I closed my front door and locked it before sliding to the floor and bawling my eyes out.